chapter Fourteen
Finding Secrets
Toby
I’m starving and there’s nothing in the beach house. I just went shopping last week. I can’t believe how much I’ve been eating.
Then again, I burn off enough energy running on the beach. I run at least three times a day. At first, it was enough to clear my mind. That was until the day, I swear I saw Kamara.
She rose out if the water looking like the dream she was. The long braids are what pulled me from my shock and stupidity. The girl looked so much like Kamara, except for the braids.
I’ve never seen Kamara with a hair style like that. She was also a bit thin for my Kamara. Curvy, yes, but thin. Frustrated with my own thoughts, I turned and ran back to the house, before the girl could get to shore.
I called my dad that night. I told him as much as I could, without telling him who I was talking about or any in depth details. It felt good to get it off my chest.
I thought I would start to heal from there. I even think I started to, but then I started to see shadows of Kamara everywhere. I think it’s the same girl. I’m never close enough, but something about her reminds me so much of Kamara.
I’ve begun to look for her, hoping to get close enough to reassure myself it’s not her. I’m starting to feel crazy. I thought about taking Dad up on the offer to go to New York to spend time with my family, but something has me rooted here.
I stop staring at the freezers and open the door to grab two pints of ice cream. I probably look like a crazy man. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here thinking.
“Toby?” I hear called from behind me.
I turn to find Celeste. She looks great. I remember how crazy Kwäzē was about her. I also remember the reason he walked away from her. It stings, as I sympathize with her.
For the first time in a long time, a real smile creases my lips. In hindsight, those were simpler times. At least, they were for me. I hadn’t known how much I loved Kamara then.
“Wow, Celeste,” I greet her. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you, how are you?” She asks warmly.
“I’m pretty good,” I shrug.
“This week has just been filled with blasts from the past,” she says almost to herself.
“How so?” I pry anyway.
She waves her hand. “Oh, nothing. I just almost ran into someone else,” she shrugs her small shoulders.
I haven’t missed the huge rock on her finger. It looks like Celeste has managed to move on with her life. Good for her.
“Mommy,” a little boy rounds the corner of the aisle and barrels into Celeste. Seconds later, I little girl turns the corner, as well. She looks just like the little boy.
“We should go,” Celeste says, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.
“Hi!” The little girl waves, with her chubby cheeks.
The boy and girl both look up at me expectantly, as I stare down at them. I’m doing the math in my head, because fuck me. I swear, I’m looking into the face of Kwäzē and Kamara.
I look back up at Celeste in slow motion. Her eyes are wide, as she looks back at me. If I don’t figure it out on my own, its written all over her face.
“He walked away from what we had. I…I didn’t know. When I found out I was told he went back home. I moved on with my life,” Celeste says, as if she has to explain it to me.
“They’re beautiful. It was good seeing you,” I murmur.
Celeste nods, turning to take her children and leave. I’m left standing in the aisle, blinking after them. My mind is spinning. Secrets destroy love.
I make my way to the register and pay for my things. I can’t get the face of Kwäzē’s children out of my head. I can’t let go of how much they look like their father and aunt.
Something just doesn’t sit right with me. Kwäzē is a prince set to be king. He would want to know about his children to protect them. I may be angry with him, but as his friend it’s my job to protect his family.
“Fuck,” I yell to myself, once in my car.
I pull my phone from my pocket. The least I can do is text my old friend and let him know to look into things. He will figure the rest out for himself.
Me: Find Celeste.
Kwäzē: No.
Me: Find her. You will understand when you do.
Kwäzē: Two years and your first text to me is to find the woman I left my heart with.
Me: You left more than your heart. Find her.
I wait a few minutes for a reply, but it never comes. I know my friend well enough. He will find her. My words will nag at him until he does.
I start my car and head back to my new temporary home. I debate a run, once I get back. I decide against it. I think I’ll call one of my brothers and see if they want to come down.
When I park in front of the house, my phone buzzes. I open the text and snort. Kwäzē hasn’t changed. I knew he would find her. A second text comes in and I just stare at it. I don’t know what to do with the words before me.
Kwäzē: Thank you.
Kwäzē: I don’t know where my sister is. But I don’t believe she ever left the state. She did it to keep you safe.
I close my eyes and let the pain settle in. She’s protecting me. It was supposed to be my job to protect her. I didn’t think my heart could crumble this much all over again.
All of my emotions bleed into the roar I let out. I’m so lost without her, I wish I knew what the fuck she was thinking. I feel like we should’ve talked this over.
Sure, it probably would’ve ended the same way. We were never meant to be together. I open my eyes and send a text back to Kwäzē.
Me: Thank you.
~B~
Kamara
It’s him. I know it’s him, staying at the house. I’ve seen him on the beach running. He looks so different. A little leaner, but more cut up.
It has taken everything in me not to run to him. This is only right. I need to let him go. I need to keep him safe.
Only, it seems every time I look, I am on a collision course with him. It is like the Universe is bent on bringing us together. The day I stepped out of the water and saw him, I thought I was dreaming.
Then, I realized it was him in the flesh. He was there one minute and gone the next. I still didn’t believe it, until I saw him again the next day.
I sigh, as I stand in the window, staring at the beach. Toby is usually out running around this time. He has not come pass my window as of yet.
I would know. I’ve been waiting. I know I’m only torturing myself, but I need to see him. Seeing him soothes the pain just a little.
My phone rings, but I’m hesitant to move away from the window. I curse and stomp my foot, when it continues to ring. I tear myself away and go to retrieve my phone. I will make sure to have it on me, at all times, from now on.
I see Kwäzē’s name lighting up my screen. I smile. I could use a good talk with my brother. I miss him.
“Hello, Brother,” I sing into the phone.
“I’m a father,” Kwäzē returns.
I freeze. I don’t know what to say to that. I didn’t even know Kwäzē was dating. He may not know where I am, but we speak often enough. I can’t believe my ears.
“I don’t understand,” I say slowly.
“Do you remember my girlfriend back in college?”
“Yes, Celeste,” I say in confusion.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant. I broke things off, but there was one night before we broke up. It was foolish of me. I had been drinking, my head was so heavy with everything. I went to her,” Kwäzē sounds like he is in so much pain.
I don’t realize that my feet have carried me outside. It is only when my brother takes a pregnant pause that the crash of the waves registers in my ears. I stare blankly at the water.
“How do you know this? I mean, where has this information come from now. That was at least three years ago,” I say, as my mind tries to place the timeline.
My brother doesn’t answer me right away. I knit my brows in confusion. I don’t understand the silence. I ask myself the question again in my head. It clicks into place.
“He told you,” I whisper. “You talked to him?”
“We texted,” Kwäzē answers. “I didn’t get many details from him. He just told me to find her. When I did, I found out why. I’m a father.”
The way he says it sounds as if he is in as much awe as I am. “Oh, Kwäzē, this is so shocking, but at least you know. Right?”
“That is the thing, sister. I will not allow my children to grow up not knowing me, but I feel so selfish. Look at what has become of us. My son and daughter are a prince and princess. I will be turning their world’s upside down,” he says with such anguish.
“A boy and a girl? I am an auntie,” I gush. “Kwäzē, what if this is God’s way of fixing things. You were in love with Celeste. Maybe this is the Universe’s way of bringing her back to you.”
“You have always been the dreamer,” Kwäzē sighs. “She is engaged to another man.”
“That has never stopped us before,” I tease.
“If she is happy,” he cuts off the rest of his words.
“I’m so glad you are not going to spew that bullshit to me,” I laugh.
“We spent too much time with the Blacks. Your mouth, sheesh,” Kwäzē chuckles.
“I learned my first American curse word from you,” I laugh harder.
“Exactly,” Kwäzē snorts. He sighs. “They are better off without us.”
“I don’t know if I still believe that. I miss him. I love him,” I sigh and sink to my knees in the sand.
“Do you want the truth,” my brother says softly.
“Please,” I beg.
“He would have done anything to keep you. I am still working to fix this all for you. Now that I have children that will be threaten by this, I will double my efforts. You will be queen, Kamara. Question is…who will be your king?”
“I don’t know,” I sniffle.
“I love you, sister,” my brother sighs.
“I love you too.”
“Goodnight, Kamara.”
“Goodnight, Kwäzē.”
“Kamara?” I stiffen, as his voice washes over me.
Oh, God, what was I thinking. I close my eyes and remain as still as possible. If I don’t move, maybe this will all go away.
“Fuck, Kamara?”
Shoot. Shoot. Aw, shit.