chapter Thirty-Eight
In Awe
Kamara
Stunning. That is the single word I can use for my wedding gown. My mother had the perfect dress made for me. Everything about it is perfect
From the illusion lace top, covered in shimmering gold floral appliques, to the shimmering layers of sheer fabric that make the full skirts, it’s just fabulous. The skirts are covered half way down the length, in more gold floral and crystal details.
Every way I turn my dress sparkles and shines. I have to fight back the tears that try to overwhelm me. When my mother walks over to the mirror, holding the crown she and my father gave me on my first wedding day, at the beach house, I can no longer hold back the tears.
“No matter what you wear, you are always a beautiful bride,” my mother’s words are spoken with such emotion.
“My Toby is a lucky one,” Cass adds, beaming up at me.
“I am the lucky one. I love him so much. He has sacrificed so much for me,” I reply.
“I’m sure he would do it again, Lass.” Cass winks.
“Wow,” I breathe out, once my mother places my crown in my curls.
I’m glowing. I smooth my hands over my waist. I don’t think I could have gotten this more perfect. I look down and Lulu is standing before me in her little replica of my dress, with a beaming smile on her face.
“No crying, Mommy,” she giggles.
“They are tears of joy, Lu,” I chuckle.
“Mommy make Daddy happy,” she replies with big eyes.
“I hope so.”
“I have no doubts,” my mother says. “Come, let’s get you to the alter. You have guests waiting.”
I take one last look in the mirror. My face hurts from smiling so much. I’ve done nothing but smile, since we arrived here. Toby’s family has welcomed me, my children, and my family.
I love watching Cass and my mother get along. They are two of the strongest women I know. I can only hope to be as strong as they are someday.
I see her in there, as I look into my own eyes in the mirror. Toby and my father don’t want me to learn to fight, but there still lives a fighter within me. Someday she will scratch the surface.
I think her wise to choose when to come forward. For now, I will allow Toby to fight this battle. In time, I will push the issue of me learning to protect myself.
Just because you call something by a different name, does not mean that that thing changes what it is. My father and Toby will learn that someday. I was born to a family of warriors. A warrior queen I shall be, but for today…I will simply be Toby’s queen.
~B~
Toby
I’m a fool for letting my brothers and cousins take me out last night. My head was pounding, when I woke up this morning. Fuck, I think I might have been borderline dehydrated.
Ireland will never be the same, after last night. Both Brax and Ry decided to try to kick my ass for old time’s sake. That didn’t go well for either of them. I wasn’t as drunk as they thought at that point.
Next thing I knew, we had a few matches. Wyatt verse Carrick, Noah verse Jeremiah, and it just kept going from there. All in good nature. After a few more hours of drinking, it was just hilarious to watch.
“I will not under estimate Uncle Joe’s lot again,” Reilly groaned from the ground, turning his head to spit out blood.
“Told you Felix would kick your ass,” Brax roared with laughter.
“Aye, you did,” Reilly nodded. “So you did.”
“This feels good. We don’t see youse nearly enough,” Carrick suck in a deep breath, looking up at the sky.
“You really thinking about coming to America?” I look over to my cousin and ask.
“Aye, I think I am. So I do. My heart feels like it has already left, or maybe it was never here,” Carrick says reflectively.
“Too deep, reel it back,” Dylan grumbles, while lying on his back, with a hand over his face. His New York accent coming through stronger then his Irish-Scot one. Most of the O’Brien’s sound like mom when she’s pissed because of their Irish dad and Scottish mom.
“If I can’t reveal meself to my family, who can I,” Carrick retorts.
Those words stuck with me all night even in my drunken haze. They made me reflect on my life. Here I am, with my family having the time of my life. I missed out on that for so long, not trusting the bond I have with my family.
Just like they’re all coming together for me now, I know they would have back then. I never want my children to forget they have this. I never want Kamara to forget that she has this.
Once you’re a Black, you’re a Black for life. Our extended family is just the thing that makes the deal that much sweeter. Today, I will reveal my world before my family and friends.
I don’t ever want to hide what’s most precious to me ever again. From here on out, I will trust my family like I should’ve done from the beginning. I will never miss out on what’s important to me again.
I look at my brothers standing beside me. My chest tightens because each of them are looking back at me with pride, even Wyatt. He gives me a reassuring nod and squeezes my shoulder.
I swallow back my emotions. The wedding is just starting, I don’t want to lose my shit and give my six brothers and nine cousins ammo for later. I won’t hear the end of it.
“If Uncle Ronan doesn’t get his ass away from Heather,” Brax growls, causing us all to laugh.
“You know, he’s the only Uncle not married,” Ry teases.
“Fuck you, Ryan,” Brax grunts. “I’ll beat the shit out of him and you.”
We all laugh, because Brax and Uncle Ronan are close. Brax is just talking shit. Uncle Ronan may be a flirt, but Heather is like family. Besides, once again the men in my family seem to be missing one thing, when it comes to Heather.
Actually, Lucy happens to be sitting in the crowd. Heather brought her along for the wedding. I nearly choke with laughter, when Heather smiles at Uncle Ronan and places a kiss on his cheek.
Heather isn’t that friendly with men, at all. Uncle Ronan just got a hundred cool points from me. That is some smooth shit.
“Daddy, Uncle Brax is growling. I think he’s hungry,” TJ says at my side.
Tears start to spill from my eyes, I’m laughing so hard. I place a hand on top of my son’s low curls and pull him into my leg. There is a chorus of laughter coming from the line of men next to me.
“Don’t worry about your Uncle. He’ll be fine,” I say through my laughter.
We continue to rib and laugh at Braxton for another fifteen minutes, when Nellie appears to whisk TJ away. We start to joke about last night, before music breaks through our banter. We all stand to attention. My palms begin to sweat.
“This should be better than the shotgun wedding he had,” I hear Ryan chuckle.
I turn to give him the finger. “No one had a shotgun wedding, asshole. That’s some shit, you’d get yourself into,” I shoot back.
“He heard that,” Ryan chuckles. “And that’s not likely.”
“Whatever,” I wave him off.
I focus back on the processional. My face beams when my son and daughter make their way down the aisle holding hands. They are both wearing little crowns on their heads.
I have to talk Kamara into having more children. We make beautiful babies. If it were up to me we’d have at least three more.
Behind my kids are the ring bearer and the flower girl, Kwäzē’s twins. They’ve grown so much since I last show them. I’m glad they are here to be a part of this. They have crowns on their heads too.
It is then that I feel the weight of the one resting on mine. I shake my head to myself. I can’t believe I went from being an asshole kid, sporting fitted caps, to being a father and husband, wearing a crown.
If you asked me if this is where I saw my life going, I’d say fuck no. I had a crush on my best friend’s sister. The sister he asked me to watch over. Never did I think that crush would turn into a love I couldn’t deny if I wanted to.
I wanted my cousin as a part of the wedding, but mom said it would look like a food line if we all stood up here, so my cousins and Kwäzē are all walking in with the bridal party. Nellie, Bean, Heather, my cousins Connie and Kate, and a few guests of Kamara’s, make up the bridal party stuck walking with my cousins.
I chuckle when Carrick sticks his tongue out at Wyatt and wiggles his brows, as he walks with Nellie. I don’t see what Wyatt does, but it wipes the smile off Carrick’s face and has him muttering something to Nellie. Nellie just laughs beside him.
Those two are the last to walk down the aisle. The music changes to a special song I picked just for Kamara, Perfect by Ed Sheeran. And then, my heart stops in my chest.
All that tough shit I was thinking earlier, goes out the window. My knees almost give, I feel more than see, Wyatt step up behind me. He places a hand on my back and one under my armpit, keeping me upright.
“Easy, Bro,” Wyatt whispers.
I nod and pull my shit together. I draw a hand down my face. I owe my life to God, for blessing me with this woman. I swear, I do. I thought Kamara was gorgeous when she walked into that ball room in that gold dress.
I was so wrong, thinking it wasn’t possible for her to be any more beautiful. The red lips had been sexy that night, but today. Today, she’s simply a flawless natural beauty. If she has on makeup, it’s impeccable.
I left her gown to her mom, I’ll have to thank Queen Catherine profusely after the wedding. My queen looks like a goddess. I feel like I’m watching a real live doll walk towards me.
The drama of the long shimmering train behind her just helps set the scene. The greenness of the land. The blue skies. It’s all the perfect harmony to the melody that is my love, Kamara.
When she and her father stop before me, I have to remind myself to breathe. I bow before King Elijah, then watch, as he presents my bride to me. I want to remember this exact moment forever.
The way the sun reflects off her crown, the glow on her skin, that could be seen even from a distance. The way her big brown eyes look up at me, like I hold the world for her.
The rise and fall of the swell of her breasts, telling me that her heart beats just for me. The tremble of her full, sheer glossed lips. The tight grip she has on the bouquet of white roses that are dusted with gold.
I want to remember every single, tiny detail. I brush my fingers over her soft cheek. It’s like touching silk.
“I think I started breathing the day I met you,” I whisper. “It only feels like I’m doing it right when I’m next to you.”
“I see this time you have your balls under there,” Kamara whispers, with a sly smile on her face.
I knit my brows, looking down at my kilt and the memory of the last time I wore one around her comes back. Instead of that memory burning a hole through my heart the way it used to, I roar with laughter, pulling her to me to kiss her forehead.
“Fucking smart ass,” I murmur against her skin.
“I love you too, Toby,” she chokes out. “I’m trying to keep us both from crying.”
I pull away and smile down at her. “Come on, I have something for that smart mouth later,” I wink at her and those cheeks glow, as her head dips. I lean into her ear. “I love you, gorgeous.”
~B~
Kamara
“Where is Toby,” I look around, as the ladies help to remove and secure the train of my dress.
He disappeared, as I was taking pictures with the bridal party and my family. I look around again and TJ is gone as well. Maybe TJ had to go to the bathroom, but that’s not right.
I don’t see any of the Black men around. The cousins are all still here. Now that I’m looking, my brother is gone as well.
“He will be right back, Lass,” Cass says, with a knowing smile.
My curiosity is fully peeked, I look around to see if anyone else has disappeared. That’s when I see them, heading back in our direction. I thought I was done with the tears.
My son is walking beside his father, both dressed in traditional Nigerian garb, both of their crowns still in place. My brother walks beside them, no longer in his black tux. My mouth falls open, as I look behind them.
I see all of Toby’s brothers and his father dressed the same. Toby and TJ are in white and gold. The others behind them are all in white with yellow trimming.
“I’ll be damned. They look good,” Heather whispers, surprising me, but I’m too entranced to look her way.
“Wow,” Nellie breathes.
“Damn,” I push out, causing my mother to laugh and pinch me.
“Now, that is a sight for ye. I birthed boys that look damn fine in a kilts or a dashiki,” Cass sings.
“You can say that again,” Bean whistles.
“That is way too much swagger coming from one direction,” Nellie says breathlessly.
“Seriously,” I add.
“You lasses are wetting up your kex, the grass will be next,” Cass laughs.
“If Kex are what I think they are, mine are done for,” Nellie murmurs.
I giggle and cover my mouth. TJ takes off running towards us, reaching up to hold his crown on his head. The entire scene is picture perfect, just priceless. I secretly hope the photographs capture it.
It had brought a smile to my face to see TJ in a little kilt, along with his Uncles and father. It felt right when they all came into view together. Now, this feels just as right. It shows just how much Toby’s family accepts me.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I know where I belong. We are here for the world to see and know. We are the Blacks, with or without our crowns.
Toby walks up to me with a cocky smile on his face. I tug at the front of his shirt smiling back at him. He looks more than handsome. He has cut his hair low, into a fade, since we’ve been here. It causes his crown to sit just right on his head. The light facial hair is sexy on him as well.
“So, your dad and Kwäzē have been coaching me. I think I have this dance down. You ready to make our grand entrance?” Toby asks.
Again, my mouth drops open. I just know he can’t be serious. Toby dances around the house, when he thinks no one’s looking, but I never thought about what that would mean for our wedding day.
I give him a side glance. “Are you sure about this?”
He nuzzles my neck. “Are you doubting your king already,” he purrs against my skin.
“No, I just…you are talking about dancing now, today, at this wedding, right?
“Yes,” Toby chuckles.
I look around us and everyone else’s making their way over to the tent. My parents are ordering people around to get into two lines, one male, one female. I shake my head, as Toby pulls me forward.
I hear, Adamma by Flavour come on. I throw my head back and laugh. My mother played a bunch of songs for me a few weeks back. I really liked this one.
I start to rock my shoulders and sway beside Toby. His eyes twinkle as he looks down at me. Meanwhile, our bridal party dances their way into the tent.
When it’s our turn to head in, Toby turns to me, rocking and swaying his body. He crooks his finger for me to follow him into the tent. I burst into laughter, about to school my husband on some moves.
Or, at least, I thought I was going to school him. When we step inside, money starts to rain down on us, but Toby keeps his focus on me. I rock my body, squatting low, as I move into Toby. Toby throws his arms in the air, rocking and swaying his body.
Just when I think I’m going to show off, Wyatt and Noah come to Toby’s sides. I stop, again with my mouth gaping. I cover my mouth in shock, as they break into a routine. I look over to my dad who’s smiling proudly.
“Oh, my God,” I laugh.
They are killing it, better than dancers in a Beyoncé video. When Kwäzē, John, Felix, Brax, and Ry join in, I’m floored. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn. Cass, my mom, Nellie, Bean, Heather, and two of my cousins are there dancing behind me. I throw my head back with glee, but start to rock my shoulders and dance in a circle to face my husband.
I dance forward, when I reach Toby I do another circle. I complete the circle, when my back is to him and his arm goes around my waist. More money rains down on us. I throw my head back and let out a joy that’s been locked so deep inside for so long. The chant comes from my soul through my tongue and lips, and it is filled with happiness.
It starts a chorus of calls and whistles from both our family and friends. I could not ask for a better wedding. There is so much joy around us, I don’t even think about the real intent behind today.
Afafa can kiss my Black ass. I hope he hears this message loud and clear. There will be no throne for him. It belongs to me.