chapter Eight
Like A Woman
Kamara
I have a date this weekend. I don’t know what I was thinking. I have become crazy. That is the only way to explain this.
Thornton is nice, but he is not my type. If I even have a type. I have had my eye on Toby for as long as I can remember. All other boys pale in comparison to him.
Or should I say, men. Toby is a man now. Oh, God, is he a man. He now stands at a full six-four. That copper hair is so attractive on him, no matter how he wears it.
Toby’s once boyish face, is now rough and rugged. When his five o’clock shadow sets in, it is mouthwatering. He keeps his body in the best condition and it shows right through his white t-shirts. I admire the clothes that get to clothe his back and every other part of him.
“So, have you picked out an outfit for this weekend,” Cali asks.
She is my newest roommate. Thank, God, I was able to get away from Gwendolyn this year. She never did begin to speak to me again after that party.
I hadn’t thought my father was going to agree to it, but when I asked to move into my own apartment, he went along. Well, after his initial protest. I guess the fact that I moved into Kwäzē’s building helped. Toby moved in with Kwäzē over the summer, which I’m sure had something to do with my father’s consent. Two brothers to watch over me.
Cali has been a friend since my freshman year. When she said, she needed to find a place, I offered, not wanting to live completely alone. I know Kwäzē and Toby are upstairs, but I try not to bother them much.
I look up from my textbook and frown. I know I was just thinking about this date, but I don’t intend to prepare for it. I have been waiting for two weeks for Kwäzē to intervene.
In my crazy head, I thought it might make Toby take notice. I need him to see me as more than family. I figured me going on a date would show him that I am a woman.
I am no longer of the opinion that he is against dating black women. He went on a date a few months back with a pretty African American girl. She had not been as dark as me, but not that far from it.
I have to say, it boosted my confidence. I must get out of this friend zone. I want Toby to take me seriously. I just need his attention so I can reveal my feelings to him.
“No, I don’t know if I’ll be going,” I mumble.
“Seriously!” Cali shrieks at me.
I sigh and close my book. When Cali gets something in her head, she can become relentless. Wish I knew this before she became my roommate. I don’t know how I had missed it.
“I don’t think I want to go,” I shrug.
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain neighbor of ours?” Cali gives me a slanted look.
I look down into my lap and start to pick at lint that isn’t there. Cali being observant is something I did know about her. Not that I have tried to hide my feelings for Toby much lately.
Whenever we are close to each other, it is still electric. Toby makes my skin hum in a way no one else does. He may see me as family, but that is not the way I see him. I want him…no I need him to see me as more.
If he doesn’t I think I may go insane, if I already haven’t. Saying yes to Thornton, may just have been a sign that I have. I have to put an end to this before Saturday arrives.
“I thought he would tell my brother by now, if nothing else,” I pout.
Cali falls back on the couch laughing at me. I pout more, not liking being the butt of the joke. I fold my arms over my chest, as I wait out her laughter. This is not that funny.
“Why are you laughing at me?” I mumble.
“You’re playing with fire. I see the way Toby looks at you. You’ve gotten yourself into this date because you think it will cause him to make a move. I don’t think it was such a good idea,” Cali says through her laughter.
“Maybe he didn’t hear me agree to the date,” I huff.
“Oh, he heard you. Doll, if you could’ve seen his face. I thought he was going to choke the shit out of Thornton when he asked you out,” Cali cackles. “But when you said, ‘sure, why not.’ Toby looked like he was going to swallow his damn tongue.”
“Really,” I ask with wide eyes.
“No, no, I have that wrong. It was more like he ate shit by accident. The surprise and disgust on his face was priceless,” Cali roars, with fresh laughter.
“Then why hasn’t he said anything to Kwäzē yet,” I fume.
“Honey, I don’t think that’s Toby’s style,” Cali says more seriously, as she watches me cautiously.
“Explain, what am I doing wrong?” I smack my forehead with my palm.
Cali continues to study me. I hold my head waiting for a reply. It is so obvious that I don’t know what I’m doing here.
When Cali and I were in the coffee shop, I had been so jealous of the girls that were surrounding Toby. He seemed so unaffected by the attention, but it still drove me crazy to watch. He was only a table away.
Thornton had strolled over to our table and asked me out like he has been doing for a year now. In a moment of insanity, I wanted to make Toby as jealous as I was. I don’t know what made me think he would be jealous.
I had figured he’d run to tell my brother and I would get out of the date anyway. Now, it’s been two weeks and I’m trap with this date and now I know for a fact Toby could care less.
“You really want to go after a Black? You know they have a rep around here,” Cali says slowly.
“Yes, I know this. I’ve been around them enough to know what’s true and what is rumor,” I sigh. “Most is true, but Toby. Toby is different. Yes.”
“Okay, fine. If this is what you want. We’re going to get you a Black, but be warned. When you two see what the rest of us have known all along, it’s going to be straight fire,” Cali fans her face.
“What do you mean?” I ask, with wrinkled brows.
Cali shakes her head. “You’ll see.”
She stands and holds her hand out. “Come, my child. We shall get ready to take over the world,” she throws her head back, with a maniacal laugh.
I shake my head, but place my hand in hers. She pulls me off the couch and drags me to my room. Cali pushes me toward the bed to sit, as she enters my closet.
I gnaw on my lip. I have taken to American fashion, but I’ve mixed it with my own heritage and style. I still stand out from the girls here in California, but I don’t mind so much anymore. I’ve found my own sense of style. I can live with that.
“I’m not going to mess with your style. It’s what makes you, you,” Cali says to herself, as if plucking my thoughts from my head. “I just want to take it up a notch for this. You have this sweetness about you. We need to dirty that up just a little bit.”
I groan and palm my face, once again. What have I gotten myself into? Cali rummages through my closet. She talks to herself the entire time, while I sit nervously on the edge of my bed.
“Oh, yeeessss,” she squeals, when she finds something to her liking.
Cali pulls out the top half of an outfit I wore to a function my mother threw last year. The straps are made of gold braided fabric. The rest of the dress is a gold and brown design, with shimmers of green and gold in the threading, all through the fabric.
I wrinkle my brows at Cali. Then, my eyes widen, as I get her intention. I start shaking my head as she walks over to me. The top stops mid-thigh on me, but it is meant to have the long bottom half underneath.
I groan, as Cali makes her way towards me, with gold heels and the top in her hands. I pray she is going back into the closet for skinny jeans, but I doubt it. Cali has a sly look on her face, as she holds the items out to me.
“Just trust me,” she pleads.
I huff and nod. I’ve seen the guys Cali dates. I will trust her on this one. I just hope it doesn’t back fire on me.
“That’s a girl. Come on, Toby should be at the bar with his brothers tonight. They have a routine,” Cali chirps.
“And you know this how?”
“Trust me,” Cali sings out slowly.
“Fine.”
~B~
Toby
After talking with Kwäzē, I haven’t been able to get his words out of my head. You would think I would just forget about Kamara, now that I know she’s to be someone else’s wife. It’s just something about it doesn’t sit well with me.
It’s more than the fact that I can’t see her with anyone other than me. It’s all the things Kwäzē didn’t say that has me wondering so many things. I feel now more than ever, like I need to protect her.
There was a haunted quality to the words that Kwäzē spoke. I need those secrets Kamara promised me. It’s time. Kwäzē said he could tell me no more. That doesn’t mean Kamara can’t fill in some blanks for me.
In the back of my mind, I can hear Wyatt’s warning loud and clear. I should walk away and walk away now. I just can’t. I need to find these answers like I need to find air.
It’s Friday night. Usually, I would be at the bar with my brothers. It’s our time to catch up. Even Brax and Ry come out. At eighteen and nineteen, they look old enough to get into the bar. Those two are huge. It doesn’t hurt that we know the bartender.
Bean has been working at the place we go to for the last six months. We go there just for that fact. We know we won’t have trouble, with having our younger brothers along.
Nonetheless, tonight, I have some unfinished business. As much as it pains me not to go spend time with my brothers, I need to settle the pit in my stomach. I need to understand what’s so different about Kamara. How is it she belongs to someone else?
You know what, fuck that, she’s mine.
With that settled in my brain, I bang on Kamara’s front door. Kwäzē left the office gym to go spend time with his dad. I know he’s still really messed up over Celeste.
Now that I know why he broke things off. I feel for him. I know my friend is in love. This can’t be easy for him.
I rub the back of my neck, as my thoughts race. This is all so crazy. I reach to bang again, just as the door pulls open.
“Well, well,” Cali purrs. “The fates have decided to intervene after all. Come on in, Black.”
Music flows out of the apartment door. I knit my brows, but I walk through the door, as she opens it wide for me. I look around, but Kamara isn’t in sight.
I turn to ask Cali where her roommate is, just as the song changes to Beyoncé’s 1+1. I feel her before I see her. I turn to see Kamara floating into the room.
My heart starts to hammer at the sight of her. All long brown legs and silky lean arms. Her hair is loose, in a mass of dark coils that frame her gorgeous face.
Her face is painted with makeup, but it is only enhancing her beauty. A gold shimmer on her lids. Her full lips are painted a bright red that pops with her dark chocolate skin.
The dress she has on looks shorter because of her long legs. The heels she has on make her legs seem to go on forever. Her curves fill out the outfit perfectly. She looks like the perfect doll. Flawless in every way.
I’m not in control of my body, as my feet carry me to her. When we meet in the middle of the living room, I know this is going to get real fucking messy. I can’t stop the way I feel for her and I can’t stop myself from taking.
I cup the side of her beautiful face and stare into her eyes. I’m holding back with my last ounce of strength to resist crushing her full lips with mine. I hear the door to the apartment open and close again, but I don’t turn to see why? I can’t.
“Where are you going?” I breathe.
“To find you,” she whispers back.
My lips curl into a smile. “You’re looking for me? Dress like this?”
“Yes,” she nods confidently.
“Why?”
“I’m not your family, Toby. I need you to treat me like a woman. Not your best friend’s sister. Just a woman,” she says nervously.
I place my forehead to hers and relish in the feeling that surges through me. “You have it all wrong. I see nothing but woman when I look at you. We shouldn’t do this, but I’m way pass that.”
Without another word, I take her lips like I’ve wanted to for years. At first, I just gently press my lips to her soft pillows. They’re so much softer than I imagined. I feel like I’ve never kissed anyone before her.
I tease the seam of her lips with my tongue, praying she opens for me. It’s as easy as taking my next breath. Kamara opens for me like a flower.
It’s the perfect kiss. I take and she gives. Her fingers curl into my t-shirt, holding onto me. When my tongue meets hers, it’s like she’s been waiting a lifetime for this, just like I have. Kamara sighs into my mouth, causing me to move closer to her, wrapping my free arm around her to pull her even closer.
My fingers move into her soft hair, pulling a whimper from her lips. I take it all. I can’t believe how good she feels against my body. I don’t even realize I’ve been swaying her to the music, until her arm wraps around my neck.
“I’ve wanted to make you mine from the first time I saw you,” I rasp against her kiss swollen lips. “You taste better than I’ve ever dreamed.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We were too young. You’re my best friend’s sister. The one time I thought I was cool and tried, I freaked you out,” I groan at the memory, placing my forehead to hers again.
The song changes and we remain swaying. I let my hands run down her sides. I’m completely lost in her. Kamara gasps suddenly, causing me to drop my hands and pull back.
She tightens her hold so I can’t get away. There’s laughter in her big brown eyes, when I look into them. She gives me a shy smile.
“You didn’t freak me out, Toby. At least, not the way you think,” she looks away, causing me to narrow my eyes.
I reach for her chin, turning her head back to face me. I search her eyes for answers. Our secrets are going to end now.
“I want to do this, but we have to keep our promise. No secrets, remember. Kwäzē said some things today. I don’t even know if we should be doing this,” I pause, dipping my head to get eye to eye with her.
“You have someone waiting back home for you,” I say slowly.
Kamara frowns and pulls her face from mine. Her arms wrap her middle and she turns her back to me. I move to wrap my arms around her, tugging her back against my front.
I close my eyes when my cock twitches against her full round ass. I chide myself in my head. We have so much to figure out, before I can even think of taking her.
“Kamara,” I call softly. “Talk to me.”
~B~
Kamara
I plan to talk to him. My tongue just feels so heavy. I have dreaded and anticipated this day for so long. The day I get to reveal who I am. I have hidden for all of my life.
Sad part of my life, I don’t even know why I’m hiding. Yes, I know I’m to be married and I know who I am. I just don’t know what sent my family running from my home and my people.
“I can only tell you what I know,” I finally breathe out.
“That’s all I ask,” Toby’s voice rumbles through me, as he holds me tightly.
He gives a gentle reassuring squeeze and kisses the top of my head. I breathe in his scent, shivering when his lips meet the bare skin on my neck. Oh, I plan to bare my secrets to this man.
I want to hide in him, not in the world out there that my family feels I need to be protected from. I blow out a breath and breathe the secrets I’ve held, since I was a little child.
“My real name is, Princess Ogeima Feechi Kamara Abioye. Naidoo is my mother’s maiden name. My brother is, Prince Kwäzē, my father is, King Elijah, and my mother is Queen Catherine.
“On my second birthday, I was sent away from our village to be raised in the Kingdom, where I would one day become Queen. Something went wrong. Something my father is still keeping from me. My father, my mother, and Kwäzē fled.
“Where I once would get to see my family once or twice a week, they were just gone. In a matter of days, I was whisked away to another village. I remained in hiding there. Until I turned fifteen, in the middle of the night, I was brought here to California.
“My father told me to tell everyone I had been in New York with my Aunt. I have seen men come and go to speak with my father from time to time, but no one will explain. My father says to live my life.
“It is not my time to worry about these things, but I know this is not true. I’ve been here, falling for an American boy. Yet, there is something out there I’m hiding from,” I turn in Toby’s arms to look into his eyes.
I fear what I may see there. I know this is a whole lot. The missing pieces alone are enough to make him walk away. I just hope…I pray he will not turn from me.
Toby leans in to capture my lips, kissing my breath away. I sag against him in relief. I finally allow hope to bloom.
Toby breaks the kiss, looking into my eyes with a wealth of emotion in his own. My nerves begin to set in again. I bite my lip and wait for his words.
“We can take it day by day. When the time comes, we’ll figure out what to do. For now, I need you. I will protect you anyway I can, but I need to call you my own,” Toby speaks with so much conviction, I believe his every word.
“I have been yours for longer than you think,” I reply and kiss his lips.
“I could say the same,” he chuckles.