***
I glanced around the empty living room at my place, hating everything I'd picked out to decorate the white walls with. Memories blasted through me. So many good times with me and Deza cutting up and acting stupid. She'd saved me from myself and had been a mother, a sister, a best friend through everything I'd been through.
Why was I pushing her away now?
It wasn't like she'd staged the fucking kiss in front of Darren. She was hurting that day too and wanted to shove it in his big ugly face that she wasn't alone. She had me.
The hot ball of regret sitting at the back of my throat stung, and caused tears to well up in my eyes again. I hadn't cried off camera more than three times in my life, and I sure as fuck wasn't about to do it then.
A knock on the front door pulled me from my thoughts. I reached out and ran my hand over the back of my couch as I contemplated what to do. If it were Riley, I'd throw her over my shoulder and haul her off to the bedroom like a caveman, suffocating her with so much passion that she had no other conclusion to come to other than the one where I loved her.
And if it were Clayton?
I wished like hell I had a gun. That bastard deserved to lose a knee. I'd have to find a way to take him out without getting my hands bloody. Maybe killing him was extreme, but mauling him would work just as well.
"Ethan. Open the door, please."
Deza. She had to be screaming her little Mexican head off for me to hear her.
"I'm not here." I walked to the door and screamed back. "Ethan's on a permanent vacation. If you want to leave a message, don't. He's not interested."
"Open this door before I use my fucking key."
Fucking? Wow. She was a little emotional.
"Nope. And if you barge in, I'm naked, so good luck with that." I was so far past distraught that I had to lean on simply being me with a mask on. The guy everyone knew and loved. He'd become a part of me so long ago that I could access him and lean on him in times of trial and tribulation.
Times like now.
"Please, Ethan. I love you. Open the door."
I opened it and turned, walking back to the kitchen. "Had to use the fucking ‘L’ word, didn't you?”
"Yes. Because it's true." She closed the door behind her and walked in, following me in silence.
"Make yourself at home. Kick off your shoes. You want a drink?" I turned and walked backward, lifting my hands to the side as if I were waiting on her response. Like serving her was at the top of my to-do list.
"No. I'm fine. I'm just worried about you." She stopped by the breakfast bar and pressed her hands to it. "We can work all of this out."
"There's nothing to work out. I told her that I loved her and she walked." I shrugged and turned to walk to the fridge. "It's quite typical of women in my life. I mean, my mother didn't keep me. My foster family doesn't care. None of the women I've ever dated wanted anything but my dick and my money." I turned to face her as I popped the top on a beer. "Why would Riley be any different?"
"Because she is." Deza gave me a knowing look. "Don't do this. Mourn the loss of what you thought you had, cry and get it out and then go talk to her."
"Not happening." I downed the rest of the beer and moved closer. "And let me be very clear with you. Tell Frank that if Clayton Welms is on any set that I'm on in the future, I'm walking. Where you guys see the good side of him, all I see is the bad. He's trying to take me out, one nut at a time. He got one a few years ago, and he took another one this morning. I mean, for shit's sake, I'm basically a very masculine looking woman now."
"Stop it." She glanced down at her hands as a smile played at the edge of her mouth. She looked back up, all humor gone. "He's been fired. I don't know exactly what he did, but he's not the center of our film. You are. You were right. He's teaching, and you're still acting. You somehow won, and I'm not even sure you meant to."
"If he shows up at any time, I'm gone. Got it? I'm going to choke the life out of him and end up in jail if I'm around him again." I brushed my hand down my chest and forced a smile. "And you know what the boys in jail will do to me." I lifted an eyebrow. "Huge cock and a pretty white ass?"
"Oh God." She got up and walked around the counter, pulling me into a hug. "For what it's worth, I'm so sorry. I really do love you like family. I would never do anything to hurt you. Not ever."
"I know." I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my cheek to the top of her head. "You think it's over with me and Riley?"
"Do you?" She moved back and glanced up, her expression soft and caring.
"I hope not." I took a shaky breath. "If it is, then I'm on my final call for love. I don't want anyone but her, and if this shit tanks... I'm done. For good."