***
I drove to the studio in silence, trying to decide if my dreams of being someone important were great enough to overcome the truth that I wasn't important at all. I didn’t know if I could handle that truth, much less have it shoved in my face for the next year.
After parking and sitting in the lot for a few minutes, I gathered my courage and opened the door, pulling my jacket from the backseat and wrapping it around myself. My long gray skirt danced around my legs, whipping me around as if I weighed nothing.
"Slip into character. You're a young film student with a handsome boyfriend who loves you like you can't imagine a man loving a woman. Your dreams are finally coming true, and you've been offered the starring role in the biggest movie of the year. You're not passing this up. Just hold your head high and make them believe that you're okay. That you're strong. Sexy. Sassy as fuck." I forced myself into the part though tears burned my gaze.
Deza moved up beside me and smiled. "Hey you. I sure am praying that you've changed your mind, or maybe I’m reading too much into all of this."
I readjusted the sunglasses on my face and gave Deza a big smile. "Hey. Thanks for being so patient with me."
"Of course." She reached over and stopped me, turning me to face her. "You never told me what happened. I texted ten times. I almost feel like a stalker."
"I know, forgive me. I'm not a very open person." I smirked. "Just comes with the territory, right?"
"Riley." Ethan moved up beside me and touched my arm. "Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
"You bet." I turned and nodded toward the picnic bench by the snack table. "You wanna grab a Twinkie? It’s the breakfast of champs."
Deza let out a strained laugh and pointed to a hallway. "I'll be in here with Frank and the movie producers. You guys join us when you're ready."
"Will do." I turned and walked toward the table as I swallowed the torrent of emotions raging through me. If I could just get the sound of him moaning out of my head. That and the desire to be the one making him moan like that. Who was she? Did she matter, or was she his Jace?
"Riley." He gripped my arm softly. "Whatever I did to upset you, I didn't mean to, honestly."
"What?" I turned toward him and pulled my sunglasses off, having finally gained control of myself. "You didn't do anything. You were great last night. You answered all of my questions and kept everything perfectly professional. It was a test of your character, and you passed it beautifully."
"It was what?" He lifted his eyebrow as something like hurt brushed across his gaze.
"I thought maybe you figured me to be like the other women in your life. You know, show up, open my legs for you and then you take complete advantage of me and we start this odd power struggle, but when I tested you with the kiss, you denied me." I laughed warmly. "I'm honestly thrilled to know that we can be co-workers, maybe even friends, but that you understand that that's all we'll ever be."
"You tested me last night?" He turned to the snack table and grabbed a bag of peanut M&Ms. "Why didn't you just lay down the law? You didn't need to see if I was a sleaze bag."
"Sure I did." I picked up a Twinkie and licked at the end of it as he turned to face me. "I read about all the women you've taken advantage of. Not that I believe all of it, but some of them knew rather intimate things about you. I just wanted to ensure that I was getting this opportunity as a good actress and not someone you thought would prove to be a convenient fuck buddy while you were away from Trish."
"Trish?" He was either insanely confused or playing it off well.
I patted his chest and walked toward the room. "Come on, let's go sign this contract so I can start living my life. A million men willing to do anything to please me. I can't imagine the power." I stopped and turned back as he stopped and slipped his hands in his pockets, his face having lost color.
His voice was nothing more than a whisper, and where victory should have been mine, it wasn't. Devastation at playing the game to the point of hurting him drove through me.
"It's a fun ride. Congratulations on getting the golden ticket. I'll protect you the whole time we're flying through it together. You'll protect me too, right, Riley?"
"Of course." I turned and slipped on my sunglasses, taking a detour to the restroom to empty my stomach and decide what mattered most in life.
Fame or commonality?
Lust or love?
The bright lights of Hollywood or saving myself from possibly the greatest heartache I might ever encounter?
I wiped my mouth and stared at myself in the mirror as worry, disgust and self-hate ripped through me. I was a good person. Not the type that would play games with another's heart. Ethan was the game player... right?
"Hey, you coming?" Deza stuck her head in the bathroom and gave me a warm smile. "You've changed your mind, right?"
"Yeah... I'm coming." I walked numbly behind her, turning to look for Ethan and finding him nowhere. How had we gone from something insanely passionate to awkward coldness?
It was the difference between fantasy and reality.
A group of white-haired men glanced up and stood as I walked into the room.
Frank walked around and gave me a big hug, smiling brightly.
"So proud of you, kiddo." He introduced me to the others in the room, but I didn't catch anyone's name. I needed to know where Ethan was. To apologize for being so crass with his feelings.
I'd tested him? What the fuck was that?
Protection.
"Here we are, Riley. You just need to sign on the dotted line and we'll start filming in two weeks." Frank touched the small of my back as I leaned over and let out a shaky breath.
I glanced toward the door as my eyes met Ethan's. He nodded and gave me a curt smile.
I had to right this even though it was silly to want to. We were nothing and yet something told me that we could be everything to one another one day. Charlotte was right. I had to find a way to keep him close enough to me to have the chance to truly seduce him, or maybe just gently love him from a distance. As a friend, a co-worker, a lover.
I signed the paper and handed it to Frank as the people in the room clapped and Deza moved in to hug me. "This will prove to be the best decision you've ever made."
"Yes it is, kiddo." Frank reached out and squeezed my hand. "Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. Welcome to the bright lights of Hollywood."
To be continued…