Chapter 11

Riley

For some reason, I was relieved about not having the night I expected with Ethan when I woke the next morning. He and Deza were already gone, which gave me time to pace the floor for a little while. I knew it would feel good, no more like great, to spend the night in his arms, to feel him owning every part of me, but I was scared.

Like fucked up scared.

I picked up the phone and called Charlotte. Jace would have been a better choice for the conversation at hand, but he'd turned mushy on me. There was no talking with him about Ethan.

"Hey. You okay? Having fun?" Charlotte sounded chipper.

Good. I need chipper.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just needed to hear your voice." I pressed my fingers to my forehead and continued to tear up the carpet in front of the window. "I just... Shit. I don't know."

"Uh oh. Did something happen?"

"Yes. No." I stopped and pulled the curtain back. The film crew was setting up, which meant I had very little time left before they would expect me downstairs. "Before I forget, are you free on Saturday?"

"Whoa. That was a change in direction." She chuckled. "But yes, I'm free. What are we doing?"

"Going with Liam and Ethan to their parents’ anniversary party. We're playing their girlfriends or fiancés. I'm not sure which."

"Oh. That's hot."

"I guess. Seems like another opportunity to fall deeper in love and be left to question everything around me."

"That bad?"

"Yes. Worse." I moved over to the bed and dropped down. "I want him so damn bad, Char. I want him in ways that would make you roll your eyes at me."

"Wait. This is coming from the girl who refused to drool with me over this man when he was on our TV while we were growing up?"

"Yes."

"The one that made fun of my obsession with him?"

"Yes."

"The one-"

"Hey. I fucking said yes. I'm in love with him. Like nuts in love. He wants sex, and I soooo want it too, but I think it's just going to be the last log on the fire. It's going to destroy me if I sleep with him and nothing comes out of it. If we have a few romps in the sheets and he goes back to whoring around with other women." I ran my fingers through my hair, hating the desperation in my voice. It was the chick flick the night before. That lovey dovey bullshit that the movies made you feel when you watched them. Like hope and fate really did have validity.

I had a romance hang over, and I was ready to hurl.

"Wow."

"Really? Wow?" I got up as my focus shifted to anger. "I should have called Jace."

"Don't get defensive. Just give me a minute. I'm taking it all in." She breathed in deeply and let it out. "All right, so you love him. Tell him."

I laughed. "What? No way."

"Yes. Even if you want to do it in a scene you're working on. Make it real and see how he reacts."

"No." I sat back down. "He did that to me yesterday and I fell for his shit only to have him tease me about it. We're actors. We can fake anything. So, is he faking this thing between us?"

"I don't think he would do that."

"You don't know him, Char. He's got a lot of shit going on that would make you cringe. It's hard not to cringe myself sometimes."

"Then ask him, Riley. He's a human too. He has a heart in his chest too. Stop believing everything you read and hear and go to the source. He's right in front of you. You have this grand opportunity to nip all that shit in the bud. Besides, what is the worst thing that could happen?"

He could love me too, but not be willing to do anything about it.

"I don't know." I pressed my thumbnail against my teeth and picked at them. "I don't think I can just come right out and ask how he feels about me."

"I think you already know how he feels. You're just lying to yourself about it because you're scared."

"Yeah... there is that too." I flopped back on the bed. "Why can't I just have a relationship with him like Jace and I had?"

"Because you're Jace, Ri. He's you. You're the one wanting so much more than you're asking for. If you bargain for a friends-with-benefits relationship, then that's what you'll get. So bargain for more."

"And if I'm scared to? He's Ethan Lewis, Char. This isn't some dude in my chemistry class or someone I met at the mall."

"I get that. I think about you all the time actually. I couldn't even breathe the first time I met him. I couldn't imagine having to be professional and work beside him all the time. All those love scenes." She lost the power behind her voice, and I was losing her to daydreams.

"Hey. Stay with me here. I gotta get going soon. I just needed someone to tell me to chill the hell out."

"Chill out. You're incredible. You know I believe in you, D believes in you, Jace does too. We all do. And whether you want to hear this or not... Ethan believes in you. There are no decisions that need to be made right this minute. Focus on your career, not your love life today, okay?"

I nodded and said my goodbyes with her. She was right. I was there to make a movie, not win over my co-star.