Todd drove me to my apartment, even though it was only a few blocks away. The campus was well lit and lots of people were out, but I appreciated his attempt at chivalry anyway. Plus, it meant some time alone with him. The end of the term was less than two months away and the craziness of final projects and the upcoming finals had everyone cramming a semester worth of good intentions into ending the year on a high note.

“Any interviews lined up for next week?” Todd asked, bringing my thoughts back to my own future. Career day was next week and companies all over the northeast would be coming to look for new hires and summer interns.

“Yeah, I have three scheduled. Have you finalized your plans for med school yet?”

“Yep,” he grabbed my hand and held it on top of my thigh. “Looks like I’ll be staying right here for a while longer.”

“That’s great. Congratulations.”

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear to keep the disappointment from showing. He was already making plans for next year and I was still trying to make the most of this one.

“Any chance the companies you’re looking at are nearby?”

The sincerity in his tone made my body tingle and I peeked over at him with what felt like a goofy grin on my face. “I’m not sure. New York isn’t too far.”

We’d reached my apartment and I unfastened the seatbelt and moved to open the door.

Todd grabbed my elbow and pulled me back toward him. I turned in surprise as he leaned over the console with a smirk.

“Well here’s hoping I’ll be seeing more of you.” He brushed a kiss on my unexpecting lips so quick and light it was over before I could even reciprocate. Before I could feel the spark.

He sat back in the driver’s seat and moved his hand to the gear shift. “See ya later, B”

I walked from his car to inside the apartment in a haze. A scribbled note on the counter told me Tasha was at Lance’s house. We’d barely seen each other over the past month and with reminders of the looming graduation I was sad that we’d spent our final semester barely able to spend time with each other.

I was desperate to tell someone about Todd and there was only one other person that I knew would share my excitement. I texted first just in case it wasn’t a good time but no sooner had I pressed send did my phone ring, giving me my answer.

“Hey,” I answered trying to keep myself from squealing into his ear.

“8B, I’m surprised to hear from you again. I thought you’d be studying until late in the night. Differential equations are no joke.”

“You took diffey-q?” I asked as I sat down on my bed and leaned back on to the mountain of pillows. I couldn’t get too comfortable. Studying with Todd hadn’t been very productive – at least on the upcoming test front.

“What, that surprises you?”

Feeling a bit sheepish, Court’s deep laugh eased the tension. “I thought I might want to be a mechanical engineer for a while. That class nearly killed me, and I decided to go a different way.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Lots of things you don’t know about me, 8B.”

That was the understatement of the year. I felt like I’d barely scratched the surface of who Court was.

“So, you’re good at diffey-q, huh?” he asked. “Why am I not surprised.”

“I’m good at math. Not so good at people and relationships apparently.”

“Uh-oh, did the study session not end so well?”

“Actually, it ended great. He kissed me.”

“In the library?”

“No, he drove me home.”

“And…”

“And what?”

“Well did it live up to everything you hoped it would be? Unicorns and rainbows and shit?”

“It was nice,” I responded and shifted uncomfortably on my bed.

“Nice?” his voice was unbelieving.

“Yes, it was nice,” I said with more resolve this time.

“Oh, I believe you. I’m just a little disappointed that you’re so excited about a nice kiss.”

“Disappointed? I’m ecstatic. I mean I really didn’t think blowing him off last night was going to end well. Your advice worked.”

“Yeah and I gotta live with that,” he muttered.

“What are you doing over there?” I asked, finally zoning in on the background noise that sounded like a shower running. Court in the shower was a mental picture I’d have to revisit later.

“I’m doing the dishes.”

“Interesting. Don’t you have a dishwasher?”

“I do, but there’s only a few things to wash so this is faster.”

“Do you cook?”

“You know, the way you asked that is almost as if you don’t think me capable.”

“Just surprised is all. I can barely boil water. What did you have for dinner?”

I failed to picture Court in the kitchen, but I was intrigued.

“Salmon, rice, vegetables – nothing fancy.”

“Wow, I’m impressed,” I admitted. “I guess I should have known you wouldn’t be a stereotypical bachelor living on TV dinners.”

“Why’s that 8B?” he asked, and the background noise stopped like he’d turned off the faucet.

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “You continually surprise me. I guess I’ve been living with really bad assumptions about men my entire life. I should have been gathering information and figuring it all out, but I figured eventually it’d just happen. Guess not.”

The truth of that statement made me sink back into the bed. Why hadn’t I spent more time analyzing and researching men and relationships? And had any of my assumptions about men been accurate? Where did I even get my views? From my father? From his relationship with my mom? I’d grown up firmly in the lower-class bracket. There’d been months and years of stress as we struggled to pay bills or keep landlords at bay, but it hadn’t been a bad childhood by any stretch of the imagination. My father adored my mother. He treated her with respect and love – the same way he treated me and my brothers.

“Not the worst thing to find out.”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been completely wrong about so many things. So many wasted years – I could already have all this data.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Besides, think of all the amazing things that open up to you now that you’re aware. Things that are better to find out with a little age and wisdom.”

“Like?”

“Well sex for example.”

I scoffed but he kept going.

“No seriously, Bianca. You’re still plenty young. Most people have a rap sheet of shit they wish they could take back by now. You may have been naïve and even missed out on some experiences, but now you’re a responsible adult and you’ll have a degree behind you and be ready to conquer men, business, the world – you name it. You’re just getting started.”

“I don’t want to have a different experience from everyone else. I just want to fit in.”

“You’ll never fit in.”

The way he said that, I was sure it wasn’t meant as a dig, but it still stung.

“It’s not a bad thing,” he said, confirming my thoughts.

“But what if −”

He interrupted. “What if it’s too late? You’re twenty-two. Save the melodramatics for your thirties. That’s when women typically start freaking out about getting old.”

I laughed, a hollow sound.

“Are you a virgin 8B?”

His question caught me off guard and I inhaled sharply, cheeks flaming with heat.

“No!” I responded a little too loudly. “Of course not.”

“Just checking. You don’t need to get all defensive. So, you’ve had sex. Then what’s kept you from putting yourself out there more?”

“I guess I thought the right guy would just land in my lap and everything after would be perfect.”

“A romantic, huh?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“So, the men you’ve been with – why weren’t they the right ones for you? Why did it end?”

I hesitated. How much could I tell him without sounding utterly pathetic?

“It just wasn’t…”

“No judgment here. It just wasn’t what?”

“It wasn’t good, okay?” I placed a palm over my eyes and cringed as I forced myself to continue. “I’ve never, you know, gotten off during sex.”

“Never?” His voice was disbelieving.

“I mean I have by myself just not… oh my God this is humiliating,” I groaned.

“The only person that should be humiliated are the guys that failed to get you off.”

“Maybe it’s me.”

“Maybe it is.”

“Hey,” I chuckled. “I just meant maybe I’m holding back somehow. I need to get out of my head and just go for it, stop analyzing everything.”

“I’m in. Let’s do it.”

“Do what?” My voice trembled. I had no idea what I’d just talked him into.

“Let’s get you out of your head and ready for the real deal.”

“I –”

“Think of it as practice for what’s his face.”

“What exactly are you suggesting?”

“The same thing we’ve been doing, but we’ll spend more time talking like we’re in a real relationship instead of me just telling you what to do.”

“I dunno.”

“It worked for the sexting bit – you picked that up quickly with a little real-life practice.”

“That wasn’t real life.”

“Speak for yourself.” He chuckled.

I bit my lip and tried to come up with any reason why I should say no. The only thing that truly came to mind was Todd. What would he think if he knew I’d stooped to this level to get his attention? I trusted Court and I thought he was sincere in wanting to help me for some reason. What that reason was, I couldn’t fathom. There was no way he was hard pressed for women.

“See before I was telling you what to do, but the only feedback I got on how it went came from you. This way I’ll get to experience it authentically. I can steer you in the right direction or just give you some confidence that you’re doing it right.”

“So, I’m supposed to treat you like a guy I’m interested in?” I shook my head trying to wrap my brain around what it was he was asking for us to be. Was this strictly a virtual arrangement? He lived in NYC, so it wasn’t as if he was going to be close enough for real dates.

His deep laugh came through again and goosebumps spread over my skin. This older, handsome man wanted to do this… with me. I’d be a fool to say no even though I was probably going to look like the fool with my inexperience and lack of knowledge.

“We’ll take it as it comes. No rules. I know that’ll be hard for you Miss Rules,” he said teasingly.

“Okay, I guess we could try it.”

“Yeah?” he sounded excited and that put butterflies in my stomach.

“Sure, I mean it can’t hurt to have the practice before I do it for real, right?”

“Exactly.”

I let out a deep breath and sat up on the bed eyeing my backpack. “I hate to ruin the moment, but I need to study some more for my test tomorrow.”

“What’s the test over?”

Pulling my bag onto my lap, I grabbed my textbook and notes and flipped open to the last chapter. “Systems of first-order equations.”

“Let’s work some problems then.”

“You want to help me study?”

“Isn’t that what you’d want a boyfriend to do? Plus, I’m sorta curious to see that brain of yours in action.”