ELEVEN

 

The first thing that Danica said to Taylor when she walked in the door after her medical appointment was, “Can Dane come over for dinner tonight again?”

No word about how the appointment had gone, no hi, barely even a hug. Taylor looked at his mother, hoping for some help there, but she just smiled tiredly at him, and he could see that he wasn’t going to get it.

There was a sort of strange energy between the two of them, something that Taylor couldn’t figure out how to interpret. It was like nothing that he had ever felt, and he frowned thoughtfully, as he looked at his mother and his sister, head tilted slightly to the side.

“Can he?” Danica asked, when Taylor just looked at them, waiting. Taylor narrowed his eyes, trying, just a little, to intimidate his little sister, but apparently, he wasn’t that scary because she just grinned as she looked hopefully up at him.

“That would be nice,” their mother said, a little smile lingering on her face. Something was going on, and Taylor looked between the two of them, waiting. He could wait them out, he told himself.

Only he couldn’t. They were both looking at him so expectantly, and he knew that he was supposed to ask, and as much as his pride protested he found himself being manipulated into doing what they wanted.

“Okay,” the words finally just burst out of him, and he saw the delight on Danica’s face, and on their mother’s, too. “Who’s going to tell me why you’re both smiling so much?”

The little girl and the woman exchanged looks, clearly very pleased with themselves, but Taylor just waited. He had asked. They would tell him or … Or what? He softly groaned because the longer this went on, the more the curiosity was killing him.

“Text Dane. Ask him to come for dinner,” Danica directed, her voice imperious. She tended to be pretty good at getting her way, and anyway, it wasn’t like Taylor didn’t want to see Dane. He very much did, and maybe even tell these two, or at least Taylor’s mother, about Dane’s good news.

So he was going to let himself be dictated to, apparently. Only by Danica, though, which made him feel a little better, a little bit less defeated, as he tugged his phone out of his pocket and tapped out the quick text to Dane.

It was only a few seconds later that his phone vibrated in his hands and he smiled as he saw the response. It was his turn just to gloat a little, to look at his little sister, who was practically vibrating herself with the urge to find out what the answer had been.

Only he wasn’t as mean about it as she was, and he grinned widely and just nodded at her. She squealed, delighted, and bounced on her heels as she clapped her hands.

“Tell him, Mom!” Danica had that same regal tone, a princess in her own house, and it wasn’t that she was normally exactly a shy or retiring girl, but this was a whole new level. She was almost giddy, and Taylor turned his gaze to his mother, his eyebrows arched.

“Nothing is for sure, and I wish that doctor hadn’t said anything yet,” she complained, but despite her words, there was a wide, and growing, smile on her face, something which seemed to make her shimmer and shine from within. It was subtle, but it was there.

“Mom,” Taylor told her, his voice warning that he wasn’t going to be able to take much more. But she wasn’t just teasing, and he realized that soon enough.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, the doctor, he says that he thinks there’s a chance that Danica’s gone into remission.”

The words were like bricks, dropped right onto his diaphragm. They knocked the wind out of him completely, and for a moment, he felt like he might fall over. For years, he had waited for them, had sort of given up on ever hearing them. And now, just like that, there they were.

“A chance …?” Taylor let his voice trail off because his mother shot a meaningful look toward Danica, and Taylor understood a lot more than he wanted to, suddenly. The doctor had said something, had maybe given Danica hope, when it wasn’t for sure yet.

All of a sudden, her attitude made a lot more sense, and he nodded slowly and then slung an arm around his little sister.

“Come on. I’ll get you a snack.” He spoke as cheerfully as he possibly could, and only when she was settled did he slip off to find his mother, who looked up, like she wasn’t exactly surprised to see him.

“Talk,” Taylor murmured, pitching his voice deliberately low. He wasn’t going to beat around the bush, not when it came to the incredibly important subject of Danica’s health. And they might not have much time before Danica got curious and came to look for them.

“We’ll know tonight. He said he just had one more final test to do, and I could have shaken him for giving Danica hope when he didn’t know for sure,” her voice was low and soft, but fierce, and at that moment, Taylor had no problem imagining even his sweet, kind mother doing just as she had said that she wanted to.

“Is she really in remission?” Taylor asked, hating the weak way that his voice came out but finding that he couldn’t make himself fortify it. Well, if there was anyone he could depend on, it was his mother, who had every bit as much hanging on this as Taylor did.

“I don’t know. The doctor said that he was pretty sure but …” She shrugged because, after all the years of this, she didn’t trust doctors that much anymore.

“He wouldn’t have told you if he wasn’t almost positive,” Taylor had a flash of insight. He had met the man in question, and even if he had been frustrated by how the doctor hadn’t managed to cure Danica yet, he had to admit that wasn’t entirely logical. Cancer was a little bit different than the common cold.

“I hope so, honey,” his mother said, and they shared a look of mingled hope and fear. Because when those tests came back, it could change everything or nothing and Taylor wasn’t sure how long either of them could keep on going like this. Not to mention poor Danica, who was so brave and so sweet that sometimes, it was hard to believe that she even understood what was going on.

She did, though. Taylor had seen the bleakness in her eyes sometimes when she was struggling with something that she had once been strong enough to do with ease. And for her, more than anyone else, Taylor hoped that the doctor brought good news when he called.

 

* * *

 

Taylor was silent as he went to pick Dane up for dinner, and Dane frowned but seemed to respect his mood. Taylor knew that he should tell him, but Dane seemed to care about Danica, and there were enough people who were ready to be let down if the news turned out not to be good.

He had hoped, of course, that the doctor would call before Taylor left, but the phone still hadn’t rung when he left. His mother was hovering near it, and the expression in her eyes was clear as she silently willed it to ring, to give them the news that they were all waiting for.

Something unpredictable and wild swept through him, some sort of sense of foreknowledge, maybe, and by the time Taylor was out of the car, he was sprinting. He left Dane behind, though normally he wouldn’t have been willing to be that rude, and ran up the stairs so fast that his legs and his lungs both protested.

Somehow, he wasn’t surprised when he saw that his mother was just hanging up the phone, and when he looked at her, when he searched her face, he had no idea what it was that he was seeing. He knew that he was good at noticing things, small things, about people, good at reading their expressions, but at that moment, his mother’s face as was white as a blank sheet of paper.

“Danica,” she called, and her voice was weak, like she, too, had been sprinting, and couldn’t get the air into her lungs to speak.

As she struggled, Dane came into the room behind Taylor, resting his hand lightly on the small of Taylor’s back, clear worry on his face when Taylor turned to look at him. Taylor would have liked to be able to smile reassuringly, but he didn’t have it in him, not when it was all too clear who his mother had been on the phone with.

“Mom? Are you okay? You sounded weird,” Danica commented, coming in from the other room, the crayon which she had evidently been coloring with just a few seconds ago still clenched tightly in her fist.

“Danica, Danica,” their mother chanted, and it was then that Taylor saw that she had tears in her eyes. But his mother, thankfully, didn’t give him time to worry about it. “Danica, baby, the doctor says you’re in remission. Do you remember what that means?”

Dane gasped, but softly, so that Taylor had the idea that he was the only one who could hear the quiet exhalation. Otherwise, Dane was respectfully silent, though his arm slid around Taylor’s waist. Taylor allowed himself to sag a little, to let Dane’s welcome bulk prop him up so that he didn’t have to, just for a moment or two, stand on his own.

All eyes were on Danica, though, who went very, very pale, even paler than usual, and that was saying something. But now, those wan cheeks would flush with color again, and she would put on some weight, and she wouldn’t die. Remission. Had any word even sounded as sweet to Taylor as that one did?

“Yes,” Danica spoke with dignity, though she understandably looked a bit shaken, too. “It means I can grow my hair back.”

Taylor laughed. That was just so typically Danica, hiding her true emotions behind a flippant comment, but she knew. Anyone who looked into her eyes would be able to tell that she knew, and after a second, Dane joined in Taylor’s laughter, and then Danica, and finally, even their mother.

There was an almost hysterical edge to the joint laughter, pure, heady relief, and Taylor gave himself over to it like he had not given himself over to anything in his life.

Remission.