Chapter 19
Grayson had planned to go in with her, but since she seemed to be in a hurry, he stayed in the car.
He hadn’t thought about the betrayal in a while. He was over it. Or, he wanted to be over it.
The memory of Mandy telling him it was his fault because he went to school so far away made his blood boil all over again. And the way John avoided him and never so much as apologized or came up with an excuse made Gray squeeze his eyes shut. So maybe he wasn’t quite as over it as he’d hoped.
The passenger door opened and Alyssa slid in with a smile on her face.
“Drive back to their house,” she ordered while she settled the bag between her feet.
“Why?” He didn’t understand.
“Just do it. Park two blocks from their house.”
As he pulled out and headed back toward the house of doom, Alyssa opened a bag of beef jerky and held a piece out to him.
“Beef jerky?” he said with a laugh.
“It’s the snack of criminals.”
His brows creased, but he continued driving and chewing until he was parked a block and a half from their dark house. No doubt they were asleep as normal people would be at this hour.
“Come on,” she said as she pulled a carton of eggs from the bag at her feet.
“What the hell are you doing with those?”
“We’re going to throw them at their house. It’s summer. They will stink and be a bugger to wash off, but as long as you don’t wing them at anything breakable, they won’t cause any real damage. Just enough to make us feel better.”
“We’re not fourteen, Liss.”
“Let’s be fourteen for a little while.”
“This is crazy.” He shook his head and looked out the window at the tiny house.
“Are you chicken?” she challenged—and that was all it took. He snatched the carton from her fingers and walked up the sidewalk.
Alyssa giggled as she glanced around quickly, apparently taking on the role of lookout.
Gray pulled the first egg out of the carton and weighed it in his palm before snapping it across the yard. It broke against the porch post, spraying slime all over the front door.
He smiled widely as he pulled out the second egg.
Alyssa only got the chance to throw three eggs and one of them didn’t make it to the house, instead it landed on the grass and bounced onto the sidewalk where it broke and oozed its innards out into a puddle.
Gray was almost disappointed when he realized the carton was empty.
“Let’s go,” Alyssa hissed as she tugged him back to safety. They ran down the sidewalk full speed and jumped in the car. They were laughing hysterically as he sped away.
“I can’t believe we just did that.” He was still laughing when he pulled into the parking lot of the gas station. He let his head rest back against the seat so he could look at her.
Alyssa’s green eyes blazed in the glow of the street light.
“Thank you for that, Liss. I know it was only eggs, but I feel somewhat vindicated.”
“Good. Nothing says screw you like eggs that will most likely be stinking by morning.”
“Remind me to never piss you off.”
“You deserved better than what they did to you.”
“Thanks.” He leaned closer, enthralled by the way she spoke while still out of breath from running. He wanted to kiss her more than air.
His lips touched hers like they had many times over the last few months. It shouldn’t have felt any different, but something flared between them.
Alyssa must have felt it too, because her eyes popped open for a second before she pulled him back to her lips. Giving into the flames completely, he found himself gasping for air again. They needed to go somewhere they could be alone.
“Come on. I know a place,” he whispered.
* * * *
Without questioning him, Alyssa nodded and put her hand on his.
It was only six minutes to the lake, but Gray found it difficult to drive with his pants constricting him as they now were.
At the lake, he circled around to see if anyone else was there before he found a spot by the dock. As Alyssa got out and looked around, Gray got two blankets out of the trunk of his mother’s car along with a bag of towels. She was always ready for an impromptu picnic.
Alyssa kicked off her sandals while Gray arranged the blankets on the worn wooden boards that were still holding the sun’s warmth from the hot day. He looked up at Alyssa and was speechless.
The moonlight was shining through her golden hair, which hung down her bare back. She was beautiful.
Of course he shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d known this since the second he met her, but sometimes he was still caught off guard by just how perfect she was when she wasn’t even trying.
“Swim?” she asked with her head tilted to the side.
He nodded and smiled at her as she kicked off her shorts and jumped in the water nude.
“Come in. The water’s warm,” she said as she raised herself out of the water enough for him to see her amazing breasts, her nipples peaked from coolness of the air.
“You look like a mermaid, luring me into the depths,” he mused as he unbuttoned his shorts and let them slide down.
“I’m sure I can lure you into some depths if that’s what you’re after,” she joked. He jumped in recklessly, letting his entry throw water all over her.
After her squeal of protest she laughed. The sound echoed over the surface of the water, making them seem so much more alone. The water wasn’t deep. Standing flatfooted on the sandy bottom, the water came to his shoulders.
“So who’s the guy with the hockey mask and the chainsaw?” she said in mock horror as she pointed over his shoulder.
“Very funny.” He swam after her, grabbing her and pulling her against him. Her wet arms slid around behind his neck and her legs eagerly wrapped around his waist.
“You’re right where I want you now,” she said with an evil laugh.
“Well, maybe you’re right where I want you too.”
“Hmm. Convenient,” she allowed with a little giggle before she pressed her lips to his. Like before in the car, something flared again. Only this time, it engulfed him. He didn’t fear it, he embraced it, wanted it. He wanted her, more than he’d ever wanted anyone.
Not just for the sexual release, but to be as close to her as humanly possible. To be connected to her on the deepest level.
She pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. Did she feel it too? Her eyes glowed silver in the moonlight, but he could still see something there. Surprise, maybe?
“Gray,” she whispered.
He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. He knew what she wanted. He moved them back to the dock and assisted her up onto the blanket before flinging himself over the edge of the dock to join her there.
They kissed again and again, and each time she lured him closer and closer. Just like a mermaid.
He reached for his shorts and slid them over so he could get to his wallet in the back pocket. As he opened the wallet, it occurred to him that he had just done this same thing a few days ago. The evening he came home and took Alyssa in the kitchen.
The absence of the foil pack reminded him he’d never replaced it.
“Liss? Do you have a condom in your bag?”
“I don’t have my bag.”
“Shit!”
“We don’t have a condom?”
“No. I used it and never put another one in here.” He rolled back over to her and stroked her face. “I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot.”
She kissed him again and he continued to stir, as if his dick wasn’t aware of the situation they were facing.
He pulled away, contemplating leaving her there to run to the gas station. How far was it? Six minutes there, six back. Twelve minutes away from her while she lay there alone on the dock, waiting.
“We are both safe, and I’m on the pill,” she told him with a loud swallow.
“Would you be okay with that?” he asked, trying to hide the desperate edge to his voice.
“I think so. What about you?”
He glanced down at his engorged state. “I sure don’t want to stay like this until tomorrow night when we get home.”
“I’m sure it would be fine. I mean, I’ve never missed a dose, and I take them every day at the same time like clockwork. I haven’t had any antibiotics in over a year. It’s 98.9 percent effective.”
“That basically means out of a million women, eleven thousand got knocked up.”
“There are certain situations in which math isn’t helpful,” she said with a frown.
“Right. Sorry about that.”
“Always honest,” she reminded him while looking up at the stars.
“Do you trust me, Liss? I’m not asking for a big emotional declaration, but do you trust that if you ended up being one of those eleven thousand women I would do the right thing?”
She nodded and looked away.
“Yes. I do trust you. I want this.” She turned to face him, connecting with him on some level deeper than sex. He hadn’t asked for an emotional declaration, but he felt one all the same. Something was shifting between them.
“I want this too.”
He’d never wanted anything more.
* * * *
Alyssa couldn’t remember ever wanting anything more.
It wasn’t just sex with Grayson, which she could have pretty much any time she wanted. It was having sex with Grayson at that moment, at that place.
She had seen the freedom when he threw those eggs. It seemed like the first step in his healing process. She could feel how much lighter he was now. She enjoyed being a part of it. If she couldn’t find a way to heal herself, at least she could be part of Grayson’s recovery.
His eyes were locked on hers as he pushed inside her; she couldn’t look away. She didn’t want to.
“Alyssa,” he said her name quieter than he normally did. She had to admit she liked hearing him say her name while they were joined. It was as if he was claiming her for that time.
“Gray,” she breathed, staring back at him.
He was everywhere. His body covered hers, his face filled her vision, his breath filled her lungs, his warmth filled her completely. As he moved, he seemed to fill every dark corner of her being with his light.
He normally told her how sexy she was when they were together. He didn’t do that this time. His words were different, more intense. He told her she was beautiful instead of sexy and said he never wanted the night to end.
Normally, his confession would have had her reminding him of the rules, but not this time. She didn’t want the night to end either. For this moment, she allowed herself to trust Gray. With her mind focused on that task, she was too distracted to notice the usual guilt that came from being happy with a man.
“I’m so glad you’re here with me instead of living in that house with eggs all over it,” she admitted.
“Me too.”
He held her tightly when he released into her, filling her with fire and something else. Something emotional that she tried to keep away.
Despite their wishes that the night wouldn’t end, it did.
The hard boards of the dock were not very comfortable and the chilly night air on their wet skin caused goose bumps. Not to mention the fear of falling asleep and being caught there by some early riser.
“Let’s get back,” he said, kissing her neck but not moving.
Eventually they moved. Slowly they dressed and folded up the blankets. He held her hand as they walked to the car, stealing glances at each other like it was their first time.
She wasn’t sure why they were suddenly being so awkward, but there was something there.
Gray pulled her against him when they crawled into his bed. They lay there in silence for a long time. He trailed his fingers up and down her back, and kissed her hair while she played with his fingers and nuzzled closer.
Despite the signs of affection, neither of them spoke.
She awoke alone.
* * * *
Gray’s things were gone. She didn’t even worry that he’d run off. She knew he would have packed right away.
She smiled as she thought of all the little things she knew about him. From his preferences in bed, to what he ate, to how to get him to relax.
She showered and packed her own things before heading downstairs. She stopped on each step, studying the photos and portraits as she made her descent.
Toward the bottom, she could hear Grayson in the kitchen, his voice low but full of stress. Her feet moved quicker, wanting to help.
He was in the kitchen with his sister, apparently, they were fighting, but they stopped the second Gray spotted Alyssa at the doorway. She hadn’t caught much of their words, just Izabelle telling him that he was setting himself up for disaster.
“Morning,” Gray said with a big, genuine smile. He came closer and kissed her, and then took her bag and set it next to his by the door. “Hungry?”
“Yes. Starved.”
He winked at her.
“Did you want…eggs?” he asked with a grin. Yes, her vandal therapy had done wonders for Grayson.
“Eggs would be great,” she told him as his mother and father came downstairs.
“You’re all packed to go?” his mother said with a pout.
“We have a ten o’clock train. Sorry,” Gray said as she gave him a little hug.
“I hope you had a nice stay,” Mrs. Hollinger said to Alyssa while patting her shoulder.
“It was great. Thank you for having me.”
“You are welcome anytime, sweetheart. You are my favorite.”
“Mom,” Gray gave her a warning tone.
She just waved, dismissing him.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to go into the others with all their problems and baggage. I know you wanted to help them, but you’re an accountant, not a psychiatrist like Izabelle. I’m just glad you’ve found someone normal who isn’t a project.” She smiled at Alyssa again.
Alyssa swallowed as her gaze met Grayson’s. She couldn’t read his expression. It was probably the first time since she’d met him that she didn’t know what he was thinking.
Maybe she didn’t want to know.
Izabelle walked them out, giving Alyssa a hug and a smile.
“It was really nice to get to know you. Thanks for looking out for my brother.”
“Did he tell you about the—”
“Eggs? Yeah. Good job. I wouldn’t have thought of it.” She smiled and walked away as Alyssa got in the SUV.
Mrs. Hollinger talked most of the ride to the train station. She told Alyssa all the things she wanted to do the next time they visited. Most of her plans consisted of shopping, which made Alyssa cringe. Gray gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
The chances of her ever coming back to Connecticut with Grayson were probably slim. She realized this thought caused sadness. Maybe not about the shopping, but about missing out on being with a genuine family.
She never once doubted her own mother’s love, but it would have been nice if her mother hadn’t spent all her time working. She’d taken on extra jobs so Alyssa wouldn’t have to go without things. It turned out that Alyssa had to go without her mother.
They were quiet on the train for the first ten minutes. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk. She did. She just wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it.
Fortunately, Gray took the initiative.
“I can’t help but notice we’re not talking,” he said, leaning over so his breath touched her neck. “We’re going to mess this up if we aren’t honest with each other.”
She nodded in agreement and said the first thing that came to her mind.
“Did it feel different for you last night?” she asked.
“Yes. It was different.” He looked very intense.
“Maybe because there wasn’t a condom?” she reasoned.
He shook his head looking straight ahead. “No. It was something else. Though the no condom thing was freakin’ amazing.”
“Do you think maybe it was the situation? Adrenaline?” She was desperate to come up with any excuse so it couldn’t be the thing she feared.
“Maybe. Do we have to know? Can’t we just go with it?”
“You’re suggesting we ignore our feelings and maybe they’ll go away,” she said. “When has that ever worked?”
“We’ll see what happens when we get home. Maybe it will wear off.” He kissed the back of her hand and smiled.
“Maybe.” She rested her forehead against his shoulder, trying to decide if she wanted that to happen.
When they walked through the door, she waited for her emotions to snap back, but they didn’t.
“Home,” Gray said with a contented sigh.
That one word and the way he said it nearly speared her to the ground. She had made a home with him. He was not just a roommate or a friend.
Before she had a chance to panic, his lips were on hers urgently.
He took the bag from her shoulder and let it drop to the floor without breaking the kiss. Then he pulled her close and started moving them down the hall.
“I’m not sure if this is going to help things go back to normal,” she pointed out.
“Normal is overrated.” His grin was so big it made her laugh, but only for a moment.
When they touched, it was just as intense as the night before. She trembled at the feelings moving through her.
“Liss? What is it?” He rubbed her arms, no doubt thinking she was cold.
“I’m scared,” she whispered the truth, surprised by how easy it was to tell him her fears. When he moved to step back, she held on to him tighter, unable to let him go.
His chest moved under her cheek with a deep breath and his arms curled around her, holding her tightly.
“Tell me what you need and I’ll do it. I made you a promise that I wouldn’t ever ask for more than you were willing to give. Last night…” He pulled away enough to look down at her face. “I thought you wanted it too. I thought you wanted more. If I was wrong—”
“You weren’t wrong.” She pulled away and hung her head. This man was willing to give her space if she needed it or hold her all night if she wanted it. He was watching her, waiting for her to give him some clue of what she needed, and that look on his face…The look that told her he would do anything for her was the thing that scared her the most.
How had she gotten this close and not noticed how much she cared for him? And more importantly, what would she do now?