Chapter 3
Wednesday… The wedding was three days away now, and I knew damn well I was pushing it. But I’d needed to figure out what the hell I was going to say, to word it just properly, and I couldn’t damn well show up at the soon-to-be married couple’s house and announce it in front of Clarissa.
I was parked outside his office, watching the LED lights on my dash as they flicked from 4:59 to 5:00, and that moment something seemed to drop inside my chest like a lead weight.
It was a few minutes, still, before Jeff emerged from inside the building, along with several of his co-workers. He was looking at his phone, perhaps at a text from Clarissa, I thought, and laughing at something one of his business casual buddies had just gotten through saying. God, it was almost sad seeing him like this, I thought… He’d made something of his life, but he’d completely discarded his air of mystery for a boring ass desk job, devoid of thrill or excitement.
But, that was what time did to a person, I guessed. And at any rate, that was of far lesser importance at just that point in time. I lifted my hand to my stomach once more, feeling it well up for reasons entirely separate from the baby’s presence there, and then I stepped out of the car, hurrying before Jeff climbed onto his motorcycle and made his way home for the day.
“Jeff!” I called, and instantly his face flew to me, freezing him in space, as his co-workers continued onward. Clearly, I hadn’t been what he’d wanted or expected to see just then, and I could see him about to blow a gasket at me, keeping in his rage for the sake of the other office workers. “I’ll see you tomorrow, guys,” he muttered to his colleagues, and after a few halfhearted, “g’nights,” he came up to me, visibly pissed off.
“Jesus, Maggie… What the hell? You know damn well you can’t just come to my office and stalk me after work… I thought we understood each other about that…”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out, and that shut him up in his righteous indignation in short enough order. He froze, eyes widening, and I gripped my stomach, as though protecting the child growing there.
“What… What, I – Jesus…” he said, peering into me, looking for any signs that I might just be pulling his leg. When I gave no such indication, he turned away from me, stunned, then turned back, suddenly hopeful – “Are… Are you sure it’s-”
“Yes,” I said, a bit pissed at him. “Yes… God… I wouldn’t be telling you if I wasn’t sure… I haven’t been with anyone else since… Since that night…”
“Fuck… Oh, fuck…” he said, gripping his head in his hands, walking in a slight circle back and forth, trying to think. “Fuck…” he repeated.
I let him continue in this way for a while, feeling increasingly hopeless as his interest in me seemed to wane and wane progressively lesser.
“What do you want to do about this?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him, now more annoyed at his reaction than optimistic that he might still have feelings for me.
“Jesus… God, Maggie, it was a mistake… I just – Fuck… I can’t deal with this now, okay? Just… Not now…” As though I had any choice in the matter. “Just… Don’t say anything… To anyone, about this… God… I can’t deal with this right now, I’m sorry…”
I was stunned, my opinion of him suddenly plummeting after all those years of idolizing him.
He wasn’t this suave, collected bad boy… He was just another dead-beat dad, like any other, a man who liked to screw around and pretend as though there were no possible consequences to his actions.
I was irate, as I watched him storm in the direction of his car, and more hurt than anything in my loneliness, feeling like I’d just been abandoned by the one person in the world I’d somehow believed could truly love me.
“What the hell do you see in her anyway? She’s nothing but a spoiled brat… She always has been and she always will be, and your life with her is going to be shit if you end up marrying her!”
I shouted it across the parking lot, without thinking, and he froze for a minute. Then he stormed across the parking lot like a bull about to charge, goring me with his index finger as he stabbed it threateningly through the air, emphasizing his every syllable.
“No… No if… Clarissa and I are still getting married… This doesn’t change anything… In fact, I think it would be best if you didn’t show up on Saturday… Stay the hell away from our wedding, and if Clarissa asks, just tell her you got the goddamn flu and couldn’t make it…”
“Go to hell,” I snarled, scowling, and he looked mean at me, but didn’t say anything. With a last glare to ensure that I understood his seriousness thoroughly, he then turned, and stomped over to his bike. He climbed on, and rumbled with excessive loudness from the parking lot, leaving a black mark beneath his tire as he squealed out, and it was all I could do from breaking down crying right there on the spot.