Chapter 31

Brandt

It had been over a week since Emma had left without a word, without a note, and without any warning at all. She had been bombarded by Josie, who kept sending me gloating text messages about how she was ruining my life. I was miserable, just plain miserable, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I had never been in a situation like this before, trying to get back the love of my life after losing her for something I hadn’t even done. From the texts that Josie sent, I could assume she had told her I was letting her back in my life or something along those lines. It was crazy and absurd, but I could see how Josie could have convinced Emma. She was conniving, and Emma was fragile, especially being alone with her and me not there to defend myself.

Josie had ruined my life time and time again. First, she left Sicily and me, leaving me to pick up the pieces and raise a little girl on my own. Eventually, I saw the blessing disguised in the situation, but I could never see any blessing in her pushing Emma away. She had chased her off to get back at me, not realizing and not caring that she had also gravely hurt her daughter in the process. I felt like I had lost everything in one day. My life was bleak and sad without Emma in it, and no matter what anyone did, they couldn’t bring me out of it. My mom had tried talking to me when it first happened, but it was no use, I was way too angry and hurt at that point. Sicily knew something went terribly wrong, but she was at a loss for words, which wasn’t like her at all.

If I could just hear her voice, get her to listen to reason, I knew she would open her eyes to what actually happened. I had been calling and texting Emma since she’d left, but she was refusing to even pick up the phone or send me a text back. I grabbed my phone and called her again, hoping that this time, she would actually answer. It rang three times and went to voice mail, but her inbox was full, most likely from the messages I had sent her. She wasn’t even listening to those, much less reading my text messages, I was sure. I threw my phone down on the desk and watched as it bounced off into the chair across from me. I groaned, pulling my hands over my face and leaning over in the chair. I felt like crying, something I never did, and couldn’t remember the last time it happened. I was frustrated, sad, and really just wanted to get things back to the way they were.

Everything in my life had been so perfect, which should have probably been a giant red flag to me. I never had a perfect life like that. It was just not in my cards. Apparently, Emma and my new family weren’t in my cards either at that point. I stomped my feet up and down trying to shake the frustration out of me.

“I’ve seen you do a lot of things in the length of our friendship,” Trevor said from the doorway. “But an all-out temper tantrum in your office had never been one until this moment. I have to say, buddy, it really doesn’t look good on you. What is going on with you?”

I looked up at him with complete dismay, not believing that he didn’t know the answer to his question. I had told him as soon as everything had happened, and he knew I was struggling through it. That was one thing about Trevor that drove me nuts. He had no concept of how long it took to get over something like this, not that I had the faintest idea either.

“Ahh,” he said, nodding his head up and down. “It’s the girl. Are you still chasing her? I feel like you’ve been chasing after this girl since February.”

“I have been,” I sighed. “With a small little interlude when I actually caught her, but that was over as quickly as it started. She won’t answer my calls, my texts, nothing. She has completely shut me out. The only person reaching out is Josie with her snide text messages about making my life hell. She has succeeded, my friend. My life is officially a living hell.”

“You’re being very dramatic right now.” Trevor chuckled. “Also, something I’m not used to from you. Why don’t you go down and tinker in the shop? That always makes you feel better. Maybe you’ll come up with some genius invention.”

“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. “I’d rather go home and curl up in my bed until someone has to peel me out of it, surrounded by chicken buckets and grease. That, my friend, is dramatic.”

“Buddy, listen,” he said, leaning forward. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no one else is going to do it. You need to move on from this, put it behind you, and keep going forward. Obviously, this time it’s completely over, and no matter how many times you call her, you’re always going to get that voice mail. Things got fucked up, I get it, but you can either die over it or remember that life you had even before you met Emma. Your company, your little girl, they need you right now, and you, my friend, are dropping the ball big time.”

I leaned back in my chair and stared up at the ceiling, spinning it back and forth. Trevor was wrong about this. It wasn’t over for good. I couldn’t let it be. I tilted my head to the right and left, thinking about Emma and how she looked before I’d left to run errands.

“You do remember that this was more than just a girl,” I said. “She’s pregnant with my child. My baby is growing inside of her, and one day it would be born, and I need to be there for that. I don’t just want to be there for the baby. I want to be there for Emma too. To me, they are not separate entities.”

“You know you can’t do anything for that child or with that child if she doesn’t want you involved,” Trevor said. “It sucks, but that’s the way the world works.”

“There are avenues I can take,” I said. “But that’s not what I want. I’m not looking to take the baby from her. I want to be in its life and her life. I want the damn family we’d made plans to have.”

“I’m sorry, man,” he said, letting out a deep breath. “Listen, there’s a band playing at the bar tonight during happy hour. Why don’t you come with me? Missy has been asking about you, and I bet she could relieve some of this stress.”

“I appreciate it,” I said, pulling my hands down and turning toward him. “But I need to be with Sicily. She’s still taking Emma’s exit pretty hard, and we need to be there for each other.”

“All right man.” Trevor stood and walked to the door. “You know how to get me if you need me.”

I watched him walk out of the room, and I went back to my glorious pity party. I didn’t want to feel this way, but there was nothing besides her coming back that would change that. I shook my head and grabbed my things, happy to be done with the day. I headed out to the car waiting to take me home and climbed inside. It was an overcast day, and it fit my mood perfectly. When I got home, my mom had left a note that she was helping Sicily with her homework and would send her up when she was done. I moped around for a few and then cooked dinner for Sicily and me.

“Hey, Dad,” Sicily said, coming in the door about an hour later.

“Hey,” I said, mustering a happy tone. “Just in time for dinner.”

Sicily went and washed up as I set our plates of food and drinks at the table. I sat down and smiled at her as she took a seat across from me. I watched her as she sat there with her hands in her lap, looking over at Emma’s empty chair. She sighed and looked up at me, and I knew she had kept her silence long enough.

“Dad,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know what happened between you and Emma,” she said. “But I know she loved you and you love her. You had to be blind not to see it. You need to get her back.”

I chuckled, spooning sauce over my spaghetti and handing Sicily the bowl. I sat there for a moment, thinking about what to say. How could I possibly explain this whole thing to a seven-year-old? She may be a genius, but she was still a kid and had no real comprehension of how the world worked, especially not adult relationships.

“Sicily, if it were that simple, she would be here right now,” I said. “Life is not that simple, and I don’t expect you to get that. You will understand when you get older how these things tend to work. I’m sorry that you’re hurt that Emma is gone. Trust me, I wish I could magically clap my hands and get her back, but I can’t.”

“That’s crap.” She slammed down her fork.

“Sicily,” I said, trying to calm her.

“No,” she said. “Adults always make things so dramatic and so stupid. It is that easy. You just go to her, tell you that you love her, that we need her, and that whatever happened, never should have. It is that simple. You’re just scared. You’re scared because, for a second, we were going to be happy.”

“Sicily,” I said, watching her stand up.

“And what about my brother or sister? Are you just going to let them go because it’s too complicated?” she shouted out as she turned and walked to her room, slamming the door.

I was completely caught off guard by Sicily’s reaction. I knew she was upset that Emma left, but I hadn’t realized how important Emma was to her. I stared over at her plate, thinking about what she’d said. Maybe I wasn’t giving my daughter enough credit. Maybe I was the one who didn’t understand. She had such a childlike way of looking at it, and that was almost a blessing. She could cut through the bullshit and see what really mattered. She could see that I loved Emma, and she loved me, and in the end, that was all that mattered. She had bonded with her new sibling before it had even arrived, and in the back of my mind, so had I. She was right, I couldn’t let that go without a fight.

I wiped my mouth and put my napkin on my plate, pushing back and crossing my legs. Maybe all I needed to do was get on a plane, go to Camden, and make her listen. I was complicating everything because I was scared. That was something Sicily had picked up on really fast. I wasn’t scared of having a family, though, I was scared of finding out that the dream was really dead in the water. If I kept fighting myself, fighting her voice mail and texts, and fighting Josie’s snide texts, I would never be able to fix this. I would always keep wondering if there was a chance, wondering if my child was out there somewhere with the love of my life thinking about me.