Chapter 30

One Week Later

Emma

My plane had landed in Bangor exactly one week and one day ago, with Caroline and Gillian waiting for me at the airport. I had 911’d them to Bangor in one hour before my flight took off from LaGuardia, and when they picked me up, they didn’t even ask a single question. They just wrapped me in their arms and took me home where I really needed to be, where I would sit and start to wither away for an entire week. I just sat there on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me, the girls sitting across from me. They had brought over decaf coffee and some donuts to try to coerce me off the couch, but it wasn’t working. Brandt had called me over and over about a million times since I had left, but every single time the phone rang, I rejected the call and sent it to voice mail. The sound of my ringtone had driven me so crazy that I put the damn thing on vibrate just to avoid hearing it a hundred times a day. You would think by that point, he would have gotten the point, but I knew he wouldn’t stop trying, not until I answered, which wasn’t going to happen.

Every few days, my phone would pop up a dialogue box letting me know that my text messages were almost full. I didn’t even know it was possible to fill your text message box to that point, but Brandt proved me wrong. At first, I had read them, shaking my head at his pleas for me to call him, telling me that he knew about Josie and whatever she said was a lie, but I couldn’t even start to think about it. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to hear him tell me any more lies or any more half-truths about his life. He had fooled me over and over again, and this time, I only had myself to blame.

“I can’t believe I was that stupid,” I said, looking up at the girls who looked surprised that I was talking. “He pulled the wool over my eyes.”

“It’s not your fault,” Caroline said. “He took advantage of the fact that you were pregnant and rolled you right back in. He introduced you to his family because he knew it would make it harder for you to let go if you loved more than just his personality. He’s obviously a con artist, and the worst kind of one, the one with money who thinks because his bank is fat, he can do whatever he wants to people without repercussions. I have met men like him time and time again, and every time, I just want to shake the shit out of them.”

“He was really convincing,” I said. “He was on his game all of the time. I can’t believe I actually thought I could be that happy for once. That my life was finally turning into what I wanted it to be.”

“I know,” Gillian said. “But love blinds us. The hope for a better future makes it impossible for us to accept the faults in people. It’s an incredibly cruel thing, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But you’re home now with us and with your family, and we’re there for you. We won’t lie to you. You know that, even when you don’t want to hear the truth.”

“You, of all people, know that this too will pass,” Caroline said. “The pain will go away. You just have to give it time. Time heals everything, you know that. Those little pieces that you think you lost will eventually come back. And you still have that baby to think about, that baby who’s going to need its mom to be strong and brave through all of this. That child will have to know that you did everything you could to keep its father in your life, and when it didn’t work out, you went on and continued to create a better life for you and it. We are right here beside you.”

“Why don’t you go out with us tonight?” Gillian said. “It’s karaoke night, and you can sit with us and make fun of the desperate women singing Mariah Carey.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed, pointing at my belly. “I will really fit in there.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Caroline said. “Everyone knows you’re pregnant, and they have all been asking where you were. They will be happy to see you.”

“Getting out of the house will be good for you,” Gillian said. “You need to get some fresh air, get yourself on your feet, and start moving forward. Just like any other breakup, the best cure is to not wither away in your own sadness. Only this time, you can’t get wasted when you do it.”

“Or get laid,” Caroline said. “But you don’t need either of those things.”

“I really appreciate what you guys are trying to do, I swear,” I said. “But I’m not ready to go out yet. The friendship you two have shown me has been immeasurable, and I promise I won’t be stuck like this forever, but for now, I just want to stay in and relax. My head hurts, my heart hurts, and I haven’t showered in like three days. I’m going to take a bath, watch some old movies, and try to get my brain straight. You two should go out tonight and have a good time. You deserve it for being there for me through all of this. I mean, I didn’t even tell you what happened until two days after you picked me up. I’m making progress.”

“You are,” Gillian said. “And we understand. We won’t pressure you to go out to the bar. I can understand why you might not want to go. If you change your mind, we can come pick you up in a heartbeat.”

“Have you eaten today?” Caroline asked.

“No,” I said. “My nausea has been back, and I’m not really that hungry. I’ll keep these donuts and munch on them when I get hungry.”

“Why don’t you get up, and we can go over to the Italian restaurant,” Gillian said. “It’s your favorite, and you can get some good food in that belly. You’re eating for the baby too. Don’t forget that.”

“I appreciate it,” I said. “But I think I just want to take a nap. I’m really tired.”

“All right,” Caroline said. “You get that sleep. You won’t get a lot when the baby is born. If you’re hungry when you wake up, text me, and I’ll bring some food over for you.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” Gillian said. “Don’t forget that. I’ll have my phone on me all night, so anything you need, don’t hesitate.”

“I won’t,” I smiled. “Have fun tonight but not too much fun.”

“You know us,” Caroline said rolling her eyes. “I’ll video Gillian drunk singing some stupid love ballad to Alex. That’ll cheer you up.”

I laughed and watched as they smiled and walked out the front door. I lay there for a minute listening to the silence in the house. It had been the first time I had been there alone since the girls brought me back. They had taken turns staying over, making sure I was okay, and most of the time, just being there for me so I knew I wasn’t alone. I curled up in a ball and sank down on the couch, reaching for the remote and flipping on the television. I went channel by channel, my mind flickering back and forth between the television and the memories that wouldn’t leave my mind. I hadn’t been this miserable in my entire life. I stopped the television on an old black and white movie and pulled the covers up to my chin.

I tried to pay attention to the movie, but eventually, I just stared off out the window, not looking at anything in particular. I thought about how good everything had been, how amazing it had felt to be there with Brandt. We’d had so many plans for the future, and we’d had made each other so many promises. There was more than just love there. There was a bond that I never imagined could be broken by his ex-wife. Then again, it wasn’t broken by his ex-wife. It had been broken by him. I reminded myself that everything I remembered was fake. It never really existed. It was all a bunch of lies, compounding on each other and building up to that moment. I could feel the tears pulling at the corners of my eyes, and I tried to hold back like I had been for days, but the floodgates just opened.

I pulled my hands over my eyes and sobbed, letting out a deep breath. I hadn’t cried once since I’d left. I had let it bubble up so hard inside of me that by the time I finally let it all go, I couldn’t stop myself. I got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a tissue and drinking some water. I put my hand over my face and continued crying, knowing it would help me heal. I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally. I went back and curled up on the couch and cried myself to sleep, hoping that when I woke up, I would feel better.

It wasn’t a dreamless sleep, though. As my mind calmed into sleep, I found myself back in the apartment in New York City. Things were bright and shining, almost like a television show. My dream was in black and white, and I was standing in the kitchen, laughing and talking to Sicily. She called me Mom and told me how much she loved me as I basted a chicken on the counter. We both turned and clapped excitedly, hearing the door open. Brandt walked around the corner carrying flowers, hugging Sicily tightly, and leaning down and kissing me on the forehead. At that moment, there was a cry from the other room, and Sicily ran off, coming back with a beautiful baby in her arms. It was our baby, and I could barely keep my eyes off it.

Before I could pull the baby into my arms, there was a buzzing at the door. Everything went dark, and I was standing by myself, the buzzing getting louder and louder. I screamed out in my dream, running through the dark, looking for the life that had been there just a moment ago. When the buzzing started again, I closed my eyes and screamed. I sat up straight on the couch, still screaming, breathing heavily as I realized that it was all a dream. I looked over to find my phone buzzing loudly on the table. I picked it up and groaned, seeing Brandt calling again. I rejected his call and tossed the phone back on the table, lying down and staring up at the ceiling.

Everything in my life had hinged on the family that I really thought I was going to have, and at that moment, all I wanted to do was forget it. I couldn’t do anything without Brandt texting, calling, or just generally being on my mind. Things were worse than they were before he had come to Camden, and I regretted ever going to New York with him. I should have stuck to my guns, been cautious, but I didn’t. No more tears were falling from my eyes, and I told myself right then and there that I would never again let a man hurt me like that.