Chapter 34

Emma

“You’ll want to leave this bandage on for a couple of hours and then take it off to air it out,” the nurse said as she took out my IV. “The doctor has prescribed you some anxiety medication to help with the stress, and your friend Caroline has all of your discharge information. If you start to feel any pain, stress, dizziness, or extreme nausea, please come back in immediately. We are here, so don’t hesitate, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, smiling as she turned and nodded at Caroline.

“Hey,” Caroline said. “You ready to go home?”

“Yeah,” I said. “More than ready.”

Caroline wheeled me out in a wheelchair against my strong requests and helped me into the car. I watched out the window as we passed through town and into my neighborhood. I felt physically better, and the anxiety medication was helping with the stress, but I still couldn’t get everything off my mind. When we pulled up in the driveway, she came around to my side and helped me out of the car, holding my arm as we walked slowly inside. We made our way upstairs to the bedroom, and I sat on the edge of the bed as she walked around, getting things put away. I was so scared in the hospital, my mind just racing to the worst of everything. I was worried that something had happened to the baby, that something had gone terribly wrong. I didn’t understand why I was there until about three hours later when the meds kicked in. Still, I tossed and turned all night long, checking the fetal monitor every five seconds.

When I wasn’t worried about the baby’s heartbeat, I was thinking about Brandt, picturing his face in my mind over and over again. He looked so desperate to talk to me, like what he had to say would change the world. At that moment, standing before him, all I could see was red, but after calming down, I could really picture him in my mind, his eyebrows scrunched together and his face almost in tears. He really wanted to talk to me, even if it were just five seconds, but at that time, I couldn’t hear anything he was trying to say. He could have told me I was on fire, and all I would have felt was rage. I had never been like that before, and it was really scary.

“Here,” Caroline said, pushing up my pillows. “Lie down while I go get you some water. Are you hungry? I can make you some toast or get you some crackers.”

“Not right now,” I whispered. “The medicine makes me not hungry. I’ll take water, though. I don’t want to get dehydrated again.”

I lay back on the pillows and closed my eyes, picturing Brandt in my head. I couldn’t help remembering that he hadn’t seemed to look like a man who had other intentions with someone else. He didn’t have that look like he was trying to fool me, like he was trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He looked like the man I had fallen in love with, just trying to stop me in my frantic state for long enough to tell me something important. My heart fluttered in my chest, and I could feel that draw pulling at me once again. I hadn’t felt that feeling since I’d been in New York, and it made me sad. I felt like Brandt looked, beat up on the inside, sad beyond measure. He looked like he hadn’t slept in years, like his desperation had taken him over, and he couldn’t control it any longer.

“Hey,” Caroline said, walking back into the room. “Here are two bottles of water. When you’re done with those, I want you to get more. If you feel like you can’t make it down the stairs safely, call me, and I’ll come over.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding my head.

“I’m going to run out and grab your prescription,” she said. “Your doctor said they gave you dose before you left, which is why you might be sleepy. You won’t need any more until tomorrow evening, but I’m going to go get it now and put it on the counter downstairs. If you feel like you’re getting upset, he said you can take one to calm yourself.”

“All right,” I said. “Thank you for all of this, for taking care of me.”

“Of course,” she said with a smile. “I love you. You aren’t alone.”

“Did Brandt stay in the waiting room last night? Did you talk to him and tell him we were okay?”

Caroline sighed and put everything on my nightstand. I could tell she was worried about talking about everything, but she also knew if she didn’t, it would really bother me. Part of me really wished he was with me, comforting me like he did before Josie came and had her talk, but I also knew that everything could have easily been one big lie. Either way, I wanted to hear what Caroline had to say.

“I wanted to wait until I was sure you were feeling better,” she said. “If you want to talk now, we can, but at the first sign you’re getting upset, we’re ending the conversation. Okay?”

“Deal,” I said.

“He stayed until you were transferred to the main part of the hospital,” she said. “He would have stayed all night, but I told him to go and get some rest. He was so nervous when I walked out there and relieved that you and the baby were okay. He asked if he could see you, and I told him the truth, that you didn’t want to see him and that it wouldn’t be good for you. He broke down, tears and all, right there in the waiting room. I couldn’t just walk away, so I sat down and heard him out. He said everything Josie had said was a lie, that she had some vendetta against him because he wouldn’t let her see his daughter.”

“She told me he would say that,” I said sighing.

“That’s what I thought at first,” she said. “But then he showed me the texts.”

“What texts?”

“Texts that Josie had sent to him after you had left,” she said. “She was gloating about making you leave, telling him she was going to ruin his life. She talked about how he deserved for her to leave so many years ago, and that he didn’t deserve to have a woman in his life. There were a lot of them, and they all were the same.”

“So, it looked like Josie lied to me?”

“That’s how it appeared to me,” she said. “I told him to go to the inn and relax and be patient.”

“God, if that’s true, then all of this stress has been for nothing,” I sighed. “But at the same time, I don’t know if I can fully trust him again.”

“Give it time,” she said, standing up. “He’s staying at the inn for now. You need to rest. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah,” I yawned. “Thank you.”

I watched as Caroline walked out of the room, her footsteps fading down the steps. When the front door closed behind her, I turned over on my side, staring out the window. I lay there drifting in and out of sleep, the medicine they gave me making me very drowsy. I could tell I was fighting it as hard as I could, so finally, I let go and closed my eyes tightly. It was a deep, dreamless sleep that my body really needed. When I woke up, I looked over at the clock and realized it was after ten at night. I had slept through almost the entire day, and I had been so tired, I didn’t even hear Caroline come in and out with the medicine. I looked out the window and saw nothing but darkness.

I pulled myself up in the bed and clicked on the bedside lamp, stretching my arms over my head. It was amazing how a good amount of sleep could really help the body. I grabbed a bottle of water and downed it, opening the second and doing it again. I would have thought after the amount of saline they gave me in the hospital, I wouldn’t be thirsty, but my mouth was dry, and I was completely parched. I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and rubbed my face, slowly standing up to make sure I wasn’t dizzy. Everything seemed fine, so I went to the bathroom and then slowly made my way downstairs to the kitchen.

I clicked on the light and squinted, trying to adjust to the brightness. On the counter was a prescription with a note from Caroline reminding me to take it the next night before bed. I smiled at the little hearts she had drawn on the package. I walked over to the cupboard, pulled down a cup, and filled it with water from the tap. I had run out of bottled water and forgotten to pick up some from the store. At that point, though, I was so thirsty, it didn’t matter to me. I leaned against the counter and sipped at the water, thinking about Brandt and wondering what he was doing at that moment. I wondered if he was awake, and if he was, whether he was thinking about me or not.

I looked around the quiet kitchen and laughed to myself, thinking about all the breads and cookies I had made in New York. I ran my hand down to my belly and rubbed circles around it, realizing that this was my reality now. I didn’t really know what life would be like without him in it, and I couldn’t remember what it was like before. It would be really quiet, and I could tell it was going to be lonely. Maybe I would have regrets and maybe not, but I knew if I was going to raise a baby on my own, it would be really hard for me to bring a man, a stranger to my child, into our lives. I really didn’t even want to think about another man because even though I was still reeling from the events in New York, I was still in love with Brandt. I wanted to talk to him. I was ready to talk to him. I wanted to know what had happened, why Josie would say those things to me. I wanted him to explain everything like he had done to Caroline.

I sighed, still feeling mentally okay and not feeling the normal tension that came with these thoughts. I finished my glass of water and checked the time again. I knew if I didn’t put this to rest, I was never going to get another good night’s sleep. I knew that when the medicine wore down, I was going to feel the pain and heartache that had plagued me before. I couldn’t do that. I had to talk to him, and I had to talk to him that night.

I made my way back upstairs and pulled a sweatshirt on, a pair of shorts, and my slippers. I grabbed my keys and wallet off the dresser and slowly made my way down and out of the house. I could feel the leftover effects of collapsing yesterday, so I had to take things slowly. Even if it took me all night to get to the inn, I was going to see Brandt and finally know the truth.