As we walk into the doctor’s office, I notice how many of the women are alone. Some with swelling bellies, others without. I feel silly now for bringing Luke along, even if he insisted on coming in the first place. I can do this alone. I need to get used to it anyway.

The place is surprisingly busy with only a few chairs available. We find a love seat in the corner and sit down. I may have underestimated the size of the cushion because our knees are definitely touching. Luke doesn’t move his away as he grabs a Parents magazine from a nearby coffee table, so I shrug off our close proximity, too.

I’m nervous. I guess that makes sense because this is my first appointment, but I still don’t like feeling this way. I barely notice my leg bouncing before Luke lays his palm on my knee, rubbing his thumb back and forth. I’m wearing skinny jeans, and even though he’s not directly touching my skin, his touch is still soothing.

I stare at his hand for a moment before hearing the nurse say my name.

I look up at Luke’s face as he squeezes my leg and says, “You’re up!” He starts to stand, but hesitates and asks, “Are you sure you’re okay with me joining you?” His tone is so sincere. I know he would respect my privacy if I asked him to, yet I also know he genuinely wants to support me and come with me to the exam room.

I nod as I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans.

Why am I so nervous? People get pregnant all the time. Nothing will go wrong. Everything will be fine.

And if it isn’t, well, that would be more convenient now wouldn’t it?

I shake my head, ashamed of my ridiculously negative thoughts. I feel tears prick my eyes as I let the truth grip me. I would be heartbroken if I lost this baby, even if he, or she, is making my life a billion times more difficult.

I grab Luke’s hand and let the nurse lead us to our room, anxious for the doctor to reassure me that everything is right on track.

The exam room looks like any other doctor’s office I’ve visited, and I take a seat on the exam table covered with the crinkly white paper. The nurse then tells me to change out of my pants and to put a blanket on my bare lap before quickly shutting the door behind her.

Luke shifts uncomfortably on his feet before pointing his thumb over his shoulder and mumbling, “I’ll be right outside.” Before he can get to the door, my nerves get the best of me. I grab his arm, my nails digging in to his tan skin, and practically yell, “Don’t leave me!”

He chuckles as he patiently states, “I’ll be right outside, Liv. As soon as you’re changed, I’ll come right back in.” He looks at me reassuringly and speaks to me like you would a skittish animal.

I guess him waiting outside makes sense, especially when I don’t want him to see me naked. I just don’t know how to handle the idea of being alone. And not just in this moment, but in the big scheme of things. It finally hits me that I really am going to have a baby by myself, and the one person who is here for me, won’t always be. It makes me want to cry.

Again.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

I have to concentrate on releasing my death grip on Luke’s muscular forearm as I mumble, “I guess that makes sense.” I try to laugh to lighten the mood, but I know it sounds forced.

Luke turns around and faces me fully. He gently grabs my face between his two large hands. His calloused fingers softly scratch against my smooth cheeks, but I kind of love how comforting it feels; it feels like my Luke.

“I’ll be right outside. I promise.” He doesn’t release me until I acknowledge that I understand his comment. I nod my head slowly and close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I feel his lips brush my forehead as he whispers comfortingly, “You can do this. Open the door when you’re finished.” Then he’s gone.

I undress slowly, slightly ashamed by my neediness. Luke has a life outside of me and my drama. How can I drag him into this? I can’t help but feel guilty. It’s not his baby. He shouldn’t feel obligated to be here, and yet he asked if he could join. It may be selfish, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, and that scares the crap out of me.

After opening the door once I’m modest, or as modest as I can be while totally naked except for a piece of white polyester fabric on my lower half, I sit on the crinkly paper once more.

Luke smiles at me and takes a seat in the exam room chair. He rubs his chin as if he’s thinking about something important and asks, “Remember junior year in chemistry when you accidentally lit Rebecca Wells’ hair on fire?”

I burst out laughing, staring at the ceiling as I ask, “Where in the world did that come from?”

He grins back and replies, “I dunno. I was just thinking about how much hotter she looked with short hair.”

I can’t stop smiling as I shake my head back and forth. “Dude. She had a giant bald spot afterwards. No matter how much her hair cut cost, there’s no coming back from that.” I continue laughing as tears roll down my cheeks. Happy ones this time.

This. This is why I missed Luke.

I never really understood how three people as close we were could drift apart like we did after high school. Well, like Luke did. Obviously, Adam and I stayed together, and we tried to keep in touch, but our graduation was the last time I saw Luke until the funeral. He even missed our wedding.

Luke opens his mouth to reply with an undoubtedly sarcastic comment when the doctor opens the door.

He’s an attractive older gentleman with salt and pepper hair that is cut short. He eyes my chart before looking up and smiling at me.

“I’m Dr. Fellows. It’s nice to meet you,” he introduces himself, shaking my hand. “Congratulations on your pregnancy. Let’s take a look, shall we?” I see him slip on some gloves then he lays me down on the exam table.

I’m not one hundred percent sure where he’s going with this until he guides my feet to the stirrups. I quickly look over at Luke, seeing his face, on which there is what I can only describe as a “deer in the headlights” look.

He goes to grab the door handle attempting to make a quick escape before my death grip on his forearm comes back with a vengeance.

“Don’t you dare leave me!” I practically yell, again.

He looks at me like I must be crazy as he says, “You want me to stay?”

I know I must be as insane as he thinks I am because all I can do is nod frantically, refusing to let go of his arm.

Luke takes a deep breath, rubbing his palm over his face. He loudly exhales before whispering, “I won’t look. Promise.”

He continues to make eye contact with me as the doctor slowly lifts the blanket and proceeds to check me.

After he’s finished, he puts the blanket back in place, and I hear Luke let out a breath he had apparently been holding.

Dr. Fellows proceeds to squeeze some cold stuff onto my lower belly and pulls out what I assume is an ultrasound wand.

After a few seconds, I start to hear a quick whooshing sound. It’s loud enough that I break my eye contact with Luke as I shift my gaze to Dr. Fellows. He’s officially gained my full attention.

“Is that…?” I don’t finish my sentence, letting the words hang in the air.

The tiny rhythmic sound fills my ears and I’m immediately filled with a sense of awe and wonder. It’s a feeling I know I’ll remember for the rest of my life, one I will never take for granted.

“Your baby’s heartbeat. Congratulations you two!” Dr. Fellows states with a giant grin.

I smile back widely before registering what he’s said.

I feel my eyebrows pinch, my smile fading. You two? Who? It’s just me.

Wait.

My eyes bug out of my head as I bounce my gaze between Luke and Dr. Fellows.

Again?

No.

No. No. No. No.

How do people keep confusing Luke for the dad?

“He’s not the father!” I practically yell at the poor man before he quickly apologizes.

“I’m so sorry! I had just assumed....” He lets his voice trail off before I notice his gaze stuck on Luke’s and my hands. Somehow our fingers have become tangled and are resting on the exam chair next to my hip.

I quickly release his hand and wipe mine on the top of my shirt.

Luke clears his throat loudly, running the hand I had been holding through his hair, again. He does that a lot around me. Remember how I said it’s one of his nervous ticks?

Luke quickly comes to my rescue before I can have another meltdown, smoothing over the simple misunderstanding.

“It’s an honest mistake,” he answers for me. “Although, I would be lucky to call this baby mine. Thank you so much for your time, Dr. Fellows. I really appreciate you taking care of Liv for me. I’m sure we’ll get to know each other well over the upcoming months.”

I’m still lying on the exam table, trying to comprehend what he just said as my eyes bounce between the doctor and Luke again.

Seriously, I’m starting to get dizzy.

Luke notices my reclined state and helps me sit up, being careful to keep my lower half covered. I swing my legs over the edge of the table. His hand remains on my upper back as he holds my stare, silently questioning if I’m alright. I nod my head slightly before he finally releases his hold on me, stepping back toward Dr. Fellows.

“Well, if you need anything, be sure to let me know. Otherwise, I will see you in four weeks. Make sure you take your prenatal vitamins daily,” Dr. Fellows says, reaching for the door handle. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head, trying to figure out who the hell Luke is, if he’s not the father.

Dr. Fellows shakes his head and exits the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

“I guess we should’ve expected people to make that assumption. I’m so sorry, Liv. I’m not trying to make things harder on you. I just wanted to support you and the baby. I wanted to be part of this—as a friend.” He rushes the last part out.

I shrug, trying to act casual. He’s right. We should’ve expected people to make that assumption. Who wouldn’t? He’s an extremely attractive guy, holding hands with a girl at a prenatal appointment. He’s got dark hair and I’ve got light. It’s not like they would’ve assumed we were siblings.

I blow air out of my lips while tucking my hair behind my ear and trying to get a better grasp on my crazy emotions.

“It’s not a big deal, and I’m glad you’re here.” I pause, giving him a shy smile. “Seriously, I don’t think I could’ve done this without you. I know I need to get used to doing things on my own, but I really appreciate you being here for me.”

I go to stand up and give him a hug before I realize I’m still very naked on my lower half. I barely catch the corner of the blanket as my feet touch the ground. I yank it up to keep myself covered, causing a slit to reveal my upper thigh. I then bend at the waist to use my other hand to clamp the rest of the blanket together near my knee.

I look up at Luke, my cheeks flaming, only to see his eyes glued to my now-covered legs. His lips are parted, and I can see his chest rising and falling quickly. It seems as if time stops, and I’m afraid I’ll die from embarrassment before Luke breaks his stare and smirks at me saying, “I was planning on taking you to dinner after your appointment, but I didn’t know I’d get a show, too.”

I burst out laughing, grateful for his sense of humor at my awkwardness. “Well I plan on getting dessert!”

Luke

I can’t believe I offered to go with her to the appointment. Really, I blame the app I downloaded. It went into way too many details of everything that can go wrong during a pregnancy, and how each doctor’s appointment is supposed to go. What if they detected something was wrong with the baby? I couldn’t let her go through that alone. After reading the details, there’s no way I could do that to her!

But to sit in a room with a nearly naked woman that I’ve been in love with since forever? That was a different kind of torture. Thankfully, as soon as the doctor came in I was conveniently distracted. That is, until he left again, and she showed way too much skin. I try to remind myself that I’ve seen her in a bikini multiple times, but it doesn’t seem to stop the image of her silky thighs from being ingrained into my memory for the rest of my life.

And then to be confused as the baby’s the father? I couldn’t believe how quickly my heart rate picked up at the idea of sharing the responsibilities of parenthood with someone as amazing as Liv. The elation I felt so intensely was quickly replaced by shame.

I’m starting to feel guilty for being here instead of Adam.

I shouldn’t be here.

But I promised Liv.

The shame is gnawing at my conscience. I may have wished I was Adam in high school, but that doesn’t mean I want to be a poor replacement for the guy. This is his wife. His child. He should be here.

I shouldn’t be.