“Would you like to know the gender?” the ultrasound technician asks kindly.

Luke and I are at my 20-week appointment. I’m officially halfway through my pregnancy, and the baby is measuring perfectly healthy. I’ve been debating through the entire pregnancy so far whether I want to find out if my little bun is a he or a she. I don’t know why I’ve been so hesitant to find out. Maybe it’s because it will make my situation more real.

I’m also not sure what gender I’m hoping for. If I have a baby boy, will I just see Adam every time I look at him? And if I do, is that a bad thing? Or will it prevent me from ever moving on? Who will teach him to throw a ball or tie a tie? I don’t know how to tie a tie! How do I not know how to do that? I’m sure there’s a video on YouTube, right?

But what if it’s a girl? She’ll never know her father. She’ll never have someone to threaten her boyfriends with a shotgun, or teach her how to drive. I mean, I know how to drive, but isn’t that a dad thing? What if she turns out like my mother-in-law?

Shit. I think I’m hyperventilating.

Luke squeezes my hand and brings me back to the present. I look around the sterile room and at the black-and-white picture of my unborn child on the screen. I listen to my baby’s thumping heartbeat echo across the otherwise silent room as the ultrasound technician waits for my decision.

Once again, I look to Luke for answers. He always knows what I need.

He’s The Liv Whisperer, remember?

I’m overwhelmed, and I’m sure Luke can feel my anxiety rolling off me in waves, as well as seeing it on my face.

Luke slightly nods his head at me, silently acknowledging my indecision, before turning to the technician. “Could you write it on a piece of paper, and she can decide later if she wants to read it or not?”

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

See? The man is a genius.

“That’s a brilliant idea,” I say, smiling at him.

--

Luke guides me out of the doctor’s office after insisting on two copies of every ultrasound picture. I asked him why, and he just shrugged it off like it was no big deal, changing the subject like he always does.

He guides me out the exit with his left hand on my lower back, and holds out his arm for me to grasp once we step into the chilly air. It’s cold for October, and the leaves are changing. It’s one of my most favorite times of the year. I can feel the cool breeze through my coat as I cling to Luke’s bicep for warmth, resting my head on his shoulder.

It’s nice having someone to lean on, both figuratively and literally.

The last few years were hard on Adam and me as he was finishing up school. I often went to bed and woke up alone. He was always studying for a test, a quiz, or an exam, or working on a paper, midterms, finals… you get the idea. I knew it wouldn’t always be that way, but it was draining. Sometimes, late at night, I would lie awake wondering if the loneliness would ever end.

We were so close to finishing and moving forward to a happier time. It feels like my dreams slipped through my fingers.

I cling to Luke harder, praying he doesn’t slip away, too.

--

The next morning I’m sitting at the kitchen table eating Captain Crunch while wasting time on Facebook. Trisha exits Luke’s room, saying goodbye as she grabs her purse.

I wave my spoon in her direction, unable to verbalize my goodbye with my mouth full of cereal.

I look back at my phone before Luke pulls out the chair beside me, the legs scraping against the floor. He grabs the Captain Crunch box and sticks his hand inside, grabbing a handful and shoving it in his mouth.

“I sure hope you washed your hands after last night’s activities,” I tell him sardonically.

He rolls his eyes before talking with his mouth full, “I don’t know why you don’t just buy the Oops! All Berries kind. Who likes the yellow squares, anyway?”

I grab the box back from him, pouring myself another bowl. “I like the yellow squares,” I tell him. “And why don’t you learn to buy your own damn cereal?” I ask with a cheeky grin, letting him know I’m teasing.

He grabs it back from me, pouring cereal straight from the box into his mouth. A few pieces land on his shirt. After chewing for a few seconds, he says, “I do buy my own cereal. It’s just not as good as yours.” Luke smiles, his teeth covered in breakfast cereal. He picks up a piece from his shirt, throwing it in my direction.

I catch the cereal in my mouth, crunching it loudly. “Touché.”

“So, what are your plans for tonight?” Luke asks after swallowing his Captain Crunch.

“Not much. Maybe Hocus Pocus if I’m feeling extra spooky.” I wink at him.

It’s Halloween, and I obviously don’t have any plans.

“You want to come hang out with Trish and me?” Luke asks as he kicks his feet up on the chair opposite him.

I snort. “Yeah, I’m sure Trisha would love me being the third wheel.”

He bounces his eyebrows up and down. “Well, she’s always wanted to try a threesome.”

I choke on my bite of cereal, unable to stop coughing.

I’m sorry…can you repeat that?

“Geez, Liv. I was kidding! If I knew you were that into it, I would’ve mentioned it sooner!” Luke teases, patting my back as I continue wheezing.

I take a swig of milk from the carton, then gasp for air. It’s usually one of my pet peeves, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Once I catch my breath, I hit Luke in the shoulder. “That’s disgusting, Luke! And I’m pretty sure my belly would just get in the way, anyway.” I start rubbing it playfully, while giving him a saucy grin.

Luke and I used to play a game kind of like “chicken” in high school. We would always try to embarrass the other one by flirting and making inappropriate jokes. The first one to blush or cave to the uncomfortableness was the loser.

Luke has always been the dirtier one, so I almost never won, but sometimes the stars would align, and I would get the best of him. I feel like today might be one of those times.

His eyes narrow, and he licks his lips. “I’m sure we could get creative.”

I bite my lower lip, trying to contain my laughter as I take it a little further. “Let’s try some right now. If you’re not too busy.” I give him a smoldering look, making sure my voice is breathy.

“Sweetheart, I got all morning,” Luke says with a cocky grin.

I place my hand on his thigh, leaning in. I look up at him through my long upper lashes before licking my lips. “Good. Let’s get started,” I whisper, closing in on him.

His right hand grasps the side of my jaw, his fingers tangling in my hair. His left hand lands on the arm of the chair, leaning on it as his face inches closer.

My eyelids start to get heavy as I glance at his luscious lips.

We’re so close I can practically taste the sweet cereal on his tongue. I notice I’m holding my breath.

I forget the game we’re playing, silently begging Luke to lean a little closer. I bite my lower lip, unable to handle any more torture. His thumb gently pulls it from between my teeth, inching closer until our lips are nearly touching.

Is it hot in here? I feel like I just might catch fire from his molten gaze alone.

That is, until Luke smirks once more, dropping his hand from my face. “I win,” he says, grabbing a yellow square from my bowl and popping it into his mouth. He acts as though he didn’t just turn my entire world on its axis in a few short minutes.

I swallow loudly. A blush creeping up my face.

Dammit.

Luke

My morning conversation with Liv definitely brings back memories. The best kind of memories. I love being able to flirt with her, hiding my true feelings behind a sorry excuse of a game of chicken.

That girl has no idea.

I’m freaking proud of my self-discipline though. Resisting the urge to kiss Liv when I feel like that’s exactly what I was made to do. I can still feel her silky skin in my hands. I can taste her breath on my tongue. She would taste so sweet, and she looked ripe for the picking.

I shake my head in utter shock. I almost freaking kissed Liv. She was right there. I pull my hair in frustration and let out a deep, shaky breath.

We’ve played that game so many times in the past, but it’s never gotten that close before. The girl would blush at the mere mention of a threesome, let alone allowing me to touch her.

I shiver at the memory.

So close.

I’m glad she didn’t agree to come with Trisha and me. I don’t mean that harshly, it’s just I think I’m needing some alone time with my girlfriend so we can reconnect.

Liv moving in has put a lot of strain on our relationship, and I need to focus on what’s most important. I can’t let Liv turn my life upside down any more than she already has. I’m happy to help her, but I still need to keep things in perspective.

I’m not in a relationship with Liv. I’m in a relationship with Trisha.

I keep repeating that mantra as I get ready for the evening.

You’d think that I wouldn’t have to keep reminding myself.