Chapter 10

Gwen

I’d done everything that I could to discourage Colt Stillman from becoming a part of my life. I didn't have the luxury of letting him toy with my affections. I knew a hundred girls who would've taken one look at him or at his bank account, and jumped in the seat next to him, ready to take the ride no matter where it ended as he dumped them. I was different. I had a child, had responsibilities. I had a career in the making and these were the only things that would keep Carrie and me from living on the streets, probably Bitsy as well. I had to protect us all. I could not afford the risk that was called Colt Stillman.

Nevertheless, there I was, taking him to the door of my apartment building. He stood back at the bottom of the steps as I unlocked the outer door and opened it. He reached over my head and held the door open as I went through and started up the stairs. "Come along. You may as well see it at its beautiful best," I said sarcastically. We trudged past Mrs. Heathrow's apartment. She was collecting her newspaper and waved to me briefly. I just smiled and kept going upstairs. I didn't have time for introductions and she'd never see him again, so it didn't matter.

The second floor led to the third and that's where Bitsy and I lived with Carrie. The sound of my key in the door alerted Bitsy that I was home. I opened the door, pushed it open, and swept my arm wide to invite Colt in. Bitsy was standing in the little kitchenette, her hair still tousled from the day. She was getting ready for work and the sight of Colt in our tiny apartment took her by surprise, to say the least. Walking behind me, he came in and stood to one side. I took the opportunity to shut the door and slide off my coat, but he beat me to it. He took my coat and laid it over the back of a chair, removing his own and rubbing his hands together.

"Well, Bitsy, we meet again. It seems I've arrived at an inopportune time. I apologize for that, but it couldn't be helped. Gwenn's car wouldn't start, and I brought her home."

Bitsy was puzzled. "You just happened by when her car wouldn't start?"

That was when it hit me. I turned around slowly, my mouth gaping in amazement. "You. You did it, didn't you?"

He didn't bother to deny it, I had to give him that. "I'm a very determined man when I want something, Gwen. If it means disarming your car for a couple of hours, so be it. It's worth it even if you are mad at me because I'm here now and that's where I want to be."

Bitsy shook her head. "Oh, no, this is where I exit. She grabbed her coat, her purse, and a hairbrush in her hand as she left the apartment. Then it was just Colt, Carrie, and me.

Carrie pulled herself to a stand in the playpen. Drool running from the corner of her mouth signaled the incoming tooth that kept her fussy.

"Well, who have we here?"

"That's Carrie," I said solemnly, framing my next sentence.

Colt walked over to the playpen, bent low and picked Carrie up, putting her on his shoulder. "What a pretty little thing you are. And you look so lonely in that playpen. If I weren’t so heavy, I’d climb in there with you and then we could both play together." He smiled at her and she reached up to pinch the dimple in his cheek. He was much larger than any man she'd seen before, and I was surprised she wasn't afraid. They say children know who to trust, and maybe it was that instinct that made her smile in his company.

"You know, I think she kind of likes me."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. She's like that with everyone." At that exact moment, Carrie burst out in a squall.

"It would seem that she's not like that with everyone, now wouldn't it?" His expression was sardonic and infuriating.

I didn't know what to say, so I sputtered the first thing that came to mind. "That's Bitsy’s daughter, you know. They're staying here with me and we share watching the child. Bitsy has to work at night and of course, daycare is hard to come by. It works for both of us." I walked to the kitchen at, opened the cupboard and pulled two cups out, setting the kettle on the stove to make hot water for tea. "I suppose you will drink a cup with me?"

"Of course. He walked around the coffee table and sat down on the sofa, patting Carrie on the back to calm her. I went toward them, and Carrie’s arms instantly reached out to me. "Mama, Mama," she attempted to say. It was her first words and she been practicing them for the past week.

"Oh, Carrie, honey. You know I'm not your mommy." I took Carrie from him and added, "She gets confused, you know? She has Bitsy during the day and me at night. It's no wonder she doesn't know her mother is."

Cole nodded, his face passive. "Do you sleep here on the sofa?"

"Oh, no, I sleep in the bedroom with Carrie." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I'd been trapped. He knew very well that Carrie was mine, but he wasn't calling me a liar. There was something about him that kept tugging at my heart. I wanted to think he was such a bully, a demon and a thoughtless man who was just after sex, and yet, time after time, he was proving me wrong. I couldn't put him in the same column as Paul. There were few comparisons between the two. This was confusing, and I didn't know what to say. The entire atmosphere felt awkward to me.

I flushed and handed Carrie back to him as the teakettle began to whistle. Colt looked quite comfortable, playing with Carrie. I soon appeared with two cups of hot tea, put Carrie in her playpen and sat on the sofa next to him.

"So, now, is this it? Your daughter? Is that what you are afraid of people finding out?"

I was frustrated, caught in my lie and feeling questioned at the same time. "Well, of course! Wouldn't you be?"

He shook his head. "Not necessarily, Gwen. You're assuming that I don't have the capacity to care about you if you have a child. Don't you think that's a little judgmental?"

He had a point. "I have to protect her. She's all I have. I'm all she has. It’s not just you, there are the people I work for, too. But, I must admit, it’s mostly you."

"I understand that I really do. But I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that I would never come between you and your child. You and your daughter are a package deal and if I'm pursuing you, that means she's part of you. Do you understand?"

I nodded and sipped my cup. It was hot, and the liquid felt good going down. I knew Carrie was going to begin crying for her bottle at any moment and I hoped she would squall loudly so he would leave. I was uncomfortable in the tiny space that I called home and that wasn't right. I wish I hadn’t made the tea. It suggested that I wanted him to stay and I really didn't.