Chapter 26

Gwen

I was on the back patio with Carrie, watching her stack plastic blocks as she sat on a blanket in the sunshine. She was innocent and pure—she was who I wanted to be again. I felt dirty, as though I’d put myself in the crosshairs of community judgment again and was found guilty. Everyone seemed to know that Colt and I had a history, and now my reputation was also on trial.

I didn’t answer his calls because there hadn’t been any. I guess he’d finally gotten the message. I didn’t want to see him; he couldn’t be trusted. Either way, the phone remained silent and my heart was going down in a Titanic sort of way. All I could do was focus on positives, like my tiny daughter playing in the sunshine.

Patsy came bursting through the slider, out of breath. She grabbed a folding chair and dragged it close, facing me. “He’s innocent,” she whispered excitedly, looking over her shoulder at Carrie.

I leaned forward, my eyes wide. “What happened?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know the details, I couldn’t get a seat inside, but the word came out to everyone outside. There was no negligence because arson couldn’t be disproven. Everyone says the prosecutor got ahead of himself and pointed fingers when there was no proof of guilt. It’s over, Gwen. You can go back to him now.”

I shook my head. “No, I can’t. I doubt he’d have me. Oh, Patsy, I’ve screwed up everything. What happened? My life used to be so simple. I had a future and it all looked so bright.”

“Well, you’ve got Carrie, haven’t you? You wouldn’t wish her away, would you?”

“Of course not, but Carrie aside, it all started on graduation night.”

“Paul…” Patsy acknowledged, nodding.

“Exactly.” In a lightning bolt of thought, I began doubting myself. Was it possible that it wasn't Colt after all? Was I fixating on him and overlooking someone else who would fit into the weird pattern of what was happening?

“Patsy, listen..."

"You sound still upset."

"Yeah, you better believe it. Look, I don't want to get into all of this, because I'm not really sure what I'm dealing with, but do you have any idea when Paul has been home from the service on leave?"

"On leave? No, not exactly, because he’s not in the Army anymore."

"What? Paul's not in the Army?"

"Oh no, I thought you knew that. He wasn't in there very long at all and they gave him a general discharge, I think they call it? I'm not sure what that means but it's not dishonorable and it's not honorable, either one. I guess he just didn't fit in or they didn't want him around. I don't know why. I think he's a hunk and I always have, but you knew that."

"Patsy, have you seen him around town?"

“Sure, all the time. I thought you'd seen him too. In fact, I guess I figured you were seeing him socially."

"Are you serious? Do you know what that man did to me?"

"Well, I'm not sure how to ask this, but isn't Paul Carrie's father?"

There it was. Small town America in one sentence. I thought I had hidden things so well. I thought I was clever and that my reputation would vanish any nasty gossip, but I was so wrong. My best friend at home knew and never let on. What was I thinking? “How long have you known?”

"Well, I guess since the beginning. As soon as I knew you were pregnant. Who else could it have been, except Paul? I thought that's the reason you went to Chicago. You wanted to get away from him."

"Oh, my God. Here I thought I knew what I was doing, and it seems that everyone else did, too. Well, do me a favor, if you should happen to run across him, don't tell him that I'm home."

"Oh, it's too late. He already knows."

"What do you mean?"

"He was the one that told me you'd come home. Not the other times, just this time. I guess he wanted me to know that he knew."

There was a chill creeping down my spine and I felt sick to my stomach.

Patsy’s head popped up. “I hear the doorbell. You sit tight, I’ll get it.”

She was only gone a minute. When she came back, Colt was standing behind her. “Uh, Gwen, Mr. Stillman is here to see you. I asked him to wait out front, but… well, you see.”

My head snapped to look up at him, towering over me like a dark tower of rage, about to explode.

“Uh, I think Carrie needs to go to the park,” Patsy hurriedly put in, her eyes darting between me and Colt’s face. “We’ll be back after a while… uh… or… whenever,” she stuttered, gathering up Carrie and her blocks and hurrying inside.

Colt waited until we heard Patsy’s car start up and back down the drive.

“Sit down,” I told him, hoping to disarm the anger I saw there and also put him at my level so I didn’t have to look up at him so sharply. I knew I was delaying the inevitable. I had to hand it to him; he was holding himself in check.

“I won’t be here long,” he said tersely, but after a moment seemed to reconsider as he took Patsy’s chair, although moving it further from me first.

I knew I’d better get it over with. “I heard they threw the case out of court.”

“You weren’t there.” His words were low and deadly.

Where did the love in his eyes go? This was a Colt I’d not seen before. I’d never seen anyone with that much anger in his eyes.

“No, you’re right, I wasn’t.”

“You judged me guilty and ran away again, didn’t you?”

I nodded. “Yes, I did. Colt, I was wrong. I…”

“Save it,” he said coldly and looked away. “I’m leaving this afternoon and going back to Chicago. In a few days, I’m leaving the country—going to take the jet and keep going until you don’t matter anymore. I may never get back.”

“Colt, no!”

He ignored me and continued on. “I love you, Gwen, and for that reason alone, I’m going to forgive you. I know what’s behind this and I thought I could shake it from you, but you won’t stay put long enough to even give us a chance. Every opportunity you’ve had, you’ve passed judgment. Not because I was on trial, but because finding me guilty absolved you of your own.”

His words slammed into my chest and mind with the force of a ragged sword. He’s right! Oh, my God, he’s right.

He saw his words hit home—read the realization on my face. He slapped his hands on his knees and leaned forward, preparing to stand and leave. “Buddy will be running my companies. You know how to reach him. If you ever, and I mean ever need anything, call him.”

I couldn’t help myself. “No credit limit on that card, huh?”

His face screwed up into a look of angry distaste. “Why would you say something so crude? That’s not you, Gwen.”

I began to cry. My shoulders shook as I began rocking back and forth in my seat. “No, no, it’s not me, Colt. And it’s never been you. You haven’t done anything to ever hurt me. You’ve only been kind and generous—looking after me and my daughter. I don’t deserve you, Colt. You’re right. I do feel guilty. I let my guard down and I got pregnant—here, in front of the whole town. I felt humiliated and I disappointed my parents. You’re right. I was punishing you for what I couldn’t change about myself.” I stood up and looked at him, my face wet and feeling weak—too weak to even stand. “You need to go, Colt Stillman. Not because I don’t want you here, but because I don’t deserve to have you stay.” I broke down again and pressed past him to go inside. I ran up the stairs to my own bedroom and threw myself on my bed. I didn’t want to hear the sound of his car leaving.

I didn’t. What I heard instead was the sound of my bedroom door opening. It was Colt and when I felt his hand on my back, I melted. “I’m so, so sorry,” I cried, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my wet cheek against his muscled, male neck. I wanted to stay there, hiding from myself and hiding from the past.

Colt sat still for long moments, but then he couldn’t help himself. He opened his frozen arms and wrapped me in them. His face turned, and he kissed my wet cheek, my eyes and my mouth. Colt pushed me back on the bed and held his body over mine, rigid, with one hand on either side of my head. I looked up, questioning.

“I can’t leave you, damn it!” he rasped and pulled me against him as he rolled to the bed. “God help me, but I can’t walk away.”

I molded myself against his hard body, wanting his strength and protection. I was lost, and he was my home.

The cold melted between us and in its place, came the heat. Inch by inch as our clothing was peeled away, came the searing touch of one another’s skin. Colt wrapped me inside his flesh and I undulated in the sensation, trying to get as close as possible so we’d never again come apart. There was no time for the gentle teasing, the titillation that precedes the climax. Colt slid into me with a firmness that claimed me—not just my woman’s tunnel, but the core of who I was. Over and over he claimed me, each thrust stronger and longer than the previous. This time, when the coming began, it brought with it every nerve in my body, fingertips to toes. I think for a moment I actually did become a part of his body, or he a part of mine. I heard myself cry out at the peak and Colt stiffened as it overcame him as well. We held on as it rocked us, relaxing only as the wave went back out to sea.

Eventually, Colt sank onto his side, pulling me against him and moving my damp hair away from my face. “You didn’t keep your promise, you know,” he whispered.

I looked up at him, seeing the hurt in his eyes. “Promise?”

“You swore to never run away, to not ever leave me again.”

I looked away. “I know, you’re right, I didn’t.”

His big hand pulled my head toward his chest. It was a gesture of forgiveness.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that… with everything that’s happened, I’ve been so scared. Carrie and all… I didn’t know who to trust. I couldn’t trust myself anymore—I’d let myself down more than once. So, I ran and hid, just like a child.”

He stroked the back of my head.

“Colt?”

“I’m right here.”

“I think I know what’s going on. Or rather, who’s behind all that went on. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me earlier, but I didn’t know he was around.”

“Who?”

“His name is Paul.”

“Carrie’s father,” he said quietly.

“You knew?”

I felt him nod. “I knew. What makes you think it was him?”

“Just a while ago, Patsy and I were talking, and I found out he’s not in the Army anymore. I think he’s been doing the stuff that scared me. I don’t know about the apartment, but the newspaper envelope, the phone calls, heck, I don’t know what all. He was a little strange in the head, Colt. I didn’t see it until it was too late. It might have been the reason they let him out of the Army. He targets me, not Carrie. I think he’s been watching me.”

Colt stiffened at the same moment the words left my mouth. He pushed me away and rolled over me to his feet. I looked at him in amazement. He turned and said one word that drove a torch of terror through me that was so blinding, I thought I would die. “Carrie!”

Colt was already out of the bedroom, pounding down the stairs. “The park!” he shouted back at me. “Where is it?”

I was already pulling on my clothes, running after him down the stairs. “I’m coming with you.”

We made it as far as the front door when it opened and there stood Patsy with Carrie. She took one look at our disarray and asked, “Should I come back?”

“No!” Colt barked, pulling the two of them into the house and shutting the door. He took Carrie and handed her to me but faced Patsy. “Did you see Paul, Carrie’s father, while you were out?”

Patsy’s face filled with alarm at his tone. “It’s okay, Patsy, tell him everything,” I urged her.

She nodded. “Well, yes. I did. He was sitting in his car at the end of the block, watching Carrie and me. We were across the street from him. I was pushing her in the stroller to the park.”

“Oh, my God,” came from my mouth.

Colt whipped around. “No. You will not be scared anymore. Not as long as I’m here. Go upstairs and pack your things and Carrie’s. You’re going home with me.”

I took one look at his face and nodded, handing Carrie back to Patsy and turning to run up the staircase as fast as I could.

I heard them talking as I scurried from closet to closet. Colt asked, “Patsy, I’m sorry, but can you go home? If not, you can come with us, but I can’t leave these two alone anymore. I think he’s behind this and they’re not safe—well, at least not Gwen.”

“No, no, I can go home right now,” Patsy answered. “Take care of them. Let me just get my things.”