Chapter 27

“Well, well, well, looks like you’re going to make it,” Noah’s voice said from next to Rose’s bed at the hospital.

As she woke up and looked around, she was relieved it was Noah and not Bronx. She was also relieved to be alive. Everything had happened so quickly that Rose hadn’t been sure exactly what was going on with her. She had never experienced an episode like that before, and on top of the events in the courtroom, it had been one hell of a scary day for her.

“What happened?”

“Apparently, you don’t take good care of yourself, or that’s what the doctor said, at least,” Noah said with a smile. “He said something about you needing to be nicer to your boss, eat your meals, and I think he even mentioned that you were working too hard.”

“Oh, stop. What did he really say? And why are you being nice to me? I thought you were angry with me.”

Rose didn’t mean to be rude, but she knew that Noah now knew the truth about her and Bronx, and after the huge argument they’d had just the day before, she wasn’t sure why he was being nice. She liked that he was being nice, but she wasn’t sure.

“Well, we were almost killed today, and I watched one of my very good friends carried out of the courthouse on a stretcher. I just don’t have it in me to be anything but happy now that I know you’re alright.”

Noah looked really relaxed for a man who had just been through what Rose had been through. Plus watching her being carried away on a stretcher would have been scary. But then again, Noah always seemed to handle stress better than Rose did, it was one of his best qualities.

“Everyone followed the ambulance here, but when the doctor said you were going to live, they got tired of waiting and went home,” Noah joked.

“So it was all because I wasn’t eating?”

“No, I think the doctor will come explain it all to you tomorrow, but partly from stress, partly from not taking care of yourself.”

“How is Elaine?” Rose asked.

“Well, she’s fine. I think she was scared by everything today too. But she’s alright.”

Noah seemed confused about why Rose was asking how Elaine was. Obviously, Elaine was fine; she hadn’t been involved in a hostage situation and wasn’t sitting in the hospital at that moment in time like Rose was.

“And Bronx?” she asked.

“Oh, you done and made that boy fall in love with you. It seems to be a hazard of men that are around you.”

Noah laughed as he talked, and it put Rose at ease, at least a little bit. She still had a splitting headache and still felt very confused about everything that was going on. She wasn’t even sure if everything she remembered about the day had actually happened or if it had been another one of her weird dreams.

“I broke it off with him, really I did,” she said quietly, closing her eyes to avoid the bright lights of the hospital room.

Rose needed Noah to know that she had been honest with him, and she really had broken things off with Bronx. She didn’t know why Bronx had decided to tell his aunt about them or why he had tried to pretend like they were still together. Rose was desperate for Noah to believe her and not get angry with her like he had the night before. She didn’t want to hurt him; Rose didn’t want to hurt anyone.

“It’s alright. I think, for the time being, you and I are just going to work and take care of ourselves. Nothing changes, we just need to move forward.”

Rose liked that idea, although she was afraid that it meant that they weren’t going to have a future together at all. She didn’t know if a future with Noah was really what she wanted, but she thought that it might be. All she really knew was that she felt horrible and couldn’t even think about major life decisions at the moment; all she wanted to do was sleep. She also didn’t want Noah thinking that she and Bronx were dating in the traditional sense. She hadn’t lied about that and needed Noah to know the truth.

“Yeah, I suck at relationships and men. Maybe I should just become a lesbian,” Rose said as she pulled the covers up over here eyes.

Noah got up and turned the lights off and then sat closer to Rose so he could pull the covers down. He had more to say to her, and he needed her to hear him. He really didn’t care about Bronx or what had gone on between them. Rose saw determination in his eyes that calmed her and made her pay attention to what he was about to say.

“I’m not giving up. You should know that. I’m just giving you the time to find yourself. Isn’t that what you told Bronx? I’m going to give you that time too. I will be alright if we decide to only be friends; I promise I will be. But before we do that, I want the opportunity to take you on a real date. Bronx and I talked; I understand where he’s coming from, and he understands where I’m coming from, and we are both going to give you space.”

“What? You two talked?”

Rose felt panic rush through her. The idea of Noah and Bronx sitting down and actually talking to each other openly about the situation between Rose and them; it scared her to death. She was alright with being honest, she just didn’t know if that was actually what Bronx was doing. After his little incident at the courthouse, Rose wasn’t sure she knew where his mind was at all.

When she was feeling better, Rose and Bronx were going to have a nice long conversation, in person. They were going to straighten everything out, and he was going to tell his aunt the real truth. He was going to tell her that they weren’t dating and that they weren’t anything more than fun friends, or something close to that.

Rose would rather deal with the truth than feel like she had to remember lies, and in that sense, she was happy things were out on the table. Although the idea of Noah and Bronx in deep conversation still scared her to death.

“Yeah, we are totally besties now,” Noah joked.

“Really? Tell me the truth. What’s going on?”

Rose closed her eyes again as the headache started to take over. She really did want to keep talking to Noah, but her brain felt like it was splitting right in half. Noah noticed she was having a hard time and pushed the call button so a nurse would come in.

“Can I help you?” the nurse said as she quickly appeared at the door.

“My head, it hurts real bad,” Rose said through the pain.

The nurse quickly came over and flashed a light in Rose’s eyes. She took her blood pressure and wrote everything down in her chart without saying another world to Rose or Noah. She seemed to be looking for something in the chart and then held up her finger to motion that she would be right back.

Rose couldn’t think or talk, the pain was getting so bad. Instead, she just laid there with her eyes closed and hoped that wherever the nurse went, it was to get some medicine to make the pain go away.

“He told me about your arrangement with him, but only because I told him I already knew. He also told me he wanted a chance. I’m not going to say you should or shouldn’t give the guy a chance, all I’m saying is that I’m not giving up. I’ll respect your time to yourself, but I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Rose listened to his words as her eyes remained closed. He sounded sincere and confident that he would win out over Bronx in the end. Noah was a good man, and the way he was handling the situation in front of him proved it. Rose didn’t think she would change her mind about Bronx, though. Especially after his little stunt with his aunt, but she appreciated Noah being willing to have a grown up conversation with the man.

“Noah, I don’t know how long I’ll need.”

It was the truth. Rose wasn’t trying to play some sort of game with Noah and Bronx. She genuinely didn’t know how long it was going to take for her to feel like a normal person again. She wanted to feel emotions and feelings like she had in the past. Rose didn’t want to hide behind her sexuality anymore; she wanted to be normal, and she knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

Rose didn’t really know what she was going to do next; all she knew was that it couldn’t involve a man in any way. If there were a man available, she knew she would want him in her bed to numb the emotions, and that was exactly what she couldn’t do. She needed to feel the emotions, all of them. Rose needed to feel the panic, pain, sadness and everything else that she had been avoiding.

She wasn’t pushing Bronx and Noah away in hopes that one of them would fight harder for her and win her over. Rose was genuinely pushing them away so she could grow. She didn’t want to hurt either of them; she only wanted what was best for everyone involved.

“Oh, come on. You’re saying this to the man who’s been in love with you for a decade. I think a few more months won’t kill me.”

Rose couldn’t help smiling. Noah had given her the gift that she needed. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t pushing her, he was handing her the time she wanted and letting her decide what to do with it.

The last time she had asked for time, Noah had also given it to her. It was reluctant on his part, but he had agreed. But the last time Rose had asked for time, she wasn’t actually using it to deal with herself. Instead of dealing with things, she had taken Bronx on and used him as her crutch to avoid life.

Avoiding life had been her thing since Derek had died. She avoided feelings, friends, love and anything else that she couldn’t control. It was a scary proposition to think that she was going to try and live without avoiding things any longer. Rose knew she wouldn’t be perfect. She knew she was going to continue to make mistakes, but she was going to make those mistakes with her eyes open. Instead of hiding and pretending, Rose was ready to give life a real try for a change.

“Where is Bronx?”

“Oh, he went to your place to get you all the things he thought you’d need while you’re here. I pretty much just wanted him out of the room, so I could have you all to myself.”

“That’s nice of him.”

“Yes, it was. You should rest now. The nurse will wake you up when she brings your medicine. Close your eyes and try and sleep. I’m here; I’ll stay here. There’s nothing to worry about.”

They sat in silence as Rose tried to figure out what else she should say to Noah. Should she bring up the kiss in the courtroom? Should they talk about her relationship with Bronx? She didn’t know, and she felt like her head was going to explode, so she couldn’t think straight at all.

When the nurse finally brought the medication in for Rose, it was a huge relief. The medicine was pushed into her IV, and Rose started to feel the relief almost instantly. She also started to feel extremely tired, so tired that she couldn’t even open her eyes any longer.

Noah reached for her hand, and she held onto it in silence as she closed her eyes and hoped for her head pain to go away and never come back. The moment was sweet and kind, and Noah requested nothing of her. It was exactly what she needed.