Chapter 12

Conner was nervous. He had never been this nervous at any point in his life and it was ridiculous as a grown man to feel this nervous about a date. He fixed his jacket for the third time since putting it on and decided it would have to do for the night. He left the house and walked over to Taylor’s house. He had been surprised when she showed up at his door to tell him that she liked him and wanted to be more than just friends, but he was still a bit skeptical about what was going to happen. He had canceled the publicity stunt he had been doing to change his image in the press. Tonight, he would be enjoying dinner with a beautiful woman whose smile made him feel an odd sensation of happiness. He rang her doorbell and was surprised when she opened the door immediately.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hi,” she greeted back.

She was wearing a short white dress that hugged her every curve. She let her hair down and it hung in loose curls. He looked up at her face and was surprised by how different the makeup made her look.

“I’m here for Taylor. Have you seen her?” he asked.

“Stop it,” she chided, “I tried out some makeup. Do you like it?”

He looked her over once again. She was still so beautiful it was breath-taking.

“No, I LOVE it,” he replied. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” she answered.

They took his car and made their way to the restaurant he had booked for their dinner. It was just the two of them and he had taken pride in planning such a romantic dinner for her. He didn’t know why it was so important, but he wanted to impress her. She was the type of woman he would enjoy spoiling because she was so easy to impress, and she was never dull. He smiled when he thought about the way her face always lit up when she saw him.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“I got us a table at this French place downtown,” he replied.

“Oh, I love that restaurant,” she replied. “Good choice.”

“Thank you,” he said.

He felt much better than he should at her praises, but he ignored the voice in the back of his head that chided him and went on with his perfectly planned night.

“So, how have you been?” she asked as they drove through the crowded streets

“I’ve been good,” he replied. “I was surprised by your change of heart.”

“I was surprised as well,” she said.

Taylor didn’t say anything else and he didn’t push the topic. They were comfortable even in their silence and he didn’t see any reason to make things awkward. When they arrived at the restaurant, the staff ushered her in in fine style.

“Wait, there’s no-one else here,” she said, turning to look up at him.

“I wanted it to be special,” he replied. “You know, I wanted to show you what a good date should be like.”

She chuckled, and Conner didn’t realize how much he loved the sound. He walked over to the table and pulled out a chair for her. She sat gracefully and when he was seated, she began thumbing through the menu.

“What do you usually get here?” he asked.

“I have an obsession with shrimp,” she replied. “I might get something…”

“Oh, that sounds delicious,” he replied, “I should just get what you get”

She laughed which prompted a laugh from him.

They ordered almost identical dishes and soon, they were left alone with wine and bread as they waited for their dishes to come out.

“So, why did you change your mind?” he asked. “You couldn’t resist, huh.”

It was a question that had been on his mind since she first informed him.

“I admit I can’t get you off my mind,” she replied. “I thought it was better we figured out what this was before I completely threw it out the door.”

“I’m glad you did,” he responded.

“Plus, my mother thinks I should give you a chance despite your reputation,” she added.

“You mean the reputation I’ve spent years cultivating?” he asked.

She smiled at him and shook her head.

“No, the one you gained by accident. I don’t think you wanted your reputation as much as you just wanted to be a deviant,” she replied.

Conner was a bit surprised she said that. Maybe it was true; maybe it wasn’t. He just hadn’t met anyone who was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“I’ve never quite heard it put like that. “So you decided to give this deviant a chance?”

“I decided to give us a chance,” she replied. “If I’m being totally honest, I can’t tell you what I feel for you, but I feel it and if I plan to date, I may as well figure things like this out.”

“Sounds clinical,” he said. “What better should I expect from a doctor?”

He smiled but before he could say anything, the food arrived. He watched her face light up at the sight of the food and he felt good. He loved eating, and he was happy to see that she wasn’t eating sparingly.

“This is delicious,” she said, taking a forkful and slipping it into her mouth. His gut clenched as he watched her slowly pull the fork from her mouth.

“You don’t like our food?” she asked, looking over at him with concern.

“Ah no, I, it’s just distracting watching you eat,” he replied honestly. “I see something I’d much rather have in my mouth than this dish.”

She smiled.

“Alright, let’s talk about something. Ask me anything,” she suggested.

“Why did you choose to become a doctor?” he asked. “Is it what your parents wanted you to do?”

She was silent for a while as if she was thinking of a way to answer the question.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I think it was my choice to do the hardest thing I could find.”

“Why would you do that?” he asked.

“I’ve always liked to challenge myself. It was never about anyone but I loved the thrill of it,” she replied, “but now, after so many years of competing with myself, I just want to slow down and enjoy life.”

“Is that why you moved here?” he asked.

“Yeah, the hospital was fast and exhilarating, but I felt like a robot. I had no life,” she answered.

“I see,” he replied. “Are you liking the way things have settled down?”

She looked away and then back at him.

“There are days when I miss the rush but then I realize I’m looking for another rush, you know,” she replied, “the rush of falling in love, getting married, having children. It’s different but it feels good.”

He was quiet. He had never felt that rush before and he didn’t know if it was something he wanted right now. Whatever was going on between them may never amount to much and he would let her know.

“I doubt it will happen with you though,” she said as if she was reading his mind.

Although he had just thought it, hearing the words from her mouth didn’t make him feel good. He wanted a family and kids someday, but he didn’t know when. Even if he would eventually get a family, he didn’t see it happening anytime soon. He couldn’t picture her with a family because he couldn’t picture her beyond him.

“We can have fun in the meantime,” she continued.

“Yes,” he replied, feeling a bit uncomfortable, “we can have fun.”

“Tell me about yourself,” she said. “Why did you do law?”

“It’s a long story,” he replied.

“We’ll be here for at least another hour. We have time,” she replied.

“In college, when I thought I was in love, a beautiful woman convinced me to do law so she could have a husband who was a lawyer.”

“Yikes,” she said. “Imagine that…Conner the lawyer.”

He couldn’t help laughing.

“I can tell by the fact that she’s not here that she didn’t end up with a lawyer husband,” she said.

“She did,” he replied. “It just wasn’t me.”

“Is that why you find it so hard to love?” she asked.

He thought about it for a moment, but he knew he couldn’t lay the blame at her feet. She was just another bad decision he had made.

“It’s hard to say,” he replied. “I haven’t lived a life filled with love. I wouldn’t know what it looked like even if it was right before me.”

“I know what you mean,” She said. “I see it in my parents but somehow, I have no idea what it would look like if I ever had the fortune of falling in love.”

They were silent as they looked at each other. Somehow, they had more in common than they had previously thought.

“I guess both of us are doomed in one way or another,” he replied.

“I guess we are,” she said, “but at least you have me to help you through this time in your life.”

She smiled and took a sip of wine. For the rest of the night, they ate and chatted about everything from his childhood to her embarrassing moments. It was so easy to talk to her that he held nothing back, even the darkness of his past that formed a constant shadow around him. At the end of their date, he drove her home and walked her to her door. He wanted to follow her inside, but he decided that he would rather let the date end there. He had too much on his mind and it just felt right.

“I was a great night,” she said, looking up at him as they stood at the door.

“Yes, it was,” he replied.

He lowered his head and kissed her.

“Thanks for the dinner,” she said.

“Thanks for giving me a chance,” he replied.

He lifted his head and looked down into her smiling eyes. She was so beautiful in the moonlight that it scared him to think this was just a phase.

“I should go,” he said. “I have an early morning.”

“Call me,” she replied

He nodded and walked away. There was something here and he wouldn’t let her go until he could look at her without feeling as if his heart was about to explode. Tonight, he had seen a different side of her. She exuded confidence and charm, but he could tell that she still felt self-conscious sometimes. She was a flower looking for love in a world full of bones. Somehow, he felt guilty for having the pleasure to be the one to spend time with her.