Chapter 14

Conner walked into his boss’s office wondering why he had been summoned. After the previous night, he was concerned that leaving so abruptly had given the wrong impression.

“Hey what’s up?” he asked when he walked in.

“Come in, sit down,” his coach said. “I wanted to talk to you about that girl of yours.”

Conner sat down and let out a sigh. The last thing he wanted to do was think about Taylor. She had left him. His life had been going great, he was happier than he had ever been, and everything in his life had seemed to be in order. And then she had walked away. She accused him of being the one unable to commit, but she was the one who left him. He ran another hand through his hair and sighed.

“What’s this about?” he asked.

“We like her,” his coach said. “We want to use you two for promotions and other things.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“We’ve been looking for a nice little family to be the face of our team and once you two get married, you guys can campaign so you can get more sponsors.”

Conner sat up and looked at the man.

“I’m not interested,” he replied. “I’m fine.”

“She might be into it, though” the coach replied. “I talked to her about the plan last night, she didn’t seem to mind that she was the one you chose to get your career back on track.”

“Wait, what?” he asked

“I talked to her about the plan we made,” he said, “and she seemed fine with it.”

It suddenly clicked to Conner what his boss was saying. He thought that he was using Taylor to improve his image.

“It’s not like that,” he replied. “She’s not like that.”

“I’m sorry it just looked like you two were putting on a show,” the coach said. “I didn’t know you really had feelings for her.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” he replied. “She was just someone I dated.”

“If that’s not how you look at someone you’re not in love with or using for the publicity, then what are you doing, Conner?” Daniel asked.

Conner ran a hand through his hair once more. He didn’t know what he was feeling for Taylor. All he knew was that his life was worse now that he knew she wouldn’t be in his life anymore. His life had been fine before she came along but now, he didn’t even remember what his life had been like before he met her. It was as if he existed in a state of darkness and she was this beautiful light he didn’t even know existed. 

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“Hey, do you love her?” Daniel asked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“What do you know?” Daniel asked.

Conner thought about it for a moment.

“I know I want to be with her all the time. I know that I’m worse off without her and I know I’m angry at you for even saying anything to her last night,” he replied.

Daniel laughed.

“She ended it,” Conner said.

“Well, why did you let her go?” Daniel asked. “If you feel worse without her, then you should chase her.”

Conner shrugged

“I wouldn’t know what to do,” he said. “I’m not even sure what this was.”

“If a woman loves you, Conner, you don’t have to worry about what it is,” Daniel said. “If you don’t love her, you can let her go. If you do love her, then you should do whatever it takes.”

Conner shrugged yet again. Was it possible that he could love Taylor? Could he ever love again?

“I should go,” he said. “I have lots to figure out.”

He walked out of the office and left. He wanted to figure things out, but he wasn’t sure exactly what to do. He didn’t think it possible to have fallen in love with Taylor. Suddenly, a thought struck him. He drove home as quickly as he could and rummaged to his study drawer. He found what he was looking for and called the number on the card.

“Hello.”

The soft sultry voice surprised him, but he knew it well.

“Yolanda,” he said, “nice to hear from you.”

“Oh my, is this Conner?” she asked.

“Yes, it is,” he replied. “Can you to talk?”

“Sure” she replied. “How are things?”

“I was sitting here and I thought I should call you,” he said. “I need someone to talk to.”

“And you called me?” she asked. “I never thought you would ever talk to me again.”

“I didn’t, either” he replied. “Actually, I needed some advice.”

“What about?” she asked.

“Did you ever really love me when we were going out?” he asked.

It was a strange question that put him in a vulnerable position, but he needed to know. He needed to go back to the place where he had lost the last shreds of his heart.

“I’m sorry for the way that went down,” she said. “You were such a great guy, such a great guy.”

“I know, but you haven’t answered my question,” he pressed on.

“You loved me,” she replied, “but I didn’t love you.”

The words should have hurt him. In fact, he had known it all along and it had hurt for many years but today, he felt nothing. It was as if she hadn’t broken his heart into a million pieces and destroyed him for any other woman.

“Conner,” she said.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” he responded.

“Why did you have to do all that back then?” he asked. “You really messed me up.”

“I was lost, Conner” she replied. “I didn’t know what I was doing and I used a good guy.”

He smiled. At least she was honest.

“Why are you asking all these questions now?” she asked. “You haven’t spoken to me for so many years.”

“I think I may be in love,” he replied, admitting it out loud for the very first time.

“You do?” she asked. “Wow, what’s she like.”

“She’s beautiful,” he replied, letting out an exasperated sigh, “and smart and kind and funny.”

“She sounds like a real keeper,” she replied.

He could picture her smiling up at him at that moment and he wondered how stupid he could have been to lose such an amazing woman.

“I might have messed it up,” he replied. “I just thought it was too good to be true.”

“Not everyone is out to get you Conner” she replied. “That was your biggest problem when we were dating.”

“What do you mean,” he asked.

“I get you had a sad childhood and a horrible father but at the end of the day, you made something of yourself. You allowed me to use you because you didn’t want to confront the fact that you knew I didn’t love you all along.”

“You can’t pin this on me,” he said. “You broke my heart.”

“I broke your heart Conner, but you didn’t really love me either,” She replied

“How can you even say that?” he asked, “I would have given you everything.”

“What did I study?” she asked.

Conner thought back to their time in university. He could almost remember her face and her voice, but he couldn’t remember what she had studied.

“I don’t remember,” he admitted.

“That’s because you never really cared,” she said. “All the signs were there, Conner. If a woman truly loves you, you’ll know and if you love her, then you have to let her know.”

Conner thought about it for a moment and knew it was true. He had been vulnerable, but he had also used her to fill a void that had been there since he was a child. He found it childish now that he thought about it and he couldn’t believe that he had almost let something as simple as that cause him to lose the only woman he had ever truly loved.

“So, what are you going to do about this lady you love?” she asked.

“I’m going to have to man up,” he replied.

“Hey, Conner,” she said, “thanks for being a great guy. That’s something I always regretted not saying. You’re one of the best and you’re going to make this woman very happy.”

“Thanks,” he replied. “I hope you find happiness.”

“I’m happy, Conner.” She replied, “I found a man whom I love, he’s a lawyer, and we’re having a baby.”

He was surprised to hear that but he had to realize that she was no longer the girl who broke his heart. She had moved on and it was now his time to move on and find love.

She hung up and he was glad that things were finally clear. He knew what he was going to do. She had told him in so many ways that she loved him, and he knew what she wanted. She wanted the thrill and she wanted to feel things she had never felt before. He would make her happy and the only thing he could hope for was that she appreciated his love.