Dan and I met Annie and Brett at our favorite pizza place downtown. It was still fairly early in the evening, and families scurried around with their children. Brett and Dan regaled us with stories of their youth and college days that didn’t seem to fit either of their personalities now.

Every detail of Dan’s past piqued my curiosity; I soaked it up like a sponge. As we approached the one year mark, I wondered if he was as serious about the relationship as I was. We weren’t getting any younger, and in my opinion, either he knew I was it, or I wasn’t. Annie and I had discussed it at length, but she didn’t have any more insight into his plans than I did. She’d badgered Brett trying to get the scoop, but he’d been close-lipped about the whole thing knowing Annie would tell me whatever he told her. Now, we both waited. We had compared time frames, hoping Dan might mimic Annie and Brett’s, but that still put me a couple of months out for any confirmed commitment.

I watched as Annie’s attention shifted from the conversation to the woman who’d just come through the door. The smile fell from her face, and somber envy replaced it. The woman looked like she was two weeks past her due date, and the little girl clutching her hand was adorable. The man with her escorted them both to the counter. I chanced a peek in Annie’s direction, her eyes started to pool with unshed tears.

“Baby envy?” My words sucked Annie out of her dazed stupor and back to the people at our table. “They’re cute. I think it would be awesome to be pregnant, but I wouldn’t want the whole baby part after. Too much responsibility for me—no thank you.” The words came off effortlessly, as though I actually believed them. Parts of them were true, while others were lies I’d fabricated to pacify myself…hoping someday I’d believe them.

The silence at the table stopped my giggle. The pained expression on Annie’s face caught me off guard, and I quickly turned to Dan. “Oh no, what did I say?”

Brett started to answer, but Annie silenced him with her hand on his forearm. I had no idea what I’d said to bring on her mood swing, but it had been accidental. I would never intentionally cause her, or anyone else, undue distress. Before Annie could speak, Dan did.

“Brett and Annie have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. It’s just a tough topic.”

The words were like a dagger to my heart. As close as the two of us had become, there were still things about her everyday life I wasn’t privy to. I leaned across the booth and took her hands in mine. “Oh no, Annie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. Please forgive me.”

She waved me off as though my faux pas was insignificant and released my hand to grab a napkin. Before the first round of tears soaked her cheeks, she swiped at them with the scratchy paper, effectively erasing any trace of their existence. “It’s okay. I don’t talk about it much. You had no way of knowing.”

Brett glanced at Annie and then to me. “Annie’s had two miscarriages.” He paused as though waiting for Annie to stop him from sharing their story, but she allowed him to continue uninterrupted. “After the second one, she underwent some exploratory procedures. It’s unlikely we will be able to have children of our own; there’s too much scar tissue from the D&C she had with the first miscarriage.”

My reaction likely seemed odd to them, but in my heart, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt why I’d come into Annie’s life. “Have you considered a surrogate?” My face was burning with glee. This was my opportunity to right my wrong, to give life where I’d taken it in the past. It should have been something I spent more time contemplating, but it felt right. The suggestion rolled off the tip of my tongue without hesitation.

Annie’s brow furrowed. “No. I don’t have a sister.”

“No, but you have me.”

Brett glanced over at Dan, and I tried to watch them from the corner of my eye. My boyfriend seemed as shocked as Brett was.

“Lissa, I would never ask you to carry my child. That’s crazy. It’s not like borrowing twenty dollars.” She dismissed the idea without consideration, but I wasn’t going to give up that easily. This was right. This was my purpose. Even the notion of her consenting lifted a weight that had bogged me down for years. It was easier to breathe than it had been since I’d woken in the hospital that day.

“Annie, did you not hear what I said? I think it would be amazing to experience the pregnancy thing; I just don’t want the kid at the end of it. I’d love to feel a little life grow inside of me, but at the end of the nine months not have the sleepless nights, diapers, or restrictions.” It made perfect sense in my head, even if I couldn’t disclose the reasons to her. She thought I was making a flippant decision. If only she knew how I’d agonized over my retribution for Joshua. Hell, if only she knew about Joshua. “Plus, this way, I’d still get to be a part of the child’s life—like a godparent.”

Dan’s mouth still hung open, in shock I supposed. He stared at me with unwavering attention. I should have thought about what I said before the words fell from my mouth. If I wanted forever with Dan, I needed to consider how something this monumental would affect him, but I prayed now he’d accept it for his friends and me.

“You don’t want children?” Dan gaped at me as though I’d blown his mind. This topic had never come up, and I wondered if this was the best place to have the discussion.

I had no clue if Dan wanted children or not. I just assumed everyone did because it was the natural progression of life. That realization might have just cost me what I’d been waiting for from him. I tucked my hair behind my ear before turning to face the man I loved. I’d just laid my stance on the table, in front of his best friends, with no inkling what his thoughts on the subject were. And no way to turn back.

“I’m not bitten by that bug. I do better with freedom.”

He smiled before kissing my mouth. I could only assume he was in agreement, but he hadn’t confirmed that. I wasn’t sure whether to question his response or save the topic for a conversation behind closed doors. Thankfully, the busboy made the choice for me when he interrupted the conversation to clear our plates and trash.

Brett swooped in to save me. “You guys ready to get out of here?”

The consensus was a relaxed evening at the Ryann household. We would stop to get a Red Box, and Brett and Annie were off to get wine and beer. Dan helped me in the truck, asking mindless questions about movies I might be interested in, but my focus was the conversation we’d just abruptly ended.

“I’m sorry.” The words slipped past my lips as Dan closed the truck door.

“For what?”

“Not talking to you before I blurted out that I didn’t want kids…and for not discussing being a surrogate for the two of them before I offered. It wasn’t fair. It’s been so long since I’ve had to consider another person in my decisions, sometimes I forget.”

He turned on the ignition but made no move to put the truck in gear. Something lingered on the tip of his tongue. There was something he wanted to tell me but was having a hard time formulating the words.

The sigh he released was heavy, but I couldn’t discern whether it was relief or dread for what he was about to reveal. “It’s no secret I wasn’t a steady dater before meeting you.”

“Right…”

“The reason is multi-faceted, but let me give you the highlights.”

I wasn’t sure I really wanted this information, but either way, it was coming my direction.

“My parents had a horrible marriage and an even worse divorce. I was their leverage to gain things from the other, and they didn’t bother to hide it from me. I swore from a very early age, I’d never have children. I refused to risk my own flesh and blood being used the way I had been.”

It was tough to hear. The tone of his voice conveyed the hurt he’d endured that hung with him decades later. I wondered how he’d managed to have a relationship with either of them after a childhood of that.

“Fast forward a decade or so. About five years ago, a girl I’d hooked up with had a pregnancy scare. Or told me she had…the truth will forever remain a mystery. Once we confirmed she wasn’t pregnant, I had a vasectomy. I’ve never dated seriously because children were a no-go, and for most women that choice was a deal breaker.”

A little more of my past burden broke free and loosened my chains. He didn’t want kids. More than that, he’d ensured he couldn’t have them. Permanently. I was no longer keeping a secret that threatened to end us because we’d disagree on starting a family. It didn’t erase my history or change the fact that there was a huge part of me he wasn’t aware of, but it lessened the burden ever so slightly.

“That’s why you weren’t worried about not using condoms so early on?”

“One of the reasons, but more than that I just didn’t care. I wanted to connect with you without anything between us. If you’d wanted me to keep wearing condoms, I would have. But you never mentioned it again…and you’ve certainly had ample opportunity to since then.” He winked at me, and I batted his arm playfully.

“Are you mad?”

“About the surrogate thing?”

I nodded.

“Hell, no. I can fulfill a fantasy without having a baby at the end of it.”

“Eww, gross. Are you into pregnancy porn?” Laughter broke out in the cab between both of us.

“Nah, but I’d definitely get off on seeing you that way.”

“I’m not sure whether to be turned on or think you’re a perv.”

“Get them to consent, and then we can discuss it.”

I knew the conversations were far from over. I wasn’t going to convince Annie and Brett overnight, and I was sure the more Dan thought about it, the more questions he would have. There was no way he would simply accept that I wanted to experience pregnancy. But, until the questions arose, I would continue to give my friend a gentle nudge toward letting me do this for her and her husband.

* * *

I made it longer than I had anticipated before Dan started questioning me about my offer to carry someone else’s child. There had been no mention of it the following week, and even when he finally brought it up, the topic was casual. I’d been talking to Annie about the possibility but didn’t want to be a nuisance, so I hadn’t pressured her. While she hadn’t agreed, she hadn’t asked me to stop questioning her about it, nor had she said no. I was patient. I could wait.

Dan arrived on my doorstep promptly at six. I heard him call out from the front of the house. “Penny, I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

I fastened my earring and slipped on my heels. With one final glance in the mirror, I set out to find my boyfriend. He’d chosen my dress from those in my closet but hadn’t seen it on me. I had been excited to see him in a suit; I was awestruck when he showed up in a tux. The crisp tailored feel of the tuxedo accentuated his build. Standing at my door, he was the man my imagination conjured up any time I’d read a billionaire romance novel. At six foot four, he was tall by any standards, but his perfectly coifed hair and his stunning green eyes were what stood out.

His jaw dropped, and his eyes scanned the length of my body, just before he whistled through his teeth. He didn’t reach for me or invite me in closer. Instead, he walked around me, inspecting every inch. I knew he was pleased, but the attention was unsettling. I needed confirmation, verbal or physical—I wanted to know he was happy to have me on his arm tonight.

Dan’s hand finally landed on my hip just as he came around my right side. The tips of his fingers teased my exposed back. The warmth of his lips pressed gently against my neck, just below my ear. “I don’t have words, Penny.”

But those five had been perfect. His touch, his tone, they expressed more than he knew. When he stood in front of me, he took the back of my neck gently, threading his fingers through the base of my updo, careful not to mess it up. His thumb caressed the underside of my jaw, and he stared lovingly into my eyes. I waited, unsure of where he would take this, but fully willing to follow. His eyes closed, he kissed my cheeks tenderly, and then turned, extended his elbow, and escorted me out the door.

“You went all out.” The stretch limo parked in front of my house was unexpected.

He scrunched his face and looked straight up mocking the best valley girl. “Totally. It’s Ya-sang Min. We can’t show up in a truck.” He never failed to make me laugh. Regardless of whether he was interested in this performance, Dan would find a way to make it fun for both of us...and I loved that about him.

He helped me into the limo and followed behind me. I forced back the thoughts threatening to take over. The last time I’d been in a limo was Joshua’s funeral, but I’d been alone, and Dan was here with me.

“You okay, babe?” He sensed my shift without so much as a word.

I blinked away my past and focused on the present. And the man next to me. “Oh yeah. I’m just completely shocked by all of this.”

“It’s a special night.”

He laced his fingers through mine, and we sat comfortably in silence while the driver navigated the roads back to civilization. Dan lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “That dress is smoking hot. You know if you convince Annie to do this whole baby thing, you won’t be wearing stuff like that for a while.”

“Are you worried I’ll get fat?” I ran every day. I had lots of insecurities, but my weight wasn’t one of them, so it was easy to joke about.

“Hardly, I told you what my plans are if you get round. I’m just curious why you would want to do this for people you haven’t known all that long.” His question was genuine and came from a place of love, not judgment.

“Have you ever known you were meant to do something? Regardless of how absurd it might seem to anyone else? Your conviction, the feeling in your gut, tells you this is what you have to do at all cost because the rewards are going to exceed all of your expectations?”

“Of course, but it never involved carrying someone else’s baby.”

I titled my head and waited to see if he was done with the jokes.

“Sorry. Go ahead.”

“There’s something inside me that tells me I came into their lives for this reason. Not just this reason. I see them both being lifelong friends, but there’s a purpose. Most people don’t clearly see the reason they’ve come into someone’s life, but I have the ability to give them something they so desperately want. I can’t explain it to you other than to say, without thought, without reservation, if Annie and Brett are willing, I want to do this.” I looked at him with longing. “And I hope you’ll stand by me.”

“First of all, I’m not going anywhere. Secondly, have you thought about how difficult it’s going to be to give up that child at the end of nine months? Whether you’ve met him or her or not, you’re going to have bonded with a baby you’ve had in utero. I can’t say that doesn’t concern me.”

“That’s what makes this perfect, Dan. I don’t want kids. I want to experience pregnancy, help aid in bringing a life into the world the two of them want, but at the end of the day, I want to be able to sleep at night, travel when I want to, and never have to lock my door or worry about how loud I am when I’m having sex.” If he wanted to keep this light, I could and still get my point across. “Plus, Annie’s become my best friend here, Dan. I will still get to be a part of the baby’s life. I can watch it grow up without the financial responsibility or time constraints. I can be the best surrogate aunt, reap all the rewards of loving a child, without the burden.”

“Was it a spur of the moment offer?”

I snickered. “Of course it was, Dan. I didn’t even know they’d been trying. It just came out, but everything about it felt right. I didn’t regret it afterward and still don’t. I’ve been talking to Annie about it almost daily.”

“Make any headway?”

“She doesn’t understand why her other friends haven’t offered. And because they haven’t, she doesn’t believe she should take me up on it. In her mind, they’ve been friends for years while she and I have only known each other for months. I get where she’s coming from, but my guess is her other friends are in different places in their lives than I am. And most women would struggle at the end to turn over a child.”

“I’ll talk to Brett.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to. I’ll keep working on Annie. She wants to do it—she just doesn’t understand why I do.”

“Lissa, this is the most selfless thing I’ve ever witnessed. I wanted to make sure you’d thought it through, that it wasn’t a moment you’d said something before you thought about it. I know how badly they want kids. I was there when they found out they likely couldn’t have them. In all the years I’ve known Brett, even when we were kids, and he broke his arm, I’ve seen him cry twice.”

I didn’t want to interrupt him and hoped he’d share when those two times were, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know they’d both been over Annie.

“He had to wake her up to take her to the hospital the day she had the miscarriage. I felt his heart break on the phone that morning…not just for the life that would never be, but he knew how devastated his wife would be. The second was the day they did the exploratory procedure. The man couldn’t breathe and started hyperventilating. Both times centered around their desire for a child, and both times, he wanted to protect his wife. If you can help give my best friend that, if you can help his wife find peace with her past—because she feels like she’s being punished—if you have the strength to give them this gift, then Lissa, I want to be a part of every step of that, and I want to make it happen sooner rather than later.”

My eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall. I’d never seen a man love another man the way Dan did Brett. Maybe it was because he and Brett had been so close growing up, or that his father had used him when he was little, or if it was a culmination of multiple things. All I knew was I hoped he loved me as fiercely as he did Brett. I dabbed at my eyes to keep the tears from messing up my mascara and smiled.

“I love you, Dan. I’ve never known anyone like you.”

He kissed my nose and sat back in the seat. “I love you, too, Penny. I’ve never known anyone like you, either.” His closed fist tapped his chest where his heart resided to emphasize his emotion.

We had just enough time to grab dinner before the performance. The food at the bistro was fantastic, and the restaurant was almost across the street from the Peace Center. As we approached the entrance, my entire mood shifted. This was everything I’d ever dreamed of.

All I’d ever wanted to do was play on stage. I’d lived for it, trained for it, spent countless hours practicing the piano and the violin, hoping to get in to Julliard. But when the time came, and I was accepted, my parents couldn’t afford tuition. I hadn’t gotten any scholarships, and Matt didn’t want me to go. At close to fifty thousand dollars a year, my ability to repay those sorts of loans would never match my salary. The day I’d made that decision, my entire life changed. I knew I wanted to devote myself to music, and if it couldn’t be performing, it would be teaching.

I was envious of the prodigy on stage. Inspired, transfixed. Dan held my hand as I watched, completely lost in the music, the movement of his hands, the way his fingers stroked the neck and loved the strings. His bow was hypnotic, the tone crystal clear and then haunting and loving. Ya-sang Min conveyed life through the wood, expressed feelings and emotions with each pull of the horsehair across the metal strings. There was a reason he was a master, he played flawlessly, with perfect execution—but the difference in him and any other technical player was how the instrument hummed at his touch.

Dan was fairly quiet during the intermission. He’d gotten me a glass of wine and joined me by the windows. Outside, white lights decorated the trees year-round, and the dusk of the evening made them twinkle like stars.

“You want to be on stage, don’t you?”

I shouldn’t be surprised he had been able to see my longing without me telling him, but I was. Matt never cared. He thought my desire for music was a waste of time. Not my teaching music, my wanting to make a career performing. In high school, he’d told me I couldn’t make a living with a fiddle, and no one in Wimberley was going to pay me to play. He wasn’t trying to be cruel. Matt was realistic, very pragmatic. It wasn’t that he didn’t want me to play, he wanted me to have a backup plan when my dream didn’t come to fruition. Matt had always been content to stay in Wimberley, but what he really meant was he was content to own a home there. The moment he enlisted in the Army, the idea of living in one place went out the window. His unit was active, and he was gone a lot. Although looking back on it, that had never bothered me. I loved the freedom it gave me to spend time in Austin, to go to school, to live life—on my terms.

“Yeah, I do. But it wasn’t in the cards for me.” I shrugged with a weak smile in place.

He looked down into his glass unsure of how to proceed.

“Dan. Sweetheart, it’s okay. I made that choice in high school. This isn’t a dream you just decide you want to have. It takes years of practice and learning and lessons. Hours and hours of preparation. When I decided to stay in Texas to go to college, I made a choice not to chase that dream. I love what I’m doing now—it’s just a variation of what I had originally thought it would be.”

The lights dimmed indicating intermission was ending. I set my glass on the table next to us and cupped his cheeks.

“If anything had been different, I wouldn’t be here with you. Thank you for tonight. It’s been perfect.”

He met me for a kiss and took my hand to see the second half of the performance.

Tonight had been a gift. It might not have meant much to anyone else, but to me, it was perfection. The standing ovation lasted several minutes, my hands tingled from clapping for so long, but being here, with Dan, was bliss.

We worked our way through the aisles and crowd and out to the hall. I was in front of Dan, but when I turned left to go toward the front, he tugged my hand and jerked his head in the opposite direction. The look on his face said he was up to something, and the gleam in his eye was an indication of just what it was. If he thought we were getting frisky in the Peace Center after Ya-sang Min, he was crazy.

But he didn’t relent. He wound his way past doors with signs for employees only after swimming against the stream of the crowd to reach the back of the stage.

“Dan, we can’t go back here. We’re going to get in trouble.”

He ignored my protests and continued like a man on a mission. He knew precisely where he was going and didn’t even look around. When he came to a stop, I almost bumped into him. The crowd backstage was as bad as that trying to exit the building, but Dan was a force to be reckoned with, and people moved out of his way. Stepping around to his side, still holding his hand, I looked up to him in question. I’d never seen a smile full of so much love directed at me. And then I followed his stare as he turned away from me.

The sea of people parted, and a circle opened up.

There sat Ya-sang Min with his cello and an empty seat with my violin.

“Care to dual?” The prodigy met me eye for eye and issued a challenge I couldn’t refuse.

My eyes were wide, but my spine was straight. My shoulders back. Even against Ya-sang Min, I knew I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. I might not win the challenge, but I’d give him a run for his money. With a simple nod to my opponent, I took the violin from the chair and sat to quickly tune it.

Ya-sang watched me intently, listening as I pulled the bow across the strings and adjusted the pegs. He smiled a knowing smile when he realized I wasn’t a novice. “You have perfect pitch.”

I raised my brow and made eye contact as I set the violin in my lap.

The moment he delved into his first impromptu riff, those mulling about around us stopped to see what was going on. He hadn’t gone easy on me and set the bar high. The sorrowful, soul-filled notes hung in the air when he rested his bow in his lap and stroked the scroll with his hand.

We had an audience, but it didn’t deter me, it fueled my fire. Never in my life would I have another opportunity like the one in front of me. With my chin in place, my fingers on the strings, I brought the bow to the steel and struck like fiery lightning crashing from the sky, my fingers flew, my bow raced, and my body arched with the tempo, feeling every staccato note.

When I stopped, my chest heaved from the exertion. He launched right into another bout, the back and forth continuing between the two of us. It was exhilarating. On his final pass, he tested me, wanting to see just how far I’d rise to meet the challenge. Instantly I recognized “The Impossible Duet” and joined in within a couple of measures and smiled at the face of the greatest cello player of my time. Together we wowed those in attendance of our spontaneous concert. I watched for his signal and whipped my bow off the strings at his nod.

He held the beautiful instrument out to his side, and someone quickly retrieved it. He stood, and I mirrored him, with my violin and bow to my side. And Ya-sang Min hugged me with a hearty laugh.

“Brilliant.”

“Thank you. I have no idea how this transpired, but thank you.”

“The pleasure was mine, truly.”

Dan took pictures and then joined in for a few of the three of us. I said goodbye to the cellist and packed my case. I had no idea how Dan managed to put this together, but nothing would ever top it.

We left the building arm in arm, my chatter incessant, his grin infectious. When we were safely in the limo, I finally asked the question. “How did you orchestrate that?”

“More than one favor was called in.”

“Dan there were reporters back there taking pictures. It was Ya-sang Min. That’s more than a few favors.”

“I’ll do anything to see you happy.”