I had fallen asleep wrapped up in Dan’s arms. Sometime during the night, he’d pulled a blanket over us but never let me go. When I woke to the brick wall that was his chest, a lazy smile crossed my cheeks. The warmth radiating off him surrounded me in a cocoon of security. Just for a moment, I wished I could suspend time. It was a pipe dream. I knew I had to wake him so he could decide about going to the basketball tournament. I roamed my hand across his chest and over his shoulder, memorizing the details as I went down his arm. The corners of his mouth tipped up, but he didn’t open his eyes.

“Don’t stop. That feels good.” His voice was groggy and husky.

If he hadn’t had the night he had, I’d be all over him. Instead, I continued to trail my hand all over his exposed skin enjoying the feel of him under my fingertips. The swelling had gone down in his face, but he still had evidence of his feline encounter all over his arms. Hopefully, the scratches wouldn’t leave scars.

“What are you going to do about the tournament?” Part of me wanted him to bail so we could lounge around together all day, but there was something about watching him sweat that kicked my endorphins into high gear.

He peered down at me through half-parted lids. His eyes had more yellow in them this morning than normal, the color of winter grass right before it turns a deep, rich green in the spring.

“I’m going to play. I feel fine if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“I didn’t know if you’d be up for it.”

“Are you still coming with Annie?”

“Of course, but I need to get home to shower and change.”

“Feel like getting dirty before you go?” He wagged his eyebrows.

The gesture was so corny I just shook my head. Before I responded, he rolled over on top of me, his length pressing between my legs. Dan was ready. He reached beneath the covers and pulled my panties aside before sinking into me. I was starting to get the feeling that move turned him on. He could have easily slid them down my legs, but maybe he preferred the raciness of taking me when he wanted me. It wasn’t the normally slow pace of morning sex, but he got the job done. When he laid beside me, I tried not to panic when his semen began to leak from between my legs.

“Dan.”

“Yeah, Penny.” He was on his back, his arm draped over his eyes, completely sated.

“We didn’t use a condom.” I was on birth control. I knew I didn’t have any STDs, but I feared pregnancy far worse than any disease. I had no desire what-so-ever for children. I loved them, but the responsibility was far too great. Evidenced by the fact I almost lost my cat—kids pose far too great a risk.

“I’m clean, babe.”

“I’m not worried about clean. I’m on the pill, but still, accidents happen.”

He rolled over, dropping his arm from his face to my hip, and pulled me close. His eyes shone brightly; they crinkled at the edge with just a hint of a grin playing on his lips. Then he kissed my nose. “We’re good. Don’t worry about it.”

I wasn’t sure whether I shouldn’t worry because he didn’t believe there was a chance I would get pregnant if I were on the pill, or if he didn’t want me to worry because he’d be okay with my getting knocked up. Neither soothed my nerves. I didn’t even want to think about the fact that Annie, and Dan for that matter, had all but said he was a slut prior to meeting me. I flopped onto my back with a groan.

“You’re fine, Penny. Don’t stress.” He sat straight up and tossed his legs over the side of the bed. “Come on. We need to get you home so I can get to the Y.” With a pat on my thigh, he hopped up with far more energy than I currently possessed.

He made me a quick breakfast of eggs and toast with freshly brewed coffee. There was something about the casual way he’d welcomed me into this home, and we’d eaten as though it was the most natural thing in the world. But based on what little I knew about his past, it was the furthest thing from it. I decided to enjoy it while it lasted and not to overanalyze it.

When he dropped me off at my house, I showered and changed. Annie honked the horn in my driveway not long after I finished putting my shoes on. As I walked by the kitchen table, I saw the stack of untouched and therefore ungraded papers that still waited for my attention. It was irresponsible, but I smiled at the sight of them—it meant I had a life outside of school for the first time since Joshua. There was a bite of pain to that sentiment, but I was going to enjoy what I had while it was available to me.

The game was just like yesterday’s—Annie popped up in the middle of conversations to scream at the referee, her husband always finding her loud mouth in the stands to toss her a sexy grin. Even a blind man could see how much he loved her just in the way he looked at her. We yapped about anything and everything but primarily gawked at our stunning men out on the court.

“How long have you and Brett been together? I hope I’m still that in love if I ever get married.” I knew my eyes lit up in optimism. The blush that rose in my face heated my cheeks, and I dreamed of a future I wasn’t sure I’d ever obtain.

She stared at him while she talked. “Almost four years at this point. We dated for over a year before we got engaged, then eloped about a week later, and that was almost three years ago.”

“I love the way you look at him. That sounds funny, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all. Brett was a blessing I never thought I’d get. He’s perfect for me in every way, and he loves me unconditionally, warts and all.” Her eyes never left her husband on the court.

“Dan’s told me a little about your background. I’m glad you found Brett. According to Dan, Brett believes the sun rises and sets in you. Before I met you guys, I thought he was exaggerating, but he was right. That man adores you.”

“It’s mutual. So, how’d you meet Dan?” She was deflecting. I didn’t know the ins and outs, but from what I gathered, her past prior to Brett rivaled my own. There was death that lurked in the shadows, but I didn’t have the story. Dan was good about that kind of thing—not giving out information that wasn’t his to share. I think he believed she would tell me in her own time and knew it would mean more if she trusted me enough to share it.

“If I tell you, you’re sworn to secrecy. Not even Brett.” My eyebrows rose with the indication of juicy gossip.

“Deal.”

I told her the story of his showing up on my doorstep, and how I ended up talking to him on the porch and later invited him in. Her shock showed on her face; her jaw hung in awe when I revealed Dan had been stood up. But I think she was more surprised by the fact he was using an online dating site to find people to mingle with.

“Holy crap. Dan got stood up and met you in return? My mind is blown.”

“He was embarrassed. That was over six months ago. We’ve seen each other just about every day since then.” I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear shyly. “Don’t look so surprised.”

“I’m in utter awe. Don’t take this wrong, but I’ve never known Dan to go out with the same girl twice. You’re quite unique.”

“He’s the first guy I’ve dated in a few years. I went through a rough patch and wasn’t interested in a relationship. I relocated here at the beginning of last semester when I took a teaching job at Furman. I met him a couple of months later. Funny how the universe throws people together when they aren’t expecting it.” I found him on the court and knew my face visibly relaxed. Every time I looked at him, my cheeks heated and my eyes glazed over.

“You love him, don’t you?”

I jerked my attention away from Dan on the court to face my new friend. I’m sure I was white as a ghost. I shook my head adamantly. I couldn’t be that obvious. If she saw it, Dan certainly would.

Annie laughed, head tossed back, throat bobbing, chest rumbling, laughed. When she regained her composure, the expression she wore indicated how cute she thought all of this was. She chewed on her lip, obviously trying to stifle her outward expression.

“Don’t laugh. It’s way too early.”

“Says who?” I didn’t respond, and she kept talking. “Why is there a time frame on love? And who set it? You guys aren’t eighteen. I’m sure you’ve dated enough to know what you do and don’t want—so if you want Dan, tell him.”

I wasn’t sure if I was just saved from this conversation when Dan and Brett barreled toward us or outed by it and the possibility he’d overheard me.

Dan kissed me on the mouth, dripping with sweat. “What did I miss? What’d you want to tell me?”

If it weren’t me we were talking about, I would have found the timing and the topic entertaining, but since it was me, it was neither.

“Pizza. She wants to go to Harley’s to celebrate.” Annie saved me this time. It had been far too close.

It didn’t take much to distract men, and apparently, the mention of beer and pizza was all it had taken with these two. Brett and Annie had gone home to shower and change, leaving me with Dan, who once again would have to drive out to end of the earth to take me home.

“Sorry, I would have driven had I known we were going to go out.”

Dan took my hand and his gym bag with his other. “Why would that matter?”

“So, you wouldn’t have to drive all the way out to my house tonight.”

“I don’t mind. Why don’t we just go there now, get your car, and whatever you need for tomorrow?”

“I’m not following.”

He threw his bag in the bed of the truck and jerked my hand to tug me to his smiling face. My entire body met his with the unexpected movement. “You promised me you’d stay with me tonight and go to work from my place in the morning. Last night does not get you around that commitment. So we can go to your house. I’ll shower while you gather your things and play with your cat. Drop your car and stuff at my place, and then we will meet our friends for pizza and beer. After that, I’ll give you the time you need to finish your papers, but the minute you set the last one down, you’re mine.” His lips claimed mine in a very public kiss.

Breathlessly, I pulled away. “You’re hopeless.”

“Likely. But I usually get my way, so it’s easier to surrender than fight.”

He was right. He would always get his way with me because I had no desire to fight with him. I’d had enough of that in my life. I’d savor the sweet moments, cherish the memorable ones, and avoid the unpleasant times—I’d had enough bad to last an eternity. I was determined to treasure the good.

* * *

Annie and I had become fast friends. She had a small group of girlfriends, but they were currently on different paths. She was career driven, focused in a way most women never are because they’re more interested in husbands and babies. I admired her and Brett for that matter. The more time we spent with them, the more I saw the intricate way their lives were woven with Dan’s and just how easily they were bringing me into that fold.

There was no longer a day that went by that I didn’t receive messages from Annie; she wasn’t big on talking on the phone, which suited me just fine. We met for lunch when she was out near the University and coffee after work. Having a girlfriend who wanted nothing more than to be my friend was priceless. She was pulling for Dan and me just as much as I was.

The last time we’d met for coffee was the day I knew Annie valued our friendship as much as I did. Dan had told me for months she was a private person. Her past had been daunting, and she didn’t share it often. When she opened up to me about her two relationships prior to Brett, I knew she’d opened her heart. It was a gift she didn’t freely give and one I would honor.

Annie’s first boyfriend, Will—he was our connection. I didn’t know how, and it wasn’t a literal connection but rather an emotional one, and it centered around his death. Their story was heartbreaking. High school sweethearts, abuse damaging both of them, his lashing out at her, her acceptance of it—to anyone else it would be a horrible Hallmark after school special against domestic and child abuse—but reading between the lines, her inner turmoil was far deeper than just the surface level question of why she never left. Annie didn’t provide any details surrounding his death, and I didn’t ask for them. When she was ready to share them, she would—today wasn’t that day. But the truth behind Will was what tied me to Annie. I knew it in my heart. If anyone could forgive me and love my truth, she was it.

She had quickly moved on to the only other man she’d ever loved before meeting her husband. I wondered how Brett could work with her ex-boyfriend and not murder him after what she’d told me about their relationship. Brett would kill Dan to protect his wife, without hesitation. I can’t imagine his being professional with this guy, Gray pulling the shit he had. And now he’d started reaching out to her again.

“You want to do what?” I had to have heard her wrong.

“It’s just lunch.” Annie acted like having a lunch date with her ex-boyfriend wasn’t a big deal. And it wouldn’t be if she weren’t married.

“Do you really believe that?”

“How is it any different than having lunch with you?”

“Well, let’s see. We’ve never seen each other naked. I haven’t ripped your heart out and stomped on it while claiming to love you. Oh, and I have a vagina.” I tapped my lip with my finger and stared at the ceiling while delivering my list of reasons to her.

“But it’s a public place, and I wouldn’t go without Brett saying it was okay.”

“Just playing Devil’s advocate here, would you be okay with his having lunch, without you, with one of his ex-girlfriends?”

She shrugged her left shoulder just slightly and cocked her head as she did it. Her eyes fell to her cup, and her tone was far too perky. “Sure.”

I smacked my hand on the table, my spoon rattled on my coffee cup, and I refused to wipe the smile from my face. “Bull. There is no way you’d be down with Brett hanging with an old hottie. Admit it!”

“Fine. I would hate it. But, but…” She held up her finger. “Hear me out.” A seriousness replaced the humor that had played in her eyes. “I told Brett before we ever got married, I hoped at some point Gray and I could be friends.”

“Yeah, but that was before you said ‘I do.’ It’s just not fair to him, Annie. And you know as well as I do, he won’t tell you no. You’ll just hurt him asking.”

“I need to do it.”

“But why? Why would you risk your marriage for this guy?”

Her face fell, and sadness washed over her pale skin. When tears pooled in her eyes, I knew whatever her response was she felt it at the core of who she was. “So it wasn’t another failure.”

And there it was. My friend needed justification for the time she’d spent with this man.

“If I can resurrect a friendship, then the years I spent loving him weren’t in vain. They meant something, and I didn’t let him down.”

I reached across the tiny table in the little coffee shop where we had become regulars and took Annie’s hands in my own. “You realize, he wasn’t yours to save? Neither was Will. I understand wanting to right the wrongs of the past, but Annie, they brought you where you are. Those relationships weren’t failures because they didn’t turn out the way you expected. They prepared you to receive the gift Brett was going to give you.”

She looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign tongue.

“You had to go through Will and Gray to find Brett. And had they not done the damage they did, what Brett gives you now wouldn’t be as valuable because you would have always had it.”

Annie eyed me with curiosity as she gave me just the slightest hint of a nod. “Is that your story?” Her eyebrows rose half an inch, and she held them there in question.

I let go of her hands and trailed my fingers back across the table as I sat back in my seat. “I think it’s part of all of our stories. People come and go in our lives. I truly believe each serves a purpose from the cashier at the convenience store to the guy you marry. You may see the reason for their introduction in your path, you might not realize it until long after they’ve left, and there are those you’ll never understand but never forget. The fact is they were all intricate parts of who you are designed to be.”

“Do you miss your family?” The question was out of left field, but I also knew Annie was fairly detached from her own, and they lived in town.

“Terribly, but they made their choices, and I made mine.”

“Would you rekindle those relationships if you could?”

“My parents are not the same as an ex-boyfriend, Annie.”

“There’s no one back home you wish you could mend fences with? Not reconcile, but make amends?”

I wanted to tell her everything, give her the details she was searching for. She knew there was more to my history, but she wouldn’t pry because she wouldn’t want me to. “Of course, but Annie, if I were lucky enough to be married to a man who believed I brought him life, there’s no way I’d go backward.”

She hadn’t made up her mind. Annie was teetering on the edge of this decision, and I hoped she didn’t fall over. This would be devastating to Brett. I wasn’t going to badger her about it, or even condemn her if she followed through, but I prayed she appreciated her present and left her past alone.

We chatted for another hour or so before we broke off, her to Brett and me to my house. I hadn’t heard from Dan all day, which meant it hadn’t been a good one for him. The only time he went silent was when the shit hit the fan at work. I didn’t want to drive all the way home only to have him call minutes after I got there and want me to come back to his house, so I tried his cell in the parking lot.

“Hey, Penny. I was just about to call you.”

“Hey.”

“What are you up to?”

“I just left Java Bistro. I’m sitting in the parking lot but didn’t want to drive home if you were getting off soon.”

“Meet me at my house. If you get there before I do, there’s a key behind the light to the right of the door. You’ll feel it even if you can’t see it.” He paused for a moment. “I just need to get you a key. Anyway, I’m leaving here in a couple minutes.”

“Be careful.”

“You too.” He never said goodbye when we hung up. The first time he’d done it, I stared at my phone in disbelief, but after the third or fourth time, I called him back to ask why. “Goodbyes are final, and you’re my future.” He could hang up on me any day he wanted to after that. If I never heard that word come from his mouth, then we’d never be over.

* * *

I knew I’d beat him to his house and wasn’t sure how comfortable I was going in alone. I wasn’t going to snoop, but it was his personal space, and I didn’t want to intrude. I warred with that silly notion for far longer than I should before I got out, found the key, and let myself in.

Closing the door behind me, I took a single step before I noticed the vast number of flowers—all the color of my hair. Beautiful orange Marigolds, California Poppies, Lily of the Incas, and far more I didn’t recognize. Petals littered the floor in a path between the vases. Everywhere I turned there were more I hadn’t seen. Each vase took me a step closer to the living room where Dan sat on the couch with something in his hand.

My heart threatened to beat out of my chest until I realized what he was holding was paper.

“Where’s your truck?” My brow furrowed in confusion.

“That’s the question you’re choosing to lead with?” He roared with laughter.

I stopped and gave him a look, the one that told him I was confused and hoped he’d provide answers sooner rather than later.

“It’s in the garage, babe.”

He patted the seat next to him indicating his desire for me to join him. Unsure of what I was joining him for, my steps were slow, still taking in the dozens of flowers, and trying to remain focused on Dan.

“I’m not going to bite you, Penny. Come here.”

I reached his side and sat next to him. I’d never seen anything this grandiose, not for me, and not in real life. There were hundreds of dollars in flowers lining his hallway, and Dan wasn’t really a floral kind of guy. Nor was he overly romantic.

I eyed him waiting for him to speak. Instead, he handed me an envelope…small, like the kind cash came in from a bank.

“Go ahead, open it.” There was a smile on his face so broad if it got any larger it would slide right off the side of his cheeks. He was excited about the contents of the envelope. I remembered being like that when I’d found the perfect gift for Matt, or my parents. The anticipation of a loved one’s happiness being an even greater gift to yourself than the one you’d given them.

My finger slid under the flap and carefully pulled it open. I squeezed the edges to make the opening wide and reached inside. My hand trapped the gasp that threatened to escape my mouth, my eyes flooded with tears of joy, and I stared at the tickets in front of me.

Orchestra seats to Ya-sang Min.

It had been sold out since Rob had asked me to go.

“How?” My sight drifted from the tickets to his mellow eyes. The tears clung to my eyelashes in a melodramatic display of emotion just before they released their grip in favor of streaking my cheeks.

“I called in a favor.”

“Dan, this is more than a favor. You shouldn’t have done it. These had to have cost you a fortune.” I didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but at face value, they were over two hundred dollars apiece.

“I’d do anything to make you happy, Lissa.” First Cosmo, now Ya-sang Min. “I love you. I’ll spend every day you give me trying to prove that.”

The tickets fell in my lap. My hand cupped the side of his face, and my thumb stroked his cheek. “Dan.” His name was barely a whisper. I leaned in to kiss him, just a peck, enough to connect. I tilted my forehead to his and his eyes when I uttered the words I never thought I’d say to another human again. “I love you, too.”

His hands came to my face, and what I’d tried to keep respectable, Dan took to intimate. He left me breathless, panting for more.

“You know you have to wear a suit?” The look on his face when he registered my question was priceless.

“Does that mean you’ll be in a slinky dress?”

The one and only time I didn’t abhor fancy clothes was performances—in them or attending—they made them regal as they should be. My life transformed when classical music and black tie combined in one event.

I nodded. “I’ll even let you pick.”

Dan let me go on and on about how excited I was. I would have expected him to grow tired of my ramblings, but the longer I talked, the more content he appeared. It was all too good to be true. Matt had never accompanied me to the symphony and had only begrudgingly come to my own performances. I assumed that was how people outside the music world felt. I heard people gripe about how boring listening to an orchestra would be, and how much they hated penguin attire. It was a part of my life Matt had never involved himself in, and I accepted that in the way he didn’t force me into a gun range for target practice.

“Have you ever been to see someone like this play?”

“Believe it or not, Brett is a huge fan of all things artsy and so is Annie. I think that’s why he and Bastian clicked in high school. He’s athletic, but his mother instilled a love of all performing arts in him. His father hated going, so by default, Brett went from a very early age. To this day, he still goes with her, of course, now Annie goes too. In high school, he dragged me to several he thought I’d enjoy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, his mom convinced him it would help me be more well-rounded. Truthfully, there were several we went to that were a lot of fun, but I’d never admit that publicly.” He winked, but I knew from the tone of his voice he was playing. “But, Lissa, even if I hated them—I’d enjoy watching you love them.”

“Thank you. Truly. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” I scanned the room, taking in the flowers before landing back on Dan’s face. “All of it.”