Our pictures had been featured in the arts section of the local paper the next morning. I’d stayed with Dan, and he’d gone out to get two physical copies, the online version wasn’t good enough. I sat in his kitchen drinking coffee in his shirt that was far too big for me when he’d come back. It was cute. I watched as he got out the scissors, cut out his favorite shot, and then pulled two simple black frames from the Wal-Mart bag at his feet.

Walking into my office, I held one of those two frames in my hand prepared to put it on my desk. Just as I’d found a permanent home for the picture, Rob walked in. I hadn’t seen him much since I’d turned him down and outwardly said I was seeing someone. There hadn’t been any coffee or muffins, no last-minute lunches, or even hellos. I hadn’t seen him, and he hadn’t stopped by. Until now.

“Saw the paper. Glad you got to go.” The way he said the words didn’t make me believe his sincerity, but I refused to come off this high.

“Rob, it was…it just was. I can’t describe what it was like playing with Ya-sang Min. I still have no idea how Dan pulled it off, but this made my year.”

“I bet it did. Probably made up for some of your past, too, huh?”

The smile fell from my face with the sucker punch he’d just delivered below the belt. I had no response other than to stare at him. But he wasn’t done.

“Dan’s kind of a notorious player; maybe he used some of his old ways to finagle your way backstage. You know men never really change.”

“I need to get to class.” I motioned Rob toward the door and closed it behind us. I didn’t wait for him to say anything else, I just turned my back and walked away.

All day long, my mind allowed Rob’s words to seep in and mess with me. Every free moment I had to think, I instantly started wondering if there was any truth to Rob’s statements. There was no reason for Dan to have suddenly changed when he met me, to decide he wanted long-term when all he’d had were samples of every flavor of woman possible. I wasn’t a model or filthy rich. I was a teacher who lived in Fountain Inn and dressed like I shopped at Pacific Sunwear.

But if that were true, if he’d wanted to be with other people, he wouldn’t go to the lengths he had to do something so special for me. It was a mental war I struggled to fight. There had been too many things said in the past, too many reasons for self-doubt…one too many people had walked away.

I collapsed in my office chair after my final class just wanting to hide from the world. This was one place I could do that. Most of the students had left, and I’d walked by Rob’s office to get to mine, and he’d left, too. Some of the practice rooms were in use downstairs, but at five o’clock the building would be a ghost town. The moment I slumped over my desk, my cell phone rang. I debated answering it. It could only be one of two people, and I wasn’t up for talking to either. It went to voicemail, and the ringing started again immediately. When I glanced at the screen and saw Annie’s name, I worried something might be wrong and gave in.

“Hello?”

“If you’re serious, we’re in.” She didn’t say hello or make reference to what she was talking about, but I knew.

“Absolutely.” There was no reservation, no hesitation. This was my chance to pay retribution for Joshua.

“Brett and I are going to meet with the lawyer to find out how to handle all of this, and we’ll get you the details. In the meantime, there are a couple of specialists here in town that I want to make appointments with. I’d like for both of us to be comfortable with them. Can you email me your schedule, so I don’t cause you to miss work?”

“Yeah. Yes. Of course.”

“Are you okay, Liss?”

I sighed and knew she’d heard it. “Yeah. I just had a bad day. My boss is a little jealous of Dan and made some ugly comments this morning.”

“Don’t let it get you down. What did he say?”

“Just made comments about Dan’s history with women. I don’t even know how he’d be aware of it. I certainly never discussed it with anyone.”

“Dan’s past is just that. Don’t drag it into the future. I’d tell you if he were doing anything shady, and Brett would kill him. Ignore the douchebag. Hey look, I need to get going but send me that email, okay? We need to get together this week. I want to hear all about the cello thing.”

“Sure thing.” I hung up giggling.

She was right. It didn’t matter what Dan had done a year ago. I hadn’t known him, and I wasn’t going to persecute him for it now. Rob was mad because I’d turned him down, but it shouldn’t have taken me dating another man to express his interest.

I finished the grading and prep work I had to do for my classes tomorrow and closed down my computer. I’d made it without any other friends on staff, and I’d be all right if Rob bailed on me too. Just before I reached my SUV, the jerk came jogging through the parking lot calling my name. I didn’t stop until I had my hand on the door.

“Lissa.” He arrived at my side, winded.

“What, Rob?”

“Look, about earlier—”

I stopped him. There was no point in going any further with this conversation. “There’s nothing to discuss. You said what you had to say and whether you meant it or not, you know you went too far bringing up my past. I came here to get a fresh start, and you used information I’d shared with you in confidence against me. That’s not an arena I want to play in.”

“You’re not mad about what your boyfriend did to get you tickets?”

“I don’t know your connection to Dan or where you got your information, nor do I care. I’m certainly in no position to cast judgment on how people live. All I know is he’s good to me, and I don’t believe he did anything that would hurt our relationship. So, no. I’m not mad. I just have no use for the conversation.”

“You deserve better.”

“Yeah? And what would that look like? A guy who was too insecure to make a move until someone else already had? Thanks, Rob, but I’m not interested. If Dan were sleeping with half of Greenville and we broke up tomorrow, I wouldn’t date you.”

He stepped back and allowed me to get in the car. I locked the doors as soon as I was inside while he stood to watch me. Once I’d pulled out of the parking lot, I called the one person I knew would make me feel better.

“Hey, Penny. You leaving work?”

“Yeah. I just had a run in with Rob but doubt he’ll be inviting me to any more concerts after what took place in the parking lot.”

I gave Dan the gist of the conversation after my class and in the parking lot, minus the digs at my past.

“Lissa, I’ve lived in this town my entire life. I know a lot of people, but I didn’t do anything to compromise my commitment to you.”

“Dan…I don’t—”

“Babe, let me finish. I bought the tickets, with cash…a lot of it. The limo, cash. Dinner, cash. The only favor I called in was a friend whose mother is very heavily involved with the Peace Center. She’s on their board and donates scads of money to their endowment. In exchange for a large contribution, I was able to get the backstage access. I had told her all about you and why I was doing it—she’s a romantic at heart and a lover of all things art related. I didn’t know until the night before about your actually playing with him. When I had talked to her, it was the day after I’d sat in on your class, and I was proud of you. She set that up, not me. She thought it would be good for the local community and great for his PR, and she was right.”

He took a deep breath. His frustration was palpable.

“I grabbed your violin when I got to the house and put it in the limo before you came out. The driver took it in to the Peace Center while we were at dinner. There was nothing shady, nothing I’m ashamed of. And I sure as hell didn’t touch another woman to make you happy. That’s a little contradictory, don’t you think?”

“I didn’t think you had, Dan. I promise. I was more irritated by the fact someone who claimed to be my friend a year ago was now trying to hurt my feelings.”

“I love you, Lissa. If I screw up, it’s not going to be with another woman.”

“I love you, too.”

“So, I just got off the phone with Brett. Looks like those perverted pregnancy fantasies are coming to fruition.”

Again, he always made me smile.

* * *

Things started at a whirlwind pace with Annie. Somehow, she scheduled three doctor’s appointments within the week, and she and Brett met with their attorney within days of making the decision to look further into having a surrogate. After our final appointment today, Annie and I decided on one of the specialists, but choosing the doctor was the easy part. And the legalities were a breeze compared to what all I would have to go through to get my body ready to carry a child. My uterus wouldn’t naturally take fertilized embryos and incubate them, the doctor would have to create the perfect environment. I was committed, and Annie promised to be there every step of the way.

We parted ways to both return to work after, and Annie promised to have the paperwork from her lawyer in the next day or two. I wasn’t concerned about any of it. I’d sign whatever they wanted me to, but she didn’t know that. I knew they needed this to protect themselves and the child I would carry. I didn’t begrudge them that. Brett had been insistent I review the paperwork with my own attorney after I received it, but it was a waste of money. I didn’t fight them on that either. If that made them feel better about all of this, I’d play by their rules. They were the ones risking something; I was just happily leasing out space.

“Knock, knock.” Dan poked his head in my office door.

I glanced at the clock realizing it was lunch time. “Hey.” I hadn’t expected him today but was always eager to spend time with him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was hoping you were free for lunch, but I also brought you paperwork from Brett. I used it as an excuse to come see you.” He came to me to hand off the envelope and kissed me on the cheek. “Want to grab a bite to eat?”

“Yeah, but it will have to be on campus. I have class in less than an hour.” I locked my computer, and we walked out the door. “Have you read the paperwork?”

“It’s pretty straightforward. It outlines what they plan to pay for and of course custody of the embryos and then baby. I didn’t see anything in it that would even raise an eyebrow. I actually thought it was relatively short for detailing how life would enter the world.”

“Are you still good with me doing this?” I stopped on the sidewalk to really study his face. “I need to know this isn’t going to hurt us.” My hand came to my forehead to shield my eyes from the sun and be able to see him clearly.

“Yeah, Penny. I’m good with this.”

“You’re not going to freak out when someone makes a backhanded comment about your girlfriend carrying someone else’s child?”

“I might pummel them, but it won’t affect us. I promise, Lissa. I’m good with this. But you still need to have a lawyer look it over before you sign it. I love Brett and Annie, but I want to make sure you’re protected in this, too.”

It would be so much easier if he knew why this was so important—if he understood it was my way of giving back to the universe the life I’d stolen. Then he would know why the logistics, the verbiage, none of it mattered. The game of life had dealt me back in, and there was no guarantee I’d get to play another round. I was all in.

After lunch, I assured Dan I would go over the documents with an attorney, but figured a teacher who taught law classes was close enough. I knew I couldn’t race the documents back to the Ryann’s attorney without suspicion, so after getting the green light from across campus, I sat on them until the following afternoon. Once I was out of class and had taken care of everything I needed to do, I dropped off the paperwork, signed and notarized. The receptionist assured me they would notify the Ryanns the documents had been returned, but I called Annie to let her know just in case they didn’t get to it until tomorrow.

I wasn’t surprised by her tears or her gratitude. She didn’t think she was worthy of my gesture, and she didn’t understand she was saving me by allowing me to make it. She’d come clean about her history, all the brutal facts and ugly memories, the night we’d gone back to their house after I offered to carry her child in the middle of a pizza restaurant. I knew the significance this baby would hold for her, but she’d never know why I’d needed to do it or that she just might have saved my soul in the process.

That one phone call changed my life for the following year. I knew it when I made it. The moment I walked into their lawyer’s office, I knew I was sealing my fate. I hadn’t felt lighter in years, certainly not since Joshua. For the first time, I smiled at the thought of his name and hoped he knew years later I was still trying to atone for my sins. I’d never forgive myself, but I hoped he had been able to. By the grace of God, I had the chance at a surrogate family of sorts with Brett and Annie, and I was desperate to hold on to it.

Two days later, the three of us stood in Annie’s kitchen waiting for Brett to come home. Somehow Dan had escaped 3 Tier before his partner in crime, but we’d agreed information would be shared at the same time, so everyone heard the same things. When Annie’s husband finally strolled through the door, we were both about to burst with the excitement of all we’d learned today and the fact we’d done it together. I was an only child, but I imagined this was what having a sister would be like.

Annie and I glanced at each other, but I gave her the go ahead to tell them her news. She was filled with energy spilling over as she bounced around the room. Her smile glowed, and I’d never seen her so overjoyed.

“Lissa had a full check-up done, and they put her on progesterone injections and estrogen replacements. Since she was on birth control already, they are having her continue that for the time being to ensure a regulated cycle.”

I was grateful she hadn’t delved into the specifics of my monthly flow, but by the time this was over, everyone in this room will have seen my vagina, and my menstrual cycle will be the least of my embarrassment. Annie and I had undergone full medical disclosures, at least as far as they knew. There were things I’d left out. If they knew about the hospitalization in Austin, there would be questions that followed. It wasn’t related to my health, so I hadn’t revealed it. All four of us had to be tested for STDs and everything else under the sun. Annie and Brett because it was their fertilized egg, me because I would carry it, and Dan because he was sleeping with me, who would carry their fertilized egg.

“She will go through a mock cycle to make sure her uterine lining is ready for the egg. Then a trial transfer to determine where the embryos will be placed. Our bodies have already naturally synched to the same cycle. About two weeks in, we both start Lupron to stop our bodies natural hormone production and give the embryos the best chance for survival.”

“You keep saying embryos as in plural. Are we trying for multiples?” I knew Annie and Brett hadn’t talked about twins, but Annie and I agreed it made more sense. The price tag on these procedures equated to a new car, and if they wanted a big family, this was a way to get it without doubling the cost, the time, or the heartache of a failed attempt.

“Shush. We’ll come back to that. Anyway, once our periods start, they change the medications for both of us, for me to help produce the eggs, for Lissa to help sustain the pregnancy. Thirty-six hours after Lissa starts the HCG, I’ll have the egg retrieval done, you’ll need to donate sperm, and they do the fertilization and then incubation. Then the doctor does the implant.”

Both men looked skeptical, but Dan spoke first. “That all sounds overly simplistic. Did either of you ask about statistics of success rates? How many tries it normally takes to get a viable pregnancy?”

Annie rolled her eyes, but he kept talking.

“The two of you seem to think this is a day at the mall. There’s a lot at stake here. Don’t be so casual about it all.”

Brett laughed at his best friend chastising the two of us. Annie and I both gawked at him like he had three heads.

“Dan, no one is taking this lightly. Annie and I were there for hours today, and it was information overload. Ease up a bit. She’s just giving you the highlights.” I knew what the look he shot me meant. He wanted this to be successful, but he’d become protective in a way he hadn’t expected. He wanted his friends to have the child they wanted, but my safety was his top priority.

Annie had asked all the questions none of us wanted answers to. She wanted to be prepared and not disappointed. If they really wanted the down and dirty, Annie could deliver the bitter truth. Her eyes were wide open, and while she was excited, she was entering into this with a guarded heart, so she didn’t have another dream shattered. If only I could reassure her how confident I was this would work, and why. But, I couldn’t give her that peace of mind, I had to allow her to reach the conclusion on her own.

“With all women, our ages play a huge factor in the success. We’re both still under that magic thirty-five mark, so that’s a big plus, but there’s only about a forty-six percent chance the IVF will result in a viable pregnancy. That’s where the multiple embryos come into play. The more fertilized eggs implanted, the higher the chance of one making it.” Annie would unload the statistics Dan had asked for if someone didn’t stop her. She’d taken notes during the visit and could likely teach other parents considering IVF on the process at this point.

“Okay, so let’s say we implant three and all three stick, then what? We have triplets? We have a selective termination?” Brett’s question was valid, but one I knew Dan wouldn’t like the answer to.

Dan hadn’t contemplated these possibilities. I knew how he felt about abortion, which was why he’d had the vasectomy. Their response on how to handle that situation might put a kibosh on the whole thing. That could be a deal breaker for Dan.

Annie looked each person in the room dead in the eye. She wasn’t taking this lightly, or the fact that there were four adults involved here, not just two. While what she and Brett wanted was a huge consideration, it remained my body, and I’d have to agree to termination—but the paperwork I’d signed, said I didn’t own them. This was where things got dicey. I couldn’t accept terminating a viable life in favor of bringing another into the world, it defeated the point of what I was doing. But I knew, Annie wouldn’t give up triplets, and I’d never ask her to. “I think that’s a decision the four of us would have to make together.”

I had been relatively quiet through the discussion. I’d wanted to watch Dan and Brett’s responses to Annie, to gauge where they were in all of this. But the turmoil in Dan’s eyes worried me, and I had to set his fears to rest. I finally laid my hand on Dan’s forearm and stroked my thumb on his skin in quiet comfort. “Annie and I have talked a lot about this before today. We think we should try three embryos.”

Brett gawked at me with a look of disbelief, clearly not registering what I’d said, or not believing I’d said it. “You’re going to carry triplets? Do you know what that will do to your body?”

I knew what he was doing. He was asking the questions that would make me regret my decisions down the road when I couldn’t change them. He didn’t want me to go in blind, but he had no idea how focused I truly was.

Annie and I laughed together. Dan was still perplexed, or maybe he was second-guessing how erotic pregnancy might actually be.

“Yes, Brett, I do. But I also know, this is a one-time thing for you guys, and I want to give you the best shot at the family you want. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to get Annie to consider a second pregnancy, and hell, after the first, I may not want to do one.”

Annie would never let me do this again, and I wasn’t sure at the expense they’d even be able to afford it if I could talk her into it. They were covering all the medical expenses, any lost time from work, my medical leave, all of my pregnancy needs like maternity clothing, not to mention their own costs. They also had legal expenses to consider. But there was no doubt in my mind—this was a one-time thing for them.

The four of us sat around eating chicken parmesan and salads without the accompaniment of wine. They’d all agreed if I couldn’t drink while I was pregnant, none of them would. At the end of the meal, we’d reached a consensus of three eggs if it was possible, and I sent up a silent prayer thanking a God I hadn’t talked to in ages for using me to help them. I asked Him to deliver my friends a boy, but when it came down to it, I didn’t care as long as the baby was healthy. I refused to believe this would be anything but successful. I glanced around the table at my unconventional family of friends. Dan had his arm around the back of my chair talking sports with Brett, and Annie was discussing all things baby. I smiled at the right times and offered an occasional verbal response, but I was so caught up in all the love gathered in one place that none of the words mattered. We’d all bonded, and this would forever tie us. This baby would be my redemption.