I’d spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn’t wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he’d be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn’t heard from him in the time I’d been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks.

It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I’d spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was…I couldn’t leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I’d lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got on her nerves, she’d laughed and shooed me away. I wanted to be a resource, not a nuisance.

Lying in bed after a hot bath, I curled into Dan who was watching Sports Center.

“At some point, we need to plan the wedding. You know that, right?” His voice rumbled with my ear pressed against his chest.

“What do you think about eloping? It worked for Annie and Brett.” I hadn’t mentioned my preference prior to this moment.

He nudged me up with his shoulder and pulled back to see my face.

“Seriously?”

I sat up, folding my legs under me Indian style. I’d put it off as long as I could, but surely, he recognized I didn’t have anyone to invite. We’d been together long enough for him to realize my only friends lived a hundred yards away.

“Seriously.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to have a wedding?”

Or maybe he didn’t realize it. “My side would be rather empty, don’t you think?” I didn’t mean to snap, but it hurt to know my entire life started over. There was no one beyond our neighbors who even cared if I took my next breath.

“What about your parents? Your friends back home?”

Clueless.

I let out a heavy sigh unsure how to address any of this. The simplest thing to do was acknowledge it…head-on. “I haven’t talked to my parents in years, and there are no friends besides Annie.” My embarrassment was tough to conceal. It wasn’t worth crying over. I’d done that ages ago. It was a truth Dan had to face.

“Surely, your parents would want to be at your wedding.” Confusion wasn’t a good look for Dan.

“My parents aren’t interested. I promise. If it’s a big deal to you, we can do a ceremony. I’d just hoped to avoid it.” I cast my eyes to the comforter and picked at it with my fingers.

His thumb lifted my chin. The moment I met his gaze, I saw the acceptance. “Okay, baby. Tell me what you want to do.” There was no animosity in his tone, no begrudging resignation—just peaceful understanding. These were the moments that demonstrated his unconditional love. Most men would have insisted on an explanation, but Dan never questioned it. Maybe he knew there was pain in the past. Or maybe he identified it with his own childhood.

“I just want to go to the courthouse.”

His brow furrowed in the middle as he searched my face. A warm, gentle smile turned the corners of his mouth up. “Then that’s what we’ll do. Pick a date, and we’ll go. Just me and you.”

“Monday.”

“As in five days from now?” Surprise lit up his features.

If he wanted to wait, he was going to have to tell me; otherwise, I wanted to move forward. Annie was christening the babies this weekend, so I wanted to wait until after that, but then it was all systems go. “Yep.”

“Alright, Monday it is.”

He grabbed my hand from my lap and pulled me across his body. I straddled his waist to maintain my balance just as he nudged his excitement into my stomach. When he kissed me, the thoughts of my past life fled from my mind, and I was captivated by the way his mouth took mine. Our tongues danced in an unhurried pace, and his hands roamed my body. Under my tank top, and beneath the elastic of my shorts, his fingers tickled my senses and aroused my hunger. When he dug into the underside of my butt, he pulled me up on his erection and then eased me back down—his need clearly matching my own. My panties were uncomfortable as the wetness penetrated them. I rolled off him without breaking our kiss, and he turned to his side. Somehow the two of us shed our clothes simultaneously while still exploring the other. Divested of our cumbersome clothing, Dan pulled my knee across his waist and opened me up for his entrance. My back arched, and my head fell with the penetration. Glorious, pain met pleasure, as I adjusted to his girth, and he rocked into me.

He buried his head in my neck and growled out a low moan. The palm of his hand found the back of my head, and he gripped my hair, tugging slightly as he used the embrace for leverage to roll in and out. I dug my heel into his firm cheek, encouraging his depth. It didn’t take me long to cry my release and have him follow shortly after.

We laid wrapped up in the other’s arms in silence. Our chests heaved until our breath stabilized. When I finally got up to go to the restroom and clean up, he called through the door. I couldn’t make out the words and asked him what he’d said when I came back in the room.

“You’d make a great mom.” My heart stopped. The warm rag in my hand fell to the ground, and I’m sure my face was stark white.

“W-what?”

“I’ve just watched how you are with Grayson and Alissa. I know how much you love them. You’d make a great mom.”

I couldn’t tell if he was probing me or making an honest observation, at least from his perspective. Clearly, if he knew the truth, he’d never utter those words or anything close to them.

“I do love them.” I picked up the washcloth I’d dropped and handed it to him when I made it back to the bed. I hoped he hadn’t seen the shock on my face, but it would have been hard to miss. “But that doesn’t mean I’d be any good at having my own. It’s far easier to enjoy something you don’t have the responsibility for.” I started to ramble. “It’s like having a pool. Everyone loves to swim. But nobody wants to test chemicals and clean the liner.”

I avoided eye contact as I got under the covers.

“Children are nothing like a pool, Lissa.” He laughed as he spoke.

“You know what I mean.” Once my head hit the pillow beside him, I dared to look his direction. “What’s up with all the talk of kids recently? Are you changing your mind?” It dawned on me. “Or are you worried I’m changing mine?”

He shrugged but didn’t look away. “Just an observation. Have you changed your mind?”

“Nope. You?”

He shook his head firmly and turned off the light by the bed. We laid there in silence for quite some time before he kissed me goodnight and pulled me into him. I felt Cosmo join us on my side of the bed and hoped Dan didn’t wake up with a swollen face. The allergy shots had done wonders, but he still tended to have adverse reactions if he touched the cat and then his face.

“Love you, Penny.”

“I love you, too.”

The night cast a glow around the room the way only moonlight could. Once my eyes had adjusted, it was easy to see the objects around me. Dan’s breathing evened out, and I knew I was alone with my thoughts. I never dreamed I’d have to make a decision about covering up my past, but I wondered if he needed to know the truth before we tied the knot. Neither of us had any desire for kids, and we’d agreed countless times the past was best left alone…but maybe that didn’t apply here. I couldn’t find a reason for his knowing. I justified in my mind he was better off without the information. There was no part of his life that would benefit from the horror of my past. I’d made peace with it, at least as much as I was able to, and it didn’t need to haunt him, too.

I drifted off with thoughts of Dan and Joshua on my mind. Pieces of me wanted to share him with my fiancé, but more of me wanted to keep his memory for myself. I dreamed of my son just as clearly as if I’d held him yesterday, but I woke in a panic when it hadn’t been Matt holding him in his infancy but rather Dan.

* * *

“You look like shit, Lissa. Did you have a baby that keeps you up at night, and I missed it?”

I swung my attention to Annie to find her giggling to herself. “You don’t look so hot yourself, heifer.” The wink I shot her direction ensured she saw my playfulness. “I haven’t slept all that well the last couple nights.” I didn’t need to tell her why.

“Bad dreams?” She’d become a pro at this whole parenting gig. She never missed a beat with either kid and managed to hold completely coherent, adult conversations while breastfeeding one and changing the other. Anyone else would need more hands but not Annie Ryann.

“I don’t know what it is. Just not getting a lot of rest.”

She stopped what she was doing and gave me the eye. The one that told me she didn’t believe a word I said. I scooped Alissa up and ignored her.

“Spill it.”

“There’s nothing to spill. I’m just not sleeping well.”

“Are you nervous about getting married?”

Her question was natural, based on the fact that event loomed just around the corner. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. But maybe that’s it.” I kissed Alissa on the mouth to get her to smile for me and tried to pretend the words that were about to pass my lips were insignificant. “How much do you think a spouse should know about their partner?”

I felt the weight of her stare and tried to avoid it, but it kept pulling me in.

“Everything. I don’t think a relationship can be successful with secrets.”

“So Brett knows everything about you? There’s nothing you’ve kept to yourself?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure there’s some tidbit I’ve left out but nothing of any importance and certainly not intentionally. But if you’re worried about Dan, he doesn’t have any hidden skeletons. The vasectomy was the only thing he didn’t share with people. He’s an open book.” I appreciated her ability to reassure me my future husband wasn’t hiding anything, but she had done nothing but raise more questions about whether I needed to come clean.

I tried to switch the subject before she started probing into my reasons for asking. “Are you excited about the christening tomorrow?”

Her face scrunched up, and her eyes became narrow slits. “I guess I should be, but it’s more for our parents than either of us. You know I’m not overly religious, but this is what you do in the South. It’s a show for the religious zealots in the community. I don’t believe God would forsake my children for not having water sprinkled on their heads if something happened.”

Clearly, Annie had not been raised Catholic. That is exactly what the denomination as a whole thought, and parents christened babies quickly to ensure their salvation. After Joshua had died, my thoughts on the subject changed with his passing. I refused to allow myself to think he’d been cast aside because he’d missed a blessing that had been scheduled to happen the following week. But I also had to acknowledge, I wholeheartedly believed he’d been idle in purgatory until I righted my wrongs. Contradictory maybe, but my son hadn’t gone to hell.

“Better safe than sorry, right?” It was the only thing I could say.

“Agreed. And it will make for pretty pictures.”

I’d bought a dress for the occasion and was excited to share this event with my friends. It didn’t matter what we were doing, it was the fact that I was included in the ceremony that held so much meaning. With each passing day, Annie and Brett and their two children were etched deeper into the drawing of my life. Aside from Dan, they were my only family—one I never dreamed I’d have. One I wasn’t willing to lose to a mistake I’d made before I ever knew them.

If God could forgive me for what I’d done to Joshua, then the rest of the world didn’t need to know. I had atoned for my sin, I had righted my wrong. The proof was lying in my arms—living, breathing proof. The little girl was my real-life Hail Mary.

I helped Annie get both of the kids bathed and in bed before leaving her house. I loved helping her with them and appreciated that she allowed me to be so active in their lives. It benefited her too, but she didn’t have to treat me like I was just as important to them as she was. I’d never forget just how special she made me feel.

“Do you still want me to come over in the morning to help you get the kids ready?” I had my hand on the knob talking to her. I was ready to go home. It had been a long day, the babies were cranky, and I was exhausted. All I could think about was being wrapped up in Dan’s embrace for the duration of the evening.

She met me at the door with a weary smile on her face. Annie needed sleep as much as they did. “If you don’t mind…Brett means well, but he’s better at feeding and changing diapers than getting them dressed.”

“No worries. I’ll come over around eight. That will give me time to go home and change and meet you guys at the church.”

“Sounds good. Get some rest. Don’t let Dan keep you up.” The way she waggled her eyebrows made me burst out laughing.

“Please don’t ever do that again. Has Brett seen you make that face?”

“Are you kidding? How do you think we got Grayson?”

I knew she was joking, but the thought was more than I cared to process. “Gross. Goodnight, Annie.”

“Night, Liss. See you in the morning. Tell Dan I said hey.”

I waved to her over my shoulder before I walked across both driveways to our house. I couldn’t wait to climb in bed with my fiancé. The only thing I wanted was a pillow and blanket and about eight hours with the back of my eyelids.

* * *

The time on my phone couldn’t be right. There was no way it was a quarter to eight. Somehow in my haste to get to sleep I either hadn’t turned on my alarm or had turned it off an hour ago when it rang. I threw the covers back and practically fell out of bed. The thud of my body on the floor woke Dan whose concern, while well intended, only slowed my progress out the door.

“Let me go. I have fifteen minutes to get to Annie’s house, and I had planned to shower before I went.”

He didn’t relinquish his grasp on me once he got up. “Lissa, calm down. You aren’t going to do anyone any good in a panic.”

I relaxed until I felt the tension in his arms subside and then made my break. “I’ll be back. Can you get the gifts out of the closet and throw them in the bags on the kitchen counter? There’s tissue paper there, too.”

“Sure, where are they?”

I raced around tearing my pajamas off to put on a bra and some real clothes. As much as I loved Brett, I wasn’t interested in him seeing any more of me than he had in the birthing pool. I doubted I’d ever be able to look him in the eye again. “The gifts? In my closet in the white box.”

He grabbed my arm when I pulled my shirt over my head. “I’ll take care of it. Go help Annie. You have plenty of time.”

I stopped and let out a sigh. Lifting up on my toes, I placed my lips on his in a sweet but short kiss. “Thank you.”

He smacked my butt, and I scooted out the door and down the stairs.

Annie was in a panic when I arrived. I didn’t knock and just barged my way in and up the stairs. Both kids were crying, she was on the verge of tears, and Brett appeared terrified.

“Brett, what’s wrong? Surely you’ve seen them both cry before?” I laughed at his inability to move. He didn’t respond so I gently moved him aside to take Alissa from her crib. “Annie, are you okay with Grayson?” I hadn’t seen her overwhelmed and wondered what kind of night they’d all had.

“Lissa, all he’s done all night is throw up and cry.” Worry etched her tone and answered the question about Brett. They hadn’t had a sick baby yet.

“Have you checked his temperature?”

“He doesn’t have one.”

“Here, switch with me.” Joshua had painful bouts of gas, and I hoped for Annie and Brett’s sake the same was true for Grayson and it was a relatively easy fix.

She took Alissa who stopped crying the moment she was in her mother’s arms. I sat in the glider and laid her son on my thighs with his head at my knees. He pouted, and his bottom lip stuck out in the cutest possible way. “Does your tummy hurt, little man?” I’d said the same words to my own son. Grayson had gone from full-blown wailing to a pitiful plea. I pushed his feet in bicycle motions, peddling them slowly until the first big toot came loud and clear. After a full round of “The Wheels on the Bus,” his tears gave way, and he just watched me with big round eyes. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he had been with the aroma that came from his little bootie.

Brett stared in awe. “How did you know to do that?”

I shrugged.

Annie wasn’t interested in my answer. She was more concerned with getting out of the house. “I wished I’d known it was gas. Our night could have gone very differently.” She popped Brett playfully. “Come on, Alissa’s dressed. Our turn.”

She took her daughter with them to do what they needed to do. I sang a few more verses of the song that had Grayson’s undivided attention and worked his tummy a little more. When I finally got a grin from his chubby cheeks, I thought it was safe to dress him.

Annie had bought them matching christening gowns. They were beautiful, although probably a little more feminine than Grayson would care to see in his teenage years. She’d spent a fortune, but the gown made her son look like a daughter. Although, I’d yet to see a gown made for a boy that was masculine. I giggled as I pulled his arms through the sleeves.

“I promise never to show any pictures from today to your girlfriends. I can’t, however, assure your mama won’t.”

He didn’t have a clue what I was telling him, but he cooed at the sound of my voice and pumped his little legs up and down in excitement. When he gave me a toothless grin, I kissed his mouth. The slobber was gross, but I’d endure for moments like these.

Several minutes later, Annie appeared in the doorway. Brett was behind her with Alissa in his arms looking beautiful as always. The two of them made gorgeous babies. I handed Grayson to his mom, promised her I’d be at the church on time, and ran back across the yards to my own house to shower.

When I flew by the kitchen table, I saw the two bags neatly stuffed with more tissue paper than necessary and grinned at Dan’s job well-done. I raced up the stairs only pausing briefly to admire my fiancé in his suit before rushing to the bathroom to turn on the shower. In record time, I was back out and toweling off my hair.

“What time is it?” I yanked a brush through my long hair hoping to get an answer before I turned on the blow-dryer.

“We need to leave in twenty minutes.”

Dan peeked his head in the bathroom to find me naked in front of the mirror. His eyes scanned my body. He had to be kidding me with that crap right now. “Don’t even think about it.” I laughed and pushed the door closed shutting him out. Only a man would think there was time for foreplay when his woman had sopping wet hair, no makeup on, and needed to dress.

With my head between my legs, I prayed like hell my hair would dry faster than normal. I ran my fingers through it hoping to air it out and allow the heat to penetrate the thickness. I should have turned the lock, but he was back in the bathroom, and I was in a precarious position.

“What are you doing in here?” My behind greeted him, and all I could see were his legs. I shot straight up and flipped my hair over continuing to dry and shout over the sound of the dryer.

“I thought I could hold the hair dryer while you put on makeup?”

He was out of his mind, but I was out of time. I handed him the round brush and let him go to town. I was impressed with how well he managed and watched for far too long as he wound the bristles in my hair and then straightened them as he applied the hot air to the strands.

He shrugged when he caught me evaluating him. “What? I’ve watched you do this a hundred times. How hard can it be?”

When he was done, I had applied what little makeup I wore and then appraised the results. “When I start back to school, you need to plan on getting up half an hour earlier. You’re better at this than I am.” My hair looked fantastic—full of body and rounded on the ends. It normally hung in heavy lines unless I curled it with copious amounts of product.

I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and dashed into our room to put on my dress. It was simple, navy blue, but the neckline sold me. The conservative cut was appropriate for church, but the top gave an alluring view of my collarbones and elongated my neck…in a flattering way. I slipped on the killer black heels I’d bought to go with it, and when I stood, Dan was inches from me.

“You look beautiful, Penny.” His lips touched my exposed neckline, and I swooned.

“Not now, lover boy. I made it with like twelve seconds to spare.” I fingered the ring on my left hand, spinning the stone back to the top.

We hurried down the stairs, Dan in front of me. He grabbed the gift bags, and I got the keys.

* * *

We walked into the sanctuary with two minutes to spare. Brett quickly found Dan, and Annie was in a tizzy. Alissa was nestled into a cradle her dad had created with his arm completely unaffected by her father’s helpless panic.

“Dude, slow down. What’s wrong?”

I held Dan’s hand in front of Brett, but Alissa had my attention. Just as Brett started to answer Dan’s question, Annie came around the corner. Her face was flush, and if I had to bet, I’d say she was roughly two minutes from pulling her hair out.

I hadn’t heard anything Brett said to my fiancé. The moment Annie got close enough, I saw why she was distressed. Grayson had spit up all over his christening gown…and it stunk, even from here.

People started to fill the pews. “What do you need me to do, Annie?”

Brett stepped in, suddenly relieved and in control. “Nothing. We’re good. Dan went to get stuff out of the car.”

My brow scrunched in confusion. I had no idea what was going on or how Dan was helping.

“Seriously, Lissa. I’ve got Annie. You go get your seats in the front row. The priest will call you and Dan up to join us when it’s time.”

“Okay.” I stroked Alissa’s cheek and then kissed the top of Grayson’s head before I did as instructed.

Shortly after I sat down, Dan joined me. He draped his arm over the back of the wooden pew. I leaned into his side and stared at the stained-glass above the altar. Sunshine filtered through the colored window and made the white doves appear three dimensional. It had been years since I’d been in a church, much less to mass. I followed the instructions of the priest, doing my best to stay focused. I struggled in traditional churches, the structure was far too tedious, and I was easily lost in the kneeling and praying and repeating of verses.

The priest came around the altar, and Brett and Annie, both with a child in their arms joined him from a door to the side of the sanctuary. The man spoke to the congregation about the duties of Christian families, not just those related by blood, but those in the church and community. He called upon Brett’s and Annie’s parents who were all in attendance, although I hadn’t seen them, and Dan and myself. When I took my spot next to my best friend, I glanced down at Grayson, and nearly lost my shit.

I had to be mistaken, there was no way. Dan had his arm around my waist and felt my knees buckle. He held tightly to me, not allowing me to fall. Each breath became harder to take than the last, and I struggled not to have a full-blown panic attack standing in front of a room full of people I didn’t know. My heart raced with each detail I took in on Grayson’s gown and every delicate bead on the ornate rosary in Annie’s hand. The minutes ticked on like hours. I was certain I’d have to excuse myself before the priest finished. It wasn’t possible. Joshua’s things were in the porcelain box in my closet.

No. No. No. No. No.

Dan.

Dan helped me back to our pew after the babies had been christened. I’d missed the entire thing. Every word. Every sprinkle. There wasn’t a drop I’d remember other than seeing my late son’s gown on my best friend’s child. The gown he’d never worn. And the rosary. It had been used in the blessings of her children…there was no way I could ever ask for it back. Oh, Jesus. They were going to know. Everyone was going to find out.

Sweat broke out on my forehead and my palms. I jerked my hand out of Dan’s to wipe it on my skirt of my dress. He gave me an odd look of concern, clearly not understanding what was wrong. But if I uttered a word, my sin would be set free. The one I’d paid my debt for. Surely this couldn’t go on much longer. We’d been in here for what seemed liked days. I was suffocating in guilt, the weight of my secret nearly crushing me.

Dan leaned over so no one else could hear him. “Are you all right?”

I didn’t know how to respond. If I said yes, it was obviously a lie, and if I said no, I’d have to explain myself. Bile rose in my throat, and my stomach flopped like a fish out of water. The lump in my throat made swallowing hard, and I fought like hell against the tears threatening to flood my eyes. As a redhead with a fair complexion, it was difficult to conceal the visual signs of distress. My cheeks were heated, and I knew they burned a bright crimson color.

He grew more concerned by the minute. I kept swatting at the sweat trickling down the side of my face and rubbing my temples with my fingers, but it was too late to hide my wiping the tears from my ever-filling eyes. If I didn’t get myself together quickly, Dan would lift me from this seat and haul me out the door. During the closing prayer, that’s exactly what he did.

Dan didn’t wait for the service to end. The moment peoples’ eyes were closed, he took me in his arms. My forehead rested on his neck, and the vein there throbbed against my skin. He was worried, and I couldn’t do anything to stop his fears. Powerless to help myself, I knew I was about to lose it all. Annie, Brett, the kids. But most importantly, Dan.

There was no way I’d be able to talk myself out of this.

When I felt the fresh air against my skin, I knew he’d taken me out of the building to break down. He hadn’t wanted to cause a bigger scene with our friends…his friends. Their families were both there to witness my meltdown. I clung to Dan’s neck for dear life. As I jostled in his arms the ring on my finger twisted, and with it went my heart. I didn’t know where we were going or how far away he’d go, but the farther he went, the worse off it would be. Without witnesses, there’d be no restraint.

He finally stopped moving and sat with me in his lap. I was beyond reproach and hadn’t bothered to check out our surroundings. My tears came in droves, and I hiccupped through the pain. It was just a gown and some beads—to anyone other than me, they were insignificant. Dan had thought they were meant for someone else.

I tried to focus on his soft voice in my ear instead of the harsh thoughts running rampant in my cluttered mind. The more of his words I was able to take in, the more control I gained over my breathing until my heart rate slowed and the tears stopped. Dan waited patiently, stroking my hair and keeping me close to his chest. He hadn’t rushed me, and I knew he wouldn’t. It wasn’t his style, and this wasn’t my nature.

At the point I sat quietly in his lap, he broke the silence. “Can you tell me what happened in there?”

Words lodged in my throat, unwilling to bypass the lump that still held residence there. I shook my head instead of speaking.

“No, you can’t tell me or no, you don’t want to tell me?”

I nodded, but it was meaningless since he’d asked two questions.

“You don’t want to tell me?” He pulled back just slightly and lifted my chin. I closed my eyes to further refuse eye contact. It was childish, but I wasn’t ready to give him up. “Lissa, you can tell me anything. Nothing is going to make me love you any less.”

“How about stop loving me altogether?” Those six words were more like a croak than a sentence, but he’d understood each one.

“Do you think I don’t know there’s a reason you’re here, in South Carolina, alone? I haven’t pushed you for answers, but I hoped at some point you’d share them. I know you have a past, and from the looks of it, it scares the hell out of you.”

I burrowed back into him and nodded.

“I’m not going to force you to talk to me, Lissa. But whatever’s going on is going to eat at you…and I don’t want it to destroy us.”

I didn’t have the courage to face him, but I knew the words had to come out. “The porcelain box. In my closet.” There was too much time between my statements for him to realize the contents of that box were the reason for my meltdown.

“The gifts for Alissa and Grayson?”

“Yes. I mean no. That wasn’t the white box with their gifts in it.”

“I’m not following, Lissa. You told me to get the white box in your closet. It had baby things in it. I grabbed it. I didn’t know which one was for whom, so I put the rosary in the white box and the gown in a separate bag. Was that not what you wanted me to do?”

“That gown was my son’s. And those beads were given to me by the priest at his funeral.” The words rushed out faster than I could stop them. Broken, stuttered with hiccups, fragile words that held more weight than a tractor trailer.

I’d sealed my fate.

Dan hadn’t said a word. His breathing remained smooth, but the vein in his neck pulsed a rapid rate. He hadn’t let me go, but I figured he was trying to figure out how to get out of this unscathed. The truth was, I hadn’t given him that option. I hadn’t presented him with the truth early enough for him to make an informed decision because I never imagined we’d get to this point. Then once we were here, I was so afraid of losing him, I believed I could hide my demons.

I didn’t know how long we sat there. I didn’t know how Dan resisted asking questions. I didn’t know what he told his friends about our absence from the rest of their day. The only thing I did know was Dan had taken us both back to our house. He’d helped me inside and up the stairs where he drew me a bath and helped me undress. He turned to leave the room, but I stopped him.

My fingers spun the ring on my hand nervously. It seemed like déjà vu. Except he wasn’t Matt, we weren’t in the kitchen, this wasn’t Texas, and I hadn’t just murdered my son. But the agony in my heart was the same. I pulled the diamond over my knuckle and held it out. “I need to return this.”

“Why? Do you not want to marry me?”

“I do. But I need to know you want to marry me.”

“How about I go get us some towels and a bottle of wine. And we can talk about it together in a warm bath?” He left the room without taking the diamond.

I slid the ring back on my finger and waited. “Um. Yeah, okay.” I stood there like a daft duck, naked with my arms by my side. I reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear and wondered how on earth I’d ever tell this story.