Marty
IN LIFE, YOU ARE FACED with the past eventually. Once I had hoped for it. Prayed for it. Waited for it. Now that it was here, I wished like hell it would go the fuck away. Because that dream was gone. The flame wasn’t just dimmed, it was extinguished.
Mack stood at the door staring at me with wide eyes that held the same “Oh shit” expression I knew was painted across my face. The figure behind him in the doorway peered at me over his left shoulder. Eyes I knew well. Eyes that had haunted me. Eyes I’d forgotten about since Fiona’s entrance into my life.
“Seems I found a visitor outside when I went to get the mail.” Mack was wearing nothing but his sweats. It was early and I was leaving for work in an hour. Cooking breakfast and taking a tray back to my room to enjoy with the beautiful woman in my bed had been my plan.
“Mary Grace,” I said her name for the first time without feeling any pain, regret, or longing.
“Hello, Marty.” She no longer sounded like an angel. She was just a girl. One I had loved once. One that had taught me about heartbreak.
I shifted, not sure what to do about her standing in front of me or why she was here. I waited for an explanation. She stood there and said nothing.
Mack walked further into the apartment watching me like he wasn’t sure how I would react.
“Why are you here?” I finally asked.
She flinched from the bluntness in my question. I had wanted to ask how the hell she had found me, but refrained from being that rude.
“I’m sorry, I should have called, I wanted to see you.”
I frowned. “Yes you should have called.”
She gave me a sad, apologetic smile. In the past, that smile had the ability to make me agree to anything. Now it did nothing. It was like I’d been released after realizing there was no way she could hurt me again.
“I . . . miss you. I was going to call. Then I thought showing up here so we could talk face to face would be easier. Better. I could explain myself this way.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that exactly. I wasn’t in need of any explanation from her. She’d wasted a trip. I saw her eyes grow wide with surprise as her gaze moved from me to the hallway behind me. Already knowing who Mary Grace saw behind me, I turned quickly and met Fiona’s.
The past week Fiona had been sleeping here at night. Mack always got home long after we went to bed so it was easier to stay here than her place. Chantel was loud and chatty and around too much for us to hang out at her place.
“Unexpected company,” I explained, moving toward her. The unsure look in her eyes worried me. After our night at the barbecue place three weeks ago we had grown closer. And the sex was so incredible neither of us were ever sated. She walked toward me dressed in a pair of blue pajama pants and one of my tee shirts. Her hair was messy from sleep and the shower sex we’d had before bed. She was stunning.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. I whispered, “The past is here to talk. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen her. I didn’t invite her and I don’t want her here.”
Fiona peeked over my shoulder at Mary Grace. She nodded and gazed up at me. “Okay.”
Her response was simple. No drama. I wanted her to feel like she could ask me questions. Demand answers. But Fiona wasn’t like that.
I kissed her lips and her nose before turning back to face Mary Grace. “It’s not a good time. I have to get ready for work. Showing up like this and expecting things to be the same with me was a mistake. My evening is already booked. You need to go on back to wherever you came from.”
Mary Grace looked like I had slapped her hard. The eyes I once adored filled with unshed tears. “Don’t push me away. I know I hurt you. But Marty, I love you. Our kind of love doesn’t go away. There . . . there are things I need to tell you.”
The way she had thrown the word love around pissed me off. She’d done it to make sure Fiona knew what our past was and to remind me of it. There was no power in that memory.
“Yes, it does go away. People move on and they change. You changed. You fell in love with someone else easily enough. Coming here and making a scene is wrong. You are interfering in my life when I left you alone and let you live yours. Please do the same for me now.” I was annoyed. My voice made that much obvious.
Fiona moved to pull away from my arms and I looked down at her to see pain in her eyes. I wasn’t sure what was said that caused her pain. I didn’t want Mary Grace. My feelings for her were long since forgotten.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Fiona wanting to reassure her and clear up whatever was bothering her.
She shook her head and gave me a forced smile before pulling free of me. “Nothing. I’ll wait in your room while you deal with this.” Then she was gone, walking back into my bedroom and closing the door firmly behind her.
I didn’t give Mary Grace much attention as I said, “We’ve said everything that needs to be said. Mack will see you out.” I turned on my heel and followed Fiona into my room closing them out.
Fiona was sitting on the edge of the bed looking so upset I began to panic.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” I went to her and kneeled to face her.
She sighed and gave a slight shrug. “It’s nothing. I mean you didn’t do anything. I just . . . I wasn’t . . .” she stopped and sighed loudly again. “Ugh,” she said rubbing her face with both hands. I reached up and took her hands, kissing both her palms, then held them in mine.
“Tell me,” I urged.
She sniffed and closed her eyes a moment before opening them to look at me. “I’ve never been in love.” She sighed again. “You have.”
I wasn’t sure how this was upsetting her. We hadn’t talked about past relationships. We were so busy with ours that conversation had never surfaced.
“I’m jealous, Marty.”
“Of me?” I asked her trying to understand.
“No, and yes. I’m jealous that you loved someone. I’m jealous that someone had your love. It’s silly and stupid. Most people have been in love by now. I shouldn’t expect you not to have loved anyone else. But I just. . don’t like that I’ve seen it know. Knowing it.”
She stopped talking and dropped her gaze to our hands. I held hers tightly as if I was holding onto her to prevent her from taking flight. She wasn’t leaving me. Her words slowly made sense and I understood. This wasn’t the time or the place. It wasn’t even remotely close to what I had envisioned because I had thought about how I would tell her I loved her. None of that mattered now because it was time.
I didn’t like her feeling less than.
I released her hands and slipped a knuckle under her chin, lifting until her eyes met mine. My thumb brushed her bottom lip. I saw her struggling not to frown while attempting to smile.
“I loved Mary Grace when I was a boy. She was the first girl I cared for. She was different. When she left me, I thought I’d never get over her. But then I met you. And Fiona,” I cupped her face in both my hands, “You lit up my world in a way I didn’t know was possible. You owned me before I thought it was possible. I fell in love with you over cookies that I couldn’t even bite into. You’re my perfect match. And although you’ve never been in love, you are loved. You’re the most important person in my world.”
She blinked a couple times. A single tear appeared along with a smile. A real one. The kind that reached her eyes. “I do love you. I don’t want to. I’m terrified of it. But I do. I love you so much. Until I saw her out there I had been able to deny it. I pretended I was confusing what we had with love. But seeing her and knowing you loved her once. The reality of it slammed into my chest and the knowledge that I loved you about sent me to my knees. I had to walk away . . . Sit down and find some way to act as if you hadn’t just changed my hope.”
I stood up and placed both hands on her shoulders. With a soft nudge, I laid her back on the bed and crawled over the top of her. “You love me?” I asked needing to hear it again.
“Yes.” The anticipation was in her voice.
“I’m going to take these baggy ass pajama bottoms off you and burry my head between the sweetest damn legs I’ve ever known. And while I taste you and lick you until you come on my tongue I want to hear you say you love me.” This territorial caveman in me was new. But Fiona brought it out in me. Hearing her tell me she loved me while I got her off felt powerful and good. It excited me.
She lifted her hips and I jerked her pants down to find her naked underneath like I expected. I held her gaze as I lowered my head. My mouth slowly made its way to the dampness already there. Trailing my tongue through the tender skin I savored her taste, licking my lips. The moan that escaped me was loud and low.
Fiona grabbed my hair and pushed me back to continue. I began fucking her with my tongue while her hips lifted to meet me.
“I love you!” she cried out “Oh God! I love you so much!”
Linking my arms around her legs I jerked her up against my mouth so that she covered my face. I lost myself in her cries of pleasure as she orgasmed hard, exploding in my arms.