8 Years Ago
THE DAY I WAS FREE to leave, get the hell out, had arrived. It was here. And I wasn’t happy about it. There was a sick knot in my stomach. Goodbye was coming, but it was coming too damn fast. I wasn’t ready. The last six months whenever Mary Grace brought up our plans I changed the subject. I knew it aggravated her, but if we didn’t talk about it then it wasn’t happening.
But it was happening. Right fucking now.
I stood on the football field watching Mary Grace walk toward me with her big bright smile. The crimson of her cap and gown looked good with her blonde hair. She lit up anywhere she went.
“It’s done, bro. Smile for fuck’s sake. She’s smiling. I’m so damn thrilled we are out of this place I could do backflips. Get happy for the love of God,” Mack said as he nudged me in the side with his elbow.
I could blame him for this. If he’d not sent me to pretend I was him two years ago I’d have probably never got to know Mary Grace. That idea caused a sharp pain in my chest. No, I wouldn’t blame him. The idea of never loving Mary Grace was something I didn’t want to think about.
“She’ll be eight hundred miles away from me,” it was the first time I had said that out loud. The first time I voiced what was happening to Mary Grace and me.
“Yeah, and she’ll be the most faithful girlfriend ever to go off to college. The girl has morals that would make Mother Teresa jealous,” Mack said with a smirk.
“It’s not jealousy,” I snapped at him. “It’s distance. I don’t want to be without her.”
“You’ve got a full-ride scholarship to play football in fucking Georgia. You’ll go to Georgia. She’ll go to Yale. You’ll both fucking survive.”
It wasn’t like I could go to Yale. Nor could I ask her to give up the future she had worked toward since she could walk. She was going to Yale. I was going to a state college. Two different worlds. This summer was all we had left. For the next four years, at least. I knew space wouldn’t change the way I felt. I would love her for the rest of my life. She was all I wanted. She always would be.
“We did it boys,” she said as she reached us.
“Time to party!” Mack replied throwing his arm around her shoulders.
Mary Grace rolled her eyes with a smile. She and Mack got along good. His wild behavior amused her. If she had thought I was Mack that first night when I kissed her I might have been jealous of them. But as I walked away that night hating that she didn’t know who I was, she said softly, “Goodnight, Marty.”
It was at that moment I think I fell in love with her. I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t love Mary Grace. It was that one acknowledgment—she had seen past our faces and saw me. Not Mack. It was that moment that marked me. Stayed with me.
“Smile, Marty. Be happy. For tonight. This summer. We can be sad later. Let’s enjoy the time before it changes,” Mary Grace said as she walked away from Mack and into my arms.
That was easier said than done. But for her, I would try.
“Okay,” was all I could say over the lump in my throat.
Mack shook his head in disgust. “As much as I’d like to stand around and watch this mushy shit I’ve got plans. If y’all want to hook up later, text me. I’ll tell you where to meet me.”
“Bye, Mack. Have fun,” Mary Grace said knowing we wouldn’t be texting him later. She wasn’t a fan of parties or crowds. Although she’d changed since I first met her, coming out of her shell some, Mary Grace still preferred her books and solitude. I was enough for her. She didn’t need any entertainment. There was never any pressure to impress her or do elaborate stunts to ask her to prom like most of the girls our age.
She turned and tilted her head back to look up at me. “Tonight is the first of many celebrations for us. Next it will be college graduation,” she said trying to sound excited enough for both of us.
“Then the day you say yes and become my wife. The day our first child is born,” I added because damn if I was going to pretend that wasn’t what I was planning.
Mary Grace frowned slightly looking concerned, then laid her head on my chest. Her hand is resting over my heart. “We have our whole life ahead of us. No need to rush it,” she said as if talking about marriage and kids made her nervous. I didn’t like that much. I wanted her to want it as much as I did.
My fingers traced her forehead then I ran them through her silk locks as we stood there. Parents, family, and graduates taking photos all around us. Laughter rang out across the field. Happiness everywhere. It was normal. What we all should be feeling. Not fear or dread. But I couldn’t help it.
“I can’t lose you, MG,” I said as I lowered my head and pressed my mouth to her temple.
“It’s just distance. Nothing more. We can find a new normal and adjust. Four years will fly by,” her words were positive. As if she truly believed what she was saying.
Faces of everyone I had made memories with over the past four years were in front of me. I saw them. But felt no sadness that this was possibly the last time I would ever see them. I didn’t care. Leaving this town, leaving these people, it was easy. They were my past and I was good with that.
“Thank you,” Mary Grace said pulling back to look at me again.
“For what?” I asked.
She waved her hand at the people around us. The scene we weren’t in. The one I was watching and felt no attachment to. “This. The memories. The moments. Until you, I simply came to school, worked, went home. No social life. No dances, No ballgames. Nothing. But you . . .” She raised up on her tiptoes to lean close so her nose was touching mine. “You gave me a life. You showed me how to enjoy high school. I’m not leaving this place with bad memories. I had the most amazing time and these past two years will the best memories ever.”
She leaned in to kiss me. I held her tight and soaked in how she felt in my arms. Until Mary Grace, I hadn’t enjoyed one damn thing about high school. I was empty and felt no real joy, only cheap quick thrills. She gave my life meaning. She filled a void I didn’t realize existed.
“That day, the first day, how did you know it was me?” It was a question I’d often wondered but never asked her. A part of me had always held back from asking because I didn’t want to ruin the way it had made me feel. To me it had been fate. If it was something simple like my name had been in my notebook or silly shit like that I was afraid that memory would be less meaningful. But standing here at the end of the two years we had spent together in high school I wanted to know. I was brave enough to ask.
Mary Grace chuckled and lifted her left shoulder. “Your smile.”
“My smile?”
She nodded. “Yes. I had watched you for years. I loved your smile. It stood out. It was real. Mack’s was more of a smirk like he was always up to something. Yours was sincere. And when you first smiled at me that night with the notecards. I knew then it was you.”
That answer was perfect. Fucking perfect.