6 Years Ago
Marty
WAITING ON MACK. THE STORY of my fucking life. Could he ever be on time? Just once? I glared at the bar pissed that I still had four months before I could legally order a drink. Right now, I needed one. Some days were better than others. Today was supposed to be a celebration. A day to be motherfucking happy.
But she still managed to keep me from enjoying anything. It had been a year, three months, and five days since Mary Grace told me she had fallen in love with someone else. Someone who had the same plans she did. Someone at Yale. With her. Someone who she had claimed was just a friend whenever I questioned all the time they spent together. I knew now that deep down I was ready for it. She began changing almost as soon as she got to Yale. We began changing.
Now, after getting my first job as a firefighter, I was still struggling to find joy in it because she haunted me. Would she ever leave my memories? I still had two more years of school, but I wouldn’t be finishing them on campus or playing football. I was wasting my time in that world. I wanted a degree in fire science. This was the best thing for my future and career. Getting a job now in my profession and finishing up the last two years later for the fire science degree made more sense. I would be living in an apartment with Mack starting next week. I was moving here, to Savannah. A new life. A new place. Somewhere with no memories of Mary Grace.
Glaring at the bartender as he slid a tall beer toward the bald man whose shoulders slumped as he stared up at the television in front of him, I envied the freedom to drink in public. Maybe not the shit the bald man was obviously dealing with but getting a drink to dull the pain was nice.
“Fucking traffic. Jesus, I need a beer.” Mack’s words snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned my head to see my brother had finally arrived. He sat down and pulled out a cigarette. I hated he’d picked up the habit since we graduated high school but it was his business.
“We won’t be getting the kind of drink you need,” I said with obvious bitterness in my tone.
Mack chuckled. “Not here. But I have plans. It’s time to celebrate!”
“Then why did we even meet here?” I asked.
“For the food. They make the best damn ribs you’ll ever put in your mouth.”
The bar and grill looked like a hole in the wall from the road. Several people were eating ribs. “I don’t have much of an appetite,” I muttered.
“Mary Mother of Jesus. So help me if this bullshit attitude of yours is because of Mary Grace . . . Because seriously, bro? She was sweet and pretty, but damn, she ain’t the only female on the planet. You need to move the fuck on.”
Mack had never had a serious relationship—or any relationship—in his life. We were almost twenty-one and he’d never called any female his girlfriend. Exclusivity wasn’t his thing. I doubted it ever would be. Mack loved females. All of them. If they had an attractive face, he was interested. It was shallow and I hated to admit I often envied him that outlook.
Apparently, I was the only one with the actual heart or ability to love deeper than a hot fuck. Sucked to be me.
“Brian isn’t expecting us until nine. We might as well eat. Because Brian’s parties are fucking insane. We need to have food in our stomach before we get to the apartment.”
Brian was Mack’s current roommate. He was moving next week and heading to California to pursue his future career in porn. Freaking porn. Who even pursues a career in porn on purpose? Brian had gotten a job as a leading man in skin flicks. He was very proud of this too. Brian was also proud of the size of his dick and tonight he’d pull it out of his pants and swing it around to show it off. He didn’t need alcohol to do it either. The first time I met Brian, he pulled it out and asked me if I’d ever seen one that size. Honestly, I hadn’t.
I wasn’t sure going to any party Brian had planned was a good idea. I wasn’t in the mood for the bullshit he thought was fun. I wanted a beer and possibly a dark room where I could be alone and stare at the wall.
“Not sure I want to celebrate my new job with porn stars,” I said leaning back in the booth and crossing my arms over my chest.
Mack smirked. “The porn begins in Cali. His connections here have nothing to do with that. That pretty face of his has gotten him a lot of modeling gigs. He has friends from that world and the females are for fucking real. He introduced me to a girl last week that was in the latest lingerie magazine I got in the mail.”
I didn’t ask why Mack was getting lingerie catalogs. I already knew the answer. Instead, I sighed and picked up the menu. “If he knows real models, not involved in having sex for a paycheck, then why does he need to pursue porn?” I asked the obvious.
Mack rolled his eyes at me as if I was naïve. “Because modeling underwear, swimsuits, and fucking clothes doesn’t pay anywhere near what getting your groove on does. He has the cock for it. He loves showing that shit off. Might as well get paid for his love of voyeurism.”
Shrugging, I decided I’d order ribs. Eating meant I could be silent.
“Marty,” Mack said seriously getting my attention. Mack was rarely serious. The tone of his voice was so foreign when he spoke to me like this that it was startling. “You loved her. She moved on. It’s the past. First love and all that bullshit. But it’s over and it’s time you got a taste of another pussy. Hell, you need a taste of about ten other pussies. Just let it go. You’ve got great memories. Hold onto those. But let her go. Let. Her. Go.”
I knew he was right. I knew his words weren’t meant to be callous. He didn’t understand what I’d felt and that didn’t matter. He was still right.
“Let’s go to the party. I don’t need ribs to face a night planned by Brian,” I said feeling confident that I could do this.
Mack frowned. “You sure? Because these ribs are amazing and I’m starving.”
“Get them to go,” I replied.
Mack nodded slowly, studying me closely. “This city, it’s new. Everyone here is new. It’s a chance to start over. I want that for you. I want to see you smile again. Fucking smile like you mean it.”
I couldn’t promise him I would be smiling soon. I was, however, willing to try harder. Focus on making this city my home. Letting the past go and moving forward. “I’m ready to move on.” I meant that. I was.
Mack didn’t respond. He didn’t appear to believe me. He stayed quiet and I let him think. No one knew me like Mack. Having a twin had its issues but it also gave you the constant assurance you were never alone. Even when your world was falling apart, you knew they were always there.
“She was special. But, Marty, she wasn’t unique. She was just your first experience with a female who had depth. She won’t be the only girl you meet that makes you crave being near her. There are more. And dare I say there is a woman out there more intelligent, with a bigger heart, a brighter smile, and the power to own you. Opening yourself up to find her is up to you. When you realize that life is just beginning you’ll have the world at your fingertips. Because the truth is, you’ve got a damn good face. Your looks stop traffic.” He ended that with a cocky smirk. There weren’t many guys in this world as self-confident as Mack. I hated and loved that about my brother.