Himika

Oh dear gods.

I was barely holding on, scrambling for a grip as Seron shot into the air, and I saw Aurek below me, staggering. He seemed dizzy.

“Seron!” he shouted.

I lowered myself onto Seron’s back, inching up toward his neck. My initial terror settled into a strange calm. I knew the real Seron was still in there somewhere. He had to be.

I wrapped my arms around his throat, glancing down. Oof, this was too high to fly with someone I didn’t trust. And it was an erratic flight too. His wings were shaky. “Seron, put me down!” I commanded. “I might be pregnant with your babies! Put me down and you can do whatever you want to me, just don’t hurt the babies!”

He lowered toward another clearing, on a rocky hill top, his feet slamming into a rock. It jarred through me, and then he turned into a man with me still atop him, so I was suddenly clinging to his human neck as my body fell against his back.

I let go quickly and took a step back, as he turned toward me and grabbed my hands. His grip was so tight it hurt.

“I was supposed to kill him!” he shouted at me. “I hate him!”

“No, you don’t.” I tried to keep my voice steady and calm. “You love him. It isn’t always perfect. No close relationship ever is. Sometimes, you don’t even like him, I’m sure, but even then…you love him.”

He went silent. I studied his face. His black hair was still held back with a tie, but it was a tangled mess. It looked like he hadn’t untied it and brushed it in days. His skin had a more sickly pallor. And his eyes had that…coldness. That wasn’t like Seron at all. Seron was an honorable man; a warm man.

“I know you,” I whispered. “Seron…I know you.”

“My name is Tanu.” He sounded uncertain, but angry.

I reached for his hair and he swatted my hand away. “I’ll bet they’re his babies.”

Those words really brought a lump to my throat. Maybe I don’t know him. Maybe this is Emperor Leonidas all over again, where I fell for his kindness because I wanted so much to feel safe.

I hesitated, and I felt something inside me. Maybe it was the babies. Maybe it was the gods. Maybe it was just my own heart, the woman I was becoming.

No, I thought. You do know this man. This is a test. It’s a cruel test, but Izeria’s magic can’t break past true love.

This was a man that I loved. Even before, he was not the quickest to show his emotions. Seron sometimes hid behind stoicism or a quick, dry joke. He didn’t always trust himself. He let things build up inside him.

There is a part of him that has let anger build up at Aurekdel for a long, long time, and she used that.

I succumbed to instinct. I stood there in the snow and cold, but I was so hot with adrenaline that I didn’t even feel that. I dropped my coat off my shoulders onto the snow, and then I tore off my sash and lifted my dress off my head. Now I stood there in my underthings and my boots, my pregnant belly exposed.

He watched me without moving, which I took as a good sign, although my heart was pounding with terror.

I grabbed his hand and put it to the roundness swelling there.

“These are your children,” I said. “Are they the children of your blood? I think they might be. But I don’t know—for sure. It doesn’t matter. There is no man in my life more ready to be a father than you. The moment I wanted to have children was the moment I saw you with a child. This is because of you, and I need you to be there when they’re born. Seron…I need you.”

His hand, so tense against my skin, but so warm—slowly melted against my skin. So slowly.

The babies were moving like crazy. Gods only knew what their impression of this day must have been.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed down some emotion. His eyes seemed to shift. The storm was passing.

I wasn’t sure if I was actually safe.

This still wasn’t my Seron. Not yet.

He took a step closer. “My…children,” he said. “Himika…”

I dared to touch his face now.

He caught my hand when my fingers were a hair’s breadth away.

He looked at me with lust and some lingering anger. “You’re his queen,” he said. “Not mine.”

“I am your queen,” I said. “Your queen. Your only queen.”

He thrust his tongue in my mouth, his hand taking my hair and twisting it once around his wrist. I couldn’t escape if I wanted to…but I didn’t.

I missed him so much.

Even if he was broken, I knew I would fix him. I knew he was mine. He belonged to me and he would never truly hurt me. All Seron had ever brought me was pleasure and passion, a passion that he allowed to build slowly inside him as if he thought I was never really his, until he couldn’t stand it anymore.

But I was his. And in that moment, I surrendered completely to his warm mouth, the smell of him, like leather and crystal, which was like rock but more clean and magical and sweet. Oh yes, and man. He smelled very much like a man. Sweat and hunger, a warrior’s smell, the smell of a soldier returning from battle.

He kissed me until I was nearly exhausted with it, and then he released my hair so it fell all over my shoulders. He picked up my coat and pulled it roughly onto my arms, the soft fur lining warming me. Then he took my wrists in both his hands, and pushed me against a wall of rock. I knew that despite the warmth and softness of the coat, it would be rather painful, what he was about to do, and I still felt wet heat gush out of me.

He lifted my hands up above my head and I felt something cold catch them. I realized he must have spotted a vein of crystal there and now the crystal, surprisingly soft, coiled around my wrists and held me there. Now we were almost face to face. I was dangling on the wall like a prisoner for a moment until my heels caught small niches in the rocks to help support me.

I suppose…I was his prisoner.

He hooked my underwear with a claw and yanked it down. Then he stripped off his coat and threw it aside.

He was so big and strong and beautiful. Now, the sickly pallor seemed to leave him somehow. The snow and the desire in his eyes made him seem brighter. He pressed his hands to my skin, running them down my sides, tugging down the bandeau to expose my breasts. Now the hands slid down to my hips, holding me up, easing the strain on my arms. I sighed with relief and he took my nipples in his mouth one by one, sucking and biting them as I got wetter still. I had missed him even more than I realized.

However, everything about him was tinged with some foreign influence. His touch. His eyes. His grip.

I felt like he was still on the edge of violence. That is not my Seron.

Then he took my knees in his hands and spread me and speared me.

“Ahh…” I moaned, my passage clenching tight around him, feeling every inch of him pumping in and out of me, taking me in the way only Seron could. He wasn’t as animal as Ezeru. But he was so strong, and his cock was long, and every stroke was like the thrust of a weapon. I was panting, just taking it, overwhelmed by a mixture of pain and pleasure, despair and relief.

“Seron…I’m your only queen,” I said again. “Tell me.”

His hands gripped my ass hard. His eyelids were heavy as he lifted his head to look at me, as if reluctant. I saw a flicker of…something.

“I…,” he began.

I kicked out my feet and crossed them behind him, yanking him against me and holding him there with all my strength. “Tell me,” I insisted. “If you’re going to get to fuck me like this, I’d better be your only queen, because I love you, and you love me, and you know it.”

“I want you,” he said. “And…you are. You are my queen.”

“Do you remember our life together? Seron…my sweet Seron…” I bit my lip. “She did such a terrible thing to you. Let it all go. Drive it out.” I wasn’t a priestess, I couldn’t heal him with my body and our love, but Seron needed someone to tell him to let go. I knew that much.

He growled as he drove into me. I had to scream with him. His thrusts hurt but even then, I wanted him. Part of me craved this. Seron’s anger, letting loose. He had never been this sort of man, but maybe a part of me always knew deep down that there was something else under the surface.

Behind Seron, I saw Aurek suddenly fly up onto the ridge. He immediately spat out his clothes, transformed, swept his robe on with a slightly aggrieved air, and walked up to us.

Seron didn’t let me go. “I’m the king,” he said. “She’s my wife.”

“Himika, are you all right?” Aurek asked, in a tight voice.

“Yes…” It came out breathless. “What about your head?”

“Fine.” He slid his hands up my hips. “She’s my wife,” he said.

“You chose to share her when you were the king, but I want her all to myself. I want you to know what it’s like to be deprived of something.”

“As if I don’t know that!”

“I had nothing to do with you going blind! But you’re the one who ruled over me for twenty years. Everyone whispered that my father was that crazy old mage. Everything I had is because you let me have it.”

“Please!” I cried. “Seron…this isn’t…like you…” I struggled wildly against the crystals that held me. I wanted to touch Seron’s face—or maybe smack it.

“She’s all mine now.”

“That isn’t how we do things,” Aurek said, and his voice was turning acidic as his hands grabbed me possessively. He slid in behind me against the wall, holding me like I belonged to him.

“It is now. Even as the king, I’ve let you rule behind me. I was timid. Izeria showed me that I don’t have to do anything for you anymore.”

“Damnit,” Aurek snapped. “How much of this is her spell work? Some of it is really you, isn’t it? Blaming me for all the things that I had no control over. I am sorry that everything you had was because of me, but that’s how being the king works! And how was I supposed to know I wasn’t really the king?”

“Aurek, it’s not Seron,” I said. “These aren’t his eyes.”

“You liked putting me in my place,” Seron said. “It was the one thing that made you feel bigger and stronger than me. You still don’t want to give it up.”

“Yes! You’re right!” Aurek shouted. “I want to be the king. In fact, I deserve to be the king, because I’ve done it all these years, and I’m good at it, and it’s not an easy job! It’s not even a job you want!”

“Maybe I do. Or maybe I just want you to stop acting like you deserve it.”

I tried to let them have it out for a minute, but as they spoke they were starting to wrestle over me, like Seron was playing tug of war again and I was the rope. Aurek put his hands over my breasts, and Seron put his larger hands over Aurek’s hands, and thrust deep into me so that my tailbone pressed into Aurek, who was definitely getting as aroused as he was angry.

Aurek pushed back and I was trapped between their two tense, warm bodies.

“You’re hurting me,” I gasped, but at the same time, I was definitely still turned on. “Please let my arms go…”

“I hate you,” Seron said. His eyes burned past me to Aurek.

I felt Aurek’s chest hitch.

I remembered something Ezeru said about Izeria’s mist one evening. I once saw Dvaro capture a husband and wife and instead of executing them, Izeria made them kill each other over an argument they’d had. The mist twisted their thoughts.

“Seron…you love Aurek more than anyone, don’t you?” I whispered. “That’s why Queen Izeria is trying to use you to kill him. You might be arguing over something real, but the depth of emotion comes from love.”

They went still, but they were breathing hard and still very tense and I’m not sure they registered my pleas. The twins were still moving around inside me like crazy.

“If I ever loved him, I damn sure don’t love him now,” Seron said. “He’s always been the one who loves me. Admires me. Worships me, even. But to me, you’re just a brat, Aurek.”

“You’re the one who swore a champion’s vow of chastity even when I said you didn’t have to. What was that for? If it wasn’t because you were waiting to share with me, what was the point?”

“I never wanted to share with you.” The anger in Seron’s voice hurt me too. I knew this wasn’t who he really was. I remembered the moment when Aurek and Seron were together inside me, and all I felt then was love. That was real. Not this.

“Liar…,” Aurek said.

Seron was hurting Aurek, either way. It was a cruel spell. There was just enough truth in it.

My arms were burning. They hardly seemed aware of what they were doing to me. I shut my eyes. I was aware of the crystal binding my hands. Seron was a healer. Could he purify himself? I wasn’t so sure. Seron wasn’t Seron right now. I had enough magic to sense where crystal met soil and make my healing teas. I wondered if I could tap into crystal and heal, even though I wasn’t a crystal dragon.

I struggled, shooting pains going down my arms. Even though Seron was holding me up, I was exhausted from the way he’d pinned me to the rocks. I couldn’t find the power in them the way I could when I grew and harvested plants.

I was a human, and that was how human magic worked. We weren’t elementals. We needed tools. Gilbert needed songs and strings to spin his enchantments; he couldn’t just tap into mist. And I needed my garden, where crystal and soil met and could be worked into spells.

Seron thrust into me again. “Tell him that you are my queen.”

“Seron…,” I gasped. “Please remember. It will never matter who wears the crown. Or who is stronger. I love you both. I love your flaws and your strengths. I love the children we will share. Nothing will ever matter as much as our love for each other.”

The crystal glowed, and I felt the glow shoot through me. My belly warmed in response.

I’m not a crystal dragon, I realized. But I have one inside me.

In that moment, the babies were revealed to me. The life growing inside me knew my pain. It drew magic from the crystal and I became a channel. I felt my skin warm from head to toe.

Seron clutched me. “My moonlight…”

“It’s your children,” I whispered. “Seron. This is your magic. I feel it. I’m sure of it.”

“My…”

I saw a change break across his face.

The cruelty in his eyes faded away, like the first golden sunrise after a raging storm.

“Himika…Aurek…!” He put his arms around both of us and suddenly the crystal broke away from my wrists and my limp arms fell to my sides.

“It’s clearing,” Seron said. “I remember now. I—I was trapped inside this other mind. I only seemed to remember all the times I’d hated you, and none of the good.”

“I’m sorry too,” Aurek said. “I wasn’t even under a spell, but I started to get angry. We have always been jealous of each other now and then. And I haven’t always been a poposa about it.”

“A what? What does a poposa have to do with this? Oh—I haven’t gotten a fish metaphor out of you in a while,” I said.

“Poposas are so friendly and sweet. They’ll steer a boat all day without a single protest. Never stubborn like an attu,” Aurek said. “I’m much more of an attu.”

“Not exactly,” Seron said. “You were never stubborn about being king. You did the job…and you did it well. The things I said to you just now…”

“It’s your time,” Aurek said. He took the crown off his own head and put it back onto Seron’s.

Seron looked solemn again. “I didn’t mean it,” he said.

“Seron,” I said. “I’m so glad to see your real eyes again. Your real face. You looked like someone else. It’s just like Ezeru said—faces really aren’t the same with different personalities inside them.” I drew him down to kiss me.

Aurek and Seron put their arms around each other with me between them, and I turned back to kiss Aurek as well. My body settled against them, relaxing deeply into their warmth and strength. Seron pushed me into Aurek’s arms, and Aurek braced me as Seron finished inside me. All the fear and the pent urgency flooded out, and I moaned as the most satisfying release came over me, making me tingle all over. Seron groaned with satisfaction that sounded almost like torture.

“You’ve been waiting for me for a long time,” I said. “Whether you remembered it or not.”

“I remembered your hair spilling through my fingers. Your voice in my ear. I remembered that no matter what happened…like some dream I’d had. I can’t believe I forgot all this. My light…”

“I’m just so happy,” I said. “You’re all here. Well, I think Ezeru and Oszin will be here soon, anyway. And my babies are crystal dragons. Healers.”

“The blood of kings,” Aurek said.

“They could still be yours,” Seron said. “Just because you aren’t much of a healer doesn’t mean they couldn’t have a different affinity.”

“Oh, I think we know whose children they are,” Aurek said. “And I’m glad.”

Seron reached for Aurek and pulled him into an embrace. The only time Aurek ever looked small was next to Seron.

“I’m sorry, Aurek. I said all that stuff. I would never—”

“Some of it was true,” Aurek said. “Some of it, I deserved.”

“Nah. Come on.” Seron looked like he was getting embarrassed now. “Let’s go back to wherever home is nowadays.”

“Yes! I’ll make you tea, and we’ll sit by the fire and talk.” I paused. We all heard something.

And then, suddenly, Ezeru and Oszin came up the wall. Ezeru, in dragon form, had climbed up the rocks and Oszin launched off his back, holding a sword. “Get away from her!” he said, brandishing the weapon at Seron. Ezeru grabbed him in one big black scaled hand and pulled Seron down onto the rocks. He turned into human form and punched him.

“Wait, wait!” I cried. “Oh, don’t knock him out. He’s okay! I healed him! Well, the babies did anyway—”

“You’re standing here naked in the snow!” Oszin said. “And Aurek’s all bruised up!”

I pulled my coat around me. “I’m not naked. Um…hi, by the way. I missed you too.”

“Hey.” He seemed reasonably satisfied that everything was all right, and ran up to hold me tight.

“You’re all here,” I said. “And you seem to have all your parts. Yes?”

“It was close.”

Meanwhile, Ezeru punched Seron again. “That’s for Aknu!”

“Come on,” Aurek said, trying to grab him. “It’s okay. What happened to Aknu?”

“One of the mist dragons killed him,” Ezeru said, his words tight. “Several others also fell to them. And they were under Seron’s direction, it seemed. I know what Izeria can do to a man, but—I’m sorry. I had to punch him. I know he can take it.”

Seron stood up, gingerly touching his face. “I understand…”

I turned to Ezeru. Too many emotions were flooding me at once. “Aknu…? Oh, no…is Nuru…all right?”

“I think she may be coping better than I am,” he said grimly. “They are blessed with a natural acceptance of life’s whims. And a certain level of forgetfulness.” I could see that it tortured him that Nuru might be able to move on.

“Are you sure Seron is…himself?” Oszin looked wary.

“He is. I swear. I felt it.”

Oszin kissed me with sudden relief. “So, Moth, I thought you might have just eaten too much bread, but…”

“I told you I’m pregnant!”

“Ezeru told me, anyway.”

“They’re crystal dragons,” I said. “They helped me to tap into the magic of the crystal to heal Seron. Now we can have a real feast. You’re all here. We can honor the dead and—celebrate a victory.”

None of them looked quite as happy as I was. Obviously, Ezeru was grieving his friend. Seron still looked shaken by whatever he’d been through; Oszin, too, for that matter. Aurek had shaped his hands back into human hands, and now the era of his rulership had truly ended.

“What happened to the other mist dragons?” Aurek asked Oszin and Ezeru.

“They fled when Seron flew away,” Oszin said.

“I left my other clothes in the snow somewhere,” Aurek said.

“I need to tell you all some things,” Seron said. “At the feast.”