Ezeru

I knew my fatherhood wasn’t getting off to a good start.

She was mine. My responsibility. I was supposed to be happy about it. Himika would want to see me, and I shouldn’t be leaving her all alone to get a look at her tiny, gray, ugly first daughter.

But all I could think of was my own child self. That child was a stranger to me. Izeria had changed me beyond recognition. I could have been left alone to live with the blessed lack of awareness of a rock dragon, but instead I was different and I understood every moment of the cruelty and loneliness I was offered.

I found my way out of doors, just stumbling around trying to avoid anyone who tried to talk to me, and scrambled up the rocks at the highest point of Istim.

I sat down on one of the rocks and dropped my head in my hands. “Gods, and her brother is so beautiful…”

I heard some of the rock dragons moving around the rocks, and a soft chitter as they saw their king with his head in his hand. Pull yourself together. What sort of mate are you? Himika almost died giving you this baby.

I felt a tentative paw brush my hip. Nuru had come up to console me. She would have her own child soon.

“Queen okay?” she asked, with fear in her voice.

“Ah…queen’s okay.” I pulled myself together.

“But king sad? Baby okay?”

“The babies are fine too. One of them is…mine.”

Her eyes lit. “King have his own baby! Our children play together. Best news! Aknu is so happy.”

“Aknu…Aknu’s gone.”

She shook her head. “I know what he feel. His spirit close to watch over baby.” There was no doubt in her voice, and in that moment, I envied her. But maybe she’s right, I thought. Maybe it’s obvious to her that Aknu is still with us and it’s all the thinking that gets in the way.

She looked at me and seemed irritated. “Why you sad? Show us King’s baby! Boy or girl?”

“Girl.”

“I want to see! But first you see queen. Sitting on rocks alone? What nonsense!”

I think she had picked up the phrase ‘what nonsense’ from someone in town.

“Ezeru!” Aurek shouted up the hill.

“All right. I guess it is nonsense.” I took a shuddering breath and jumped down off the rocks.

“She’s beautiful,” Aurek said, holding her, her small body now wrapped in a soft striped blanket.

I looked at her again. She was small and her grayish tone had picked up some weird pink in the cheeks, maybe from being scrubbed off, and she still didn’t look like a beautiful high dragon. “Did…anyone else think so?”

“Why do you think I’m standing here with her? Everyone with working eyes screamed in horror and sent her out of the house. Of course everyone said she was beautiful. She looks like you, and we all love you.”

“But…she isn’t a pretty baby like Seron’s baby…” I let him hand her to me, and I started to soften to her, almost against my own will, the more I looked at the little face that was so similar to my own. There weren’t many half-breeds these days, so even with Izeria’s magic aside, I rarely saw dragons who looked anything like me. I traced my finger across her forehead, and down to her tiny hands. She had plump cheeks and her newborn eyes were trying very hard to focus on me. She looked almost perturbed. I imagined her in the womb, turning into a dragon the second she had room, taking up space.

Maybe she would be all right.

“I can take her back,” Aurek said.

“No…”

He cracked a smile. “I had a feeling.”

“I’m just…worried for her.”

“We’re not naive,” Aurek said. “I’ve been called names since I was a kid. Weak blind spoiled brat! And it’s not always entirely untrue. But fuck ‘em anyway. We’ll protect her. She needs her father first and foremost. Come inside. Your queen demands your presence.”

I came back up the stairs, feeling stupid now, but Himika’s weary face immediately met my own. She was nursing the boy, and waved me over.

“Hey,” she said.

She looked so beautiful now, I thought, spent and sweaty from giving us children. I could hardly stand it. “I shouldn’t have done that,” I said. “I love her. The longer I look at her, the more fiercely I love her.”

“Good. Because I love both of you and I’m glad she’s yours.”

I moved toward Himika, my beautiful mate, with our daughter in my arms. The longer I looked at her, the more I saw Himika in her stubborn little face, and the more I loved the both of them. I leaned over and kissed her deeply, digging my fingers into her hair, tasting her. She made a little sound of surprise and then melted into me.

“Stars. I guess you do love her,” she said.

“I love both of you and I know you have to heal and tend to the babies but you smell so alluring.”

She laughed and patted my head between my horns. “Oh boy. It’s going to be a long wait for you.”