Did I make a good choice here?

Nope, not even kinda, but damn it, I needed to feel something.

I wanted to forget.

I hadn’t planned to go back with him. I didn’t even think I would, but something about his eyes did me in. I had to have him, and boy, did Jackson deliver.

His sweet face is a bit confused by my request, but thankfully, it doesn’t take him long to do what I want. Lord, he’s huge! Big, broad shoulders, a thick trunk, and legs that could carry the weight of a mountain. He’s built like a bull, and as he slams into me, I feel like I’m being hit by one. My cries mingle with his moans and the sounds of my ass hitting his thighs. My body is tightening once more. I’m almost there, I feel it coming, and when it does, I cry out. Unable to feel anything, not the pain that has been overcoming me, not the guilt of not seeing my nephew, not even that I know my family is livid with me. None of it. All I feel is his huge cock slamming into me as I squeeze him ever so tightly.

When he stills, a guttural yell coming from his plump lips, I can’t help but stare at him. He’s absolutely stunning. Thick, brownish-blond hair, deep brown eyes that are currently closed but I know to be beautiful. They remind me of the brown of Belle’s mane. I know it’s insane to be thinking of a horse when I look into his eyes, but I do. He’s got a strong jaw covered with a light brown stubble with just a little above his lip. Like he had shaved only a few days ago but couldn’t be bothered to fool with it this morning. But as I watch him, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a man look so gorgeous as he comes. Usually, they make divvy faces, but there is nothing divvy about Jackson.

Nothing at all.

He’s splendid.

Falling to the side of me, he gasps for breath as I do the same, moving my barely dry hair out of my face. My body is humming, and I ache beautifully between my legs. I want more. So much more. After moving my hands down my face, I reach my arms above my head before I glance over at him. His eyes are still closed, his chest rising just as fast as mine is. I am so glad I will forever be able to hold on to this memory. I want to be embarrassed for coming on to him like I did and for taking him to bed, but I’m not. I had to have him. I had never felt that way before, such undeniable need for someone, but I refuse to be embarrassed by it. I felt so lonely earlier, but that is no longer the case.

When he opens his eyes, I watch as he looks around before he closes them once more, inhaling deeply. He is so damn hot. But when he holds up his hand, my brows draw together. “God, that was good.” He’s still holding his hand up, and I’m confused, especially when he opens his eyes and looks over at me. “Gonna leave me hanging?”

“Ya want a high five?”

“Yeah,” he says, and I roll my eyes, but I slap his hand. While that’s odd, it’s still sorta cute, I guess.

“Yer a weirdo, ya know. After sex, wanting a high five.”

He shrugs, his gaze meeting mine. “Yeah, I mean, unless you want the money first. But I thought it might make it less awkward if we high-fived first. I don’t know, I’ve never done this.”

Everything stops, as if cold water has just been tossed on me.

Surely, I heard him wrong.

My brows pull together. “Done what?”

“This,” he says, moving those naughty and satisfying fingers between us. “Paid for sex.”

“What?”

He eyes me. “What?”

My body begins to shake, but not from the amazing rockin’ we just had, from pure anger instead. “Are ya fucking mad? What? Ya think I’m a feckin’ scrubber?”

He looks at me confused before he asks, “Is a scrubber a hooker?”

It’s like he’s feckin’ hit me! “Póg mo thóin!” I roar as I kick him in his thigh, pushing him out of my bed.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I’m gonna kick yer arse! I am no fucking scrubber, ya wanker!”

Scrambling to his feet, he holds his hands out. “How was I supposed to know that? You came on so strong!”

“A lass can’t want sex without being a hoor? That’s bullshite!”

“You’re too pretty to just want sex! That’s why I thought you were a hooker.”

“Ah, but ya didn’t turn me down. Ya wanted me too! So are ya the hoor too?”

“I’m not turning down someone who looks like you, for one. And for two, you basically jumped my bones. Usually, I have to chase the girl—”

“Oh! An hour ago, ya liked that I knew what I wanted, but now I’m a hoor!” Getting out of the bed, I pick up his clothes, throwing them at him. He catches them with ease, his eyes as wild as mine.

“Can I just say I really love the way you say whore?”

This fucker. “Ah, fuck with ya! I can’t believe ya.”

He shrugs, holding his hands out. “You wanted me, bad, and I’ve never had that. Plus, you wanted my cock in any hole.”

“So? Because I love sex, I’m paid for it? I don’t need yer money. Or any wanker’s money. I’m fine, and I’m no hoor!”

Holding his clothes so they cover his cock, he pauses. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously, ya feckin’ arse!” I scream. “Get the fuck out!”

“But, look at this place! It looks like something out of a porno.”

“It’s a penthouse, ya feckin’ tosser! I live here.”

“You live here?”

“Yes! But ya don’t know that, ya don’t know anything, so how dare ya judge me?”

“You didn’t want me to get to know you!”

“Yer right! I wanted to fuck ya, but now I’m done. Get the fuck out!” I scream, pushing him out of the room.

“So, wait, that was free, right?”

I scream in frustration. “Ya feckin’ bag of cocks, off with ya!”

“Wait, I didn’t mean to offend you. I didn’t know. Maybe we should get back to it.”

My eyes widen. “I’d rather take it in the nose than ever be with you!”

I’m pushing him toward the elevator, but he stops in his tracks.

“Take what to the nose?”

“It doesn’t matter. Get out!”

“Let me get dressed!”

“Fine!” I yell, storming toward my room. I’m steaming mad, my body shaking, but when I go to slam the doors, I pause. Maybe I’m a wee bit of a masochist, but I just want one last look at the tosser. He accused me of being a hoor, yet I can’t help but think he’s the best lay I’ve ever had. Shaking my head, I fight back the tears as I call to him, “Thanks for nothing.”

He shrugs as he slides up his boxers. “Thanks for the great free sex.”

Unable to hold back my tears, I slam the doors shut before I fall onto the bed, covering my face with the pillow as I sob like a wee baby. How in the hell did I allow this to happen? I went from finding myself in bed with someone I couldn’t remember being with, to getting in bed with someone I actually wanted. Though, I shouldn’t have. I should have just stayed home. I shouldn’t have come on to him like I did. I should have kept my puss in my fucking knickers!

“Oh my goodness, what if I am a hoor?”

As I squeeze my eyes shut, a sob tears from my body. I’m not crying for what just happened. Okay, maybe a bit. But mostly, I’m crying for how I got here. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to have fun. Live a bit. I was doing so fucking well, but then…

It all came crashing down in a nasty, scary heap.

I didn’t think it would affect me so. I didn’t think it would matter. I hadn’t loved Casey Burke in years. We’d had that star-crossed lovers kind of love. I knew he was wrong for me, but I couldn’t see past the love I had for him. He was dangerous, and I wanted him ever so desperately. He was controlling, though, and only after me for my family’s money. I knew I’d never marry him, my father wouldn’t allow it, but I couldn’t let him go. I wanted to be with him until I couldn’t be.

But when I told him I was saving myself for marriage, he did the unthinkable.

He raped me.

Though it took years and an engagement to someone else on my part, I had forgiven him. Or, I thought I had. I’m not even sure how he got out of jail. He had almost killed Amberlyn, when, really, he was trying to kill Declan. Yet they let him out on good behavior and because his ma was dying. It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t truly paid for what he did to me or to my family. He was a worthless piece of shite, and now, so was I. I still can’t believe I thought I had gotten over him. I hadn’t, and because of that, I now find myself out of control.

Feeling as if I am a hoor.

I wasn’t good enough to be loved, so Casey raped me.

And then I slept with men I didn’t know.

And now, someone thinks I’m a hoor.

Maybe I am.

Soon, I’m reaching for my phone, and when his voice fills the line, a sense of peace washes over me.

His voice has that power, that strength.

Home. My brother is my home.

“Declan.”

I hear the panic in his voice. “Lena. What’s wrong?”

My lips start to wobble, and I instantly regret calling him. He just had a wee little one, and I’m calling, crying. How selfish can I be? “Lena, deirfiúr, ya can tell me anything.”

Deirfiúr. He hasn’t called me that since I was a wee lass. Soon the tears are falling in heaps, and I just can’t keep it in.

“I’ve done lost myself, Dec.”

“I know, Lena.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

He takes a deep breath. “Ya on drugs?”

“Yeah.”

“Drinking?”

“Yeah.” I wipe my face as I look to the ceiling. “And fuckin’ like mad.”

“Ah fuck, Lena. What is happening?”

“I don’t know,” I lie. I can’t tell him. I don’t want to upset him any more than I already have. “I’m a maddening mess.”

I can hear the emotion in his voice as he whispers, “Come on home. We’ll fix it. We can fix it, together, with the family.”

But I’m shaking my head before he even finishes. “I can’t come home.”

He’s there.

And my family…they just wouldn’t understand or accept me in this state.

“Lena, ya can, and ya know it. Yer home is yer safe haven. Come on, now.”

“I can’t—”

“Stop saying ya can’t, and come home.”

I shouldn’t have called, and without saying anything more, I hang up. I turn my phone off so he can’t call back since I know he will.

Looking around the room where I was just with Jackson, I can still feel his presence. The thing is, I almost felt a bit like the lass I used to be when I was in this bed with him. I can’t explain the pull he had on me, but I felt right. When he was inside of me, everything stopped. The world was nothing. All that mattered was him and me. I had planned to go the whole afternoon with him. Spend as much time as I could get out of him. I wanted that, but then it all went to straight shite.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I almost don’t know what to think. Was it all a lie I told myself? That Jackson was more than a lay, that he was better than that? Was I using him more than I realized? I don’t know, but I feel…I just feel disgusting. Sitting up, I cover my face as I cry, my body shaking with the motion. I can still feel his touch, and I have to move out of the bed, running to the shower. Even if it was good, I don’t want his touch.

It makes me a hoor.

Turning the water to the hottest setting, I get in, falling to the bottom of the shower as the tears pour out of me. It wasn’t supposed to end like this with Jackson. I was supposed to have fun. But here I am, crying my eyes out over a wanker who meant nothing to me.

And who made me feel nothing but more pain.