Staring up at me family home, I exhale loudly.

I honestly didn’t think I’d come back here.

As silly as that may seem, I really didn’t think I would. Not anytime soon, at least. I tuck my hands into my pully and try to figure out how I can get out of going inside. Declan is expecting me, the driver called him when he picked me up at the train station, so he knows I’m in Mayo. He even had security at the train station; it blows my mind how the damn media knew I was coming home. Maybe Ma’s news of being sick has gotten around.

Which meant it appeared I’d come home like the doting daughter I’m expected to be.

Since stepping off the train, my heart’s been in me throat. Even with security escorting me to the car, I still found myself looking behind me at every turn. Standing here now, knowing that no one can come on our land without clearance, and that Casey would be the last person allowed on the property, I’m still looking around. This is why I didn’t want to come back. Because I knew he was here. He has to be. Where else would he go?

When the doors open, I swallow as my brother comes out, a smile pulling at his lips. Declan hasn’t changed a bit. I thought getting married would make him a bit fat since he doesn’t have to attract anyone anymore, but he’s still fit. His eyes are still a blazing blue, but his lips, they’re turned up so high. He’s happy. I can see that, and I’m jealous of it.

“Ah, Lena,” he mutters before wrapping his arms around me. I inhale his scent, and my eyes fall shut as I squeeze my brother tightly. It’s been almost a year since I saw him. “How was your trip in?”

“Good,” I answer, opening my eyes as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and we start into the house. “The media was at the train station.”

He nods as he makes a face. “Ma’s condition got out, and they knew you’d be in sooner rather than later.”

My pulse speeds up. “So what is it? Cancer?”

“They found a spot on her brain.”

I feel as if someone has slapped me. I lean into him as we continue through our massive home. I’m terrified, and I want to take in the house, see if anything has changed, but I can’t get his words out of my head.

A spot on her brain.

What the hell?

Ma is an ox!

Walking through the mansion, I try to nod to each person who greets me, but I’m unable to process what Declan had just said. Before we can reach my ma’s sitting room, my beautiful sister-in-law comes through the door, holding a blue bundle in her arms. She looks just as I remember her. Gorgeous auburn hair and beautiful green eyes, with lips that are plump and red. Her face is a little pink, and she looks as if she has been crying, which, of course, scares me.

“Mo stór,” my brother coos, letting me go and going to her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just took Ronan for a visit,” she said, her American accent so distinct. They said she’d never belong, but my brother looks at her like there is no other place for her but with him. “Just want to make sure he gets his time with her. I took a lot of pictures.”

Wait, what? Why do we need pictures? Shite, how bad is this?

“Ah, good,” he mutters, cupping the little bundle of blue with his hand before lifting him from his wife’s arms. “Lena is here.”

Amberlyn looks past him, and I don’t miss the way her eyes widen. She covers it up with a grin though, coming to me with her arms open. “Lena.”

“Amberlyn, wow, ya look like you didn’t even have a wee baby,” I gush, hugging her tightly. It’s a lie; she’s as fat as they come from having a babe, but I wouldn’t dare tell her that.

“You’re a liar, and I know it. I’m as big as a house,” she scolds, kissing my cheek. “But thanks.”

I cup her face. “I’d never lie.”

She chuckles as Declan comes to us, holding Ronan out to me. When I see his wee face, his little cherub cheeks and button nose, I cry out a bit. “Oh my, look at him,” I say, taking him and cuddling him to my chest. “He’s just perfect, yeah?”

“We think so,” Amberlyn says as my brother kisses her temple.

I’m completely in love the moment Ronan’s eyes meet mine. He’s got Declan’s eyes but Amberlyn’s round face. How was I going to miss this? I haven’t been drinking or taking anything for the last couple days since finding out the news about me ma. And in this moment of clarity, I hate myself for not wanting to come back. For not wanting to see this wee lad and love him dearly.

“I’m in stitches for him,” I gush, kissing him once more. “He’s perfect.”

Amberlyn beams at me. “And he’s glad his aunt came to see him.”

I make a face, looking to Declan. “Aunt? That’s weird.”

He laughs. “Mo stór, it’s aintín.”

Amberlyn rolls her eyes. “Ah, who cares! We’re just so damn happy you’re home.”

She leans over to me, kissing me hard on the cheek. As she pulls back, though, Ronan starts to cry. “I don’t do crying babes,” I say, handing him back over, which has them both laughing.

“It’s fine. We gotta go in and see Ma anyway.” Declan turns to Amberlyn. “The driver is out front waiting for you.”

Again, she rolls her eyes. “I can walk to the house.”

“No,” is all he says as he kisses her head, and I’m surprised she doesn’t argue with him.

“Fine. I just had a baby, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Love you too,” he calls to her as she passes by me, sending me a grin.

“He’s insufferable.”

“He loves you.”

Her grin grows as she shrugs, heading down the hall as Declan’s face instantly changes. I’m not sure if he’s been putting on a show or what, but it freaks me out.

What in the hell am I about to walk into?

Without another word, Declan pushes open the door and goes in before me. “Ma, Lena’s here.”

Walking in behind him, I take in my mother’s sitting room. It is, of course, pristine as always, but I’m confused why she is in here. Shouldn’t she be in a bed? But soon it doesn’t matter when my gaze lands on her. I can’t even speak. I can’t do anything but gawk at her. I have to hold back my sob as I take in my ma. Her hair is in a tight braid, which isn’t anything new, and she’s dressed to the nines even in a house dress. She’s wearing her jewels, with her face fully made-up, but it is her face that has me gasping for breath.

One side of her face is completely droopy, her eye half closed and her mouth frozen in place, while the other side is turned up in a grin.

“Ah! Me lass.”

I see my da coming toward me, but I can’t.

“Ma.”

It isn’t even a full word as it leaves my mouth, more of a sob as I go to her, wrapping my arms around her. She hugs me tightly, kissing my temple as I squeeze her. Within seconds, I feel like utter shite. Why have I been gone? Why was I so selfish to leave without contact when my ma needed me? Ah, I’m a piece of shite. Utter shite. I wasn’t even here when Ronan was born. I was off trying to… Fuck, I don’t know. I wasn’t here or even nearby, and I wasn’t answering the phone.

Closing my eyes, I squeeze her once more, wishing like hell I hadn’t had gone on my hiatus, that I didn’t try to forget. That I wasn’t trying to hide. She doesn’t even know most of it, but what I am aware she knows is definitely not a stress she needs.

When I pull back, she takes my face in her hands, her eyes looking me over. I almost feel like she’s dissecting me, but surely not. I’ve been gone over a year. It has to be just love in her eyes.

“Lena, ya look ghastly.”

Hm. Some things don’t change.

“Nice to see ya too, Ma.”

I stand up, and she tsks at me. “Your hair, your face. Have you not been eating? When was the last time you did yer hair? Yer starting to get that ugly wave in yer hair again. Jaysus, Meredith,” she calls to her personal assistant. “Call Franco, he needs to come at once.”

I hold up my hand. “He doesn’t. I’m fine.”

“No, you are not. If you are going to be with me until I am better, then ya gotta look the part and not like some gutter rat.”

I want to say I’m offended, but Ma is all about the looks. She called me worse growing up. She always wanted me to be perfect like her. I tried and did as she said, but it was always fake. Always. “Wow, gutter rat. Haven’t been called that lately.”

“Ah, dressed like ya just jumped out of the bed like a hoor.”

Ah, but I have been called that lately. I try not to let her words hurt me. Though, they sting a bit. Of course, they make me think about Jackson again. But then, like a light bulb turning on, I remember what she just said.

Making a face, I look up at her. “Wait, what?”

She just shakes her head at me, tsking me. “What the hell have you been doing? Ya look just nauseating.”

“Wow, I wish I had come home sooner.”

“Noreen, come on now.”

“Ivor! Look at her,” she says to my da. “She’s gonna step up and take me place like that? They’d laugh her off the stage if she went out like that. Meredith! Are you calling Franco?”

“Yes, madam.”

I want to stop Meredith, I don’t want anyone touching me right now, but I can’t let go of what Ma’s saying. Holding up my finger, I ask, “Yeah, that, what are you talking about?” Ma’s face scrunches up, and when I look to my da, he is looking at me the same. “What?”

Declan steps up. “I may have left out that part.”

“That part?”

“Declan, son, you said you’d take care of this. My job is yer ma, yers was Lena.”

“Why am I yer job?” I snap, looking up at my brother, but he just looks pained.

Looking at me, he shrugs. “I knew if I said you had to come back to basically be Ma, ya wouldn’t have come.”

My brows shoot to my hairline. My heart kicks up, and I can’t breathe. Are they insane? Going around to events and teas? Outside of our land?

He could get me.

But I can’t tell them that. “Be Ma? I can’t be her!”

Ma scoffs. “Well, no one can be me, but yer the best choice.”

“What the hell is going on here? I don’t understand. Why—”

But Ma cuts me off. “I’m dying, Lena.”

The air rushes out of me as my da and Declan look away. “The tumor is pressing on the nerves in my head, and they aren’t sure they can get it out. I could die today, and you are the only woman who can hold up this family’s name and my obligations until I am better or I die—”

“Noreen, please.”

“It’s the feckin’ truth, Ivor, and you know it. She needs to know. What did Declan tell ya? I’m sick, come home?”

Tears are gathering in my eyes. “Yeah.”

“Well, it’s more than that. It’s time to stop acting like a carefree teenager and be the woman you were raised to be.”

But I don’t want to be that woman.

“Ma, I can—”

“There is no can’t,” Declan says. “We all have a job to do, Lena. I have to run this family’s business, Da is to worry for Ma, and yer to be the face.”

“A beautiful face when it’s clean,” Ma adds, but I shake my head.

“But yer fine!” I yell, holding my hand out to her. “I mean—”

“I’m not fine.”

“But—”

Da steps closer to me. “She’ll have surgery as soon as they can stabilize her blood pressure, but until then, she can’t leave these grounds. She doesn’t want to have tea with anyone because—”

His words drop off, and Ma rolls her eyes. “’Cause I look like feckin’ Quasimodo, and I refuse to let anyone see me like this.”

I want to help my ma, I do. I want to be everything she thinks I am, but I can’t shake the fear in my heart. “But can’t we just put everything on hold? I mean, she’ll be fine. Everyone can wait.”

My family looks away then, and my heart drops once more. We shouldn’t be doing this. Ma is so young. “We don’t know. The surgery is risky.”

My stomach drops. “But, Declan, she’ll be fine, right?”

He shrugs. “Ah, Lena, don’t make me answer that.”

I shake my head. “I need an answer.”

He can’t answer me. It is my da who says, “They gave us a sixty percent chance of survival if the surgery is successful.”

My gaze meets my ma’s, and she shrugs. “So that leaves you,” she says, her eyes holding mine. “You’s the only one that can do this Lena. It’s time. We’ve let ya have yer fun. Now, it’s time.”

It’s time?

I’m not ready.

“But—”

“No buts, Lena. It’s done. You will do what yer supposed to.”

I close my eyes as the tears leak out the sides. I don’t want my ma to die. I don’t want to be here either. There is only one of her, but dammit, I had finally gotten out from underneath the feckin’ pressure she put on me. Now, I am back, and I don’t know what to do.

I really have no choice.

Looking to Declan, I plead with him. “Trade me? I’ll run the business, you be the face?”

He scoffs as he shakes his head. “Lena, we both know I wasn’t groomed to do this. Ya were.”

He’s right, I was.

Doesn’t mean I want to, though.