Eleven

Jasper

When Winnie doesn’t come back with her empty tray, I walk around the grill and peer out the door separating the kitchen from the bar. At first, I don’t see her, but when I walk a little further into the bar, I see she’s still in the corner by table thirteen with her hands covering her ears.

The two men at the table are laying into her, yelling about their spilled beer. I look around for my brother, wondering why he’s not taking care of the situation. But, when I finally spot him, I see he has a situation of his own to deal with—Tess.

Her arms are flailing around, and then she wipes her nose with the back of her hand. She couldn’t make it any more obvious that she’s high. And, considering her shift hasn’t started yet, I don’t know why my brother is going to let her work at all.

Tess has the entire bar wrapped around her little finger, getting favors and handouts whenever she needs them. I just pray Ace hasn’t become one of her many admirers. Tess is too fucked up to be his little girl’s replacement mother. Not that she’d want the title anyway.

The last thing Ace needs is his two underage employees trying to talk their way out of a bar fight, but what choice do we have? I’m the only ally Winnie has at The Whip.

Luckily, I’m the same size as my brother, and my voice is almost deeper than his. When I ask, “What’s going on?” neither of the men questions my authority.

“This bitch spilled my beer. Told her to get me another one, but she won’t move her fine ass. I even offered to help her.”

Before he gives one more suggestive glance to Winnie, I step in front of her, blocking her view of the men. Her eyes are glossed over, and she’s a million miles away. She did the same thing out back when we were having dinner, and I can’t figure out where she keeps drifting off to or why she keeps going there.

“Winnie, look at me,” I tell her. I’m afraid to touch her, but I gently place my hands on her shoulders and bend down until my eyes are level with hers. “Look at me.”

Finally, she snaps out of it and blinks a couple of times. Tears well in the corners of her eyes, and I wait for them to spill over her lashes. But they don’t. Trained to stay inside, the tears reabsorb into her system like they were never meant to exist.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” she mumbles. “It was an accident.”

“Of course it was. Come with me. We’ll get them another drink and then go back in the kitchen.”

Winnie moves around me, and I can tell she doesn’t want me to touch her, so I don’t. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, but I know none of them come close to the pain that lurks behind her eyes.

As soon as the drinks are replaced, I need to get Winnie out of the bar. But there’s no way for us to avoid Tess.

She’s leaning against a barstool, talking to one of her regulars. He takes her to the back room at least three times a week. When he’s not here, someone else is, putting even more cash in Tess’s bank account. Actually, I’m not sure she goes to the bank. From what I’ve seen, she spends her money as fast as she makes it. Everyone knows who the dealers are, and she hits every one of them up.

While I jot down the beer order on a piece of paper, Ace slides by Tess. “Is everything okay?” he asks us.

“I handled it,” I tell my brother. “Their table was covered in beer glasses. Winnie tapped one when she was delivering their food and spilled some beer. They laid into her, so I told them we’d replace the beer.”

“Of course she did. The little slut is useless,” Tess says as she adjusts the bra peeking out of her trashy shirt.

She’s so used to parading around onstage with nothing on, Ace has to force her to keep her clothes on while she’s waitressing. If it were up to her, she’d do it topless. And that’s why assholes, like the ones at table thirteen, treat the girls like shit.

Ace nods, and I can tell he’s not the least bit upset with Winnie. My brother has his hands full most nights, and if it were up to him, he’d have an assistant to help him manage The Whip. But the owner is as stubborn as most of the customers and would rather put the money into other ventures—and probably drugs of his own, too.

If he knew Winnie and I were working here, getting wages under the table, he’d probably throw us out and fire my brother. But he’s usually across town at one of his other bars where he makes a hell of a lot more money.

Ace hands Winnie two beers she shouldn’t be serving and says, “Tell them the next round is on the house. That should keep them quiet for a little while. If that doesn’t work, I’ll send Tess over. She can shut anyone up.”

Winnie takes the drinks from Ace, and her hands are still shaking. If he sees it, he doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. But I can’t take my eyes off her, and my brother notices that.

“Be careful with her, Jasper,” he says with one hand gripping my shoulder.

“What’s there to be careful of? I’m the one with a past.”

“It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through. She reminds me a lot of Shari, and you know how that turned out for me.”

I love my brother, but right now, I kind of want to punch him. Whether he’s looking out for me or not, he’s out of line. Shari was fucked up, I’ll give him that, but she’s not Winnie.

“Shari’s nothing like her, Ace. And she’d never abandon her family.”

Shari might have left my brother with a little girl, but he loves her. And he’d do anything to keep her safe. If Shari had taken my niece with her, who knows what might have happened? For that, I think our family will always be thankful.

Ace has a point when he says, “Tess isn’t a shining example, Jasper. Winnie’s pretty much on her own. That’s why I’m letting her work here—so she doesn’t end up like Shari.”

“Then, it’s a good thing Tess isn’t her real mom. And that I’m not going to let anything happen to her.”

We both watch as Winnie squares her shoulders and sets both glasses on the table. Before she even speaks, there’s a hand on her arm, tugging her closer to the table. She loses her balance and falls into the loudmouth’s lap. His hands grope her chest, and she kicks her legs to free herself. But she’s no match for his strength.

I see red. And then I run.

Without thinking about my brother’s position at the bar or the trouble I could get him in, I grab a handful of the thug’s shirt and pull until he’s on his feet.

Winnie tumbles to the floor and crawls away on her hands and knees. The floor’s sticky and filthy, but she stays seated against the wall, crouched into a little ball.

I make the mistake of taking my eyes off the guy to check on Winnie, and a right hook blasts me in the temple. His friend keeps his distance and laughs.

Nothing about what they did to humiliate Winnie is funny. If it were, she wouldn’t be in a ball in the corner of the room, on the verge of crying again.

There’s another fist in my face, but before he makes contact, Ace grabs his arm, stopping him. “It’s time for you boys to pay your bill and leave,” he says.

“You’re not worth it,” the guy spits into my face before he turns and tosses a couple of bills on the table. And then he walks away.

Even though he’s a few inches taller than me and probably fifty pounds heavier, I would have fought back to keep them away from Winnie. Somebody has to protect her, and why shouldn’t that person be me?

Holding out my hand, I tell her, “Come on. We’re going home.”

Her lip quivers when she says, “We can’t. Our shift isn’t over.”

“We’re underage, Winnie. It’s not like Ace can fire us. Besides, he saw what happened. Now, come on, let’s get out of here.”

She lets me help her to her feet, and then we clock out in Ace’s office and leave through the back door.

As soon as the fresh air hits her face, she inhales a breath so deep, like she’s been deprived of oxygen.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I won’t let those guys hurt you.”

She glances over her shoulder anyway, just in case they’re close. I wish she trusted me more, but I can’t expect her to let her guard down so soon. Because, in the grand scheme of things, I’m nobody to her. But I plan to change that.

“Why are you so nice to me?” she asks. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“We’re friends,” I tell her.

Plus, I get the feeling that Winnie doesn’t have anyone to rely on. In school, she’s always alone, going in and out of every classroom with eyes that never reach anyone else’s. I’m pretty sure she’d rather be invisible than acknowledge the whispers that follow her around. She’s strong though, stronger than anyone else I know. If I were in her shoes, I don’t think I’d be able to handle the stress.

“Are we friends?” she asks with a mixture of curiosity and concern, more proof that the concept is foreign to her.

“We are. And don’t tell me otherwise unless you want to see me cry.”

She giggles, and the sound is so cute and unexpected, I don’t know who smiles wider.

But, as fast as the sweet sound hit my ears, it disappears.

Winnie comes crashing back down with an equally expressive frown. “You have no idea what you’re asking for, Jasper. And, if you had any clue, you’d want to take it back.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, I’m complicated. You’ve seen me. God, I can’t even function sometimes.”

I saw how she was when she was crouched against the wall. And I’ve seen the way she zones out and gets lost in her head. But what I want to figure out is how to keep her from going there. I have to figure out what it’ll take to keep her here with me, safe and with that gorgeous smile on her face.

“Nobody’s perfect, Winnie.”

“I’m a mess,” she insists.

“You’re right. You kind of are,” I say with enough sarcasm in my voice that she knows I’m only joking.

And, when she lifts her head to glare at me, it’s just as playful. “So smooth, Jasper.”

Just as we round the corner, I spot her trailer and notice the shadow of a figure on the porch. I try to keep it to myself, but Winnie notices the change in my mood and takes a look for herself.

“Someone’s there,” she whispers. “You saw it, too, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I saw. We’re going another way,” I tell her as I take her hand and lead her in between two trailers. “There’s an opening in the fence on the other side.”

She tugs on my hand and tries to free herself from my grip, but there’s no way I’m letting her go. Whoever is waiting is probably drunk or high. And, if it’s Tess they’re looking for, Winnie will be the perfect replacement for whatever they have in mind.

“Jasper, I have to go home. Tess will flip out if I’m not there when she gets home from work.”

Before we go any further, I stop and turn around to face her. Still holding her hand, I tell her, “Tess will be at The Whip for hours.” And then I ask the million-dollar question, “Do you trust me, Winnie?”

She swallows and bites her lip. I can tell she’d rather tell me no, but for some reason, she manages the softest, “Yes,” and I start walking again.

She has no idea how much that one word means to me.

“Where are you taking me?” she asks as I push a tree branch out of the way.

Very few tenants take care of their property, and the ones who do don’t live anywhere near the fences. I haven’t walked this path in a while, but it’s still safer than the route past Winnie’s trailer to my place.

“I’m taking you to my house. You can stay with me tonight.”

She stops moving, and I almost lose my grip on her hand.

“I can’t,” she says. “Your mom will never let me stay. And I can’t risk it with Tess.”

“My mom’s in bed. And remember that ladder I told you about? We’ll use that in the morning to get you back home.”

She stares at her shoes while she thinks about it. It’s obvious she doesn’t want to go home, but staying with me is a gamble, too. Winnie isn’t big on taking chances, and why should she be? Her entire life is a combination of fear and regret.

“I promise you’re safe, Winnie.”

“But I don’t have any of my stuff.”

“I have clothes,” I tell her. “And a warm bed with fluffy pillows.”

Raising her head, she looks at me, and I can tell that last part did nothing to ease her mind. But I’m not trying to get her in my bed to sleep with her. I’m trying to get her someplace safe where I won’t have to worry about her all night.

“I’ll sleep on the floor, Winnie.”

“Okay,” she whispers as her hand starts to shake. “But you don’t have to. It’s your bed.”

I love that she didn’t want to let go of me. And, as the bushes get a little thicker, she grabs my arm with her other hand and holds on so tightly, her body’s pressed against my side.

I almost wish the walk were longer, just so I could keep her close.

When we get to the fence, she has to let go, so I can push apart the loose boards and climb between them, and I immediately miss the contact.

She follows through the opening, squeezing through much easier than I did. “That’s your house?” she asks. “It’s big.”

“The house belonged to my grandparents. We moved in with them toward the end, so they wouldn’t have to go into a nursing home. Mom was their nurse, and after they both passed away, we never moved. I think the house reminds her of happier times with them, and that’s why she doesn’t want to give it up.”

“So, it’s just you and your mom?”

“And my niece. Ace has a place of his own, but with his work schedule, she’s here most of the time. Mom just started seeing this guy who comes and goes. I don’t know much about him; I haven’t even met him yet. I’m sure he’s weird. Her type usually is.”

“I’m used to weird,” she says. And, when we get to the top of the porch stairs, she pauses. “I can use the ladder if you want to go inside without me.”

She’s crazy if she thinks I’m letting her climb up a ladder in the dark all by herself.

“Just stay with me,” I whisper as I open the door with my key. I’ve snuck in and out enough times to know how far I can go before it creaks loud enough to wake anyone sleeping on the couch.

But, as I expected, the house is dark, and Mom and Lydia are asleep upstairs. Winnie stays so close, I can hear her breathing. We take each step upstairs one at a time, careful not to let our shoes hit the wood too loudly.

My room’s at the end of the hallway, and once the door’s closed behind us, I turn on the light and open my top dresser drawer. I pull out a pair of boxers and a T-shirt that Winnie will drown in. “They’re not pink, but you don’t seem like a pink kind of girl anyway.”

She takes the clothes from me and clutches them against her chest. “Pink reminds me of my sixth birthday,” she says. “It was a bubblegum party, and there was so much pink, it looked like a bottle of Pepto had exploded in the living room.”

As she starts to drift away again, I imagine she’s back at the party with her mom and dad—at a time when Tess wasn’t a part of her life—and she’s actually getting lost in happy memories. But I don’t know anything about her parents or if they’re a source of laughter or pain. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s more heartache.

“Are you okay?” I ask her.

Nodding, she moves toward the closet, opens it, and closes it behind her. For a minute, I think she mistook it for a bathroom. But, when she comes out, wearing my clothes, I realize all she wanted to do was change.

“I would have turned around. It’s a mess in there.”

“It’s okay,” she whispers. “Thank you for the shirt and shorts. Mine smelled like beer and were dirty from the bar floor.”

I pull my uniform polo over my head and chuck it in the dirty wash basket in the corner of the room. Winnie opens her mouth to say something but stops herself before any words come out. She blinks a couple of times and then stares at the floor, nervously twisting her fingers in front of her.

I’m about to unbutton my pants and kick them off when she turns around and covers her face with her hands.

“I’m sorry. I should have waited in the closet for you to put on some pajamas.”

“You would have been waiting a while. I usually sleep naked.”

“Jasper!”

Laughing, I take my jeans off and throw on some sweats. “For you, I’ll make an exception.” But it would be way more fun if I didn’t have to. “You can turn around now.”

When Winnie faces me, she cautiously raises her head, just in case I wasn’t telling her the truth. “You don’t get embarrassed much, do you, Jasper?”

“Nah,” I tell her. “It’s more fun, watching you squirm.”

She sits on the floor next to the bed and runs her fingers over the carpet, digging her nails into the fibers. Before she zones out again, I organize the mess of blankets on my bed, wishing I had made it this morning, and then I fluff the pillows.

“Pick a side, Winnie.”

Her fingers stop gliding over the carpet, and she licks her lips. It makes me want to kiss them even more.

“What do you mean?” Her voice is so soft and innocent.

“Do you want to sleep on the right or the left?”

“You want to sleep with me? I mean, in the same bed?”

I almost wish she hadn’t clarified. Not that I’d ever admit to it, but all I want is to climb into bed and hold Winnie until morning. If she let me kiss her, great, and if not, I’d be fine with that, too.

“Were you planning on staying up all night?” I ask her.

“No,” she says. “But I’m fine with where I am at. Your carpet is so soft.”

“If anyone’s sleeping on the floor, it’s me,” I tell her.

She stands up and adjusts the waistband on the boxers to keep them up. “You aren’t sleeping on the floor in your own bedroom, Jasper.” A quick glance at the bed and then at my naked chest, and she looks like she might want to eat her own words.

I should put her out of her misery and just lay myself down on the floor, but instead, I stand here, waiting for her to make the call. I’m too afraid to give up my chance to be near her.

Another minute or so passes, and she scoots under the blankets on the side of the bed by the window. I have a feeling she chose that spot because it’s closest to the ladder—her only escape come morning.

But she’s wrong; my mother would never throw Winnie out of the house. Sure, Mom might care she was in my bed, but Winnie would never be asked to leave because of it.

“Can we come to an agreement?” I ask her.

“Maybe.”

“Can we agree to sleep next to each other? No expectations, Winnie. Just two friends sharing the same space.”

She thinks about it for a second, and then she grabs an extra pillow and places it beside her. “Okay. Anything else?”

That was almost too easy, and Winnie’s quickly becoming my favorite contradiction. I’m okay with that if it means she’s one step closer to completely trusting me. And I’m not talking about the hand-holding we did to get here or the fact that she’s willing to lie beside me. I’m talking about the kind of trust that doesn’t allow hesitation. The no-holds-barred kind where she would trust me with her life.

“There’s one more thing,” I tell her. “Promise me you won’t use the ladder in the middle of the night.”

She glances at the window and then turns her head back toward me. “It’s a long way down.”

“Exactly. Don’t make me sleep with one eye open, Winnie.”

“I don’t get it,” she whispers as she lays her head on the pillow.

I follow suit until we’re both on our backs, staring at the ceiling. “What’s not to get?”

“The fact that you care.” Rolling onto her side, she props herself up on her elbow and gazes down at me.

Then, she surprises me and runs her fingernail over my eyebrow. It doesn’t hurt all that much, but I’m sure a mark will be there in the morning.

“You took a punch for me, Jasper. Nobody’s ever done that before.”

“Of course I care, Winnie. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Then, she whispers, “I know it hurt. So bad.”

The way she says it, I know she’s been hit before. I’m too afraid to ask her for details though. Because, if she does know how bad a fist hurts, I won’t get any sleep tonight. I’ll throw my clothes back on and run the whole way to her trailer. When I get there, I’ll beat down whoever’s standing on her porch. And, if it isn’t the guy from the bar, I’ll find him and take care of him, too.

“I’m fine, Winnie. Don’t worry about me.”

She nods, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to stop worrying anytime soon. “Is that what friends do? Get into fights for each other?”

“If it means you’re safe, then yes. I’ll take as many punches as I need to for you.”

“And what do I have to do for you?” she asks as she lifts her fingers from my brow and lies flat on her back again.

She’s waiting for consequences, and that’s exactly how she would view whatever I asked of her. That stings just as bad as the punch did.

“Nothing, Winnie. All you have to do is sleep.”

“I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me. I can take care of myself, Jasper.”

Her defenses are already up, so there’s no use in trying to break through them again, but the little bit of vulnerability she let me see, that’s what I want more of. I want the real Winnie that lurks behind the demons. She’s sweet and kind, and she has me wrapped around her finger. I already know I’m a little bit in love with her.

“I know you can,” I tell her as I roll over onto my side, just like she did when she touched me.

But Winnie doesn’t turn her head or move an inch. She stays stick straight as I look down into her eyes.

She doesn’t flinch when I push a piece of hair away from her face, and I get lost in those lethal baby blues of hers.

“You’re capable of handling the world, Winnie, but you shouldn’t have to do it all alone. And, whether you want me to be or not, I’m here now. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.”

“But you will,” she says.

“I can’t predict the future any more than you can. But, if it were up to me right here, right now, I’d never walk away from you.”

“And if you do?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I guess something pretty big would have to happen. Something that I had no control over and couldn’t stop.”

“You just described my life, Jasper.”

“No, Winnie. You described your life before I was in it. Everything’s going to change now. You’ll see.”

I bided my time at school, doing my best to figure out how to talk to her, but when the opportunity never happened, I knew I’d have to get creative. And then my luck changed, and there Winnie was, right in front of me. All I had to do was make the first move.

Dinner was the first step. And, while I never expected to have her in my bed, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep breaking through her walls. Because I’m not about to let Winnie down.