Thirty-Two

Jasper

Babysitting for Ace isn’t the worst thing I could do tonight. Lydia’s getting to the age where she recognizes me and knows who I am. She’s trying to say some words, and even though she’s a terrible sleeper and she hates sitting still for too long, I can get her to snuggle on the couch sometimes.

Lydia tugs on his pant leg, and Ace sets his drink and a bunch of papers on the table, so he can pick her up.

He’s looking at her, but he says, “You already have all my contact info. Try not to call Mom unless it’s an emergency. She needs this break.”

“We’ll be fine. Won’t we, Lyd?”

She can’t answer, but she giggles when I make goofy faces at her, and that’s enough to make us both laugh.

“I don’t know why she likes you, Jasper, but she does.” He’s smiling when he says it.

My brother might work a lot, but he’s a good dad when he’s not on the clock. Running the place is more than a full-time job, and I know he wishes he could spend more time with Lydia.

“Bye, princess,” he tells her and then sets her back on the living room floor and leaves.

Lydia smiles, but I think about the way Winnie flipped out when I called her the same thing. I haven’t gotten over her reaction or the way she completely broke down and could barely get herself together.

She’s not yours, Jasper. Let it go.

I try to distract myself with food and order a pizza and some breadsticks. But the thought of eating only reminds me that Winnie might be hungry right now. If I knew where she was, I’d pack Lydia’s stuff up as soon as the deliveryman got here. Then, we’d track her down and make her eat.

When the doorbell rings, I glance at the clock and grumble. Considering it hasn’t been more than fifteen minutes since I called, there’s a good chance they messed up my order. It always takes at least forty-five minutes to get from the shop and through the trailer park. Some places don’t even deliver here because they think it’s not safe.

“Stay put, Lyd. I have to answer the door.”

She watches me get up and gets excited when I open the door. Me, on the other hand, I panic.

“Winnie? What’s wrong?”

“Jasper?” she says. “I didn’t realize you would be here.”

No explanation. Nothing. Just my name, and her voice is a punch to the gut.

I try to unlock the childproof plastic lock installed on the screen door. It won’t budge, so I tell her, “Stand back,” and then I kick it off.

I make sure all the pieces flew outside so Lydia doesn’t try to eat them, and then I wait for Winnie to come inside.

But she doesn’t move. “Is Ace here?”

Why the hell is she looking for my brother?

“He’s at The Whip already. I’m babysitting.”

“Oh,” she says.

“What’s wrong?”

She won’t look me in the eye. “I just needed to see him.”

She might not want to come inside, but I grab her hand and make the choice for her. Her fingers are soft, and she smells amazing, but she’s not wearing any shoes. She fidgets and tries to pull her dress down to make it longer than it is. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen her wear, and normally, I’d tell her, but the makeup she has caked on makes her look fake. Like some plastic blow-up doll.

While I’m busy with trying to get a read on her, Lydia crawls right to Winnie and attaches herself to her leg. Winnie bends down and picks her up. Lydia pokes her fake lashes, and I can’t blame her for being curious. It looks like spiders are attached to her eyes.

“Talk to me, Winnie.”

Her lip trembles, and she hands me Lydia. “I can’t, Jasper. I have to go. There’s somewhere I need to be.”

I plop Lydia in her high chair and fasten the belt, so she doesn’t fall out.

Winnie watches with a sad little smile. “You’re good with her,” she says.

“So are you.”

My compliment makes her blush, and when I reach for her arm, I knock the stack of papers Ace forgot to take with him. The page on top skitters to the floor, and underneath is a bar flyer with Winnie’s face plastered in the center.

“What the hell?”

Before I can pick it up, she grabs it off the table and rips it in half. But there’s another underneath and more under that. No matter how many she destroys, there’s one to replace it.

“Tell me that’s a misprint, Winnie.”

“Don’t make me say it,” she whispers.

I grab her by the shoulders, harder than I probably should, and bend down until she sees me. “I swear to God, whatever mess you’re in, it’s over. You’re not going anywhere near The Whip tonight.”

Her mood shifts from somber to full-out sobbing. I’ve seen her cry before, but this time, it’s different. She’s raw, beaten down, and depressed. Without thinking, I reach for the hem of her dress and push it up. I deserve a punch in the face for doing it, but she realizes I’m looking for fresh cuts, and she doesn’t get mad.

“I didn’t, Jasper.”

“Did my brother push you into this?”

Her head bobs up and down and then side to side. I can’t tell if that’s a yes or a no.

“Which is it?”

“Not entirely,” she says. “Tess said, if I don’t cover for her until she’s better, she’s kicking me out. I don’t have any place to go, so what choice does that leave me?”

“Not even Trey’s trailer?”

“Not even.”

I don’t care why he won’t let her stay there. For once, I agree with him. Her living by herself, across the street from the people who destroy her, isn’t a good idea. Whether he’s home every night or not, it’s the worst place for her to be.

“You have me. I’ll be your choice.”

“Your mom,” she says. “You’ll get in trouble because of me.”

“My mom isn’t a monster, Winnie. She trusts my judgment.”

An argument outside scares us both, and she moves toward the hallway. I glance out the screen door and spot Jax, Tess, and some other deadbeat walking down the street. If I had to guess, they’re headed to The Whip.

“They’re on their way to watch me. I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t get there before them.”

I close the door and lock it. Lydia’s still content in her high chair, so I toss a couple of pieces of cereal onto her tray, and she kicks her feet and pokes them. If only everything in life made people that happy.

Winnie’s closed in on herself, staring at the floor. I lift her chin with my thumb and let my hand linger there for a second too long.

She doesn’t shy away, so I wrap my arms around her and tell her, “They can’t watch if you don’t show up. Stay with me. We can take Lydia to my house, and you can rest in bed.”

“You’re my best friend. You know that, right?”

I didn’t. She’s never told me how she feels or what I mean to her. But hearing the words is like finding heaven.

“You’re mine, too, Winnie.”

“Then, I need you to let me go. And not hate me for what I have to do.”

I’ll never hate Winnie. I’m not capable of staying mad at her or pretending like I am. She might piss me off and make me crazy jealous, but at the end of the day, she’s still the girl I want. Stripping though? That’ll ruin her reputation. Even if she does it and manages to stay in the trailer, her life will never be the same.

“You’ll regret it.”

“I regret my entire life, Jasper. There’s no goodness left to save.”

When Winnie gets this low, I worry about the cutting. If she were wearing something less revealing, I’d check her pockets and make sure she wasn’t carrying any razors. I’m afraid she’ll do this tonight and then take things too far to numb the pain.

“Please, Winnie. Don’t do it. If not for yourself, then for me.”

She mouths, Thank you.

I don’t know what for. I didn’t do anything.

Then, she walks by me, glances at the flyer on the table, and picks one up. She holds her picture up, and it’s like she’s looking in a mirror. But her reflection doesn’t show the tears cascading down her cheeks. They’re her answer. Like it or not, Winnie’s taking Tess’s place tonight.

She leaves Ace’s place and heads toward the demons lurking in hell. If Winnie goes through with the plan, she’ll never be the same again. I didn’t think her life could get any worse, but it’s about to.

Ace said to call Mom for emergencies only, and I consider killing my brother pretty damn urgent.

“Jasper?” she says. “What’s wrong?”

“Mom, I’m coming home. I need you to watch Lydia.”

She doesn’t ask why, but she doesn’t have a chance. Our conversation is interrupted by a gunshot. Two more follow, and I scream.