Today’s the day that I’m finally getting out of the hospital. Everything is healing well, so I’m being released. The doctors have cleared me for light duty at work, so I will have something to do. Even though it’s only been a few weeks, it feels like I’ve been in here an eternity. Everyday time seemed like it went slower than it did the day before. There were moments that I seriously thought I was going to go out of my fucking mind. It was nighttime that kept me sane and focused. Even though I haven’t heard anything from Justin and neither has anyone else, he would visit me in my dreams each and every night. He would always tell me that everything was going to be alright. That we would find our way back to each other, right where we belonged.

 In the mornings, when I woke up, I would be frustrated that the dreams weren’t real, but I wouldn’t be crushed. Of course, there were times that I’d feel defeated, and all those old demons that I vowed to eradicate from my head would slink back in and try knocking me to my knees. For the most part, I stayed true to myself and my goals. I used to fear the nights because it was always too quiet, there was too much time to think. Then the dreams I would have about us, well, they just made me more determined to find him and make things right.

 I had a lot of time to think about everything that’s happened. The loss of our child was absolutely devastating. It’s something that I know will leave a scar as deep as the loss of my mom and sister, maybe even more. I also did some soul searching about the fact that my dad was dead. The realization that I was now an orphan made me sick to my stomach, at first.  I realize that in reality, I’ve been one for a long time. Knowing that what I had before Justin wasn’t any kind of a life. It wasn’t even existing. It was simply surviving.

I now understand that the unrecognizable monster my dad had turned into can’t hurt me anymore. It is as if someone has removed a shackle from around my ankle, I am finally free from him. I will never have to worry about his demons poisoning my life ever again. All that can happen for me from this point forward is in my control, and controlling it, is exactly what I plan to do.

 Doris comes in my room pushing a wheelchair. “Are you ready to go, dear?”

“I’m so beyond ready to go.”

 She comes over and sits down on the bed and pats the spot next to her. I sit down next to her, and she takes my hand in hers. “Sarah, I want you to know how proud of you I am.”

 I’m bewildered by what she said. “What do you mean?”

 Doris lets out a small chuckle. “Oh, Sweetie. First of all, you need to know that you’re a very easy person to be proud of. But I’ll explain myself a bit. When you came in here, it was under horrendous circumstances. Taking that into consideration, I think the process that you went through was normal. You were very hard on yourself and those around you. Now, I know that you’ve taken care of a lot. Your friends that seems to be going quite well. Then there’s the death of your dad. From everything I’ve gathered from our numerous talks, you seem to have found inner peace about that situation.  There’s still one major issue that needs to be resolved before your world will be right again.”

 I take a deep breath. “There sure is, that’s my one and only priority.”

 “Well, you need to remember to make yourself a priority also. But I’ve got to tell you, that deep in my gut, I’m confident that everything’s going to turn out amazing for you.”

 I hope she’s right. “Doris, why do you think that?”

 She doesn’t answer my question, only stands up pulling the wheel chair toward me and motions for me to get in. “Your chariot awaits.”

 I roll my eyes about being taken out in a wheelchair, but I want out of here so bad that I get into it willingly. I take one look around the room before she pushes me out. “I won’t miss this place that’s for sure. I will miss you though, Doris.”

 “Oh, I’ll miss you too, Sweetie.”

 I turn around and look at her. “Doris, don’t think I didn’t notice that you didn’t answer my question.”

 She smiles at me. “I just know, call it intuition.”

 “Well, I hope your intuition is spot on.”

 We make our way through the dull hallways of the hospital, then we stop at a small waiting room. It’s tucked away; if you didn’t know it was there, you’d walk right past it.

Doris stops right in front of the doorway to the small room. “Sarah. I think I have, to be honest about something with you.”

“What do you mean. “You think?”

“I was asked to keep something from you. The way I see the situation, if I keep the secret, I would be doing you a great injustice. If I tell the secret, then I’m breaking a promise that I made. I’m between a rock and a hard place.”

What could she possibly be keeping from me? I think about the conversations we’ve had and can’t come up with anything. “What’s going on?”

Doris takes a deep breath. “You see that couch right there?”

There’s a small gray couch pushed up against the wall that looks like it was made for a child. That’s all there is in this room beside a small plastic coffee table. “Yeah.”

 “Except for one, he was right there on that couch every single night. He said it was just in case you needed him. We told him that if anything happened that we would call him, but he refused to leave. There were times that I would sneak him into your room and he would sit with you while you slept.”

Tears instantly start streaming down my face and don’t stop as I process what she just said. Now it’s just not my determination, hopes and dreams that fuels me. The fact the things will be alright with us is more real than I ever thought possible. Is it possible that my dreams that I had about Justin weren’t dreams at all? Was it him there in my room, telling me that we were going to make it through this? My entire being overflows with hope. It overflows to the point that the old me would have considered it dangerous, but the new me is going to take it and run. I’m going to hold onto this with my entire heart and soul.

Doris wraps her arms around me and is crying too. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m also sorry I didn’t keep my promise to Justin. I hope you both will forgive me.”

I start to laugh through my tears. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re a life saver. Thank you so much.”

Doris lets go of me. “I’m so happy to hear that. When you see Justin, please, tell him that I’m sorry. I’m convinced that you two would eventually find your way back to each other on your own.” She pauses for a moment. “I just couldn’t take any kind of a chance that something might interfere and keep you two apart.”

Doris wipes her tears away and gets behind my wheel chair to start pushing me again. “Well, I know that you have things to do, so we’d better hurry up and get you on your way.”

We continue down the hallways of the hospital. I’m filled with so much hope, excitement, anticipation, and nerves that I want to crawl out of my own skin. All I want to do is get the hell out of here and find Justin. I think even if I were in an Indie 500 race car I wouldn’t be going fast enough. My heart is beating to the point that it feels like it could jump right out of my chest. With what Doris just told me, I have to find Justin right now. 

We finally reach a room with glass windows that go from the floor clear to the ceiling. The sun is shining so bright, I have to close my eyes for a bit. I see Leila and Amie standing outside. They are smiling and waving like a couple of crazies. Once the doors slide open, they come running up the sidewalk like they haven’t seen me in years.

Doris stops pushing me and holds up her hands. “Easy ladies, she’s still a little fragile.”

Once they reach me, Amie has an odd look on her face. “I thought you said that you were healed up.”

That’s when I hear Oscar. “Even if she were, the two of you are charging her like a couple of fucking water buffalo.”

Leila calls out over her shoulder. “Oscar, shut the hell up! And did you really just compare us to a couple of water buffalo? Seriously? Ass!”

Doris and I both bust out laughing. Then I instantly start to cry when I see Oscar step out from behind a vehicle carrying a huge bouquet of wild flowers.

I give Doris a questioning look, as to ask if it’s okay for me to get up.

“You’re a free woman.”

When I stand up, I’m swarmed by everyone. There are hugs, laughter, and even a tear or two. Oscar got upset when Leila caught him with a tear in his eyes and announced it to everyone.

“Come on, hen, we've got to go.” He takes my bag from me, then hands me the flowers. He tries to act pissed off as he starts walking away.

“Come on, Oscar! Don’t be like that. All men cry, it’s okay,” I yell at him.

Leila and Amie wrap their arms around me, and we start to follow Oscar. I turn around and see Doris still standing there watching us. I tell the girls that I’ll be right back, then rush to Doris. I wrap my arms around her, giving her a huge hug. “Thanks for everything, Doris. I could never thank you enough.”

“Oh, dear. There’s nothing to thank me for. It’s been my honor to get to know you. I’m always here for you if you ever need me.”

Before I walk away, I give her one more squeeze. “Thank you.”

I catch back up with the girls, and they once again wrap their arms around me, leading me to the cutest little red car. “Whose car is this?”

Both of them giggle. “What? Whose car is this?”

Amie opens the front door and motions for me to get in the front seat. She and Leila get into the back. “So Oscar, Sarah wants to know whose car this is.”

They both lean up and rest their chins on the backs of Oscar and I’s seats. Amie is smiling like a goon. “So, Oscar you want to tell her or shall we?”

“Geez, you guys! I’m trying to drive here.” Oscar pulls out his wallet to pay the parking attendant. He’s acting like its way more difficult than it is.

At the same time, Leila and Amie yell. “Stop stalling!”

“Come on, guys. I don’t understand what the big deal is about whose car this is.”

Oscar starts laughing. “It’s yours, Sarah.”

“What? Wait, what do you mean it’s mine?”

Leila squeals with excitement. “It’s yours. All yours! We wanted you to have your own set of wheels. You can go and do whatever you want when you want.”

I’m in total disbelief, to say the least. “How did you guys do this? It’s too much!”

Leila doesn’t give anyone a chance to answer. “Oh! We were just the brains behind the plan. It was awesome. We had a fund raiser at Delish. You would not even begin to believe how a few free beers make the wallets just pop open. It’s like fucking magic.! We were able the raise a shit ton of money and this is what we got you.”

Amie chimes in. “Okay, to be fair, it was all Oscar’s idea. He wants to make sure you’re safe.”

 She reaches over and pinches his cheek. “You’re just a big old softie! Aren’t ya?”  

 Oscar swats her hand away like it’s some kind of annoying bug and then starts laughing. “No one, and I mean no one, lets anyone outside this vehicle know that!” He slides down in his seat and turns his baseball cap, so the bill is sideways. His face is serious as hell, he calmly says, “I got to keep up the illusion that I’m a legit bad ass. Ya know, rolling with my bitches in my pimp ass ride.”

We all start laughing until we have tears in our eyes, then Amie lets out the loudest snort that I’ve ever heard in my life. Which only makes us laugh even harder.

 It takes quite a while for everyone to stop laughing enough to actually be able to speak. Once I’ve finally collected myself. “Guys. I have to be serious for a minute. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate this. Not just the car. Don’t get me wrong, this car is over the fucking the moon amaze-balls. But this right here, us together, laughing to the point of tears with awesome friends. This means the world to me, this is living. I love you all so much and am blessed to have you in my life.”

 My new found freedom from the past makes me high on life. I can't even begin to imagine what it’s going to feel like if Justin and I do work everything out. I swear, it will be heaven on Earth. I no longer carry the baggage of the past with me. No matter what good things were happening in my life at the time, those demons of the past were tucked away somewhere in my head. Just squatting there waiting to invade and destroy me.

 He’s already given me an amazing glimpse of what life is supposed to be like. It was fucking incredible. Now, our lives together would know no boundaries.

 Oscar pulls into a parking spot at Delish and turns the car off. With a big smile on his face he tosses me the keys. “Here you go, kiddo.”

 I clutch the keys to my chest. “Hey, guys, there's something I need to talk to you about. Something that Doris told me before I left.”

 I look down at the keys in my hand trying to focus on them so that I don’t start to cry. “I guess that every night, except for one, Justin slept on a couch and in a small waiting room at the hospital. Doris allowed him to come into my room late at night while I was sleeping. I had dreams, well what I thought they were dreams. He would tell me that we were going to be alright between us. I have to find him, he’s my world. He brings out everything that is good in me. No matter how it turns out, at least I know I tried. That I didn’t give up. I've learned that I need to stop being a sniveling bitch and fucking live my life. That I shouldn’t worry or reminisce about my past. The past is just that, the past. There’s nothing that I can do to change it. Tomorrow's the future, and my future is with him. If life has taught me anything, it’s that tomorrow is never guaranteed.”

When I look up, they’re all just staring at me for the longest time. Nobody says anything. I look between everyone to try to read what they’re thinking. That’s when I see that Amie has tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, Leila’s bottom lip is quivering, and Oscar starts nodding his head yes.

 Finally, Oscar breaks the awkward silence. “Fuck yeah! Go get him!”

 I get out and walk around to the driver’s side and climb in. Adjusting the seat and the mirrors before I start the engine. I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and see that I look like total shit. I try to smooth out my unruly curls. The key word is try. All they do is spring right back out of control. Grabbing my bag out of the back seat, I dig through until I find a hair band to pull my hair up in a ponytail. I know that Justin doesn’t give a damn what I look like, so I don’t know why I’m concerned about it. Oh, wait. I know why. I’m procrastinating. I know that I want to do this. I know that I have to do this, but I’m scared to death right now. What if… no! No more, what ifs! I am in control of my destiny.  

 I take a deep breath and start on the journey of my life. Alright, Sarah, it’s time to make this right. It doesn’t bother me that the streets are eerily empty. My mind’s completely distracted, swimming with different ideas of what I should say. I know that no matter how many times I play things out in my head it will never go the same way. I’m sorry doesn’t seem to be a strong enough word to even begin to describe how I feel. I need to tell him that he’s everything to me. That my world begins and ends with him. I will do anything for his forgiveness. I’d walk through the bowels of hell, straight up to the devil himself with a smile if I have to.

Anxiety builds throughout my body as I pull up in front of Justin’s house. My stomachs in knots, the palms of my hands are sweaty, and my mouth feels like the fucking Sahara Desert. I notice that his truck isn’t parked in the drive but I’m still hopeful he’s home. When I look at the house, I can’t help but smile. Even though I’m scared fucking shitless, it feels like I’m home. I slowly make my way up the sidewalk, taking deep breaths, trying to keep myself calm. No matter how this goes, I know that I have done what my heart needs me to do.

 I’m so focused that I don’t even notice Darla and Bruce playing on the porch until I’m halfway up the walk. There’s no question when they see me. Bruce sees me first and starts running toward, me barking as he goes.

Darla looks around to see what’s going on. When she sees that I’m the reason that Bruce is going bat shit crazy, she jumps to her feet, and starts running toward me.

 “Ms. Sarah!” She screams with excitement.

 I get down on my knees, with my arms wide open. I didn’t realize how much I missed these two. I wrap my arms around Darla, giving her a great big hug. Bruce is snorting and trying to lick my face.

 I can feel Darla start jumping up-and-down in my arms. “Ms. Sarah, you’re back! Where did you go?”

 I lean back so that I can see here adorable face. Brushing her brown hair away from her face, I tuck it behind her ear. “Well, sweetheart, I got hurt, and I've been in the hospital.”

 “Oh no! Are you okay?”

 Her face shows concern, so I give her a big smile. “Yes, I'm fine now. In fact, I'm better than ever!”

 Bruce refuses to be ignored any longer and starts barking at us. I reach down and pull him into my arms. “Yes. I said that I missed you too, ya big lug.”

 His tongue hangs out and his butt wiggles as I scratch behind his ears.

 “Hey, any chance you know if Justin’s home.”

 “No. I haven't seen him for a couple days. Grandma and I have been babysitting Bruce a lot lately.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“Nope. He doesn’t say.”

 The disappointment I instantly feel must show on my face. Darla pats my shoulder “It's okay, Miss. Sarah, he'll be back you know he’d never leave his girls.”

 “Oh Darla, from your lips to Gods ears.” 

 I set Bruce down onto the ground, he whines and goes to sit by Darla. “I’ve got to get going.”

 Darla gives me a great big hug. “I’ll see you again soon, right, Ms. Sarah?”

 I give her a kiss on the top of the head. Then bend down and smoosh Bruce’s head making the skin wrinkle up around his face. “Yeah, I’ll see you again. I promise.”

They stay in the yard and watch me drive away. It breaks my heart a little to look into the rear view mirror and watch them fade away. I’ll see you again, Darla. I promise.

Where to next? The most logical place would be the gym. When I pull up, his truck isn’t here either. I’m not losing hope. Jordan and some other guy are kicking the shit out of a hanging bag when I walk in. The second he sees me, Jordan’s face lights up. “Sarah! Long time no see.! Where the hell has Justin been hiding you?”

“Actually, that’s why I’m here.”

He says something to the guy he’s with, smacks him on the shoulder, and walks my way. Wiping the sweat from his forehead with a towel he throws it over his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“Have you seen Justin?”

He grabs my hand and leads me over to a weight bench and we sit down. “I haven’t seen him lately. To be honest, I haven’t seen him much at all the past few weeks. He’s blown in and out a few times. He never stays long and never says much. He doesn’t act normal at all. What’s going on?”

“Well, I fucked things up.”

I tell Jordan the entire story. It’s awkward as fuck, but I make it through. “See, like I said. Royally fucked things up.”

“Yeah, I heard about that fire. I didn’t know that was your dad. I’m really sorry about your loss.”

“Don’t be sorry, Jordan. I’m not, at least not about that. I am however sorry about everything else. I’m trying to rectify it, but in order to do that, I have to find Justin.”

The look on Jordan’s face is so sincere. “Sarah, I can’t help you find out where he’s at. I do know that he loves you. I’ve never seen him like he is when he’s with you. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on you two.”

Standing up., I vow, “I don’t plan too.”

I drive around for hours not seeing any sign of Justin. I swear I’ve drove by his house and the gym one hundred times at least. I don’t know where to go, so I just continue to drive around aimlessly. I’m still hopeful, I’m not giving up. It’s going to take a whole hell of a lot more to stop me. I just need to think this through. Think, Sarah,think!

I find myself driving clear out around the edge of town. It’s late and I’m exhausted. I should go back to Delish and get some sleep, then start again tomorrow. But I just keep driving. I find myself out on the same road that Justin and I had taken so many times going to our spot. That’s where I need to go. I have always been able to think there. It’s the best place in the world to decompress and get your shit straight.

I slowly make my up the winding road. The moon is so big and beautiful tonight. It reminds me a lot of the first time Justin brought me up here. It’s once again playing peek a boo with me from behind the thick clouds. Cracking my window open to let the fresh cool air in, it caresses my face and sends a chill down my spine. It smells fresh and clean as I take a deep soothing breath. I feel my body and mind start to relax. As I come around the last corner my headlights bounce off of something, causing a streak of light through the darkness.

My heart stops the instant I realize that it’s Justin’s truck. Holy fuck, he’s here. This is what I’ve been wanting. What I’ve been searching for. I feel my entire body start to shake. Why am I so scared? ‘With me is right where you belong.’ I keep saying it in my mind as I park the car. The air is still and it is absolutely silent except for the crunch of the ground below my feet. Pulling my sweater tight around myself, I carefully make my way across the uneven ground. The moon has once again fallen behind a cloud, but it’s still light enough that I can see that he’s not sitting inside his truck. That’s when I see him standing in the clearing, simply staring out across the water that lays below.

I’m about five feet away from him when I stop. My heart is racing so hard it feels like it’s going to come right out of my chest. He turns around and looks at me. I want to run into his arms, but I’m frozen right where I stand. I have no idea what to do. I just stand here and say nothing. All the things that I had practiced saying have completely left me.

Even through the darkness, I can see that his face is expressionless. His actions show exactly what I’m feeling. It’s as if he doesn’t know what the fuck to do either.

There’s a long period of uncomfortable silence. My optimism of our situation starts to fail. Finally, he says, “You’re here.”

“Yeah. I’m here. Right where I belong?” I say it more in the form of a question. I have no idea where this is going to go. Is he going to tell me to get the fuck out of here?

He takes a step toward me. I can see his face clearly now. He looks serious. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are hooded and smoky in color. “You’re mine.”

My nerves swarm through my body like never before. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to talk. Swallowing the giant lump in my throat, I tell him, “I’m yours. Always and forever.”

He takes another step, closing the space between us. He towers over me. His stare burning a hole right through me. “Always and forever?”

It seems like it’s been a lifetime since he’s been so close to me. My breathing becomes shallow and my entire body starts to tingle. I take a shaky breath. “Yes. Always and forever.”

Wrapping one arm around my waist, his other glides around the back of my neck. Our faces are a few inches apart. The anticipation of the feel of his lips against my skin is driving me insane.

He starts to move in closer. His lips are so close to me that I can feel his breath against my skin. He leans in and whispers into my ear, “I’ve never known of two souls that were ever more meant for each other. Always and forever.”

 “Justin. I’m so sorry for everything I did and how I acted. I just thought you would be happier without me and all my bull shit. I was terrified that when I finally found you, you’d tell me to get the fuck away from you. I swear to you that I’ll do anything to make it up to you. You’re the sole reason for my next breath.”

 He places a soft kiss on my lips. “Shh. There’s no reason for you to be sorry. You had just gone through what I would guess would rank up there with one of the worst nights of your life. I don’t think anyone could ever anticipate how they would react being put in that same situation, least of all judge them for it.”

 Justin rubs my arms, I guess thinking that the shivers were caused by the cold. “Come on, Kitten. Let’s sit in my truck where it’s warmer.”

 Justin holds the truck door open for me and helps me get inside. I feel a little guilty about not ever telling Justin about that night. The last thing I want to do right now is to hash that night over. The past is the past, but I want us to have a clean slate. No secrets between us. In the back of my mind, I hear my dad’s voice. ‘You know he’s going to think you’re nothing but white trash and that you deserved it.’

 The more I ignore him, the louder he gets. ‘You’re nothing but garbage, he’s not going to want you knowing that. You’re damaged goods.’

 My voice is low yet stern. “No! This is not happening. You’re dead! You’ve been dead to me for a long time. What you say doesn’t matter to me any longer. You are no longer allowed to hurt me, I’m done with you.”

 Then there’s nothing but silence until the sound of Justin opening the driver side door breaks it. “Are you alright?”

 I smile at him. “I am. Better than ever.”

 He lifts the console that separates us and pulls me over to him. I snuggle into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. The smell of his cologne invades my sense. I take a slow deep breath in through my nose, savoring the familiar, intoxicating scent.

 He takes my hand and laces his fingers through mine. “I’ve missed this.”

 I look at our hands entwined together and give his hand a squeeze. “This to me represents something more than just hand holding. It’s you and I entwined with each other endlessly. Heart, body, and soul. I want us to be forever, and for our forever to be based on honesty. That’s why I want to tell you something.”

Justin turns so that he is facing me. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

 “This happened a long time ago. Another ghost from the past, I guess you could say that I want to eradicate. What happened a few weeks ago, that wasn’t the first time that’s happened to me.” 

 Justin hesitates for a moment. There’s embarrassment in his voice. “I know. I was there.”

 I sit there in disbelief and shock not understanding what he just said. I know that he’s not the type of person who would have been involved in such a grotesque act. Nor is he the type that would stand idly by while it was happening. So what in the fuck is he talking about?

“What? No, wait. Wait. What do you mean you were there?”

 “Well, remember when I told you my brother hung with the wrong crowd. I guess there were a lot of the wrong crowd at that party. Technically, Ryker was the one who went into the house that night, not me. I was however, waiting out in the car he said he had to run in for a few minutes to talk to a friend. God only knows what he was actually there to do. I didn’t know and didn’t want to know. He said that when he walked in it was a total fucking freak show. There were people everywhere doing all kinds of insane shit. Then he saw what was going on to you and went fucking ballistic. Ryker might have a seriously fucked up way of looking at the world, but he has never tolerated any kind of abuse to a woman. He said he left quite a disaster in his wake. You know, he might be a totally fucked up individual, but regardless, he had a good heart.”

 Justin let’s out a little chuckle. “I was so pissed because he was taking his sweet fucking time. The entire time he was gone his douche bag friends were giving me shit about anything and everything. That’s when I saw him come rushing out the house with you in his arms.”

He pauses.

“He opened up my door and gently placed you on my lap. What was left of your clothes were barely hanging on you. I was trying to use my jacket to cover you up. I didn’t want the guys to see you. Ryker went to the trunk and grabbed a blanket and told me to wrap it around you the best I could. I held you in my arms and just watched you. I thought I was a twisted fuck because all I could think of was how beautiful you were. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. Ryker wanted to drop you off at the gas station where you were sure to be found but we wouldn’t be seen. He knew that as bad of shape you were in the police would be involved and his goal was to stay off the cop’s radar. I wanted to take you to the hospital but they refused. It was a serious argument between us all. It broke my heart because every time someone would yell, you would flinch, then curl up in an even tighter ball in my arms.” He squeezes my hand.

“Somehow, your cell phone had stayed intact and had fallen out onto the seat next to me. I looked at the last call you’d made and it was to Amie. The guys threatened to beat the fuck out of me if I called the number, but I did it anyway. I told her that I was a friend. That you’d had too much to drink, and that I needed to drop you off. She bought the story and without any questions, she gave me her address. I told her that we’d be there in about thirty minutes and hung up. The guys were fucking furious with me and said there was no fucking way that they were going to be seen with you, especially by one of your friends. I explained that Amie’s was only ten minutes away. That she wouldn’t even be looking for you when we got there. I had to know that you were safe. The guys said it was too risky, but finally, Ryker gave into my pleas.”

I listen to him, not knowing what to say.

“When we got to Amie's place, I knew there was no way in hell that I was going to leave you on the doorstep by yourself. The guys told me that if I didn’t get you out of the fucking car that they would throw you out on the front lawn and leave you there. I carried you up to the porch, then gently laid you down. Ryker yelled for me to get my ass back in the car. I couldn’t force myself to just leave you there. I heard the sound of rocks being thrown from spinning tires. I knew the guys had left me behind. I didn’t give a shit. I had to be sure that you were safe. I sat with you until I heard footsteps coming toward the front door. I ran and hid behind some bushes that were next to the house and watched. Amie came out, got you up, and took you into the house. When I knew you were safe, I took off. I swear I fell in love with you that night. I've loved you and only you ever since.”

I feel my skin start to become warm with embarrassment. Little did I know, all this time he really did know about all of my darkest times. And yet, through all of it, he was still able to see the light.  “So, where have you been all this time?” I ask.

“That was the last night that I saw Ryker. I had my own bullshit I had to work through, and I figured that you didn't need any more of it in your life. So yeah, see, you're not the only one who’s ever had those thoughts. I tried to run from my past. I’ve moved all over the country, thinking a change of scenery would change my outcome. It never failed—the past would catch up with me. So, I’d move again. Then one day, I realized that I couldn’t control my past, I could only control my future. I came back to Denver and focused on getting my shit together. Opening an Academy was always a dream of mine, so that’s what I did. I didn’t know if you were still in Denver or not.  Then that day when I walked into Delish and saw you there. My heart stopped right then and there. I knew for sure that my life was on the right path. ”

“Why didn’t you tell me all this before? Why now?”

“Because, before now, your past really wasn’t your past. It was you’re here and now. Your demons still seemed larger than life to you, they had a death grip on you, and it didn’t seem like they had any plans on letting you go. You seem different now, though. You seem free, as if you’ve eradicated them forever.”

“You know it’s because of you, right?”

“I’d love to take credit for it, Kitten, but that’s something that you had to do all by yourself.”

I think about what he said. I think he’s wrong. I do think Justin had a lot to do with my newly found freedom. He’s the one who showed me what life was supposed to be like. Without him, I would have never realized that even with my scars I was beautiful, that life was beautiful.

I have to admit that my father’s death freed me more than what it should have. I shouldn’t have allowed him to hold me prisoner for so long, but I did. Maybe I’m hell bound for feeling this way, but it’s the truth. My conversation with Leila comes to mind. The detective says Justin had motive. The crawl space. Did they know about the crawl space?

“Justin, I have one more question that I have to ask you.”

“Absolutely. Like you said, our forever is based honesty.”

“Did you have anything to do with the fire that killed my dad?”

His body immediately becomes stiff. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand, then drops his head, and his shoulders slump. He looks directly into my eyes. “Are you sure you want to know? Having to live with the answer. Wouldn’t knowing just be adding a new demon of some kind into your life?”

In my gut, I already know the answer, but I need him to say it. Little does he know that deep down inside, I’m hoping he says yes. That if he did have something to do with it, it would just be one more nail in that bastard’s coffin. That someone cared enough to avenge me.

“Justin, I want to know. I need to know.”

He looks at our entwined hands. “Yes.”

I purse my lips together to keep them from shaking as tears start to run down my face. “You did?”

He doesn’t say anything, simply nods his head.

I can’t see Justin doing something this brutal on his own. It’s just not who he is, but I can think of someone who might be that capable of it. “Did you call Ryker?”

Again he doesn’t say anything. Only nods again.

Holy fuck! This is entire situation is completely off the grid. He called his fucking brother. Someone who he hasn’t talked to in years. More like someone who he’s refused to talk to.

“You know what this means, right?”

I see a single tear slowly glide down his cheek. “Yeah, I know.”

He takes a ragged breath. “Sarah, I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t stand the thought of him ever hurting you again. I knew he would. especially if I weren’t around. I understand that this changes us, our forever.”

Taking his chin in my hand. I make him look at me. “Justin, this changes our forever in epic proportions. As I see it. Our forever is more resilient, more concrete than it ever has been. It’s beyond any bond that I could ever imagine. You’ll never how sorry I am that it came to that. That you have to live with my demons. Demons that I could have stopped. If I would have been a stronger person, strong enough to have walked away from it years ago. That I allowed it to get to the point that you felt you had to do what you did. I’m sorry, that you have to carry any burden because of my poor choices.  I will never, not in a million lifetimes. be able to express to you what this freedom is that you’ve given me means.”

I let go of his face and cover mine with both my hands as I being to sob uncontrollably. Justin wraps his arms around me, and pulls me into his lap, holding me while I cry. He wipes the tears from my face with the pads of his thumbs.

Cradling my face in his hands, he kisses me softly on the lips. The kiss is like no other that we’ve ever shared. It’s as if in this very moment our souls have forever and a day become one. That there isn’t a power in the universe that could ever come between us again.

When Justin pulls away, his features are soft, and his eyes have the shimmer of honey colored silk. “I love you, Sarah.”

Every time he’s says, ‘I love you,’ it’s like it’s the first time, making the butterflies come alive in my stomach, and that amazing ‘zing’ shoot through my body. “I love you too.”

“Close your eyes.”

I do as he asks. I can feel him reaching across me and hear the glove box open.

After a minute of rustling around, he tells me, “Open your eyes.”

When I open my eyes, there’s a map spread open in front me. I pull the top of it down so that I can see Justin. “Umm. I’m not sure how to respond.”

“It’s easy. Just pick a spot.”

“Okay. That didn’t really help.”

“You pick a spot and that’s where we’ll go.”

I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about. “Are we taking a trip?”

Justin takes the map down. “Well, I was thinking that we could move. Leave all this behind us. Ya know, a fresh start for both of us.”

“But, Justin, you have so much here. Just for starters the academy and Jordan. It’s such a big part of you.”

“Yeah, it is. But there’s always another one. Jordan and I have always had an agreement. If at any point one of us wanted out, the other had the option of buy the other out, or they would just become a silent partner.”

I love the idea of a fresh start, but I’m worried about what he’s leaving behind. “But isn’t this place your life? I mean, you grew up here.”

“No, this place isn’t my life. You are. If you don’t want to leave, we can stay. It’s entirely up to you. Wherever you are, is where I belong. I’ve told you that.”

I reach over and kiss his soft lips. Then straighten the map back up between us. “So, how do I choose?”

“Just choose one or close your eyes and point.”

I close my eyes, rub my hands together, and let fate take over. The moment I feel the paper underneath my finger tip, I open my eyes.

“So, Kitten, where does the next chapter in our lives take us?”

I look closer to where my finger is. “Well, it’s kind of dark, but it looks like Detroit.”

He pushes the map aside and pulls me over to him. He has a smile from ear to ear. Putting a hand on each side of my face, he presses his forehead to mine, then kisses my lips.

“Detroit it is.”