THE PARTY WENT THE WAY parties around here went. A slew of people showed up; people swam, drank, sat around the fire, and talked. When I came out of the barn, I found Ashton and Anna sitting around the fire, talking. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear that had her throwing her head back and laughing. A wide smile spread across my face, seeing them together, they looked so natural. It gave me hope for the future.
An errant thought crossed my mind, maybe if Ashton had a girlfriend, then maybe I had a shot at Cooper. That would only work if Cooper felt the same way about me as I did him. It was a fleeting hope that I quickly shut down.
I needed to move on.
The night air was warm, but as humid as it was earlier in the day. The moon was full and surrounded by thousands of twinkling diamonds. Looking up, I admired the beauty. I had missed the night’s sky while living in the city.
Everything was going great until I saw a familiar Jeep pulling all the way up the driveway. I watched the black Wrangler crawl to a stop in front of the barn, his designated parking spot.
Cooper.
My heart leapt and shattered at the same time.
Sitting between Ryan and Katie on a scratchy bale of hay around the fire, I made a cognizant effort to slow my breathing that sped up at just the sight of him. Get it together, Kinsley. It is just Cooper.
When he climbed down out of the vehicle, Storm sauntered up to him and they slapped hands. Storm pulled him in for a quick shoulder bump and whispered in his ear. Comprehension spread across Cooper’s handsome face as he started looking around through the crowd until his eyes settled on me.
Quickly, I looked away when I was busted staring at him. I turned to Ryan and bumped him with my shoulder. “Wanna go do a shot?”
“You know it, Kins.” Ryan didn’t bother to ask what we would be drinking. Instead, he bumped my shoulder back, leapt up, and headed to the pool shed where he knew Ashton and I always hid our liquor. I’m not really sure it’s a hiding spot if several people know about it though.
Following him, I avoided looking over to see what Coop was doing. I kept my eyes straight ahead on Ryan’s wide back as we weaved through the thirty plus people between us and the shed. Opening the door, Ryan held it for me to enter first.
Pulling the freezer door open I asked, “You want Fireball, Jager, or Cuervo?”
“What’re you doing?” Ryan asked as he shut the door.
“Hmm,” I pursed my lips, “probably Fireball. It feels like a Fireball kinda night.”
He nodded. “Cool, I’ll take the tequila.”
Wrapping my hands around the cold glass neck of the bottles, I pulled them from the freezer and handed the Cuervo to Ryan.
“You need a chaser?” he teased.
Narrowing my eyes, I waggled my head slightly. “No, smartass.”
Unscrewing the caps off, we raised the bottles to each other with a little clank then brought them to our lips. I took a throat-scorching swig of the spicy cinnamon whiskey, ending quicker than Ryan.
“Gah, that shit always gets me,” I panted, fanning myself as my chest burned from belly up. Pulling open the refrigerator, I found I still had a few Angry Orchard apple ciders. “Score. I still have beer in here.”
“Then why drink it?” He laughed.
“I love the flavor. It tastes like Big Red gum.” Shrugging, I pulled a glass bottle of hard cider from the twelve-pack box on the bottom shelf.
“One more shot then I’m gonna go see if Heather’s showed up yet.” He smiled, lifting the bottle up to me, waiting.
“Fine, one more and that’s it.”
One more time we swilled straight from the bottles and again the cinnamon infused whiskey burned all the way down my throat and warmed my belly.
“Whew.” I flinched. “Do you have a lighter or bottle opener?” I held up my bottle to him.
“Yeah.” Ryan pulled his keys out of his pocket and used the plastic bottle opener to pop the cap off.
“Thanks, buddy,” I said joyfully before taking a long, cold pull from the amber bottle. “Ahh.”
I closed my eyes and savored the sweet, crisp, apple drink as it sloshed over my taste buds. It tasted like heaven and felt amazing in contrast to my last drink.
Suddenly, the shed door burst open with a whoosh of humid air. On the other side was none other than the gorgeous Cooper O’Loughlin. “Ryan, I fuckin’ warned you once to stay the hell away from Kinsley. What the fuck?”
My jaw fell open at his words. Why would he have told Ryan to stay away from me? Ryan was Ashton’s best friend and I considered him a friend as well.
“You need to chill, bro,” Ryan said nonchalantly then handed the bottle back to me. “Kins asked if I wanted to do shots with her. It’s not like we’re in here fuckin’ or something.”
“Get the hell outta here,” Cooper seethed, his cheeks were crimson and splotchy.
What the hell is his problem?
“Later, Kins.” Ryan shouldered past the wall that was Cooper, muttering something indiscernible the whole way.
“Seriously?” I raised my brow. “What was that?”
“How wise do you think it is to get drunk with him?”
“Oh, get the hell outta here with that shit, Cooper. I’ve known Ryan almost as long as I’ve known you. He’s never tried anything.” My voice got louder as I went, and my arms flailed wildly. “And what the hell would it matter to you anyway if I was in here screwing Ryan?! You’ve made it perfectly clear you aren’t interested.” By the end, I was pointing my finger and yelling at him.
Cooper didn’t back down. He didn’t apologize. He yelled back. “When did I ever say I wasn’t interested?!”
I stood there, rooted to the floor, my whole world rocked to the core by one question. Before I could even answer him, he came at me from across the small room like a heat-seeking missile. Directed straight at me.
“Fuck it.” His strong hand slid along my jaw and roughly cupped the back of my neck at the same time his right arm came around my waist and yanked me to him.
Almost losing my balance, I crashed into his hard chest and found myself transfixed by his eyes. While I saw familiarity, I also saw a smoldering passion that had never been there before. It was spellbinding.
“I never said I didn’t want you.” Those were the last words he said before it finally happened. My world stood still, and all my dreams came true.
Cooper kissed me.
It was nothing like what I had fantasized about. I expected rough and passionate but what I got was intimate and tender.
His lips were soft as they gently pulled on my bottom lip. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in further. Turning his head slightly, his tongue slid along the seam of my lips, seeking permission to deepen the kiss. Parting my lips, my tongue darted out to tease his, tempting and daring him to give chase.
Trying to catch our breaths between kisses, I could feel his heart pounding against mine as our chests heaved. Cooper backed me into the refrigerator with a hard thud, that might have hurt a tad if I wasn’t in his arms.
“Shit.” He pulled away. “Are you okay?”
“Shut up.” Grabbing the front of his all black t-shirt, I tugged him to me, seizing his lips once more. Our kisses became hotter and more fervent as his hand slipped down my ribs, around my hips to my butt, lifting me off the ground. My legs intuitively wrapped around his waist, my boots hooking around each other, holding me in place.
It was the first time I had felt just how much Cooper felt the same way about me. The hard, well-placed bulge was grinding into my pelvis, hitting that sweet spot. Cooper’s lips left my lips and kissed down to my chin, along my jaw to my earlobe.
“Oh, God, Cooper,” I moaned as stars exploded behind my eyes. I was in heaven and we were only kissing. My body melted at his touch.
His lips released my ear and whispered, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this, Kinsley.”
“Kinsley, are you . . .” The door opened, and Ashton was in the doorframe, shocked to say the least. “Whoa.”
With eyes wide open, he spun and walked out, pulling the door closed behind him.
No words were said. They didn’t need to be. I could feel Cooper’s body retreating as all of his muscles loosened. He set me down and stepped back.
“Coop,” I breathed. My chest heaved.
“Goddamnit,” he shouted then slammed his fist down on the small table near the refrigerator. “I’m sorry, Kins. I shouldn’t have.”
“Why?” I begged for an answer. “Ashton knows how I feel about him and he knows how I feel about you.”
“He’s my little brother. I can’t do that to him. No matter how much I want you for myself,” he scowled, refusing to look at me.
“So, what? We’re supposed to just pretend like we don’t feel the way we do. Ignore the constant pull?” I was done running from my feelings or hiding them from Cooper. I was laying it all out there. “If you can honestly tell me that you don’t feel what I feel, then I will walk out that door and never mention it again.”
His head lifted, and eyes found mine, challenging me. “And just how do you feel, Kinsley? Because you’ve never come right out and said. I’m not a damn mind reader.”
There it was; that pivotal moment that things will be changed irrevocably. Even though it felt like I had an elephant standing on my chest, I didn’t have a second thought.
“The sun rises and sets with you,” I declared, my eyes getting misty. “I lose all ability to think or breath when you’re near me. I see you coming and my body comes to life; every cell in my body is attuned to your every move.” I exhale hard, but my eyes never left his. “You’re my center of gravity.”
Behind his hazel irises a storm was brewing. I could see him at war within himself. I could feel the tension coming off him in thick waves. Having him only two feet away, I took the opportunity to memorize each and every fleck of blue and green surrounding his pupils. The brown irises swirled with flecks that almost made them look like tiny suns.
Cooper’s head fell, and I heard him mumble, “We can’t.”
“Then tell me. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel the same way about me,” I dared, stepping forward into his space, my hands rested on his chest. I refused to give him any distance or space until he pushed me away.
His jaw clenched as he looked up, his lips pressed together in a hard line.
He didn’t have to say the words, I knew, but I wasn’t going to let him off that easy. I had just opened up my heart and laid it at his feet. If he was going to reject me, for a third time, he would have to say the words.
Instinctively, I pulled my hands back and crossed my arms over my chest, trying to protect my heart from the blows that wouldn’t stop coming.
“Kinsley . . .”
“Say. It.” I cried.
“I . . . don’t . . . feel the same way you do.”
Tears poured from my eyes and my soul crumbled to the floor in an invisible heap. I couldn’t believe he had just said the words. My heart stopped beating and I felt like I was suffocating, I gasped for air. How was I so stupid? Why did I let myself believe there was a chance in hell he could love me? I was so stupid.
Shaking my head, I stepped back and finally said. “I hate you.” So much that I still love you.
Cooper’s arms raised from his side and reached out for me. “Kins . . .”
“Fuck you, Cooper. Don’t touch me.” I shoved him away from me. Turning, I wrapped my hand around the door knob and twisted.
Coming out of the pool shed, I looked across the pool toward the bonfire and saw Ashton and Anna sitting with Ethan, Ryan, and Heather. Anna looked up, her eyes met mine and she knew. She nudged Ashton, he had his arm draped over her shoulders. Ashton looked up but the look of hurt I expected to see was absent. Looking back at me, his face shone with happiness, until he really saw me. His smile fell as he rose.
I shook my head and walked off toward the driveway. No way would I stay a second longer. In the dark, I found my way down the gravel road, past the old horse cemetery.
“Kinsley.” I heard Anna and Ashton yelling my name, but I didn’t stop. Instead, I ran.
The warm tears streamed down my face, but I refused to reach up and brush them away. If I did, I would have acknowledged how he completely and utterly devastated me. Reaching the road, I crossed to the other side and ran along on the edge of the pavement.
I heard it before I saw it. A loud engine, a diesel maybe. It was coming fast. I turned to see wide-set headlights barreling down the road, but it was too late, the tires squealed slightly before I could get off the road.
Even though I felt the impact of the truck hitting my chest, it didn’t hurt. Gravity released me, and I floated through the air, feeling light as a feather. Even when I landed hard on the side of the road, near the tree line, I still did not hurt. I knew the pain had to be immense, but I couldn’t feel it. My body felt numb, unlike my heart.
I wasn’t sure how long I laid there in the dead leaves and damp grass before I heard the truck take off. They didn’t even get out to check on me. I knew I had to get up, but I was just so tired. I fought to keep my eyes open.
In the distance, I could hear people shouting my name. They all blurred together in a frantic jumbled mess. Just before I lost the battle to the dark abyss, I heard him call to me.
“Kinsley,” Cooper screamed hysterically. “Talk to me, babe!”
I opened my eyes one last time as I saw him running down the road toward me.
“Coo-per,” I whispered as he slid down the shallow ditch, skidding to a halt next to me.
“Kins! I found her,” he shouted.
He was the last thing I saw as I succumb to the darkness.
He had found me. It was ironic that he was the one to save me.
Cooper O’Loughlin might have saved my body, but my heart was shattered and irrevocably broken.