STOPPING AT THE HOUSE, I stood in the foyer while Mom brought me my phone and I explained what had happened.
“So, Ford is some sort of horse version of Lassie?” She chuckled.
Shrugging, I took the phone, pressed the home button to see that Anna had called fifteen minutes ago. “I guess. It was crazy and that water was nasty.” I looked down at my yucky boots. “I’m gonna go take a shower and call Anna back. I’ll see you later.”
I lifted my arms to hug my mom, but she stepped back. “No chance, honey.” She laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Maria said the boys were having a little party.” I could see the concern in her eyes.
“I’ll be okay. Ash, Coop and Storm will be there,” I assured her.
“Call if you need anything,” she smiled.
I turned and walked out the door, saying over my shoulder, “Will do.” I called Anna as I walked around the house, but it went straight to voicemail. “Hey, honey, it’s me. Call me back.”
* * *
While I applied the last swipe of mascara the phone rang and pulled me from my thoughts. I had been going through a checklist in my head of things not to do as I walked over to the bedside table. Picking up the phone, I was hesitant to answer the phone once I saw the name. Paul, a friend from Charlotte.
Paul and I had forensics accounting together last semester. He and I were a lot alike in the fact that we were there to get a degree and get out; not party every waking minute. We studied a few times a week until he pushed for more and I shut him down.
My finger swiped the green circle. “Hey, Paul. What’s up?”
“Hey, Kinsley. Are you okay?” His voice was full of pity. I answered not expecting to have to answer questions.
“I’m fine.” I had ignored the text and phone calls from him over the last few weeks hoping he’d take the hint.
“I’m sorry. I thought you were avoiding me after . . . well, you know.”
“No, Paul, I’m back home. Listen, I’d love to sit and chat, but I gotta run. I’ll call you soon though,” I lied, rolling my eyes. I started to pull the phone away from my face.
“They’re all saying you pushed him out the window on purpose,” he whispered.
“What?” The word almost caught in my throat as it came out. My hand pressed the phone firmly to my face.
“I don’t believe them. I know you’d never do something like that unless you had to,” he said. “Are you sure you’re okay? I’m here if you wanna talk.”
“Who said that?” Bile rose up my throat, burning almost as much as the words on my ears. “Ya know what, I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you later.” Just as I hung up the phone, a text came through.
Unknown: You really think you’re going to get away with hurting him?
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Someone you’re going to learn not to fuck with little girl
“Leave me alone,” I shouted at the phone before throwing it onto my bed. Tears streamed down my face as the weight of the whole situation finally broke me.
Who would think I could ever do something like that intentionally? I wasn’t a person with that kind of malice or anger.
No. What happened was not my fault.
He hurt me. He made me do it. It was his fault.
Not mine.
His.
In the blink of an eye, I was back in my bedroom, hearing his voice in my ear. “Jillian’s loss is gonna be your gain.” I knew it wasn’t real, but it was almost like I could feel his breath on my neck.
“Lizzy,” a voice called from the living room, pulling me from my thoughts. “Kinsley,” it yelled louder. Ashton.
“I’ll be right out,” I said and ran to the bathroom. I snatched the hand towel from the silver bar and blotted under my eyes, careful not to smear my makeup.
I took a deep breath and blew it out, long and slow. Shoes, you need shoes, Kins. I ran to my closet, bent over and picked up one of my charcoal, heeled booties off the floor. Slipping my foot in, I pinched the zipper and slid it up the inside of my ankle then repeated with the other bootie. Standing, I looked in the mirror and saw Ashton standing behind me in the doorway. Dressed in khaki cargo shorts and a sapphire button down with the long sleeves rolled up above his elbows, he looked all kinds of handsome.
“What are you staring at?” I asked his reflection.
“My best friend . . . who’s hiding something.” He leaned into the doorframe with his hand tucked in the front pocket of his dark jeans. He asked, “What’s goin’ on, Lizzy? I’ve been askin’ for almost three weeks and the generic nothing isn’t cutting it anymore. Talk to me.”
“I can’t.” My bottom lip quivered before I could bite down on it. The thought of sharing my trauma, that would not stop, was nauseating. “Not tonight.” I turned and looked at him, a few feet away. “Tonight, we forget. Just for a little while. Both of us. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with reality.”
“Lizzy, whatever this is, you can’t run from it.”
“I know, Ash, I’m not. I just wanna forget and have fun,” I lied. The prospect of having to face the situation head on terrified me as did the having fun part.
“Seems to me, that’s all you’ve been doing. Running. Forgetting.”
Jesus, I hated it when he was right. I fought every day to push away the demons that kept clawing at me, trying to drag me down. Even though I had escaped that night, it followed me like a midnight shadow, right on my heels.
“Tomorrow.”
“Promise?” he asked, pushing off the door frame.
“I swear,” I replied as he took two long strides and stopped in front of me.
“You know, no matter what it is, I’ve always got your back, right?”
“I do.” However, I knew in my heart that I wouldn’t be able to tell him. I thought back to how he reacted when he found out about Geoff. I would not let him get involved with these people. Whoever they were. If anything ever happened to Ashton because of me, I would never forgive myself. Horrible visions of Ashton being hurt flooded my mind and it felt like someone buried an axe in my chest.
His arms reached out, wrapped around my shoulders, and pulled me into his embrace.
“Thanks, Ashton, for being such a great friend.” I laid my head against his chest for a moment and listened to his heart beating calmly. Pulling back and sniffling once, I looked up. I saw a twinge of something in his eyes, but it was gone before I could figure out what it was.
“You ready?” he asked, his pearly whites gleamed back at me.
“Yeah, let’s do this,” I said, slipping on my mask of cheerfulness.
* * *
When Ashton and I arrived at his house, the party was in full swing. Cars lined the driveway on both sides. There must have been twenty cars and trucks littering the yard.
“Holy shit, Ash. How many people did you invite?” I asked as we drove up to the barn where he always parked his monster truck.
“Uhh, I don’t know. I mentioned it to Becca, Ethan, and Ryan last weekend at the bar. I could’ve invited half the bar that night, don’t actually remember,” he said, scratching his head.
“This could be bad,” I mumbled. In a split second, I was back in the townhouse at the last party I attended in Charlotte. My palms began to sweat as it felt like my throat was closing.
“Huh?” Ash’s brow pulled together. “You okay?”
“Fine.” I rubbed my palms down the sides of my hips. “What about your mom and dad? Aren’t we going to wake them up?” I covered.
“Nah, Dad’s on all those drugs, he sleeps through anything and Mom was cool with it. She gets why I needed to blow off some steam. They’re far enough away they probably won’t hear us anyway.” Shifting the truck into park, he looked over at me and tipped his head toward the crowded bonfire. “Come on.”
“Hey, Ashton,” I said, reaching my hand up to catch his arm. I swallowed back the lump in my throat. I wasn’t going to tell him anything, but suddenly knowing all these people would be around and I would be in a vulnerable situation, I needed my friend. I needed to feel safe and not run from life. “Don’t leave me alone with anyone I don’t know, ‘kay?”
Halfway out the truck door, Ash stopped and looked back at me. “Jesus, Lizzy, what happened to you?”
“Don’t. Don’t look at me like that,” I said, feeling the tears threatening.
“Like what?”
“Like I’m broken.” I shoved the passenger door open. In such a rush to get away from him, I forgot how ridiculously high off the ground I was. As I flung the door open, I slid down the side of the seat and totally misjudged the landing.
Oooph.
My boot hit the soft, uneven ground first, followed by my ass. “Shit.” Thankfully, I did not hit the back of my head on the truck.
“Kinsley,” I heard Ashton hollering for me from the other side of the truck. Before he could run around to me, Storm was there. Bending over, he slipped both hands under my arms and hoisted me up.
“Damn, Princess, you started drinkin’ without me? And here I thought we were friends,” Storm laughed.
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “Ashton and his big ass truck,” I grumbled under my breath, swatting Storm’s large hands away. Thank God, next to nobody saw my grand entrance. I may be a bit of a klutz, but for the record, this time wasn’t my fault.
Ashton came around the front of the truck. “You good?”
I shot daggers at him.
“Well then, let me be the first to get ya a beer,” Storm said as he walked over to one of the white coolers near the concrete pool decking.
“I hate your truck,” I told him, reaching up to close the door. Pissed at myself and Ashton, I slammed it with all my might.
“Yeah,” he laughed, “you’ve said that a few times.”
“From now on, I drive,” I said, brushing the dirt off the back of my faded skinny jeans. “Am I good?” I turned toward the dim light the fire provided in attempt to check myself.
Before Ashton could open his mouth, Cooper came out of the shadows and beat him to the punch.
“You’re good alright.” He smirked and instantly all my problems dissipated. Without trying, Cooper soothed my fraying nerves and I forgot why I was in such a hurry to get out of the truck. With one glance, I found myself in a puddle of my own desire. Dressed in light blue jeans and an Army shirt, the gray, cottony fabric stretched deliciously over and accentuated his well-developed arms. I hated him for teasingly flirting with me. “I’m surprised your jeans didn’t rip in half considering how tight they are,” Coop teased.
“Ha. Ha. You’d like that wouldn’t you.” I shook my head at him. “You’d get to laugh and make fun of me like that time . . .” I stopped myself before I reminisced about the time I caught my riding britches on the nail coming over the fence.
Ashton snickered. “You got your pants caught on that nail.” Ash so politely continued where I left off. “You gotta admit, it was pretty funny, Lizzy. Remember your pink princess panties.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned as my eyes tried to roll completely back into my head. I had walked right into that one. “Shut up.”
“That’s a day I’ll never forget.” Cooper grinned.
“What day?” Storm asked, waltzing back with four cans of beer, handing me one.
“The day Lizzy ripped her pants,” Ashton answered, snagging one of the cans from Storm.
“Oh!” Storm’s eyes widened. “The day Princess here got her nickname.”
Shaking my head, I glared at the three of them as I pushed through Ashton and Cooper’s shoulders. “I hate you three.”
“Ahh, come on, Kins. It was cute,” Cooper called to me as I heard him cracking open his beer. Nothing about the three of them seeing my pink panties with princess written across the back was cute. I tried to suppress the smile that split across my face. Instantly, I relaxed, surrounded by these guys I had never felt safer in my life. They would protect me without hesitation. It was going to be a good night.
“Yeah, don’t go gettin’ mad, Princess. You were what, thirteen?” Storm called out behind me.
Walking away from the three overgrown brats toward the poolside, I saw Ethan sitting at one of the picnic tables talking with Steve and Becca. In the distance, I could hear country music. It was loud enough to hear over the crowd, but not enough to drown out the crackling fire. My breaths came easier being there. My safe place. Strolling over, I sat down next to Ethan and popped the top on my beer.
“Hey, Dollface, what’s new?” Ethan asked, bumping me with his shoulder.
“SSDD.” I shrugged and took the first gulp of my drink. The ice-cold beer tasted amazing. It slid down my throat, leaving a trail of iciness in its wake, cooling me from the inside out.
Becca sat across from me with a furrowed brow looking back and forth between Ethan and me.
“Same shit, different day,” Ethan clarified, elbows resting on the wooden plank of the table as he lifted the beer bottle to his lips.
“Oh,” Becca muttered, raising her brow. “So, Kinsley, what’re your plans for the summer? Just hangin’ all over . . . I mean hangin’ out with Ashton?”
God, what a jealous bitch. It was awful, but I decided to mess with her a little. “Actually, yeah. He asked me to help him teach lessons while Maria takes care of Scott.”
“Interesting. Why doesn’t Cooper help?” Steve asked, next to Becca.
“Why doesn’t Cooper help do what?” My breath hitched, as the sound of his deep voice sent waves of electricity coursing through my body and settled low in my stomach.
“Why is Kinsley helping Ashton with lessons? Why aren’t you? You know how to ride.” Becca pouted with crossed arms. She was such a child. I almost laughed at her ridiculousness.
“I live two hours away at Fort Meade. I’m still in the Army,” he explained. “Besides, who would want me teaching them how to ride?” Inside my head alarm bells were sounding. Me! I would. Please, teach me how to ride. “Riding’s in Kinsley’s blood. It should be her teaching.” Cooper looked to me and winked then turned and walked off to the right toward the bonfire.
My eyes followed him as he approached a small group standing around another cooler. A blonde woman with her back to me lifted her arm and dragged the tips of her fingers down Cooper’s taut bicep as he stopped next to her.
I knew that head of bottle blonde hair; too well in fact. My arms tensed as I watched my once best friend flirt with yet another man I had feelings for.
“Son of a bitch,” a voice cursed from the driveway. I knew that voice. Sitting up and stretching my neck, I looked around Steve and Becca.
Great.
My high school sweetheart, Geoff, was stomping like a caveman toward the fire and Cooper, fist clenched at his side. I hadn’t seen him that pissed since he figured out there wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to have his cake and eat it too. The nerve.
“Oh, shit!” Ethan choked on his beer, wide-eyed. “Geoff just got an eyeful of Sam flirtin’ with Cooper.” He threw his head back and laughed. “If that asshole’s stupid enough to pick a fight with Cooper then I gotta see this.” Ethan leapt from the bench, spilling a swallow of beer in the haste to get a ringside seat. Becca sat across from me, slack-jawed, while Steve jumped up and went after Geoff, grumbling the whole way.
Steve was a total jock and Geoff’s best friend. Why I never understood, Geoff treated him horribly. It must have been a sports thing. I had nothing against Steve, he was always nice to me and seemed to be one of the good guys.
“Ethan,” I yelled as he strode toward the group. I watched as Geoff, dressed in gray cargos and a white t-shirt, continued to stalk toward Cooper, still cussing. “Shit.” I stood and carefully ran over to the growing group. Reaching Cooper first, I pushed between him and Sam, glaring at her. “Your boyfriend’s looking for you.”
“Yo! O’Loughlin, what the fuck, dude? Get the fuck away from my girl,” Geoff shouted, pushing past Steve and two other guys I didn’t recognize tried to hold him back.
“You’re always causing trouble,” I snapped at Sam. “God. Why are you even here?”
“Oh, get over yourself, Kinsley. It’s not like you own the place. Ryan invited me,” Sam said smarmily, waggling her head and crossing her arms over her overinflated chest. I can’t believe I ever thought she was my friend. She was constantly talking about others behind their backs. I shouldn’t have been surprised she had been sleeping with my boyfriend. She had no loyalties to anyone but herself.
“I think you and your little boyfriend there should leave before he gets himself hurt,” Cooper said calmly. He had always been a sit back and wait kind of guy. I had rarely seen him lose his cool.
“Fuck you, Cooper,” Geoff said, breaking the hold both sets of arms had on him. While Geoff was strong, he was no match for Cooper. Like a raging bull, he ran full force toward Cooper and subsequently me.
I froze. Stunned, unable to move. It all happened in slow motion but so fast at the same time. Before I knew what was happening, a thick pair of arms grabbed me from behind. Picking me up off my feet, they snatched me out of the way and spun me away to face the pool. I panicked and squirmed, trying to get away. I could hear everyone shouting Cooper and Geoff’s names mixed in with a few stops and a few fuck-him-ups. “Let me go,” I screamed, clawing at the thick arms that were securely around my waist.
“Chill, Lizzy,” Ashton grunted, then set me down. Pushing him away, I spun to see the scene had already unfolded. Geoff was on the ground, while Cooper stood unscathed, a beer still in hand with a cocky smile.
“You’re gonna need to get up a lot earlier in the mornin’ to hang with me, bro,” Cooper said, looking down at an embarrassed and highly pissed off Geoff with Sam kneeling at his side.
“Get your boy and get outta here, Sam,” Ashton warned. Looking back at me, he frowned. “I swear, I didn’t know they were gonna be here.”
The pitchfork crowd died down and dispersed to the poolside and the scattered beer coolers. Glaring at Sam and Geoff, I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “You two are perfect for each other.”
Looking around, I caught sight of Cooper walking toward the barn. Walking quickly, I was able to catch him as he opened the barn door. “Hey, Coop. I’m really sorry about-”
“Listen, Kins, you need to turn around and walk back outta here . . . Now.” His voice chilled the humid air by twenty degrees.
“Are you okay?” I asked as he continued to walk away from me.
Finally turning around, he yelled, “Jesus, do you ever just listen?” His arm flew up and pointed out the door I had just came through. “Go!”
“I, um, I . . . just wanted . . . ,” shaking my head, I could feel the adrenaline pounding through my veins, “never mind,” I said, feeling my heart splinter and fall to my feet. I only wanted to make sure he was okay. Without another word, I spun around and all but ran out. Devastated and embarrassed at his dismissal. Yet another reason I hated parties; there was always some sort of drama.
Once on the other side of the barn, I heard him swearing. I couldn’t understand why he was pissed at me. I didn’t do anything to him.
“What the hell, Princess?” Storm asked as I plowed into him, coming around the corner of the barn.
“Sorry. I’m sorry,” I stuttered, my heart racing. “I was just . . . I just wanted to . . .” I huffed. “Forget it.” I shook my head and threw my hands up and continued toward the pool shed. Ashton always had a bottle of Jägermeister hidden in the freezer where no one else knew about it. Just what I needed to help me forget.
I was beyond over letting him hurt me and push me away. It was always the same shit with him.
Fuck Cooper O’Loughlin.