ON TUESDAY, I RECEIVED THE call I had been dreading. The detective on my case wanted to talk. More of the same questions from the night of the incident. I guess he thought if I was lying, I would have changed my story. I was stunned when he called the next day to tell me the district attorney, Henry Smythe, and Julian’s lawyer were working out a plea deal for misdemeanor sexual battery. The whole ordeal was almost over.
I had yet to tell anyone about the text messages I had been receiving. I prayed it would be over now that Julian had admitted his guilt. I thought about telling Dad, but I hadn’t gotten that many.
Mom and Dad had been sitting with me when I spoke with the DA earlier in the morning. I had my cell on speaker, sitting on the countertop in the kitchen as he explained the terms of their deal.
“He’ll plead no contest to sexual battery and pay a fine of five thousand dollars. He’ll be on probation for five years, be placed on the sex offender’s registry, and must enroll in a sex offender’s treatment program. And here is why I called you, his lawyer is asking for him to be entered into the diversion program,” Henry explained.
“What’s a diversion program?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, looking at my dad.
“The easiest way to explain it is if he completes the treatment program, follows his probation, checks in when he is supposed to, and follows the rules of the registry then at the end of his probation, his charge would be dismissed,” he clarified.
Dismissed? Like he had done nothing wrong?
“No,” my father said. “Not a chance in hell.”
“Phillip, let him finish,” my mother interrupted.
“Given this is his first offense and the fact he was intoxicated; I tend to think this was a horrible mistake he would never repeat. He seems to be very remorseful,” the DA continued. My stomach rolled. I was going to puke. “He agreed to plea, so you would not have to testify.”
“Oh, well, please be sure to thank him for me. How fucking gracious of him,” I hissed.
“I believe this to be a good deal, Miss Allen. I am sure this whole situation has been very difficult. I only want to close this chapter and allow you to move forward with your life and begin to heal.”
I stared at the phone, unsure of what to say. How could he really get away with this shit? He assaulted me, and he was getting a freaking slap on the wrists. Total bullshit. Rage bubbled until I couldn’t hold back.
“So, in other words, you’re only calling to tell me what is going to happen. I have no say in this,” I scoffed, waiting for his affirmation. “Fucking great.”
“I’m sorry, Miss Allen, my intentions were not to upset you, but to keep you apprised of the situation as we move forward. Do you have any questions?”
Did I have questions? You bet your sweet ass I did, but what was the point. He had already made the deal. That maggot was getting off easy.
I didn’t get off so easy when he crept into my room. Or when he kicked me in the chest. Or when he punched me in the face. I may not have been raped, but having to fight for my life was almost as traumatic. If I hadn’t, I may have been the one to end up in the hospital bed.
“Not at this time,” I grumbled, reaching for my phone.
“Does she need to do anything else?” Dad asked before I could end the call.
“No, sir, she has done everything she needed to do,” the DA concluded.
“Thank you,” my father said then nodded to me. I pressed the red circle, ending the call.
“Honey, why don’t you let me make you some pancakes,” mom offered. Pancakes were my favorite and it was what she usually made to cheer me up.
“I need to clear my head. I’m going for a run,” I mumbled, walking out of the kitchen heading to the door to the deck. I felt like the walls were closing in around me. I may not have been back in that bedroom right then, but the same trapped feeling overtook my body. I had to get the hell out of there.
* * *
The more pissed I was, the harder I pushed myself. I pushed until my legs couldn’t keep up with the rest of me. I fell on my knees and slid to a stop on the damp grass along the side of the blacktopped road. For ten seconds, I would allow myself to cry. And I did. I sobbed, sitting on the side of the road. With my knees covered in grass stains, I let it all out. After my allotted time, I took a few deep breaths. You don’t have time to break down. It serves no purpose. You’re stronger than this, Kinsley. I reined it in and picked myself up, both literally and figuratively.
As I ran, I forced myself to concentrate on each step and not the panic that seemed to pace me, step for step. I refused to give up my routine for anyone, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t looking over my shoulder.
Half way into my second mile, I was running past the first pasture of the farm when I saw Cooper’s black Wrangler leaving a trail of dust as it came down the gravel driveway. When I approached, he climbed out of the Jeep and leaned on the front fender. Dressed in blue jeans and my favorite faded plaid shirt, he waited for me to slow.
Stopping at the end of the driveway, I walked over, panting and covered in sweat. Bending over, I gasped for air and tried to slow my breath before I attempted to speak.
“Have a good run?” Cooper asked. The morning sun had just crested the top of the trees and shone brightly behind Cooper.
“I guess . . . so,” I huffed, squinting up at him.
“You okay?” he asked with a frown, pointing at my discolored knees.
“Oh.” I glanced down as my fingers found the stains and rubbed them furiously. “I lost my footing.”
“Okay.” He hid behind a tight smile, knowing I was lying. “Well, I’m heading out. I’ll be back tomorrow night and will be staying the weekend.”
“Sounds good. See you later,” I said, standing up straight. I slipped my hands under the front of my shirt and brought it up to wipe the sweat from my face.
“Uhh,” Cooper mumbled as his eyes snapped down to the ground as if he dropped something. “Okay . . . I . . . uh, will see you tomorrow then.” He retreated to the Jeep.
Turning around, I jogged back across the road and continued walking east toward my parents’ driveway, trying hopelessly to cool down. I heard the Jeep start and gravel flung as he drove away. My cell phone vibrated, startling me and distracting me from Cooper’s hasty departure. Reaching behind me, to the zippered pocket in my waistband, I slid the zipper back and pinched my phone between my thumb and index finger, tugging it out.
Anna. We had spoken almost every day over the last two weeks and she was hell-bent on coming to visit. “Hey, Anna.”
“Where are you?” she asked enthusiastically.
“Uh, walking down the road to my parents’ house . . . Why? What are you up to?” My brow pinched together as I reached the gated drive.
“I’m . . . uh . . . parked in front of your house,” she declared with a little laugh.
She was here? Oh my God, she was here. I ran up the hill, through the woodline and finally saw a silver Honda SUV, parked next to my convertible. I squealed and sprinted at her as she unfolded her tall, slender frame from the unfamiliar vehicle. She hadn’t mentioned getting a new car when we spoke, then again it was Anna. She changed her cars as often as she changed her cell phone numbers. It all went back to her father and their business. He must be more important than she let on.
After Samantha’s ultimate betrayal, I had steered away from girlfriends. Truthfully, friends in general. Everyone but Anna.
Her vivacious smile and glossy black hair shone as she stood there waiting with arms stretched wide, watching me jog up the drive. “Ahhh,” she squealed in delight. “It feels like forever since I’ve seen your face.”
“I can’t believe you’re really here,” I said to her as I finally reached her awaiting embrace. Her arms tightened around my shoulders as we jumped and spun in a circle like idiots.
“What can I say, I can’t live without you.” She laughed, releasing me then turned back to her car. “Let me grab my cell so you can help me find a local hotel that doesn’t look like it’s ran by the Bates Family.”
“What? Why would you need a hotel? You’re totally crashing with me,” I insisted, walking around to the back of her SUV. “Is your luggage in here?”
“Yeah, but . . . are you sure?” Anna cocked her head. “I can get a hotel, babe. I don’t wanna be an inconvenience or put you out.”
“I’m sure. You’re staying with me. My parents made me a little apartment above the back garage.” I reached out, squeezed the handle of the lift gate, and stepped back while it opened automatically. “I have a king-size bed, so there is plenty of room for both of us.”
“Not if you bring home that Hottie McTottie Cooper.” She waggled her eyebrows and smiled evilly.
“Oh-my-God, Anna, knock it off. You know that’s never gonna happen,” I told her, stepping under the hatch and seeing all the luggage. I reached in, found the handle, and lifted one of three small suitcases out of the trunk. “Good gravy, how long are you planning on staying?”
“A week or two. Unless I find me a hot country boy to ride like a buckin’ bronco,” Anna said as serious as the day was long. She leaned in and grabbed the handles of the other two suitcases. “Can you grab my purse off the front seat? My cell is in the cup-holder.”
“Yeah,” I said, setting the wheeled luggage on the pavement. Sliding it along with me, I walked to the front of the car to get Anna’s purse and cell. Opening the passenger side door, I leaned in and grabbed the phone from the center of the car. Dropping it into her leather purse, I picked up the strap and slipped into place on my shoulder, then straightened myself and closed the door.
“I can’t believe you’ve left me there with those crazy girls,” she grumbled, setting the other suitcases down next to her before tapping the button to close the hatch.
“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine the stories going through the house now,” I lamented.
“Nah, it’s not as bad as you’d think, especially since Julian confessed and all,” she advised, much to my surprise. I was glad to have it all behind me; even happier Anna left it there too.
I wasn’t sure what it was with girls, but, God, they loved to gossip. They didn’t care if it happened to be a boldface lie or a half-truth. They just lived for the juiciest, most scandalous tidbit they can get their claws on.
“They were pretty sure that night was all my fault,” I sighed, hanging my head.
“Come on, Kins, you have to know they moved from you to the next poor, unsuspecting victim within a matter of hours. Which, by the way, happens to be me at the moment,” she laughed as she followed me around the big house to the stairs on the side of the back garage.
“It’s not funny, Anna.”
“Actually, it is. Do you think I care what that group of mean girls thinks of me?”
“Well, considering you’re living with them, you should,” I told her, pushing the telescopic handle down and picking it up by the side handle. We climbed up to the landing where I opened the door and ushered her in.
“Wow, Kins . . . nice digs.” She whistled, looking around as she continued further in and set her bags down on their wheels. I toed off my sweaty sneakers just inside the door.
“Here.” I walked around the couch on my right, toward the bedroom at the end of the hall. “This is the bedroom down here. You can put your stuff in here. The closet is huge. My mom said that my dad designed the place, but I think she may have had some influence on the closet.”
I pushed the door open with my hip and walked across the wood floor to the open closet door.
“This is definitely a women’s closet,” she muttered, glancing around the half empty hanging rods, mostly filled shoe racks, and countless shelves with a few purses scattered about. “Any place in particular you want me to use?”
Anna loved clothes. She loved shopping for clothes, but she did not share her clothes. This one time I borrowed a top and she refused to take it back. It was the craziest thing ever.
“Here, I’ll move these purses to over here and I can put the dresses with the jackets for now and that will give you this whole section,” I said, waving my arm toward the left side of the room. The left wall sat empty with the exception of the four-foot-wide, floor to ceiling shoe display. I had it mostly filled with booties, stilettos, peep toes, sandals, wedges and of course, sneakers.
I get it, I have a shoe problem. There are worst things to be addicted to, thank you.
“Perfect, thank you.” She grinned, rubbing her hands together.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower while you get settled in.” I took her purse off my shoulder and held it out to her.
“Sounds good. I’m gonna call my dad so he knows I made it here,” she said. She rarely spoke about her family. I wasn’t one to push, but I was curious why she seemed so cagey about them. She called to check in with her dad from time to time and I knew she had a mom, but she didn’t mention her often; less than a handful of times since I had known her.
“Oh, your cell’s in your bag,” I advised her as I set out for the bathroom. “Do you need to go before I get in the shower?”
“Yeah.”
“I only have the one bathroom up here and if you flush the toilet while the shower is running, the water gets scalding hot.” I did not care to repeat that experience.
“Gotcha. Lock the bathroom door when showering,” she noted, exiting the closet and following me into the bathroom.
While she used the bathroom, I opened the glass door, reached in, and started the shower. Leaving the door slightly ajar, I walked over and pressed the wall switch, turning on the exhaust fan. It was humid enough outside, I didn’t need to contend with it in here as well.
* * *
The day flew by as Anna and I sat around catching up. She told me about the most recent trip to Mexico to visit some family on her mom’s side. She always seemed to be pretty vague about her vacations. I got the feeling she didn’t always enjoy going on vacation with her parents. I finally had the guts to talk to her about the text messages. She urged me to tell my father about them. I was so freaked out by them, I deleted them without thinking, so I had no proof. I promised to show him if I got any more.
Before I knew it, the sun began to set.
“Shit.” I leapt off the couch like it had just bit me and ran for the bedroom. I had put my phone on the charger after I got out the shower and got lost in conversation with Anna. “What time is it?”
“Um, I’m not sure,” she said as she reached for her phone, sitting on the table. “Seven twenty-one, why?”
“Ashton is gonna kill me,” I told her I ran back into the room. I had a horrible habit of playing with the switch on the side of my phone and inadvertently set the phone to vibrate. I had two missed phone calls and three text messages. Both calls were Ashton, as were two of the texts. The third was from Cooper. Ashton had not left a voicemail, which didn’t shock me. A welcomed surprise was the absence of any intimidating texts. Thank God.
Ashton: You still coming to help me with the beginner class tonight? The girls are already here and getting tacked up.
Ashton: Lizzy, where u at?
The first text came in at 5:35 and the second was fifteen minutes ago.
Cooper: Where are you? Ashton’s lookin for you. You okay? Call me
“God, I suck. I forgot I was supposed to teach a lesson with Ashton at five-thirty tonight. He’s probably pissed.” I made my way around the couch, over to where I left my boots the night before near the door.
Just as I bent down to grab the first paddock boot, a fist pounded on the door.
Straightening myself, I took a step forward, twisted the doorknob, and pulled back the solid white door.
“What the hell, Lizzy?” he started in. “Where have you . . . been?” His eyes landed on Anna, who turned around to watch from her cozy spot on the couch. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t realize you had company.” He looked back and forth between Anna and me.
“Anna, this is, Ashton. Ash, this is, Anna, from UNC that I’ve told you about.”
“Hey.” Anna smiled, eyes twinkling like she had just been clubbed over the head.
“Hey.” Ashton grinned his usual cocky smile and lifted his chin. “Sorry for just busting in here, I was worried that something was wrong.” He set his hazel gaze back to me, but continued to glance at Anna.
“I suck. I’m sorry, Ash. Anna surprised me and came in early. I didn’t expect her until tomorrow.”
“Sorry,” Anna apologized, kneeling on the couch, resting her chest on the back, making sure her ample breasts were on display. “I didn’t mean to steal her away.” She smiled carnally.
“It’s all good. I’m just glad you’re okay. Cooper called me when he left and said you seemed a little . . . off,” Ashton addressed me.
“He really shouldn’t have. I’m totally fine.” Shit. I should have known he would pick up on my anxiety. Sometime over the last few weeks, he seemed to be able to read me like a book.
“You’re better than me. If the guy who tried to rape me got probation and was free to walk the streets, I’d be madder than a hornet in a coke can,” Anna blurted out.
“What?” Ashton’s brow snapped together. His hazel eyes bounced back and forth between Anna and me before they settled back on me.
Giving Anna the side eye, I met Ashton’s angry gaze. “Anna shouldn’t have said anything.”
In the seconds before he said anything, I started to drown in the overwhelming guilt and shame that flooded the room. I couldn’t bring myself to even look him in the eye. I knew when I did, I would see the betrayal he must have felt. I had told Anna, but not him, my oldest friend. My throat constricted, and I couldn’t find the words to apologize.
“What. The. Fuck. Kinsley?” His tone was so harsh, it felt like he had reached out and slapped me. “You were almost raped, and I had to fuckin’ hear about it from some chick I’ve just met two seconds ago,” he roared. “What the hell is that shit? I’m your best friend and you didn’t tell me? Who the hell is he?”
“This is why I didn’t say anything. I knew you’d freak the hell out. Nothing happened. I’m fine.” I tried to explain calmly and rationally, but it didn’t help.
The look on Ashton’s face almost gutted me. It wasn’t pity. It was disappointment and hurt. I had not confided in him. “So, this is what you’ve been hiding? I figured you’d tell me when you were ready, but I had no fuckin’ clue you’d hide something like this from me . . . Me, Kinsley.”
“Ashton,” I breathed as I stretched my hand out to touch his forearm. Just as my fingertips met his skin, he jerked away and shook his head. My stomach dropped. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah . . . me too,” he said softly. I literally felt like I had my heart ripped out of my chest and stepped on. I was such a jerk. Ashton took a step back, turned, and reached for the door knob.
“Ash, Wait.” I felt the first tear fall. “You can’t leave. Not like this.”
With his back turned, he stopped and stared ahead at the door. I watched as his shoulders dropped, and his head sagged. For a second, I thought he might have changed his mind, but the door opened, and the warm breeze blew all my hope away.
The door closed softly behind him. In his wake, the silence was deafening. Tears streamed down my face while I stood there unmoved until I felt Anna’s slender arms encircle me from behind.
“Kins, I am so sorry. I had no idea,” she whispered. “Maybe I could go talk to him,” she offered with her bony chin digging into the top of my shoulder. Anna was a fixer. If there was a chance she could fix it, she would try. No matter how much of a lost cause it was.
“No,” I sniffled. “He needs some time to process everything. In Ashton’s mind, I didn’t trust him, but I did you. Going after him would just make it worse.”
She released me and turned my shoulders to face her. A hopeful smile spread across her beautiful face. “We should get sushi and get shit-faced.”
It had been a trying day to say the least. Getting drunk was probably the worst idea, but a drink sounded really good. “I could go for a drink or two but no getting trashed.”
Maybe I could forget what an asshole I had been. Doubtful. Ash was pretty pissed, and he had every right to be mad. I just hoped he would forgive me for not confiding in him.
Thankful Anna was with me. After what had just happened, I could use a night to drink the pain away with Anna. I should have told Ashton, but some things were not an easy burden to bear. The thought crossed my mind that it hadn’t been an issue to tell Cooper. I might not have told him the full story, but I told him.
Why Cooper and not Ashton?
I think in my mind I wanted Cooper to ride to the rescue and save me, but he could only do that if he knew what he was saving me from.