Chapter 21—Confession

* Tiff *

I wanted to be strong for Riley, instead of him always being strong for me, but he wouldn’t let me. He shut me out except for the shallowest of conversations, such as “Hi” and “How are you” when we passed each other on campus or in our neighborhood.

I let him have his space as the days turned into a week. Christmas was quickly approaching, my favorite holiday, though Riley and my parents were making it difficult to enjoy. I was embroiled in family drama over which parent had me on Christmas and Christmas Eve. I was about to stay home and forget the whole damn thing.

Friday afternoon before Christmas, which was on a Monday this year, I watched Riley’s uncle pull into the driveway and go in the house.

The lights from my Christmas tree twinkled cheerfully but didn’t lighten my mood. Wayne and Alisa had both gone home for Christmas. I was alone and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I missed Riley. I’d had a long, hard talk with myself. Riley wasn’t Jacob, and his childhood didn’t make him a potentially dangerous person. The signs had been there with Jacob and never with Riley.

I was tired of waiting for him to come to his senses. If he didn’t get a clue soon, I’d get one for him.

Damn, you, Riley Black, I silently cursed. Pull your head out of your ass and call me. Prove to me you can trust me.

Therein lay the issue. He didn’t trust me. He thought I’d run once I knew all the details. He thought I’d bail on him. I could understand that a few months ago, but hadn’t I proven that I’d changed? I was so conflicted and vacillated between being pissed as hell at him and feeling sorry for the little boy he once was.

Restless, I bundled up and headed to the barn. Horses were my comfort. I’d relieve Avery from the evening feed since her husband was finally back from his road trip, and they’d appreciate some alone time together.

Avery thanked me profusely when I took over. An hour later, I was finishing up. The horses were munching happily in their stalls, and my step was light for once. Horses did that for me. No matter how dark things were, they lifted my spirits.

I sang along to the battered radio as I swept the aisle, glad no one was around to hear my out-of-tune lyrics. I stopped cold when I saw movement. Holding the broom across my body, I tentatively walked forward.

A tall, dark figure slouched against the wall in the grooming area. My heart skipped a beat and slammed against my rib cage. I hoped against hope—

But the figure wasn’t Riley. Cooper straightened, crossed his arms over his broad chest, and waited for me. I was pretty certain I was about to get my ass chewed. For what? I wasn’t sure.

“Hi, Mr. Black,” I said casually as I stopped in front of him.

He scowled at me as if I were dog poop he’d scraped off the bottom of his expensive athletic sneakers.

“Are you looking for Avery?” Since Coop was married to Avery’s sister, it made some sense he might be here looking for her. “She’s gone home.”

“No, I’m not looking for Avery.” He continued to glare at me with ice-blue eyes so like Riley’s. My chest squeezed as I recalled the last time I’d seen those eyes a week ago. God, I missed Riley.

“Okay. Do you need something?”

“Yeah, I do. I need you to stay away from my kid. You’ve done enough damage. He’s having a tough time right now. He doesn’t need you screwing with his head.”

“I am staying away.” I bristled, annoyed by the nerve of this man while privately acknowledging that his loyalty to Riley was admirable.

He studied me with an unreadable expression, and I squirmed uncomfortably. “I’m willing to pay your tuition and expenses if you go back to California.”

I whirled around and gaped at him. The broom fell from my hands and clattered on the concrete floor. “You’re willing to pay me to stay away from Riley? Does Riley know about this?”

“Of course not, and if you care at all for him, you’ll keep this conversation between us.”

“I will.” I would never tell Riley his uncle had gone this far.

“So how much do you need?” he asked smugly, as if certain he had me where he wanted me.

“Zero. I’m not running from my problems again.”

His brows knit and he frowned. “You’re turning down my offer?”

“Yes. Seattle is my home. I don’t want to live anywhere else. This is where I belong.”

“And what about Riley? Where does he fit in?”

“Riley is the one who’s running, Mr. Black. Not me. I wanted to work out our problems.”

Coop started as if shocked. “He is?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, Izzy knows more than I do. What happened?” He’d dropped the tough guy pose and seemed genuinely concerned.

“He said he needed to get his head on straight after seeing his mother again. And I told him we didn’t have a relationship until I knew the truth about his childhood.”

Cooper nodded slowly and rubbed his chin. His gaze softened. “I feared that’d come back to haunt him, but I’d assumed he’d at least told you the truth.”

“You assumed wrong.” I squared my shoulders and stared him down with a steely gaze of my own. “I love him. I want to make this work, but it takes two.”

Cooper bent to pet the barn cat rubbing around his legs and was silent for a long time. Finally, he straightened. “That it does, honey. I apologize. I jumped to the wrong conclusion.” He smiled at me, a sincere warm smile.

“Apology accepted.” I smiled back. “I miss him.”

“Why don’t you go to him? Riley’s a tough kid, but he’s insecure, and he’s too busy moping to see what’s right in front of him. He’s always chased you. Why don’t you chase him?”

“I should.” Riley did love me, and maybe all he needed was for me to make the first move. We’d survived so much. We could survive this.

“He’s not going anywhere all weekend.” Cooper cocked a brow at me and turned to leave. As he walked away, he stopped and called over his shoulder, “And it’s Cooper or Coop. Not Mr. Black.”

I smiled, feeling better than I had in a long while.

* Riley *

I flopped into the recliner and channel-surfed but couldn’t find anything to watch.

Uncle Coop dropped by to invite me to dinner Saturday night and deliver a decorated three-foot Christmas tree. Aunt Izzy didn’t believe anyone should be without a Christmas tree. She’d always been like that, going overboard with Christmas decorations. My first Christmas with them had been a culture shock. I’d never had a Christmas tree or presents, unless you could count a pocketknife from one of my mother’s boyfriends, or new underwear.

My mother. Correction—Julie.

Fuck.

Way to ruin a decent mood.

She hadn’t bothered me since that one time, but I most likely hadn’t seen the last of her yet. I guess I could try to get a restraining order, but I’m not sure what the grounds would be. She hadn’t been dangerous or threatening.

Besides, Julie was the least of my concerns.

I fucking missed Tiff. I missed her smile, her cute little body, her laugh. I missed the way she hid the remote so I couldn’t switch channels all the time. Hell, I even missed her fingernails tapping on the counter.

Uncle Coop and I didn’t talk about her, but I knew Izzy had told him about my visit a few nights ago. He half expected me to say something about the situation, but he didn’t push.

After last weekend, I avoided using alcohol to solve my problems. I knew better than anyone that alcohol and drugs didn’t make coping easier.

Otto rolled onto his back and stuck his feet up in the air, snoring heavily. I laughed, feeling a little better.

Love is never easy. Sometimes it hurts like hell.

Yeah, Izzy was right. I could attest to that.

I hated cracking open my chest and spilling my guts, but it had to be done, painful as opening up was, or I’d lose Tiff one final time, and it’d be all on me.

I looked out the window. Tiff wasn’t back yet. Now that I’d mustered my courage, I wanted to get this over with.

I paced the floor and checked the window every circuit. Finally, Tiff pulled into her driveway. I watched as she got out, tossed her hair back, and reached into the passenger seat for something. She pulled out a pizza box and turned. She was walking away from her door and toward mine.

Shit.

I sprinted to the bathroom, combed my messy hair, and rubbed my three-day beard growth. No time to shave. I yanked on a clean T-shirt devoid of Newfie slobber as the doorbell rang.

“Coming!” I yelled. I ran back to the bathroom, slammed my shoulder into the doorjamb, and yelped some creative obscenities. I quickly brushed my teeth.

I hurried to the front door, which hadn’t been locked. Tiff was already standing inside, balancing the pizza box on the palm of one hand and petting Otto with the other.

I braked to a stop and skidded on the hardwood in my socks, almost falling down. Not a very graceful entrance.

Tiff giggled, which was music to my ears. I laughed, too, and the ice was broken.

“I’d invite you in, but you invited yourself,” I said, grinning like an idiot.

She held up the pizza. “No one should eat pizza alone.”

“I wouldn’t wish that one anyone,” I agreed. My eyes ate her up, taking in every little detail about her. The dimples in those cheeks rosy from the brisk wind outside. Her blond hair with the streaks of honey gold. Her delicate, angelic face.

Her brown eyes met mine. Without words, I knew so many things. She’d missed me, too. I was beyond a fucking idiot. I was a moron.

Tiff loved me, and she was here to prove it.

I grabbed a couple plates, poured two glasses of some really nice red wine Izzy had given me a month ago, and grabbed some napkins. I sat everything down on the old oak table. Tiff put the pizza box in the middle, while I hastily lit a couple candles and dimmed the lights. Presumptuous of me, but what the fuck. A guy didn’t get far without taking risks. I’d been a chickenshit, play-it-safe guy this week.

We sat down across from each other. Candlelight danced across her beautiful face and shone off her golden hair.

“Oh, one more thing.” I leaped to my feet and plugged in the Christmas tree. Grinning, I sat back down.

“Now we need Christmas music.”

Before I could react, she was asking my Echo to play Christmas music. We dug into the pizza. I grunted like a caveman as I chewed. The pizza was ridiculously good, and I hadn’t been eating much this past week. Now I was starved to death.

Swallowing, I looked up to find her watching me. “Where did you get this?”

“It’s my little secret.” Her slight smile said come hither, even though we were talking about pizza. Or maybe it was my overactive dick that wanted her smile to say come hither. Hell if I knew. Tiff was here, and things were going well. That’s all that mattered.

We scarfed down the entire pizza and half the bottle of wine. Tiff tossed her crust to Otto, who’d been waiting patiently, strings of drool hanging from both lips.

She smiled at me. I smiled back.

Standing, she reached out a hand. I took it. Together we walked to the couch and sat down.

“I love you, Riley,” she said, beating me to the punch.

“I love you, too. I’m sorry I was such a dick.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the note.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. She handed it to me.

I read the message, alarmed by the contents. “Tiff, this is scary shit.”

She shrugged. “I’m tired of living my life in fear, Riley. That’s a copy. I gave the original to the cops. Not sure what they can do, but I’m not giving it another thought, and neither are you.”

“Okay,” I said. The forcefulness in her voice didn’t allow for argument. I loved the strong Tiff as much as I loved the timid Tiff.

“You once asked me why I broke up with Jacob.” She raised her gaze to mine and snuggled closer to me. I put my arm across her shoulder.

“Yeah. But you told me. He was abusive and controlling.”

“That’s not all of it. There was someone else. Someone I had a huge crush on. Someone I dreamed about.”

I furrowed my brow and frowned. “Who?”

She leaned her head on my shoulder and angled it so she could see my face. “You.”

“I—I—never knew. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you’d blame yourself for the shooting. I did enough of that for the both of us. Not to mention Gina had a crush on you, too, and I’d wished she were gone so you’d notice me.” Her voice quavered and she sniffed.

“And then she was.”

“Yeah.” She buried her face in my chest and cried. I held her tightly and let her cry. My turn was coming up.

As her sobs subsided, I stroked her hair and began to speak. Once I started, the words came in a rush as if they’d been imprisoned for years and had finally escaped. “My mom used to be a good person. In her teens, she was sexually abused by her aunt’s new husband. The abuse changed her. She got into drugs, and eventually my grandparents kicked her out of the house. She got pregnant, unknown to her family, and for fourteen years, we lived under bridges, in homeless camps, rat-infested hotels. Wherever she could. I’d get taken away. She’d go clean and get me back. Then the cycle would start again. She’d be sucked right back into the drugs and prostitution. We moved around a lot, up and down the West Coast. I became her parent. Working odd jobs to get money for food because all her money went for heroin. She would sleep with guys in our room while I huddled in the bathroom with my fingers stuck in my ears. She’d leave for a few days at a time, but she always came back.”

Tiff was looking at me, but her expression wasn’t one of horror or repulsion but sympathy and understanding.

“When I was fourteen, she disappeared. She was gone longer than she’d ever been. After two weeks, I was getting scared something bad had happened when I found Uncle Coop’s info. I took the bus and waited for him on his doorstep. I’ve been with him ever since. I haven’t seen or heard from her until that night we went to get pizza.”

“Oh, Riley, I’m so sorry. So very sorry. So Cooper and Izzy are essentially your parents?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“You could’ve told me this. It doesn’t change anything.” Tiff held my head in her hands and kissed me softly. She kissed me like I mattered, and I always would matter. I’d spent so much of my life not mattering to anyone, I’d easily fallen back into that trap again.

“I was stupid. I lied to everyone. Created this model childhood.”

She kissed me again, silencing me. “I love you. Your past will never change that. You are a good, kind person, and that’s what matters most to me.”

“Thank you,” I said simply. I’d never meant those two words more.

“We can do this.” Her brown eyes sparkled with determination, and a determined Tiff was a force to be reckoned with. Who was I to argue?

Instead, I kissed her while the Christmas tree lights blinked in the background, and Otto snored at our feet.

Life couldn’t possibly get any better than this.