Chapter 8—Glimpses and Changes

* Tiff *

 

For a week, Riley left me alone. Sort of.

There were little things, a small bag hung on the doorknob containing a Starbucks gift card, a misdelivered pizza the delivery boy insisted we’d ordered, and my favorite of all and Dex’s, a container of all-natural horse treats.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about all this. I was a conflicted mess, as usual, not wanting him, yet wanting him. A little distance should’ve clarified my stance, but instead I grew more confused and uncertain.

I caught glimpses of Riley on campus, always surrounded by a group of people, laughing and talking. Sometimes our eyes met and held. We had that entire “across a crowded room” thing going. No matter how far away or whether his back was to me, we seemed to know when the other was nearby.

An endless parade of leggy model-perfect women came and went at all hours of the day and night from the house next door. I was making myself crazy wondering which of the many women might be getting naked with Riley. As he’d reminded me, he wasn’t a boy anymore. He was a man with man’s body and a man’s appetites. He owed me nothing, especially not his celibacy, even if he was leaving little gifts for me.

I had to ask myself why the thought of him with other women hurt so much.

Unable to concentrate, I left the library where I’d been attempting to study and walked home. It was dusk, and dark clouds threatened to unload any second. I hurried faster with only a block to go. I could make it before the deluge. I heard footsteps behind me. Women’s heels clicked on the concrete sidewalk, not the heavy steps of a guy, such as Riley. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

I glanced over my shoulder. Close on my heels strode two of the perfect Barbie dolls I’d seen next door on several occasions this past week.

I couldn’t compete with perfection like that, even if I wanted to, which I so did not.

The busty blonde called to me. “Hey, wait a minute.”

I slowed, wary and sensing a trap, even though they appeared harmless enough. I sized them up, certain I could outrun them with me in my sneakers and them in six-inch heels.

“I don’t know you.” I bowed my head and increased my speed, not wanting to engage. They caught up, flanking me on both sides and closing me in. Panic built, and I mentally calculated how long it’d take me to get to the front door and safely inside my house.

“Leave him alone,” the redhead spat with more malice than I could muster on the worst bad-hair day.

“Him?” I stumbled slightly, confused by her anger. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You have me confused with someone else.”

“No, we don’t. Stay away from Riley. You’re not his type.” The blonde smirked and stepped in front of me, blocking my path and forcing me to stop or run into her. She pushed out her big breasts so I could see what she had to work with compared to my more modest versions.

I considered running to Riley’s, but they were probably headed there, too. Instead, I elected to stand my ground, and for once, not retreat as I so often did when confronted with adversity.

I looked from one to the other, taking my time. Indignation melted away the panic and gave me courage. “And you are his type?” I included both of them in my disdainful glare.

“You certainly aren’t.” The redhead snickered while her friend gloated.

“I think we should let Riley be the judge of that.”

“He already has. You’re not the one he’s been fucking every night. He’s a fan of long legs and big tits. We should know.” The blonde winked at her friend, who winked back.

“And he likes his women two at a time. Have you ever had more than missionary sex?” the redhead added.

I blinked several times, unable to respond as I tried to make sense of what they’d just told me.

“He’s out of your league, little girl. Leave him to the experts who know what a man needs and wants.”

“Fuck you,” I said, finding my tongue.

They both laughed. Without another word, they sauntered away and left me standing on the sidewalk in front of my house.

The redhead delivered a parting shot over her shoulder. “Stay away from Riley if you know what’s good for you.”

“I’ll do what I please,” I shot back. They didn’t respond, only walked up the steps to the front porch and let themselves into Riley’s house without knocking.

I strode to my front door and slipped inside. Only when the door was shut did I start shaking. I slumped down against the wall onto the cool tile of the entryway. I had a tendency to take threats more seriously than most because I’d seen the carnage caused when threats became a reality.

If you break up with me, I’ll make you so very sorry.

I shook my head and put my hands to my ears, trying to drown out those words repeating over and over in my head. I closed my eyes and gulped in deep breaths, letting them out slowly, practicing the techniques I’d been taught to quell a panic attack. After several minutes, my breathing steadied and my heart rate slowed.

I gave myself a pat on the back. I’d won this time. I’d stood up to them. I hadn’t run at the first sign of adversity. Maybe I was a bit of a mess now, but I’d held up well in front of those bitches, and I’d emerged relatively unscathed, despite a momentary flashback.

Rising, I started dinner since neither Wayne nor Alisa was home. Cooking calmed me. Something about gathering ingredients and taking in the delicious aromas kept the wolves at bay, even if only for a short while.

I gazed out the kitchen window but didn’t see any sign of Riley or the bitches. No surprise, since the rain was now falling in buckets. No one in their right mind would be outside in this storm.

Riley liked their type? He liked threesomes?

Well, he was a guy. What guy didn’t like women who looked like them? He wouldn’t be any more immune than the rest of the male population. The biggest question I had for myself was why did it bother me? If Riley entertained himself with threesomes then he wasn’t pressuring me for things I couldn’t give him.

That thought did nothing to comfort me.

Worth fighting for.

Was Riley that guy? With my limited experience, I couldn’t know for sure. Perhaps I needed to spread my wings and figure out what I really wanted. Riley would be an easy and familiar face to use as a crutch. I’d had enough crutches in the past several years.

I needed to experience life instead of hiding from it or sticking with what was familiar and safe.

 

* Riley *

 

Roxanne, Trinity, and Gage were banging the headboard in the bedroom down the hall. I’d have better luck studying at a rock concert. Those two had come here looking for me, but I’d turned them down cold. Gage didn’t have those reservations and promptly invited them to his lair, as he called it.

What-the-fuck-ever.

Maybe after this they’d leave me alone and start harassing Gage.

I’d made the mistake of having a drunken threesome with them late last spring, and they’d been stalking me ever since. Shit, I didn’t know I was that good in bed. For me it’d been nothing but sex. It’d been raunchy and nasty, but it’d been sex. Nothing but reality porn.

Once since I’d seen Tiff, not even a wild night with two kinky women appealed to me or my dick.

I wondered what Tiff was doing right now and if she thought of me. I sure as hell thought of her. Those glimpses I’d had of her on campus or next door didn’t do much to soothe the ache each time I saw her, and especially when I didn’t see her.

I had it bad. Really fucking bad.

With neither sleep nor studying an option, I looked out the window. There was a light on next door. I’d given her space, hoped she’d miss me, but I’d also made sure she didn’t forget me with my little gifts. This was bullshit—her sitting there, and me sitting here listening to the fucking on the other side of the wall. I pressed my palms to my eyes and groaned.

Oh, Gage! Oh, Gage! Oh God! Deeper! Harder! Faster!

I couldn’t take much more of this triple-X performance. Not when all I could do was think dirty thoughts about Tiff and flash back to our only night together.

It’d been an unseasonably warm day in June. We’d made our rounds at the post-graduation parties. Neither Uncle Coop or Tiff’s parents expected us home that night. We were eighteen and done with high school. Life was just starting for us, and I’d wanted it to be together. Tiff was leaving for California in a few weeks, and I’d needed to make my move.

We’d taken the ferry to Bainbridge Island and slipped into a closed county park on Puget Sound. We had the place to ourselves. At first we sat together on a picnic bench, not talking, and looked at Seattle across the water from us. Waves lapped lazily against a rocky beach, and a large container ship motored toward Elliott Bay. Nature had favored us with a full moon over the water.

It was the perfect night for romance. I put my arm around her and my free hand on her thigh. She smiled up at me. My entire world was in that smile. I kissed her. She kissed me back. Her fingers dug into my scalp the more intense the kiss became. I was spinning, diving, soaring, and nothing existed but us. I don’t recall who got naked first. All that mattered was her soft skin against mine, her little whimpers against my throat, and her cries of passion as I drove into her. She’d felt so good underneath me with her legs wrapped around my waist as she urged me deeper. I’d never come like that before or after. It was this weird joining of body and spirit that left me drained and in awe.

And, fuck, I was going to come right here listening to the porn on the other side of the wall while remembering the best night of my entire life.

Frustrated, I jumped to my feet and paced the floor. I had to get the hell out of here.

Without putting too much thought into it, I made my decision. Pulling on one of Uncle Coop’s old hockey jerseys, I left the house with Otto in tow and jogged across the wet lawn in my bare feet. I knocked on Tiff’s door and waited impatiently, fidgeting, grateful my sweatshirt was long enough to cover my raging hard-on.

The door swung open, and Tiff did a double-take as we stood on her doorstep, dripping wet.

“Riley? Are you okay?” By the stricken look on her face, I must not look okay.

“Can I come in?”

Otto didn’t wait for an invitation and slid past her, shaking off the water and sending droplets flying everywhere. She didn’t bat an eye or shrink back in horror over the smelly dog. One of the things I adored about Tiff was her love of animals.

She stood aside as I walked into the narrow hallway that doubled as an entry hall. Her expression wasn’t exactly inviting, but I’d change all that. I was relatively confident I got to her as much as she got to me.

“How’s my drool monster?” Tiff bent down and gave Otto a big hug, unmindful of the slobber and smell of wet dog permeating her house. Otto’s tail slapped from side to side, and he did his happy to see you dance for her, finishing it with a huge, slobbery kiss across her cheek. Tiff giggled. Ignoring me, she led Otto into the kitchen and wiped him down with paper towels.

I followed her, walking past the main room, which consisted of a living room, dining area, and kitchen. I propped my butt on a barstool while she tended to Otto and pretended I didn’t exist. Finally, she stood and eyed me from a safe distance away. Otto sank to the floor, lying on her feet and gazing up at her with the same adoring expression mirrored on my own face.

“How old is he now? Six? Seven?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

She smiled down at Otto, and I wished she’d turn that smile on me.

“Could I have a beer, please?” I flashed her my most charming, boyish grin, the one that usually melted women’s panties from a football field away.

Tiff frowned at me, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips in the most adorable manner. “Why are you here?”

“Just came to visit.”

“Riley, I told you—”

“That you don’t want to be friends or anything. I know. I heard you.”

“Then why the flowers and all the other stuff? Why this drop-by visit?”

“Because I don’t believe you.”

With a heavy sigh, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed it to me. She poured herself a large glass of water from the tap and stood across from me, the counter effectively separating us.

“What do you want from me?”

I could think of lots of things. Most of them X-rated. I wisely kept those thoughts to myself. Sex could come later. First I had to get the girl before I, well, got the girl.

“Riley,” she said, sounding exasperated. “What do you want?”

“You,” I said simply with the utmost sincerity.

“You can’t have me. We’ve gone over this multiple times.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why? Why is it so hard to believe?”

“Because your eyes and your body don’t agree with your words. Neither does your heart.”

“You can’t see what’s in my heart, Ry.”

“I can feel it.” God, I sounded sappy, but she brought that out in me. I’d pull out all the stops, including baring my inner romantic.

She didn’t look swayed. She put her water glass on the counter and grabbed a beer for herself, taking a long gulp. I watched her swallow. Even her throat was sexy.

“You’re driving me to drink.” Her mouth twitched, and I knew I’d gotten to her, just as I expected I would.

“I’m irresistible.”

“He’s irresistible.” She pointed at Otto. “You’re a pain in my ass.”

“And a very nice ass, I might add.”

“Riley, go home.” She jabbed her finger toward the door. “Go back to Barbie and Bambi, or whoever they are.”

“Huh?”

“Those two leggy models who’ve been hanging out at your house.”

“You noticed?” I grinned, and she rolled her eyes.

“How could I not notice? They threatened me.”

“What?” My smile dropped from my lips.

“They told me to stay away from you or else. And by the way, I’m not your type.”

“I’ll fucking kill them. And you are my type. They are not.”

“That’s not what they say. I never pegged you for a threesome guy.”

I could feel the heat rise from my neck to my face and ears. Well, shit. “I was drunk. It only happened once, and that was last year. I’m not proud of it.”

“You don’t have to explain your debauchery to me.”

“Debauchery?” I snorted. “Tiff, I haven’t touched another woman since I saw you at the frat party. I pawned those two off on Gage the other night. They have no hold on me whatsoever.”

“You might want to tell them that.” She smiled sweetly at me. “It’s time for you to go, Riley.” She picked up my empty beer bottle and threw it in the recycling.

I didn’t want to go, but I’d overstayed my welcome, and my plan was to patiently wear her down, not hit her over the head with a mallet and force her to love me.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“It’d be best if you didn’t.”

I winked at her. “You don’t mean that, Tiff.” Before she could respond with another cutting remark, I made a quick move and kissed her on the forehead. Signaling to Otto, I slipped out the door, confident I’d made a dent in her armor.

I’d give her a few days without my smiling face before I moved in again. I had a game to concentrate on, and Tiff wasn’t going anywhere. I knew this because my flowers sat on her living room coffee table. No one keeps flowers from a guy they don’t like in such a prominent place, especially week-old ones that were getting a little wilted.

Tiff more than liked me. I only needed to prove it to her. She wasn’t making my mission an easy one, but I was a stubbornly persistent bastard, and I wasn’t giving up anytime in the next century.

 

* Tiff *

 

Alisa walked in the door seconds after Riley left and caught me staring out the window at him.

She cocked a brow at me. “Please tell me you got some.”

“I did not. He came over uninvited, and I asked him to leave.”

Alisa frowned. “Girl, you disappoint me. Either jump his bones or some other guy’s, but damn, you need to get laid so you’re not wound so tight.”

“I’m not wound tight,” I argued.

“Really? Last night you rearranged the bookshelf by the color of the spines.”

I shrugged. “It looks better.”

“It looks anal. Besides, you know Wayne’ll mess it up in matter of a few days.”

“Where’ve you been?” I quickly changed the subject.

“Studying with that cute guy from my deviant psych class, only we didn’t do much studying. You should try it sometime. It’s called fucking, and it doesn’t need to be for a lifetime or even tomorrow. Fucking can be pure recreation and nothing more.”

I’d never been able to treat sex like that. “It’s not like I’m a virgin.” I hated these conversations. They made me feel inadequate, prudish, and stupid.

“Why don’t you do horizontal tango with the Ry-man? What’re you waiting for?”

“If I sleep with Riley, it’ll mean more to him than just sex. I can’t lead him on like that.”

“Then find someone else. You need to loosen up. Enjoy life. This is college, not an old folks’ home. Party while you can. There are plenty of guys out there willing to help you work out your issues with no strings attached.”

“I don’t have issues.”

Both her brows spiked incredibly high.

“Okay, I have issues, but not with sex.”

“So you say.” Alisa shrugged. Her expression turned serious. “Tiff, I worry about you. I’ve known you for a long time. I know you were sexually active with Jacob, and you enjoyed it. Why not allow yourself to enjoy it again? You don’t have to be in love or even in like with a guy to fuck him. Just do it for fun. It’s a good release from the pressures of school and all that other crap we deal with.”

“I know all that.”

There went those brows again. “If you say so. I’m just trying to help. There’s a big party Saturday night, some guy’s birthday, at a house down the block from the Salty Dog Pub. There’ll be some hot guys there looking to get laid.”

I opened my mouth to protest, and she interrupted. “Think about it.”

“I will.”

For once, Alisa might be right. A hookup might be just the thing for purging Riley once and for all.

 

* Tiff *

 

On Saturday, I’d planned a quiet day at home reading a good book, while my roommates went to the game against Cal. The sun shone in a blue sky, giving way to temps in the midsixties. Not bad for Seattle during the first weekend of October. Even so, I could feel that nip in the air signaling the beginning of fall, and the leaves were beginning to turn colors.

The book I’d picked had been an angsty romance featuring two ill-fated young lovers. I gave up after two chapters, not because it wasn’t good, but because it was too good and hit too close to home. I couldn’t stop thinking of Riley.

Bored, I flipped channels until I came to the game. Second quarter, the score tied seven-seven. I settled onto the worn couch, sipped some hot chocolate, and watched. Okay, actually I watched for glimpses of Riley. The game was secondary. It was stupid to torture myself, but I wasn’t overly bright where he was concerned.

Watching Riley run around in those tight pants all afternoon made me really, really horny. By the time the game was over and the Chinooks had won, including a touchdown catch by Riley, I was truly in a bad way. I went to my bedroom, closed the door, and masturbated to the vision of a sweaty, ripped Riley shed of those tight pants and wearing nothing but his shoulder pads and a smile, a very big, satisfied smile. Of course, his smile wasn’t the biggest thing he was sporting. I ran my hands over my body, imagining Riley’s big hands stroking my bare skin. Sliding one hand between my legs, I pictured the desire burning in his eyes as he drove into me over and over. I pumped two fingers in and out of my pussy until I came in rush of sweet release and cried out his name.

As pleasant as it was, my fingers were no substitute for Riley.

Minutes later, I lay staring at the ceiling, my satisfaction had dwindled, and my frustration was building.

This shit had to stop. I couldn’t keep fantasizing about Riley while avoiding him. I was driving myself batshit crazy. Maybe Alisa was right. I needed to get laid, and the “layer” didn’t have to be Riley. Any anonymous, somewhat attractive guy would suffice. I was sexually deprived and fixating on Riley because he was safe. It wasn’t as though I was saving myself for marriage, after all.

Tonight, things were going to change.