Chapter 19—Secrets

* Tiff *

 

I accepted Cooper and Izzy’s invitation to join them in their suite, and I was glad I had. The rain was practically horizontal. If I’d been in the student section, I’d have been soaking wet before the end of the first quarter.

I felt awful for Riley and his teammates. Not only were they being annihilated, the weather wasn’t cutting them any slack, either. By the time the game mercilessly ended, they looked like drowned rats ready to escape their already-sunken ship.

Izzy, her sisters, and their significant others treated me like family. Cooper couldn’t quite bring himself to do that, but he was polite if a little chilly. He actually spoke a few words to me regarding being able to watch Riley’s game since the Sockeyes didn’t play until tomorrow night.

Riley finally came out of the locker room, freshly showered, dark hair still wet, and an ugly bruise on his left cheek. I held my hands up to my mouth and gasped. He walked as if he was in pain, and his smile was world-weary and beaten.

“Hey,” he said simply. His gaze rested on me, and I went to him and hugged him tight.

“You look a little battered.”

“A little?” He laughed and pulled me against his side as he made small talk with his family. I could tell by his monosyllabic answers, he was done for the night.

He begged off a late dinner and a few minutes later we were in his Mercedes heading for home.

I leaned across the console and rested my head on his shoulder. He felt strong and solid, despite the weary exhaustion written on every line on his face. I stroked his thigh, giving him what little comfort I could.

“I cringed every time they sacked you. Are you as bruised under your clothes as your face is?”

“Worse.” He placed a quick kiss on the top of my head, then returned his full attention to the road. “But I’ll have a long time to recover, assuming I ever play again.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“It’s a lot tougher to make the pros than college, and I wasn’t playing on a team that got a lot of media attention. I probably won’t get drafted.” He didn’t sound overly upset, just matter of fact.

“But you can walk on a team of your choice.”

“I could.”

“The Steelheads?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “Or maybe a team who desperately needs a tight end. If I made the team, would you move with me?”

I hesitated. I’d never considered Riley leaving this area. A few short months ago, Seattle was the last place I wanted to be; now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. “What about being a quarterback?”

“Those days are over.” He met my gaze. “You know, I’m starving. Want to get a pizza?”

“Anything you want.”

He whipped the car around and drove several minutes to our favorite pizza place in downtown Seattle. We parked on the rain-slickened street a block or so from the restaurant. I hopped out and stood on the sidewalk before Riley could open my door. He frowned, and I grinned back. He liked to play the gentleman, and usually I let him.

“Sorry,” I said through lowered lashes.

“You should be.” He pulled me against a building and kissed me as if kissing me were more vital than life itself. The way his mouth felt on mine, so right, so perfect, so everything I’d ever wanted, I decided his kisses were life itself.

I broke the kiss first. “Let’s get that pizza.”

“Yeah, but I get you later.”

“You get all of me,” I promised.

Hand in hand, we walked down the street. Riley stopped suddenly. I stumbled and clutched his arm to steady myself.

“Riley?”

He didn’t respond.

“Riley.” I shook his arm, tried to get his attention. He didn’t budge. He’d gone into hibernation right before my eyes. His gaze was riveted on a woman a few feet from us.

She had that hard look about her that women got when they’d lived a tough life. I suspected she wasn’t nearly as old as she looked. Despite her coal-black hair, I’d put her in her late fifties. Something about her was naggingly familiar.

“Come on, Ry.” I tugged his arm in an attempt to maneuver him around the woman, who appeared to be working Pike Street in downtown Seattle.

Riley’s face had turned chalky white, as if he’d seen a ghost. The woman, who’d been chatting it up with a younger version of herself, blew out a long stream of smoke from her cigarette and glanced in our direction. Her shrewd gaze landed on me first. She appraised me with a practiced eye, as if assessing whether or not I had anything she could readily grab. I clutched my purse to my chest and leaned into Riley. I knew we shouldn’t have come to this area of Seattle late at night. I didn’t feel safe despite the people milling around.

The streetwise woman turned her gaze on Riley, immediately dismissing him as a target. Then her face changed from weary to disbelief followed by outright shock. Her gaze snapped back to him, and she gaped at him open mouthed. He stared back. Neither of them moved. I was intimately aware of the seconds ticking by with torturous slowness. I had the distinct impression these two knew each other, yet I couldn’t fathom how or why. Riley’s uncle did work with the homeless, and Riley often helped. Perhaps he’d met her before. There couldn’t be another other explanation.

“Come on, Riley.” I squeezed his arm, but nothing forced his attention away from this woman.

“Riley?” the woman whispered in her raspy smoker’s voice. “It is you.”

I heard Riley’s sharp intake of breath, and I turned my full attention to him. His muscles tightened under my fingers. He snapped his mouth shut. His jaw hardened, as did those blue eyes of his. He narrowed his gaze, and his frown grew formidable.

I glanced from one to the other, trying to make sense out of the indecipherable tension between these two people who should be strangers.

“I don’t know you,” he said in a voice that was deathly quiet and filled with enough dislike to dispute his statement.

The woman’s bitter laugh twisted her face into a cynical smirk. “Coop’s poisoned you, too. The fucking bastard.” She spit out the words as if spitting out distasteful cough syrup.

“Coop? She knows your uncle?”

Riley shook his head as if to say not now. “Let’s get out of here.” His feet, once rooted to the sidewalk, suddenly couldn’t carry us away fast enough.

“You can’t run from me forever, Riley,” the woman called after them.

Riley didn’t speak until we were several blocks away and safely ensconced in a dark booth in the back of an Irish pub. All was quiet since it was pretty late at night. Riley ordered a beer, wine for me.

I waited, hoping he’d spill his guts without prompting, but that’d never been his MO. Riley was closemouthed like his uncle when it came to his past. And whoever this woman was, she had to be from his past.

I sipped my wine and studied him over the rim of my glass.

He met my gaze. His jaw jutted out in a hard, stubborn angle. He wasn’t going to make this easy.

“Who is she?” I said, deciding not to be subtle.

“No one you want to know.” He ground out the words between gritted teeth.

“Not good enough, Ry. You say all the right words, but when it comes down to it, you shut me out of the most important parts of your life.”

“I do not. She’s not important. You’re important. Uncle Coop and Izz are important. Connor is important. Football’s important. You’re a part of all those.”

“She is important, or you wouldn’t have reacted like that.” I met his gaze with a steely one of my own. To my surprise, he looked away. He worked his jaw and swallowed hard. When he lifted his head, his blue eyes were shining with what appeared to be unshed tears. Yet his shrug was casual. “I’ve helped Uncle Coop countless times when he does work for the homeless.”

“Is that all, Riley? We can’t have secrets.” And I was the biggest hypocritical bitch on the planet. I hadn’t told him about the note from Jacob.

“No secrets. She’s nobody to me.” His expression hardened with that stubborn set to his jaw, and he wouldn’t look me in the eye. A person didn’t have such a strong reaction to a casual acquaintance. I should tell him about Jacob; then he’d be obligated to spill his guts on the identity of this woman.

Standing, Riley threw a couple twenties on the table. “Let’s go.”

“Riley.” I called after him, but he’d already turned. I ran after him and grabbed his arm. He ignored me and kept walking. When he reached the SUV, he wrenched open the passenger door, whirled around, and faced me, his expression set in stone and no sign of what I’d thought had been tears.

“Drop it. Please, just drop it. She was someone to me and my family once, but she’s not anymore. Can we leave it at that?” The harshness of his voice set me back on my heels.

“Okay,” I said carefully.

We both had our secrets, and I knew as well as anyone that keeping secrets from those you loved wasn’t any way to build a trusting relationship.

 

* Riley *

 

Shit came in threes. One, my best friend, Gage, had dropped out of school and gone home to recover. Two, I’d blown the biggest game of my life with some help from my teammates. But number three, seeing my mother, caught me off guard and sent me into a spiral of confusion and sadness. Time was running out on the lie I lived regarding my childhood. I could hear it ticking in my head as it counted down the seconds to a perceived showdown.

After seeing my mom, I’d been sick with dread. One look in Tiff’s wary eyes, and I knew stuff was about to get worse. This dream life I’d been living recently was all built on bullshit. She had grown and changed, while I thought I had. Now I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t have the guts to tell her the truth for fear she wouldn’t want anything to do with a guy who’d been homeless and lived in some of the worst rat-infested places the West Coast had to offer. Once she found out, she’d know I never trusted her enough with the truth, never thought she could love me for me.

Despite years of being loved by Uncle Coop, Aunt Izzy, my grandparents, and our extended family, when it came down to it, I didn’t believe I was worthy. My mother walked away from me and never looked back. Never once tried to contact me. She knew where I was. She had to have known I was involved in that school shooting. She had to have known I played college football right here in Seattle.

My God, she lived here in Seattle and never once attempted to find me.

Multiple times in the next few weeks, I caught Tiff looking at me like I was a stranger. The sex was still incredible, but we didn’t talk about the elephant in the room.

Even Otto watched me with those old eyes of his as if he knew what I’d been hiding.

I was struggling with change, a lot of change. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have football. I could try out for a pro team, but I didn’t know if I could make it. I’d be graduating from college in the spring. Then what became of Tiff and me? If I made a team elsewhere, would she go with me? She’d never answered that question.

On a cold, crisp Friday afternoon a mere week and a half from Christmas, I waited outside the building where Tiff had her last class of the day. Otto sat next to me, drooling on anyone who ventured close enough to pet his cherubic teddy bear face. I swear he did that with evil intentions. Sucked the poor, ignorant bastards into his cute little web and wiped a wide swath of drool all over their pristine clothes. As his sidekick, I apologized, but that was the extent of it.

The sun shone brightly in a blue Seattle sky for the first time in what seemed like months, but the clouds on the horizon hinted at possible snow showers. Seattle didn’t get snow often, and the stuff never stayed around long, but when a snow event happened, everything shut down. I didn’t mind being snowed in with Tiff, though. Maybe we could get our mojo back. Mason and Logan had gone skiing for the weekend with some of our frat brothers, leaving us alone in the house. Tiff had put a pot roast in the slower cooker this morning, and I couldn’t wait to taste it after I tasted her.

The first students pushed through the double doors, and I waited in anticipation for Tiff. Seeing her never got old. In fact, my heart beat harder and my stomach got this strange flutter, like a baby bird trying to break out of the egg.

She saw me and smiled. I grinned back, while Otto thumped his tail on the ground. She wore a blue parka with fake blue fur on the collar of the hood, skinny jeans, and these cute ankle boots. Her blond hair fell in wavy curls that bounced as she walked and reflected gold in the sun. Earlier this morning those curls had slid across my chest as she’d ridden me hard and had me coming like a race car accelerating for the finish line.

“Baby,” I said as I reached for her gloved hand. She twined her fingers with mine and patted Otto with her free hand. He gifted her with a line of slobber along her sleeve. She laughed. One of the things I loved about Tiff was her inability to be grossed out by the stuff animals did. She was a horse person, after all.

She stood on tiptoes and kissed my cheek.

“We’re all alone this weekend, beautiful.”

“I know. I can’t wait. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief, and my dick twitched in response.

We walked briskly. The cool breeze turned to biting cold gusts of wind. By the time we neared home, we were freezing-butt cold and ominous clouds blocked out the last of the daylight. Being bred for it and wearing his fur coat, Otto relished the cold weather. Tiff and me, not so much.

As we turned the corner with one block left, Tiff pointed at a beat-up old sedan parked near my driveway. “Whose car is that?”

I narrowed my gaze, focusing on the piece of shit. I could make out two people in the front seat, and smoke from a cigarette rolled out the partially open driver’s-side window. My steps faltered.

Shit. Fuck. Damn. Please don’t have this be who I think it is.

Tiff clutched my arm, holding it in a death grip. Alarm shone in her eyes.

“Riley, be careful,” she warned, as if these people might be dangerous. She dug in the purse slung over her shoulder with her free hand and pulled out some Mace.

I frowned at her. “Do you know something I don’t?”

She slowed her step. “Let’s turn around. Call someone. They haven’t noticed us yet.”

I didn’t sense any physical danger. I feared this situation was much more complicated than that. “Is there something you aren’t telling me?”

She nodded, her face flushed from the cold and her eyes full of fear.

“Do you know these people?”

She shook her head. “Something doesn’t seem right, Riley. Let’s go back. Call someone.”

Otto growled deep in his throat, which sent a chill down my spine. Otto never growled; he loved everyone.

“What aren’t you telling me, Tiff?” I slowed my pace, glancing about for a safer place. None of our neighbors’ lights were on, and Tiff’s house was beyond mine. No way to get to it without walking past that car.

“Riley, they might’ve been sent by Jacob.”

I stopped in the shadows away from a streetlight. “Why would you think that?”

“He sent me a threatening note.”

“When?”

“The day of the anniversary.” Her voice was hushed, yet laced with guilt. She had been hiding something from me. I knew it. I’d felt it.

“And you were going to tell me about this when?” I fought to control my anger.

“I didn’t want to worry you before the big game.”

“That was weeks ago. Have you heard from him since?”

“Nothing.” She looked away, and I couldn’t be certain she was telling me the truth. I couldn’t be certain of anything.

“Wait here. I’m going to find out who the fuck these people are.” I was angry, at her, at myself, at Jacob for scaring the crap out of her, and at these idiots parked on a quiet side street where they had no business being.

“Riley, no,” she pleaded, holding on to my arms. I shoved Otto’s leash in her hands and pulled away. Marching down the street toward the car. The passenger door swung open before I got there, and a shadowy figure stepped onto the sidewalk.

It was her.

She’d come looking for me. For a moment, my heart soared. My mother cared. She’d come to make amends. Tell me she was sorry. Hug me and say she loved me. Only all those thoughts were the wishes of that little boy inside me who desperately wanted his mother’s love.

I wasn’t that boy anymore, and I hadn’t had any contact with her for seven years.

“Riley.” She offered me a calculating smile, not the tentative one of a mother worried about how her child would greet her, more like the one of a woman gifted at manipulation and deceit. Dropping the cigarette butt to the pavement and grinding it out with her heel, she walked toward me.

“What are you doing here?” I said, not cutting her any slack. She’d left me alone at fourteen in a sleazy hotel with no money. I’d waited for her to come back. She’d pulled this shit before, but she always returned eventually. This time she didn’t, but she’d left Uncle Coop’s contact info, a sure sign she was dumping my ass off on an unsuspecting relative. I saw it now for what it was.

“I wanted to see you.”

“It’s a little late for that. Where were you seven years ago when I needed you?” My voice quivered, betraying emotions I fucking didn’t want to feel. I sounded raw and wounded, as if time hadn’t healed a damn thing.

Footsteps approached, and I looked down into Tiff’s concerned gaze. She hugged my arm. Otto sat on my feet, keeping his huge body between me and my mother. A low rumble sounded in his throat.

“What the hell is that thing?” Julie said. I decided to think of her that way. She didn’t deserve the title of mother.

“My dog.”

“You always were a softy for animals, Riley. You even tried to nurse an injured mouse back to health.”

I shrugged and kept my eyes off Tiff, not wanting to see the confusion in her gaze, or even worse, the realization this woman had given birth to me. I shared blood with this person, which might make me a bad seed, too, in Tiff’s eyes.

“What do you want? You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want something.”

She scowled at me, not liking my ability to read her so well. “I need some money. Curtis and I have some opportunities in California, but we need cash to get there.

I’d heard this before. Opportunities, my ass. Right. That meant people to mooch off, drugs to be had, and alcohol to consume.

“I don’t have any money.” The coldness in my voice rivaled the icy wind blowing around us.

“That’s bullshit. Your uncle has plenty. Get some from him.”

Otto’s low growl came back full force.

“I don’t like that dog.” She backed up a few steps and glared at Otto, who gave her his best dangerous dog glare right back. I found Otto’s attempts at intimidation laughable; it was like trying to make a cuddly teddy bear look evil. Regardless, it was working on my mother—uh, Julie.

“He doesn’t like you, either.”

“When did you turn into such an asshole? You used to be a nice kid.”

“I used to be the parent and you were the child.”

Tiff stiffened beside me, and I avoided looking at her.

“My brother has poisoned you against me.”

“Uncle Coop never says a damn thing about you. It’s time for you to leave now.” I pointed toward the piece of shit she’d arrived in, ignoring the conflict raging inside me. It hurt like hell to treat my mother with such callousness. If I gave her any money, there’d be no end in sight. She’d keep coming back, keep insinuating herself into my life.

“Your uncle paid me to stay away from you.”

I shrugged. “He did what he had to do. He protected me, which is more than I could ever say for you.”

She stood up straighter, hands on hips, and glared at me. “How fucking dare you say that, you little ungrateful bastard.”

“You need to leave now.”

Tiff reached for my hand, and I held on tight. Picking up on my distress, Otto took a few steps toward her, growling. She backed away. “Enjoy your life, Riley. I hope you can live with yourself.”

“I live quite fine with myself, thank you, with no help from you. If you have any feelings left for me, do me a favor, and never come around again.”

“Fuck you.” She flipped me off. My mother flipped me off right in front of Tiff. Then she whirled around and stalked to the car. A few seconds later, the car rumbled off, belching smoke as it went.

I wondered if that was the last I’d hear from her.

I turned to Tiff, a gnawing feeling of dread clawing at my stomach. “Let’s go inside. It’s fucking cold out here.”

“Riley—” Tiff’s grim gaze twisted my stomach. She looked at me as if I were a stranger. To her, I guess I was. The showdown had come. She’d know exactly what I was, and what a liar I’d been all these years.