Hayley showered and dried her hair, put on her make-up and was applying the last coat of mascara when the phone rang. She ran around Matthew’s flat trying to find it, finally locating it in the living room under a cushion.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello, love, how are you? Thought I’d give you a quick call to catch up.’
‘Mum! It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you? How’s Dad?’
‘Oh, fine, fine. He’s having a snooze and I’ll take him out for a walk later. Are you okay? You sound a bit flustered.’
‘I’m fine. You took Dad out? You mean in his wheelchair?’ Hayley held her breath.
‘Yes, love, of course. Anyway, I’m glad it stopped raining overnight so we can get some fresh air and …’
As she listened to her mother speak, Hayley thought back to everything she’d discovered the previous day. They would have known she was a miserable alcoholic. Shame on her for putting them through that while they were dealing with her father’s stroke. Shame on her.
It was a glimpse. It never really happened. As far as they know I’m with Matthew.
But it still made her squirm.
‘I’ve missed you,’ Hayley said suddenly.
‘Oh, well.’ She could hear her mother’s smile through the phone. ‘We’ve missed you too. How’s Matthew?’
‘He’s …’ Hayley thought for a second, ‘He’s great.’ She almost added how good it was to see him. ‘He’s taking me to Antonio’s tonight.’ A smile spread across her face.
‘Oh really?’ Karen said. ‘Do you think he’s going to ask you again?’
‘Ask me what?’
‘You know what I mean. I haven’t given up on you two tying the knot yet.’
‘We’re not married?’ Hayley said. She remembered what Mark had said earlier; As good as. She scratched her head. ‘We’re not married,’ she repeated, this time as a statement rather than a question.
‘Well, you know how Dad always joked you were trying to break the record for the longest engagement. And before you say anything, I know things with Matthew are fine the way they are but …’ She stopped. ‘Never mind.’
‘No, go on,’ Hayley said. ‘You can tell me.’
‘Really? You usually change the subject.’
That didn’t really surprise Hayley. She often ducked and dived her way out of opening up the Pandora’s Box that contained her feelings. On various occasions Rick had told her gently she needed to let him in more. It was always something she’d found excruciatingly difficult, and she had got better at it, until they’d started fighting so much.
‘Please, Mum,’ she said. ‘I want to know what you think.’
Karen exhaled. ‘Well, first of all let me just say I don’t think a couple has to be married to be happy.’ She paused. ‘But your engagement to Matthew always seemed, well, unenthusiastic, in a way, as if …’ her voice tailed off.
‘As if what, Mum?’
‘As if …’ she took a deep breath, ‘As if you’re waiting for someone better to come along, love.’
Ouch! Seriously? I’m still wondering if this is as good as it gets?
‘I’m sorry, love, I probably shouldn’t have been so blunt,’ Karen said.
‘Honestly,’ Hayley said, ‘I’m glad you were. It’s about time I put things into perspective.’
After the conversation with her mum, Hayley spent more time looking around the rest of the flat. The living room had two dark green fabric sofas and the cushions looked as if they’d mould themselves around her body if she sat down. The furniture seemed neither upmarket nor low end, but tasteful and ideally suited to the apartment.
Hayley recognised one of the pictures on the wall as a Stephen Wiltshire, an autistic painter who drew parts of cities and famous buildings from memory. She thought it fitting for them to have one of his pieces.
As she hunted through a cupboard by the front door, she found two photo albums. The first had OUR MEMORIES written in gold letters on the olive green cover. She opened the album and turned the pages, the opaque protective sheets crinkling under her fingers.
There were pictures of Alan and Susan’s wedding day. They both glowed and beamed, their happiness practically leaping off the pages. The album contained photos of family Christmases too; Matthew and her with her parents, Jackie, Ray and the boys, and some pictures of Matthew’s parents and family.
She picked up the second album labelled OUR DECADE OF ADVENTURES. Leafing through the pages, she marvelled at the scuba-diving trip in Corsica, parasailing in Tunisia, deep-sea fishing off the coast of Argentina, zip-lining in Costa Rica and skiing in Switzerland. There were less exotic trips too, including local kite-surfing and archery expeditions.
Well this isn’t bad at all. It’s exciting. And I bet I’m not an old whinge bag either.
She looked at herself in the photographs, staring at this unfamiliar, smiling and carefree version of herself; a happy person who wanted to take on new challenges, try new things. She’d felt like that a long time ago, before the endless cycle of home – work – home. Hayley thought about her life with Rick. They used to travel, go on day trips and excursions – but she couldn’t remember the last time they’d had fun. These days she was either at the office or in bed trying to catch up on lost sleep.
The doorbell rang and Hayley jumped. She walked over to the door and answered via the intercom.
‘Hello?’
‘It’s Susan. Are you ready for class?’
‘Class?’
‘Yes, kick-boxing. Remember?’
‘Kick-boxing?’ A few seconds ago she’d been thinking she never did anything fun anymore. This was her chance. ‘Great. I’ve always wanted to give that a go.’
‘Okay.’ Susan laughed. ‘Whatever you say. I’ll wait for you downstairs.’
Hayley made a mad dash for the wardrobe and pulled on a pair of yoga trousers, a sports bra and a T-shirt. Then she put on a pair of trainers, grabbed her bag and a jacket, and darted downstairs.
She recognised Susan from the wedding pictures. Her thick blonde curls and sparkling eyes were just the same as in the photos.
‘I’ve been looking forward to this,’ Susan said as they drove to the gym. ‘I’ve been sat on my bum all week. Didn’t even have time to go out for a walk.’
‘Me too,’ Hayley said. The last time she’d set foot in a gym was more than a decade ago. ‘What’s the instructor like?’
Susan puffed out her cheeks. ‘A real hard-nosed bitch. We’re all scared of her.’ She pulled into a parking spot and they made their way to the fitness club called Believe. The stationary bikes and treadmills hummed and Hayley could hear the steady clank-clank of weight machines.
‘Hi, Hayley. Hi, Susan,’ the girl behind the juice bar said as they walked by. ‘Wish I could join your class today. Maybe next time.’
Hayley followed Susan to the mirrored studio at the back, which was already crammed full of eager gym goers who greeted them with waves and what appeared to be nervous smiles.
‘I’ll hide at the back,’ Hayley said. ‘If I collapse then ignore me.’
‘You crack me up,’ Susan said. ‘You’d better start.’
‘Start what?’
‘The class, silly. Off you go. Work us like you mean it.’
Hayley stared at her. ‘Hang on. Work you … wait … I’m the instructor?’
Susan blinked.
‘Ha, ha. I mean, I’m the instructor.’
Oh shitty, shit, shit! I can’t do this. No way. Or can I? What did I say about trying things?
She made her way to the podium at the front and looked down at the twenty plus pairs of eyes staring back at her. Chickening out was an option. All she had to do was walk away, and a few days ago she probably would have, but she had something to prove, if only to herself. She hit ‘Play’ on the stereo system and started walking on the spot. She swallowed.
I’ve been remembering all these little bits and pieces. Maybe instinct will kick in.
‘Okay people,’ she shouted. ‘This should be fun.’
The room erupted in ‘whoop-whoops’.
Sod it! They won’t remember any of this after tomorrow anyway … At least I hope not!