The next morning Cody woke up with confidence showing on his face. He went to college late and straight into Max’s office. He bolted and locked the door from the inside. His furious eyes landed straight on Max who was typing on his laptop. His room arranged, neat, and tidy as always, his long coat hung on the peg, and a sexy cologne floating in the air. But that smell lacked its enticing trait today. Cody stood unaffected.

Glancing up at Cody, Max sensed unusualness in Cody’s stare. Still, calming himself, attempting to control the situation, he smiled, “How are you Cody? Anything urgent? You also didn’t appear in class…” A cunning leer floated on his face.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Cody jumped straight to the point. His lips shivered in angst and pain, his eyes scanning the level of malice in Max’s. He had more to say but no one to reply to his nonsense time filling questions. ‘Ugly bastard. Motherfucker.’ Muttering he stepped up to Max’s desk. Leaning over it, he shouted, “Why do you keep ignoring me?”

“Have a seat,” Gesturing with his eyebrows, Max smiled. His face showed he had no regret, shame, or any grief on his actions. “We can talk.” He smiled.

Somehow, genuinely, Cody didn’t like his smile. It featured more like a taunt, as if Max had become a loser. Suddenly, Cody banged his fist on the table, making everything shake, and Max was shocked seeing Cody’s attitude. “Kiddo, control yourself. You cannot do this here.”

“Why are you ignoring me? Why? Answer me.” Cody repeated, his lips trembled, as did his hands. He tried to break Max’s smile. His eyes glued to Max’s face, watching for any reaction. He knew Max was a bastard. He knew he was a motherfucker. “Speak out, you mot….” He swallowed the rest of his words. Anger, guilt about nothing was filling him.

“No. I am not.” Max replied firmly. “And I don’t know why you are following me everywhere. I didn’t call you at home.”

“You didn’t call me. I can go to your home any time. You are my boyfriend.”

“Hell No! I am not your boyfriend… Who told you this?… I never said this…”

“But we were sleeping together.”

“I sleep with hundreds of men in a year… so what? Does it mean anything? All of them are my boyfriends? Fuck no! Man, Cody, Hun, listen to me. I think you are overreacting.”

“I think you are wrong. Getting confused. I slept only with you. And you are my boyfriend.”

“Listen to me.”

“No! You listen to me,” Cody growled. “I don’t care with how many people you have slept with so far. You are only mine, now. Mine, clear?” Cody pointed a finger at Max. “No one else. And I will not bear this attitude of yours.” He growled back.

“Kiddo, don’t be so stupid.” Max laughed out loud at Cody’s face, flaunting his shrewdness. “Your whiskey from last night has not worn off.” Speaking as he stood, holding Cody’s hand, he guided him over to the door, but rather than going outside, Cody got free, rushed back inside and sat on the chair, crossing his arms over his chest. Max was still standing near the door. Looking at Cody’s stubborn attitude, Max perched on the desk. He stared at Cody while Cody looked away at Max’s empty seat.

“Why don’t you understand, I am alone in this world?” Suddenly Cody’s eyes looked down.

“I know you are a rich guy, so don’t dare mess with me. I know your background, Mr. Cody Xazheo, son of a billionaire businessman.” Max barked, staying at his position, “Learn how to enjoy your life rather than stick to one dick like a pussy. You were only a dick on the net to play with. We were never meant to meet. But then I saw you in class. I really hate this now. I only ever wanted to have a hookup with you then. To enjoy one night, then walk away with no strings attached, and then you should have left me, not sticking like cum.”

Max words dripped like poison, hitting straight at his heart. Cody’s ego, pride, emotions were shattered, “I am a man of emotions and words. I am not a slut like you and your earlier partner…”

“That’s why honey, I am asking why would you want to settle down with a slut like me?” Max’s words were cheap as could be. A slut could speak like that, but Cody hadn’t met any person like him before in his life. He didn’t know how to tackle him. He didn’t know how to fight with him.

“I will manage. I know you will not touch anyone else after marrying me.”

“Marrying you? What fucking nonsense are you talking about? Still, I thought you were just a kid but now you are behaving like a bratty slut. What do you want? Publicity? Or something else? Listen Cody don't you dare to play with me….”

“Am I playing here?” Cody shouted back, “What else should I expect from you?” Cody hissed, he stood straight before Max, but coming only up to his shoulders, he had to stare upwards into Max’s eyes. ‘Ugly. Shrewd. Cheap. Drunken. Where is the love I saw before, there’s nothing in them?’ Cody’s eyes filled with tears again, but his anger kept them from falling from his eyelashes.

“Listen dude. Don’t you fucking dare mess with me,” Max threatened Cody. “What do you expect from me?”

“No. I am not messing. I am here to win my love back,” Cody spoke quietly. Perhaps, in a corner of his heart, he knew fighting with Max would lead to no further discussion. But he didn’t want to leave without fighting and taking his Max back either. He smiled, the same old Cody trademark, innocent smile. Thinking Max would be pleased again, anyway, anyhow he wanted his mate back, as only his.

“I play well and smart. I don’t get messed up. Don’t ever come back.” Max barked unaffected and turned Cody towards the door. Seeing the exit of Max’s office, it seemed to Cody as if he was exiting Max’s life, and so would from his own too. Max tried to make him leave but Cody resisted. He didn't move an inch from his place. Max came forward and began to drag Cody away but Cody took hold of Max’s table to try and stop him. He tried his best, but Max was stronger, which he had known from so many nights together, and was dragged along with the table for a few inches. The strong iron legs screeched across the marble floor, making a huge noise. Max left him be. Cody let go of the table. Rubbing his forehead with his fingers, Max turned to Cody and shouted. “I am not yours. I never, ever, was. So just get the fuck out of here and out of my life.”

“So what the heck was I in your life?” Cody shouted back.

“I don’t know.” Max still rubbed his forehead. Looking at the door, anticipating anyone might peer inside listening to their dogfight. “Just a lust, or a cum shot, or just an internet plaything for me who happened to turn up in my class.” Max shouted back, louder than Cody. His ego couldn't bear anyone coming back and arguing with him like this. Perhaps his authority was never challenged before like this. Perhaps his earlier partners were looking for a few nights only. Wanted to experience his dick? Wanted to taste his cum? And worship this cheap, sheepish wolf? Holding his head with both hands, Max turned away from Cody. “Fine. You were my plaything. My lust play. I wanted to fuck you, since the first time I saw you online. And the best was, that you wanted to feel the magic of a dick in your ass too.” Lowering his face down to Cody, Max spoke. “It was that simple.” In a lower but controlled growl, he ended, gesturing with his palms, as he finished off the game and whistling like a thug, he gestured for Cody to get out of the room.

“No. It’s not that simple. You will return to me.” Cody replied showing Max his finger.

“Dude, I won’t ever return.” Max spat like the true bastard he was, then stood with his legs spread apart. “I am more like a brat. I don’t like sticking to the same ass over again.” He laughed, showing his glistening teeth.

‘Cheap bastard. Should be thrown in the fucking garbage with the other trash.’ Cody became silent. His throat choked and his words died. He stared at Max until Max dragged him out of his office and slammed the door in Cody’s face. This time Cody didn’t resist him. He had lost his everything.

There was nothing more to say, and nothing more to do. It was obvious Max had ditched Cody, and the jerk player had taken every opportunity to break his innocent heart, and play with his body. Cody didn’t cry now. He had nothing left to cry about. He had nothing to scream, and nothing to talk about. His heart was shattered into tiny pieces and all his dreams, desires, and wanting to be with someone were dead. Suddenly, everyone in the city appeared fake, exploiters and cruel. He scanned all the faces going past him. Their smiles or straight faces were vague. He was so done with his life. Perhaps, his parents were correct to ignore him? Or were they aware what would happen to him, which was why they ignored him? Whatever. He had a soul. He had a mind. And he had a heart too. All functional, and all very sensitive.

This life was harsh. Who else could believe, other than Cody, after facing all this adversity? He sighed, and the tears he had resisted for so long, broke out. He attempted to behave strong. He forced himself not to cry again. But once the long-suppressed tears found their way through, they denied him from stopping. Cody poured an ocean of tears before everyone. His face pale and flat, unresponsive to every staring eye, trying to hold on to his emotions, but eyes blotched told the lie. A continuous flow of tears, but no sobbing, nor hiccups, nothing. Just tears running down his cheeks. He felt a few faces coming towards him, but he wasn't in any condition to face them.

Cody just ran… in an unknown direction, away from everyone. Fast as he could to leave the earth and bury himself, deep away from all and sundry. In this way, his patience gave up and he bawled, letting hiccups come out, his legs covering bigger steps, as long as they could, and hands were pumping racing to and fro. There was so much to feel and nothing to say. His world was shattering and dreams had broken. He felt all the skeletons from his closets, which he was trying to hide could be seen by everyone.

Cody didn’t notice, but his legs had taken him to the right place. He ran towards his room. Pushing the doors, wide open, he jumped onto his bed. And bawled like he had never done before. He cried, shouted and let his tears fall unchecked. He let all his emotions for Max, run away. But it wasn't easy. As he had expected, Max, his love, was stuck to his soul. How could he throw away his soul? How could he remove his marks from his essence? He shouted, thumped his leg on the bed, bit his pillow, but all in vain. None of his actions could bring Max back to him. What if Max would return? Then would Cody be able to accept him like earlier? His mind was running in all directions senselessly. Thinking, plotting, rejecting, and then thinking, hoping Max might return again.

He had lost his emotions and words, nothing to abuse, nothing to say, it was done. And all by him. Sitting in his room, Cody realized he had lost all his zeal to be in the city. He wanted to run away. Run down from his fourteenth floor. Later, he sounded more calm. But his guts were lost too. He couldn’t walk and jump off the terrace, though he stared at the open balcony until his eyes finally shut down from tiredness and crying, and he was lost to sleep.

Waking up late in the night. Cody checked around and found his roommate was half lying over his bed, eating an apple. Perhaps he had been waiting for him to wake up so they could go out for dinner together. He was such a sweetheart. A forced smile came on Cody’s face. Cody checked himself and found his bag was still hung over his shoulder, shoes still on his feet, and tears dried on his cheeks. Turning his head away, immediately, he wiped them clean and walked to the bathroom.

“Hey dude, you slept quite early today. I was waiting for you since 8pm.” Joseph spoke, lost in his apple eating. The voice of his roommate stopped Cody. He smiled at him and found Joseph was busy in eating. He was looking around at the half-eaten apple to find a new place to bite, however, only the apple core was left in Joseph’s hand.

Without saying anything, Cody stepped into the bathroom. Feeling gauche, Joseph stared at Cody’s weird behavior. He was surprised at how he went in the bathroom without taking towels and toiletries with him. Even his shoes were on his feet. He watched Cody go in and close the door. It was not locked. Weird. Joseph shrugged and focused back on the apple, which was completely eaten by now. He had been watching Cody’s changing behavior for a few days. But today was totally weird. He didn’t even bother to reply. For a while, Joseph stared at the door feeling something strange was happening inside.

Inside Cody threw off his shoes, they hit the wall and fell somewhere on the bathroom floor. Throwing all of his clothes down on the floor, he let all his angst come out in his actions. He threw his belt as if he was thrashing Max’s smiling face. That bitchy smile had played well with his innocent heart. The bastard who had strained his soul, and the motherfucker who amused himself with his never-before touched skin. Cody stared down on his glistening skin and hated it. Max’s bites and kisses appeared on his body and Cody loathed them. He rubbed his skin almost tearing the epidermis away, hoping the feeling of Max would go away. He wiped roughly, chafing his skin on his tummy and thighs, cleaning away the love bites, reducing the marks of teeth and nails on his legs and ass.

Cody turned the knob and let the shower run over him. All over him. He dragged the bathing sponge and started scrubbing his skin. He rubbed each and every place where Max had touched him. But, alas, Max had kissed, bitten, and moaned on every part of his previously desired skin. His tears were falling again nonstop and getting mixed with the shower water. He started sobbing, and his bawling was becoming lost in the sound of the shower. Hiccups and blurring of his eyes were the only things stopping his actions. But he cleaned his eyes again and again, until they were sore like his skin, from continuous rubbing and chafing with his nails. Finally, he stopped doing anything. His skin was cold both by the now freezing shower and through the mental struggle.

He stayed until his body reminded him the water splashing over him was cold and it was snowy outside. But his heart was sweltering, his mind too, and his entire body. The heat needed to vent out. It needed to cool down. His not-so-responsive mind said staying there was his only option. He could not fight with anyone anymore, physically, nor with his mind. His bawling was now silent, unlike his raging heart. He wanted to fight, slap, abuse, and shout at Max as he hadn’t done in his office. There his mind was lost, but now slowly his consciousness was awakening, and his angst was hovering around in his mind. Punching his fist fully against the wall, he allowed his pain to vent out, but it was nothing. He hit the wall with his head and the pain soothed his mind like nothing else could.

The noise of the shower relaxed him. And slowly, he started crying again. There was so much to let outs, so much to talk through, but his lonely heart didn’t find a single soul he could rely on. He had no shoulder on which he could take support, and cry, or talk, or vent out his anguish. He was as lonely as the drops of water coming out in groups, but as they left the shower, they were separate in the world. Cody collected a few drops falling from his hair in his palms, and they scattered away over his skin. His heart felt the same, crashing and scattering repeatedly inside his rib cage.

He couldn’t remember when he started feeling cold and he sat down on the floor embracing himself tightly. His mind wasn't supporting, neither did he want to come out, and face the world. Or perhaps it was another way to kill himself in the cold ruthless world. He bawled keeping his head down over his knees.

Outside, Joseph heard unusual noises coming from the bathroom. He perceived Cody crying out and his teeth chattering due to shivering. He walked up to the door and put his ear against it, trying to listen to any noises coming from inside. First, he heard Cody singing in the shower, as earlier he had listened to him. But soon he realized Cody was crying and shivering. Joseph heard teeth chattering and Cody trembling under the shower. He knocked twice and on getting no response, he opened the door. The unlocked door swung open with his force, banging against the wall.

Joseph didn’t need to peek. Everything was clear there before him. Cody was quaking under the shower, of course, cold water splashing over him, his clothes and shoes scattered all around. ‘What the heck is he doing?’ Cody’s head was down on his folded knees. Joseph didn’t hesitate in stepping inside immediately.

Joseph ran to Cody, watching not to step on his belongings. He looked down, “What kind of silly bugger are you?” He shouted at Cody, anticipating some reaction, but Cody had gone silent. Joseph controlled himself, taking in the situation. He knew he needed to help Cody in his dilemma. Immediately, he rushed to turn off the shower and dragged Cody out of it. He pulled a towel from the rack and wiped his head but soon Joseph knew it would be useless to stay inside. Joseph made Cody stand, wrapped another towel around him. Cody neither resisted nor did he walk along with him. On finding Cody senseless, Joseph lifted him in his arms and walked cautiously on the wet floor of the bathroom as he bought Cody over to his bed. Making him sit on the bed, Joseph wiped his wet body dry carefully. Wrapping him around in a blanket, Joseph rushed to fetch some warm clothes from Cody’s wardrobe and he forced him to put them on, including underwear. Afterwards, he made him lie on the bed, and Cody turned to the side, pulling his legs up to his tummy. He lay facing away from Joseph. Joe ignored Cody’s eye stealing attitude and wrapped his blanket around him again.

Joseph sat on the other side of the bed, keeping his palm over Cody’s forehead, patting him, making sure Cody would sleep for some time, to try and relax. But soon he found the bed to be too small for both of them, so he dragged a chair over and sat next to him. He looked at Cody for some time, then realized he might be hungry. He went outside to bring dinner, and made Cody sit and offered him food to eat.

First Cody denied and tried to throw his plate across the room. Then Joseph slapped and barked at him, stating that though he didn’t know what was the cause of his problems, he neither liked the drama and Cody was behaving like a fucking pussy. So it would be better if Cody ate his dinner or he would call Drake or Max. Cody, of course, didn’t want to share this issue with Drake, nor did he want Max there. Joe threatened to force Cody to eat everything. So Cody ate and then slipped back into his bed.

When Joseph returned after cleaning the plates, he found Cody was still shivering. He recalled Cody was in the cold shower for over fifteen minutes, and that much time was sufficient to cause hypothermia. He asked if Cody wanted coffee, and offered another blanket, but Cody was still untalkative. Finally, Joseph slipped under the blanket himself and forcefully took hold of him, trying to warm Cody with his own body heat. After a short struggle, Cody surrendered, perhaps he was just tired of feeling aloof, or he had no vigor or reason left to struggle. So many causes acted together on his simple heart.

 

---

 

Joe slept, and Cody slipped out of his grip. His heart was broken and it wanted to bleed.

 

Can you be mine again?

I bet! I won’t grumble again,

I bet! I won’t regret about the past,

I bet! I won’t recall your misdeeds.

This thought of you coming back,

Is itself so rewarding,

So soothing

And so heartwarming.

Perhaps, you cannot feel

How great those days were

When I was in your embrace

And your moans settled down over my shoulders

The nights, when we cuddled naked in bed

And you spooned me all night.

When your fingers wrote poems

On my back

And I sang them back,

Only following the traces of your fingers

Those days, I sighed, I moaned, I grumbled

To no one, but to myself

I cursed and sulked, and hissed and stomped

In the empty room of mine.

What was my fault?

Why did you leave me?

In the silly, heartless, cruel, pathetic world?

And on whose responsibility?

Didn’t you know, you were the only one of mine?

In this silly world.

Didn’t you know you were the only one, who had peered into my heart?

Didn’t you know you were the only one who touched me in the darkest hours of the night?

Yes. You knew everything. Still… you left me alone.

Oh! My Love.

I wish you were here, you would be mine again.

I won’t plead. I won’t beg. I won’t ask.

Because you are mine.

And the things which are owned, people don’t beg for.

I want my rights back on you, like before.

I want my nights back with you, like before.

I want my light back with you, like before.

Don’t let me go.

Don’t make me cry.

Don’t make me ache for you.

 

Writing everything down, Cody started sobbing and then his pen didn’t move another inch more. Tears ran out down his cheeks like a spring bursts out of the ground, suppressed for so long. Not attempting to stop, nor wiping them away. He didn’t cry, just let the tears flow. Hiccups, running nose, slow sobs, and ultimately his angst burst out. The pen’s nib dug into the paper and tore them away. He cried. He shouted. He cursed. But at him. ‘Why did I trust the guy? Why couldn’t I live a single life?’ So many questions. Not a single answer.

And his anguish was buried under the four concrete walls.

That night, he didn’t know when he slept, sobbing, his face buried under his pillow. He slept with dried tears on the cheeks, wet pillow, and sore memories.