The next morning was silent. The apartment felt as if no one breathed within, neither over-chirpy Cody, nor over-energetic Joseph. The sun rose and its rays filled the house; windows were open since midnight. As Cody slept, Joe sat back on the chair holding the blanket round himself, and kept playing games on his phone until he dozed off in the chair. He opened his eyes and found Cody staring back at him. Cody’s face told Joe he was awake for quite a long while before and was still taciturn. Joe smiled. Cody reciprocated. This rushed hope into Joe’s heart.

“You could have died because of hypothermia.” Joseph shouted at him, but Cody just smiled back at him.

“You should have let me die…” Cody huffed. Speaking as if he had lost his attitude, mojo to live, and motto for life.

“I will kill you right away if you keep speaking like this.” Joseph barked but Cody smiled. Joe stared at him, but Cody looked out of the window. His entire body was hidden under the blanket except for his face’s upper part, from above his nose. Lying still, as straight as a corpse, no motion, no breathing action, nothing. “Why are you silent?”

Rather than replying to him, Cody slithered down under the blanket and hid himself completely. Joseph laughed at him for some time, watching Cody’s childish behavior. “Don’t behave like a brat or I will slide inside too.” Joe shouted and jumped onto the bed, slipping under his blanket.

Both looked at each other and smiled shyly. Cody looked away but Joe climbed over. You want me to dress you again? Joe slipped his palm over Cody’s torso. “See you are making me bisexual now. Don’t make me want to woo you.”

Cody giggled, and tossed over to the other side of the bed, pushing Joseph out from the blanket. He liked Joe’s attempts to make him laugh, but didn’t want to laugh just then. His heart was aching and he wanted to be left like that. But Joseph had made his mind up not to not leave Cody alone to take more lethal action. He tickled him and Cody laughed hard. Joe’s cellphone buzzed just then and he went back to the chair. Taking the call, he moved outside the room and updated Cody that he had to go to college for some urgent work. “Would you come to college with me?”

Being silent for a minute, Cody breathed heavy, “Nope. I will stay in here,”

“Don’t you dare bathe alone this time?” Joseph warned with a sense of humor in it. Both smiled.

“I won't, but next time you are not going to see me naked.”

“I will.” Joseph winked and walked out of the room. “You want me to get some breakfast for you?” Turning back he asked again.

Cody reeled, “It’s okay, I will order something.”

Cody watched Joseph getting dressed and leaving the house. They exchanged smiles, and once again, Cody was alone. He kept laying on the bed until his back ached harder than his heart. He finally left the bed.

He didn’t want to be there.

He didn’t want to be alone.

He didn’t want to be with his memories.

He didn’t want to be any place which reminded him of the ugly bastard.

 

He ran out of the apartment, leaving the doors open. He had no interest to take care of anything. Forcing himself not to cry, forced to look smart and fresh, and forcing himself to smile as he usually would, His legs took him straight to college. He regained awareness of his surroundings when he saw the college gates, and cacophonic noises coming from all sides poured into his ears. He realized he was at the place where he didn't want to be. Each act of the last day passed before his eyes like a kaleidoscopic collage, his mind brimmed with a thousand scorpions’ stings, hitting his chest and their venom freezing his heart. Cody ran away from the college. The park was nearby. He ran deep into it until the shady trees concealed behind them. Taking a seat on a beach in the lonely area, where as far as he could see, he was the only breathing soul.

That enticed him more than anything. He loved solitude, the silence. He loved the outside peace compared to his chaotic mind. His eyes wandered to the greenery, looking for someone who he didn’t want to see at all. Still, he ached, hoping, if he came from somewhere, hugged him, kissed his forehead, and whispered it was just a nightmare. That ugly bastard. But yearning was dreaming and his reality was a nightmare. Someone clutched his heart within his ribcage, and bringing his legs up to his tummy, he sat leaning against the bench arms. His mind gathered all the memories about Max, the day they started chatting online, the day of the first webcam sex, the day he first saw him and the time when Max first touched him, and then his heart started crumbling and eyes sobbing.

Noon came as it always did. Cody kept thinking, crying, consoling himself, cursing Max, and everyone around him. He felt someone putting a hand on his shoulder. Wiping his eyes, he looked up and found Tina. Her ever-smiling face and tiny hands hugged him from behind. The long-needed embrace, full of love and warmth, making him feel secure and owned. Cody held her hands for some moments until Tina came around to sit beside him.

“Where the hell are you going? We thought you had eloped with someone?” Tina wanted to know everything.

So, she was not aware of anything. His heart lurched but also he relaxed. “Taking fresh air.” Cody smiled. He stared at Tina who was looking at him. “I think you are angry with me…”

“And for what reason?” Tina pointed a finger at him as if pointing at an old incident.

“Yep. Me and Drake… right?”

“Right.” Tina pouted, sliding closer, “I didn’t know you two were dating…”

“No, we weren’t exactly.” Cody admitted in their discussion. Though it was true, he wasn't dating anyone, he was only sleeping with them, at least, that was what Max said. He sighed and forced a smile on his face.

“I don’t know who is dating whom.” Tina sulked. Holding Cody’s hand, her eyes twinkled, “I missed you in classes and around. I missed our hanging out together. I have so much to share and gossip…” Her lips clasped shut then she smiled wider.

“Say, I am here listening to you.” Cody smiled too. “So what’s brewing now in college?” Cody joined with her, halfhearted, but at least he did.

“I came to know… teachers here are not up to the mark. They have flings with their students… I am concerned if I get such a chance with anyone.” She chuckled. “Zena told me this. She was saying, sometimes a teacher plays with the students too.” Hushing her voice she looked around. Her eyes shone with the charm of the gossip. “She said, teachers choose students to play with for a year, or until they get bored… sometimes they flip around too. It’s a secret game under the great reputation of the college.” She squeezed Cody’s palms, holding his attention, “Won't it be fun to play with you when you are not aware of it.”

Cody breathed heavily. Today he knew. What the flings were and how they were created. He smiled. “Would you love to be played upon, sleep with someone who doesn’t love you?”

“I wouldn't mind if he was Drake,” she shrugged. “After all it’s my life and I won't get another chance to fulfill my fantasies. So why shouldn't I enjoy it?” She spoke nonstop, venting out her fantasies and needs. “Meaning, I have never been in such a situation, but I feel I cannot get attached with anyone so early… so sleeping with consent… like no strings attached, is not something I will do in my life.” she added.

This was the time when Cody gave second thoughts to his depression. ‘Why am I behaving like a dork? I am not. She may be correct, but her view is hers alone. Why do I implement it on myself?’ He stared back at Tina who was still gazing at him. “What if someone sleeps with you…?”

“It shouldn't be forced… and… it shouldn't be like we are in love… then I am okay… with not going back to his door.” Tina was stuck at her points, “I am okay with it. I said.”

“…” Cody opened his mouth to speak out, but his words died within. He had nothing to say. Everyone had their own views. Why should he force someone to change their opinion or why he should copy anyone else’s view on himself? All of a sudden, he felt he was overthinking. ‘Am I overreacting? Or am I being too clingy?’

“Leave this gossip. Tell me where were you? Drake had updated us that you were not well and left for your home. Is everything okay?”

Cody smirked at Tina’s innocent questions. His mind screamed. ‘No, everything is not okay. I have been ditched and played and thrown out like a slut.’ But his mouth was pursed shut, jammed by unknown forces, and he only smiled.

Smile!

he did not love you,

but she did not leave his lips.

What an irony!

“I was just sooo depressed lately.” Cody put his present as the past and presented it to Tina.

“Oh my, my, who is keeping you depressed?” Tina cocked her eyebrow in fun, “Who is that charmer who is taking the peace away from your heart?” She smirked.

Cody smiled on her silly attitude. Though he knew it was only to make him happy. “Umm... no one. It’s myself.”

“Don’t lie, Hun. I know it’s a man. Who are you yearning for day and night? Who are you in love with secretly…?”

“No one…” Smiling, he squeezed Tina’s hands. They laughed hard. It was much needed, otherwise Cody could have spelt out the name. He laughed and faked well. “I am better as a singleton I think.”

“Max is not good?”

“Not up to the mark? He doesn't deserve me,”

“True. He seems like a bastard… motherfucker kinda guy, right?” Tina spoke quietly.

“That’s true.” They gave high fives to each other and laughed again. “I am hungry.”

“Me too.” Tina chuckled, and they laughed again. Both of them had missed each other’s company so much. They laughed harder to vent out all their frustrations. Cody tried harder, but his wrecked heart didn’t allow him. He choked, and Tina offered him a water bottle.

“I am fine,” he wobbled, sipping his water. Meanwhile, Tina opened her lunch box and they ate. Afterwards, they kept sitting there chatting nonstop about all the gossip running round the college and city. Despite hours spent talking, Cody didn’t open his heart. What was rustling within it kept rustling within. He laughed, smiled, he faked his feelings well. He needed someone to talk to, but who that was, he didn’t know. Perhaps, someone who he could call his own? And there was not a single soul around who he could call his own! An irony of his life.

The sun planned to rest, and the chilliness in the breeze amplified the cold. Cody shivered, and Tina tugged her jacket closer. After some time, Tina’s parents called her and she went home. She offered to drop him off at his apartment, but Cody excused himself saying it was nearby, and he wanted to sit there for a while longer. Smiling, she waved, kissed him, and left.

Cody was alone. He loved the silence around him. Chilliness made him shiver, his skin goose-bumped, and the aloofness was killing him, slowly. He rested as such, legs hung down from the bench and his eyes looked at the emptiness of the over-green park. There was nothing new left for his eyes to look at, but returning to his room was not a viable option for him. He had spent many nights talking, flirting, videoing, jerking, and playing with Max over there. His soul didn’t want to return to the same bed with the sour memories.

“Hey kiddo.” A voice he knew came from behind him, and Cody changed his stature. The person walked up to him and sat down beside him. He huffed and put his rough palms over Cody’s thighs. “What's up? Are you okay? I missed you.” Cody turned his head to look at Drake. His ever-green, consoling eyes penetrated deep into his soul. “Don’t cry,” he said.

“I will not.” And Cody’s tears, since the night before, forced to stay within, broke out. “I don’t want to.” Mumbling he rested his head on Drake’s shoulder.

Drake extended his hand, circled around Cody’s waist, and pulled him closer, “Oh my poor baby. Don’t cry, please.” Hugging him tight, he squeezed his waist and shoulder. “Don’t please. Tell me what happened.”

But Cody didn’t open his mouth except to hiccup. He needed Drake’s shoulder only. The firm grip which he missed since Max’s. He kept crying, letting his tears fall. Drake kept patting, squeezing, and holding him tightly. Wondering what had hurt Cody so much. This lively person was now lost to his tears. Last time they met, he was in high spirits. Drake hugged him tight and kept him near, and stroked his head. “Would you like to come with me?” Drake muttered at his head, nudging Cody.

“No.” Cody was straightforward. He knew if he went he would commit the same mistakes as he had already made so far. Drake’s aura would influence him, and nonverbally, he would convince him to commit the same sin. Hiccups didn’t stop, neither did Drake leave hold of him. It was damn soothing, but damn shattering too.

Cody was grateful to Drake for standing with him every time, without call, consent, or expectation. But, he was also angry at Drake, why he didn’t come forward and claim him before Max had? Perhaps then, he wouldn't have gone to Max, and his heart wouldn’t be broken. There could be endless possibilities and endless outcomes. Cody’s mind kept running around in circles, hissing, cursing, and sulking, at everyone around him. He was ungrateful when he wasn’t proposed to by Drake and kept waiting for him to follow. But he was also not sure if Drake loved him back or if he would be like Max. Jumping from Drake’s hold, Cody stared at him, and ran away, deeper into the woody part of the park.

Drake sat nonjudgmentally for a second, before chasing after him and hunting him down, and then wrestled him to the ground. “Never ever dare to do this with me.” He growled, pinning Cody down on the ground and he took hold of his shoulders.

Cody lay on the lawn and Drake kept pinning him, keeping his hold strong, though Cody didn’t attempt to get away. His throat full of hiccups and sobs. “What is the issue? Would you let me know?”

“I am fucking, fucked up,” Cody barked back, pushing him away. But Drake was strongerer and Cody was nothing compared to him.

“And?” Drake asked. Taking his words literally, didn’t make sense. They had fucked too. Many times. Many nights. “I hope it’s not me.” Drake smirked. And Cody slapped at him.

This was offensive to the Alpha man, full of testosterone gushing through his blood. He forcefully took hold of Cody’s hand, sliding over him. Cody left off struggling as his eyes met with Drake’s, full of anger, but also compassion. His heart beat faster and all his resistance died within. Staring deep into Drake’s blue eyes he forgot everything, until Drake let go of his hand. His touch-owning hold was gone, and Cody pushed him away. But it was Drake and not Max who could be moved by his teen’s hands. Drake grumbled, and smirked. “You are coming with me,”

“No. I am not.”

“I am not asking you,” Drake growled back. Sliding down from Cody, he lifted him into his arms, and walked out of the park.

“Stop. Don’t take me like this.” Cody giggled. He did like Drake taking care of him, but he didn't like it publicly. His heart was broken and he wanted to mourn for a day. But this compassionate side of Drake was melting his anger.

“Stop me. If you can.” Drake smirked and walked out of the park pulling Cody along with him. It was late evening. The sun had risen on the other side of the world. Only the winds gusting through the dried leaves, and a few nocturnal birds witnessed their so-called-love time.

Cody didn’t resist. He didn’t want to. He needed it. He longed for it. Drake’s warm persona, his sturdy personality, and firm decision to, not let him get away. What the heck else was Cody looking for? But his plan to be the one and only, sharing his purity with him, and be of his only, was shattered. He had so much to share, and so much to fight with, but Cody stopped himself even in Drake’s warm embrace. He wanted to melt, his heart ached too, but he didn’t say anything. He let Drake do whatever he wanted to do.