Having to lie to Callum and Liam wasn’t easy. Telling Tayla and Emma the story I fabricated was difficult. But to look into Ryan’s dark eyes, telling him something so far from the truth hurt me more. I know by keeping this from him for now won't hurt him. The only thing I didn’t lie about was that I couldn’t promise him forever. Not yet anyway.
As I step onto the plane, I’m escorted into first class. Cal made sure he upgraded me so I had the best seat. My flight from Los Angeles to Hong Kong will be shorter than I expected, and then I fly on from Hong Kong to Sydney.
With a soft sigh, I settle back, and glance out the window wishing Ryan was here. The need to wave goodbye tugs at my heart, but to be honest, I’m not sure I want to say the fateful word. Even though he drove me to the airport, we didn’t say it, all we promised each other was a see you later.
I doubt I’ll be back for a while. With all the doctors’ visits I need to do, I’m both scared and apprehensive. There are things I ran from, now it’s time to figure out what I want to do. A decision I put away, hiding it in the back of my mind, but I realize it’s unavoidable now.
There’s another thing that scares me about going back, and that’s seeing the man who hurt me beyond compare. The only thing I’m looking forward to is seeing my dad.
When I left, he was the only person I missed, the one man I’d love and trust forever, besides my brothers for all intents and purposes, Callum and Liam. Then there’s my love for Ryan. The thought startles me, but it shouldn’t. There's no doubt I love him, I’d fallen for him since he ambled into the interview that day. When he smiled, my heart leaped into my throat. I blushed. The girl who was more tomboy than princess blushed for a boy in his ripped jeans and tatty T-shirt. The one with the guitar and a talent on the keyboard.
Watching him play is hypnotic. His fingers know where every key is without needing his brain to tell them where to go. The melodies he creates either tug at the heart, or make you want to dance, sway, and just enjoy life. That’s Ryan. The joker of the group. But in his heart, he holds love and happiness, so infinite you can’t imagine seeing him angry.
As the plane takes off down the runway, I imagine walking into the house and seeing my dad. It's been too long, getting to give him a cuddle is what I’m looking forward to. I’ve missed him over the years. When I first left, it was difficult. The hardest thing I’d ever had to do. So much so I spent day in and day out on the phone with him. My bill is generally through the roof, but just to hear my father be strong for me was enough to push me to live my life. He always told me how proud he was. How I was just like her.
My mother.
Closing my eyes, I rest my head and let sleep overtake me.
The sadness that wracked me today was more than I could handle. After finding out about my mother’s illness, I knew it would one day come, the choice I had to make. How can I choose something that will forever change my life? I’m only twenty.
As I walk into the house, I flip on the switch and drop my bag on the table in the hallway. We’ve just moved into this apartment. It’s bigger than I wanted, but Josh said he could afford it. He has a well-paying job, but he’s spent more time at his office than he has at the apartment.
Making my way into the kitchen, I find it dark. Perhaps he’s working on a case. Since he made partner at the law firm he’s been inundated with high profile cases and our relationship has been non-existent. It’s taken a backseat to his high-flying career, and the so-called friends he now hangs out with.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of him, but it hurts. I don’t want to complain, but it’s lonely without him.
I need to talk to him about the offer I got today. When I stepped into the office today, I was asked to make notes in the meeting with well-known rock band Hunters in Oblivion.
As a public relations intern, I jumped at the chance. Not only to meet them, but to listen to what their plans were for their upcoming Australian tour.
After the meeting, I spoke to Callum, the lead singer, and he came right out and asked me to tour with them as assistant to the band and hopefully promoted on to their head of PR. I was in shock, but I asked him for a day to think about it.
I want to accept, it’s the perfect opportunity to get my name into the music business. After the operation, I can fly to LA and start work. No doubt Josh will be angry, I know it. He hates when I have anything remotely exciting happening in my life. As if he wants me at home pregnant with his kids.
I grab a bottle of water, gulping down half before heading into our bedroom.
When I step into the oversized room I glance around, there are clothes scattered all over the floor. Why the fuck can’t he clean up after himself? It’s then I hear a giggle. Not a masculine one. Once I push open the door to our en suite, I find two blonde bimbos giggling with Josh while he sucks on their fake tits.
He doesn’t notice me, it’s one of the girls who sees me first. Her gasp has him glancing up and I notice the darkness in his eyes. His pupils are dilated, and his sway tells me all I need to know. He’s high. “Kitty kat,” the nickname sends me spiraling.
How dare he call me that while he’s fucking two whores?
I shove my way back out of the bathroom, I run into the hallway and grab my bag. “Kierra!” He calls after me, but I’m already at the door.
“Fuck you, Josh!”
The rattle of the trolley jars me from the dream of the day my world shattered for the second time. That wasn’t the last I saw of him.
He tried getting me back. Apologizing. Flowers. Gifts. Everything went into the trash. They say there’s a thin line between loving someone and hating them, Josh found out just how quickly I leaped over the proverbial line. There was nothing he could do to get me back over it.
“Can I get you anything?” A smooth, sultry voice pulls me from the memory.
“Red wine, please? Merlot if you have it. Bring me two of those little bottles.” I smile at the stewardess and she nods. I’m not going anywhere, might as well drink my sorrows away.
When my mind drifts back to Ryan, I wonder if the ache in my chest matches the one in his. The night we spent together he told me whenever we’re apart it hurts. At the time, I thought he was joking, making fun of me. But now I’m flying thousands of miles away, I know what he meant.
The stewardess returns and leaves both bottles for me, I open one and fill the plastic glass. I’m not used to travelling like this anymore, I’m normally on the private plane with the boys. This is nice. Spacious. The only thing missing is Ryan. There’s so much I wanted to tell him before I left, but it’s best to leave it until I get back. Until I am sure my health isn’t a concern and I can explore a long-term relationship.
Sipping my wine, I pull out my laptop and open the lid. Even though I should be on holiday, I need to check my emails, write press releases, and make sure the band are confirmed for their upcoming appearances and Tayla has everything she needs while I’m away. As much as Tay is trying to help, Callum is being overly protective of her. With a baby on the way, he’s been more of a pain in the ass than normal. I can’t help smiling at the way he cares for her, but I can also see how annoyed she is at his insistence she stays home all the time. He’s always been a loner, he’d fuck women, but I didn’t think I’d ever see him married with a baby on the way.
Liam is different, as much as he loves Emma, I can see how he still struggles at times. She’s an incredible support to him. Accepting a man with so many dark demons hanging around must be difficult, I know I’d find it stressful, but that little brunette is a perfect match for our drummer.
I wouldn’t be surprised to arrive back to news that Emma is pregnant. Liam has a sort of caveman way of doing things. When we’re out and a man so much as looks at Emm, it’s as if he's ready to kill. Suddenly, as I sip my wine, I miss them. My family.
And then there’s Ryan. My sweet, caring man. He’s everything a woman could want. Attentive, romantic, funny, and after one incredible night together, he’s an amazing lover. His body isn’t chiseled or cut like most of these rock stars, but he’s beautifully built. He looks after himself and the smooth toned torso that set my body alight with hunger is perfect to me.
Those dark cocoa eyes that melt when I walk into the room, the smile that lights up both his face and any room he’s in is how he stole my heart. He walked in and grinned at me and I was a goner. There was no chance for my heart. He was it. And somehow, he thinks I’m it for him. All I have to do is make sure I’m ready to be in a long-term relationship. This trip with be the deciding factor.
Not long after I finish my wine—both bottles—I feel exhaustion hit, I know I have a layover, but I sit back and close my eyes, anyway.