Showered, fresh and dressed for a day at the salon, I grab my to-go cup from the kitchen counter and start for the door, as Benji staggers into the kitchen in his boxer shorts and calls my name.

Circling back, I try not to think of anything I did yesterday, lest my blush give me away. It’s still early, and apart from bumping into a rather distracted Natalia in the hallway, I’ve managed to avoid any inquisition from my roommates until now.

“Morning Benji. What’s up?”

Stretching, Benji yawns, scratches himself and opens the fridge. “I heard someone up and thought it might be you,” he says, leaning on the refrigerator door as he stares blankly at the contents. Eventually pulling out the bottle of milk, he pours himself a glass as he looks me over, his eyes narrowing.

“Did you come home last night?”

My blush betrays me and I adjust the bag on my shoulder as Benji grins. “Okay. ‘Nough said. I was just going to say some sweet guy came into the club asking after you, but I guess you caught up with him.”

“Excuse me?” Frowning, I lean against the counter and give Benji a direct look. “What guy? I spent the night with Lennox Green doing very un-sweet things - was with him since midday.”

“Niiice,” Benji jeers, raising his hand for a high five.

Smacking it - because holy smoke - Lennox Green, I fix Benji with a confused look. “So what sweet guy are you talking about?”

“Oh, ah... shit. He told me his name.” Benji stands taller and gestures somewhere just over his head. “About yay high, wider than me, but not as broad as the bear known as Lennox Green. Dreamy blue eyes and blondish hair in a style that’d look best in a suit. Ringing any bells?”

Almost knocking my to-go cup over whilst setting it back on the counter, I strain past the pounding in my ears. “Andy?”

“Andy!” Benji says, throwing his arms up before touching his nose and pointing at me. “On the button. I told him you were off for the night. He seemed worried and asked if I’d seen you or heard from you since lunch, so I told him Nina had and that you were in top form. He seemed relieved, thanked me, and that’s when he left.”

Nodding to myself, I release the breath I was holding. “Okay. Good. Thanks.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. I ran into him yesterday, and had to rush off. It’ll be fine. He probably gets the picture now, I would think. Did he say how he knew I was working here?”

“He did,” Benji says, eying me strangely. “Said Tim told him. I thought he meant your brother - he’s not some creep from the club, is he?”

I shake my head. “No, no. He’s a family friend. It’s fine. You didn’t tell him I was a stripper though, right? Tim would have told him I work behind the bar.”

“It didn’t come up,” Benji says, softening as he reassures me. “It was early, before the show had even started. He’d have no idea unless he were a regular, which he obviously isn’t. Your secret is safe, and Tim and the girls will be none the wiser.”

“Okay. Good. Um, I’d better run. Thanks, Benji.”

“No probs. Have a great day. Satisfaction looks good on you!” he calls after me as I duck my head and rush for the door with my cheeks flaming to life.

***

“THERE’S SOMETHING DIFFERENT about you,” Trish says as I rush in the door of The Mighty Halo and hang my coat and bag out back. “Good holiday?”

“Yeah. It was great to spend some time with the sibs. We didn’t get to Niagara Falls in the end, but we had a nice time around home.”

“That’s still nice though,” Emi says sweetly, organizing her makeup trays.

“But that’s not it,” Trish says, raising Rosemary’s interest.

Moving in for a better look at me, Rosie inhales sharply. “You had sex!”

Blazing a brilliant crimson, I try to avoid my reflection in the mirrors lining the walls, but it’s pointless.

“You did! Just admit it and you won’t have to blush,” Trish informs me with a gleeful laugh as she dances over to check the appointment book. “You have approximately four minutes to spill your guts and we want specific details - or at least a name. If you can remember it.”

Batting her away, Rosemary swings an arm around my shoulders. “Of course she remembers. It’s Kat, not some slut bag who screws a different guy every night.”

“It might have been so good she can’t remember it,” Emi suggests, rolling out on her stool to be in front of us. “That’s happened to me before. And if I ever find... what’s-his-name, I’m going to marry that talented bastard.”

We all laugh, and I glance at the clock, hoping four minutes has almost past. Maybe Trish is right. If I just claim the juicy happenings, maybe my face will return to some shade of normal.

“It was Lennox Green from Green’s Produce. He fucked me in his garden last night. Twice. And again in his bed this morning. All up I came five times, and it was the best night of my life so far. It was not a one night only situation and we plan to see a lot more of each other, and don’t bother asking about anything else. It’ll only lead to more blushing. I’m sure I will spend the whole day blushing every time I think about him, and it will probably be best for everyone to ignore it. It’s a disability that will only serve to make us all uncomfortable, and probably totally gross you out.”

Breathing hard, I take the distraction of the first customer through the door to escape out the back and splash water on my face. As I dab myself dry with one of the hair towels, Emi comes to stand next to me.

“We won’t gush, but we’re all over the moon for you. We’ll ignore the cheeks as requested, and I will touch up your makeup to undo the damage you’ve just done with that towel. Your first client is in ten minutes, so there’s time to get yourself in the right frame of mind. There will be no harassment from us.”

“Thanks Emi.”

“All good. And just so you know, five times is almost unheard of, so keep hold of that one.” With a wink, and a smile, she heads back to her workspace.

***

THE GIRLS OF THE MIGHTY Halo keep their word, but even so, a whole day thinking about Lennox Green has me completely frazzled. His steamy text messages haven’t helped either. Parts of me are still tantalizingly tenderized by his attentions, but it doesn’t stop me from aching to be with him again. I can’t help but feel that’s unhealthy, and that maybe I have opened Pandora’s Box. I let myself indulge and now I can’t think of much else. I can’t get addicted. I don’t have the luxury of that kind of lifestyle; I have dreams.

Granted they’re not the same dreams I used to have. I don’t want to marry the boy next door and live in Franky-town raising a litter - that much is crystal clear, but I do want my brother and sisters to live up to their full potential, feeling supported and loved. I want them to have what I didn’t so that they can be happy and whole. Can I do that and be selfish?

I love him, but is it enough? Is it possible to have it all? I can’t see how it could all work out with my life the way it is.

If I spend every spare moment with Lennox, how can I keep up with my other commitments? It’s not like I can just slot him in whenever my fingers start twitching; he has a life and responsibilities too. A life that runs on a different schedule to mine. What kind of impact will I have on that? And him on mine?

If he keeps me busy in bed, how will that affect my dancing? Will I lose my edge and my ability to earn enough to provide for my family’s needs? Will he want me to stop?

I already need to have a word with him about timing and limits as to what he can do to me - some of the scuff marks from his beard have only just faded. He needs to know that I can’t be marked by him if I’m to display myself to others in an enticing way. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that conversation will be.

Pulling my coat closer around me, I rush through the light snowfall as I head for Green’s Produce. A million and one questions whiz through my mind, but the strongest notion is more of a feeling than a thought. My body craves him; wants his arms around me. I need him to make me feel like it will all be okay, and that it’ll all work out; that I can have it all.

The bell jingles as I enter and he looks up. His smile is enough to shoo my worries away and ease my shoulders down from their tense position near my ears. Engulfed in a bear hug, I lean into him, allowing the combination of soap, herbs and man fill my senses.

“Everything okay?” he asks, holding me back a bit in order to see my face.

“Mmm. Just hold me.”

“If I must,” he says with a chuckle, pulling me back in. “Good day at the salon?”

“Mm.”

He laughs again and I extract myself from his chest to look up at his face in question.

“I can’t help but feel we’ve switched roles,” he says as the corner of his mouth curls. “I thought you were meant to be the talkative one?”

Shrugging, I tuck myself back into the safety of his arms, trying to ignore all of the things I should talk with him about. I’ll pretend they don’t exist for as long as I can get away with.

“Hey Kat,” Linc says, walking through from the back with a box of apples. “Here for your bananas?”

Stiffening against Lennox, I remember that I’m meant to be baking banana cakes today. Wondering how many I could get done before dancing tonight, my brain kicks into organizer mode, calculating baking times and kitchen availability - I’m fairly certain Benji’s on the dinner roster tonight, which means he’ll be ordering pizza and the kitchen will be free. If I dance early, I could bake cakes late into the night if I have to. When will I get to see Lennox? Before? After? During?

“Where’d you go?” he whispers in my ear as his hand strokes my back.

“I have to get going,” I say, reluctantly pulling away from his wonderful embrace. “I forgot about the cakes.”

Exchanging a look with Linc, Lennox takes my hand and leads me out the back. Pressing me up against the wall with his body, Lennox steals my breath with a short, but knee-weakening kiss before releasing my lips.

“Now tell me. What is it that you’re worried about?”

How does he do that?

“I want to stay here with you, but I have cakes to bake, and dancing tonight, and by the time I’m done, you’ll probably be in bed asleep. I’ve been keeping you up at nights and you must be exhausted. I can’t do this to you. I’ll throw your life off balance and your family will suffer, not to mention your work. I’m bad news, Lennox. After last night, and this morning, all I want is...” I shake off my lusty cravings. “What I want doesn’t matter.”

“It matters,” he says with a deep frown. Studying my face a moment, he growls. Whether it’s at me, because of me, or some other thing, I can’t be sure, but it’s followed by the full force of his expertise as he claims my mouth again. His hands travel my body, awakening all of the need I’d been trying to keep under wraps.

“You’re not wearing a bra,” he whispers, slipping his hand beneath my sweater for further proof as I succumb to his touch.

Shucking my coat from my shoulders with his other hand, he dips his head to my neck, flicking his tongue over my skin. Moaning, I try desperately to keep my head. As I recall why I took my bra off before I left the salon, I push him away in a rush.

“You can’t!” I explain as his eyes widen in surprise at being thrust away. “I have to dance tonight and your beard leaves my skin all pink and splotchy.”

Breathing hard, he raises a hand to his beard. “Should I shave it?” he asks as if he’d run upstairs and do it now.

“Don’t you dare!” I can’t even bring myself to imagine what he’d look like without it; it seems such a distinctive part of who he is. “Just... don’t rub me with it before a show.”

“How about after?”

“Better. But I don’t want to keep you up late again.”

“I’m sure I won’t mind.”

“I mind,” I argue. “And I have bananas. If I go now, I could make a start before work, or I could dance early and bake after, but I don’t know when I’ll be done. I can’t think straight when you’re licking me and twisting my nipples.”

Studying me a moment, Lennox picks up my coat from the floor, shakes it out and sets it on my shoulders.

“Wait here.”

Running upstairs, he returns a few minutes later wearing his coat and carrying the box of bananas we’d forgotten about this morning.

“Come on,” he says, making his way back through the curtains to the store. “I’m helping you.”

Linc waves at us as we head out the door.

“But how can-”

“I called Linc when I was upstairs. He’ll watch Kimber. I didn’t give you the bananas to create more work for you, Kat. I just didn’t want them to go to waste. Kimber has given me permission to spend the evening with you if I promise not to mess it up, so let’s go. Judging by yesterday’s efforts, I’d say we could get at least three cakes out of the way before you have to dance. I’ll watch you, then take you upstairs again after to make more cakes, or make love to you, or both. Whatever you want.”

“How are you so...”

“Bossy?”

“Wonderful.”

Blushing a little, he shifts the banana box under one arm and wraps the other around me. “I’m pleased you think so,” he says with a grin. “But you should definitely choose my assistant baker tasks carefully. Kimber wasn’t joking about the baking powder.”

“You can be chief banana masher and dish washer extraordinaire.”

“Deal. Will your kitchen be big enough to accommodate me in banana-smash gorilla mode? Because if I’ll only get in your way, I don’t know if that’s very helpful.”

“It’ll be fine. You’ll see,” I soothe, unlocking the outer door for him and then punching in the code for the second one. “Welcome to my city home.”

Returning my smile, he follows me upstairs. One quick tour later, we’re getting down to business in the kitchen. I’ve noticed that while he is polite and friendly in his greetings of my roommates, Lennox has become quiet again - notably so when someone passes through the kitchen.

“So what’s that about?” I ask as I mix the batter and wait for him to add the first lot of mashed banana.

“Hmm?”

Mixing in the other ingredients, I watch him, because I could make these cakes in my sleep and not get it wrong. “You’re back to grunts and mono-syllabic responses. Are you shy?”

His cheeks color slightly. “Maybe,” he agrees. “Or choosy.”

“Choosy?”

“I’m not in the habit of inviting people into my life. I have a daughter to protect. I’m not interested in temporary connections, so I take my time making permanent ones. Kimber deserves stability. You understand that. Look at you and your siblings.”

Nodding, I split the double mixture between two cake tins. “Makes sense.” Setting the pans aside, I pull out two more and check if the oven is up to temperature yet.

“I was going to suggest we make the cakes at my place, but you’ve got a much better setup here. I don’t think we even have a second cake pan,” he says as I begin measuring out another double batch from our bulk-sized ingredients.

“The joys of cooking for a dozen,” I say with a smile. “It actually does make some things easier. Come on and help by measuring out the flour while I cream the butter and sugar.” Giggling a little at his expression, I nudge the huge container of flour towards him. “You can’t go wrong with it. This recipe doesn’t even ask for baking powder.”

“That doesn’t seem to make a difference in my case,” he says, still looking skeptical.

Moving next to him, I put a measuring cup in his hand and guide it through the flour. Scraping it flat with the back of a knife, I hand the knife to him. “Just like that, Trees-are-green,” I tease, dusting the tip of his nose with flour.

“Watch it, Katarina Sophia James,” he mutters, paying careful attention to his measuring. “I may not be very good at working with these ingredients, but I can definitely make a mess with them if I’m challenged.”

“Are you threatening to cover my kitchen in flour? Because I will make you clean that ever-loving mess up, Mister.”

Chuckling, he shakes his head. “With cleaned-up language like that, it’s hard to believe the things you say to me in the dark.”

My face threatens a full flush, but I just shrug. “You too, whoopsie-daisies.”

“Hmpf.” Finishing with his last cup of flour, he tosses it into the bowl and comes for me. Spinning me into his arms, his lips meet mine hungrily as his hands find my ass and he tugs me forward so my hips align with his.

“Are you making the love cake?” Natalia says on her way past.

Lennox stops kissing me to follow her out of the kitchen with his eyes. “Was that a joke?” he asks, still eying the doorway she disappeared through without any further statement or even eye-contact.

“Yeah. It’s hard to tell sometimes because she doesn’t deliver the usual social cues or emotion with it, but yeah, she was joking.”

“Asperger’s?”

“Estonian. Apparently it’s almost bad manners to express yourself too openly. She’s actually pretty funny if you watch out for it.”

“Huh,” he says, frowning at his large bowl of flour. Pushing it towards me, he seems to distrust it.

“You did good, Trees. Why don’t you get some pizza before you get hangry? And nab me a slice while you’re at it.”

“I’m not getting hangry,” he says defensively. “But I am hungry, so I will do as you ask.”

Returning with two slices on a plate, he folds one inward and holds it up so I can take a bite and keep mixing.

“Are you going to dance early?” he asks, watching my mouth, “And can I watch and then come back here with you afterward?”

“To make the love cake?” I ask with a teasing smile.

“Mm,” he agrees, his eyes lingering on my chest.

Looking down, I can see my nipples pointing at him through my tank top as if straining towards him. The idea of dancing for Lennox Green sends a thrill through me, and the afterward part will be most welcome. “I’d like that.”

“I can tell,” he says, wetting his lips and clearing his throat as he moves his eyes elsewhere. “So. Good pizza.”

“Mm. Benji doesn’t cook. Pizza is his contribution to the dinner roster.”

“So you travel to Italy for dinner regularly then,” Lennox says with a smile.

“Yes. Often,” I correct with a giggle. “And thank you again for the trip to Thailand last night. It was delicious. You claim to be a failed baker, but you definitely make up for it as a cook.”

“Where else would you like to go? I probably can’t take you there for a few years yet, but I’ll enjoy sharing the tastes with you until we get there.”

Feeling my cheeks warm at the thought of traveling the world with Lennox Green, I keep my eyes low. “I love French cuisine, but I’m not fancy. I’ll happily eat anywhere you want to take me. My friend Violet swears by hotdogs in the park, and that sounds just as good to me as beef wellington, or sushi, or even baguettes beneath the Eiffel Tower; so long as you’re there.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, holding up my pizza for me again. “Do you need to do anything special before you dance?”

“Shower, hair and makeup,” I reply, covering my mouth to keep my half-chewed pizza from grossing him out. Swallowing, I fill the next two pans with cake mix and put them all into the huge oven to bake at once. Setting the timer, I turn back to him as his eyes are rising from my ass.

“You can wait up here while I shower, and down in the club until I dance,” I suggest as my cheeks heat again. “I’ll go on first, so we can get back to baking and you can get home at a reasonable hour. You’re really not bothered that I have to dance?”

Shaking his head, he cocks it to one side. “Are you?”

I shake my head too. “Dancing is my guilty pleasure.”

“You do look like you enjoy it,” he says, his eyes glazing a little. “It’s as if you need it to make sense of your feelings.”

Stepping in front of him, I lean in and brush his lips with mine. “You are a very perceptive man, Lennox Green.”

“Mm,” he agrees, pulling me back to his lips and deepening the kiss.

“Shower’s free Kat,” Teeny says on her way past in her robe.

Acknowledging I’ve heard by making something in between a grunt and a moan, I pull away from Lennox and touch my fingers to my swollen lips. “You have got to stop touching me before a show.”

Sighing, he nods his understanding.

“Don’t look so glum. I’m happy for you to come with me to the shower.”

His face brightens, but I hold up a finger. “Only if you can keep your fantastic mouth to yourself. And your hands,” I add, thinking about it more.

Remaining quiet, Lennox considers the proposal as his eyes trawl my body. Appearing torn, he tucks his hands into his armpits as he folds his arms in an apparent attempt to restrain himself.

Standing on tiptoe, I whisper into his ear as I run my hand up his thigh. “I can still touch you, and you can still touch yourself.”

Lennox hoists me off the floor and carries me down the hall towards the bathroom.

The shower is very rewarding for one of us, but my needs are left largely unfulfilled. I explain to Lennox that this is more than okay, as I fend off his advances to even up the score. By explaining that it’ll only enhance my dancing, I manage to convince him to wait until afterward if he must give me pleasure. To which he replies that he indeed must, and covers me up with my robe as quickly as possible before pulling his own clothes back on.

Taking the cakes from the oven, I accompany Lennox downstairs and leave him under Nate’s supervision at the bar, while I head backstage to the dressing room.

“What are you opening with Angel?” Alexa asks as she searches the racks of costumes.

I didn’t choose the name Angel. Nina bestowed it upon me, and whenever I bring up changing it, everyone poo-poos me whilst claiming it’s the perfect name. Knowing myself better than they do, I obviously disagree - I am no angel. Nina says I may not always feel like one, but that in case I hadn’t realized, to many people, I am one; and that it’s a better name than Clitoria Jean, or Dazzle Tits, so just shush already.

“I was thinking The Incognito,” I reply, pulling out the short navy trench-coat from the other side of the rack. “With a dash of How’s the Weather?” I add, taking up the bright raspberry umbrella and holding up the two so she can see.

Chuckling at the names I’ve just made up, she tosses me a tiny black negligee. “Make sure you’ve got Fun in the Sun under that raincoat,” she says with a grin.

“Well I’ll have the sunglasses from The Incognito already. Do I really need more?” I joke, taking the lacy black scrap of fabric and shimmying into it.

“That man-bear is going to eat you alive when he drags you back to his cave,” Reeni says, fighting her smile as she leans toward the mirrors to apply her lipstick.

“You’re one to talk,” I reply, nodding at the skimpy piece of turquoise lace keeping her ample bosom ‘concealed’. “Still teasing old Money-bags with your fun-bags?”

Reeni gives them a jiggle. “You know it Angel.”

“Do you like the guy?” Scar asks, studying Ireeni closely.

“No!” Reeni denies - a little too quickly. We all look to her, wanting the truth. “I like his money.”

“You hate money,” Teeny says, inching closer on her chair. “You call it the root of all evil.”

“Because it is,” Reeni argues, “That’s a fact. Doesn’t mean I don’t like taking it from assholes and giving it to someone who deserves it more. I’m like a modern day Robin Hood, bitches.”

We’re all still giggling about that as Smith’s voice comes over the speaker in his sexy dulcet tones.

“Holy Smokes!” I grumble, pulling on my trench-coat and covering my hair with a mustard-colored silk scarf. Donning the sunglasses and strapping on my black stilettos, I grab the umbrella and rush to the stage as Smith introduces Angel and my music begins to play.

As the curtain rises, I move about the stage pretending I’m someone else. Someone free. The girl I want to be. Hidden behind my costume, I can express those dark and selfish thoughts of not having kids, and a house, and a secret, shameful past. On stage I can embrace the things I’ve felt shame for. I can be the girl who wants Lennox Green to fuck her hard and dirty.

Using the umbrella to mask my movements, I tease the audience with a peek of leg here and a glimpse of ass there. Staying hidden, I remove the coat and toss it away to the sound of applause. I kick up my sexy heels and again move the umbrella around to offer just a taste of what my body wants, by the movement of my hips, or the tilting and rolling back of my head. Running through what I’ve loved about my times with Lennox, I try to tease him with what I know he liked, and what I think he might like to try. He does seem curious as to the extent of my flexibility...

As my music nears its end, I reach beyond the umbrella as if feeling for rain, then I close it and throw it off-stage through my legs. Dancing however I please - which basically means doing whatever I think will drive Lennox crazy, I pull the short lacy slip over my head, collecting the scarf and glasses along the way, and toss all of them aside as I do my final, multiple-pirouette spin in just my thong as the curtain begins to lower.

“ThunderKat?!”

Dread halts me mid-spin. Covering my breasts, I rush from the stage before the curtain is even halfway down.

Shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck!