Emi escorts Martine - today’s last customer, out of ‘The Mighty Halo’ with a smile before she locks the salon door. Turning and leaning against it, she pins me with her eyes as Rosemary and Trish close in. Pushing me into the chair that Trish has wheeled up behind me Rosemary hands me a glass of sparkling grape juice. I hear a pop behind me and know Trish will be pouring real bubbles for the others. Soon all three wheel their seats in front of me, blocking me in.

Pretending I’m not intimidated in the least, I raise my glass. “To us?”

“We’ll get to that,” Trish says, waving my hand down. “What the hell is going on with you?”

“What? Nothing.” I check their faces. “Did I do something wrong? Martine looked really nice, and she seemed pleased. Do you think she was unhappy with her style?” I ask, suddenly worried I didn’t deliver what she’d asked for.

“Martine-Schmartine,” Emi says, wheeling closer. “I’m not worried about her. You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet all day, and when you weren’t with a customer, you were staring off into space. Is everything okay? What’s distracting you?”

“Or who?” Trish suggests with a grin.

“Is it the lost-love guy?” Rosemary asks, leaning in as she takes a sip of her wine. “Is he back?”

Taking several sips of my grape juice and wondering if now would be a good time to actually start drinking alcohol, I frown. Never a good time, Kat.

“Well?” Trish presses, already topping up her glass again. “Give us the goss, woman!”

I shake my head. “It’s not him. And it’s not like I lost him - I never had him. We kissed once, he left for college, and I haven’t seen him since.” Thankfully. A lot can happen in seven years.

The girls exchange glances and re-focus on me.

“So who is he?” Emi asks, reaching for a cookie from the box I made for the salon. “Anyone we know?” she adds with a grin.

I shrug. “It’s no-one from the club, if that’s what you mean. There’s a general ‘don’t screw the crew’ rule - although obviously, Bruno and Scarlett are the exception to that, on account of they’re made for each other.”

Emi sighs. “It just seems a waste to dance and live with male strippers and not have a bit of fun with them every now and then.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t. And they don’t. We’re more like family and when you think about that, it’s just gross.”

Emi wrinkles her nose, probably thinking about her brothers. “Point taken.”

“So who?” Trish asks with an impatient groan.

“Yes, Katarina. Who has got your panties in a spin,” Rosemary says, holding her glass out for Trish to refill it.

“There is no panty-spinning.”

“Are you sure?” Trish presses, leaning in and studying my face closely. “Because you look like you’ve got a monster crush, and I’m betting that if he wanted to, he could whip off your panties and spin them over his head.” Waving her finger in the air above her in illustration, Trish makes Emi giggle, but Rosemary just inches closer.

“Guys, in the time you’ve known her, has Katarina ever mentioned a man, let alone the desire for one to whip off her panties?” Eying me carefully, Rosemary leans back in her chair. “Okay, safe space. Kat, are you a virgin?”

“No.” Touching my hands to my face, I use them to cool the heat building in my cheeks. “I’m not.”

Nodding, she seems to agree with me. What does that mean?

“But you haven’t had much experience,” Rosemary concludes with absolute and embarrassing accuracy.

“Not really.”

“Is that why you’ve been acting weird? You think you might want to, but you don’t know how to go about it?”

Rolling my eyes, I sigh. “I’m not a complete idiot, Rosie. I might not have a lot of actual experience, but I know what guys want and could totally give it to them. I’m an adult entertainer, remember?”

“Ooh, is that the issue?” Trish asks getting up to bring the cookies closer. “You don’t want him to find out about the stripping?”

I shake my head. “He already knows.”

All three crowd me closer. “And?”

Shrugging again, I take a cookie and nibble the edge. “It’s complicated. He has a daughter. And he’s a really good dad, so he probably likes the idea of my lifestyle about as much as I do when it comes to announcing it to young members of family - which is why mine don’t know about it. Impressionable youths are best left in the dark when it comes to taking your clothes off for money.”

Frowning, Rosemary swivels on her chair as she thinks. “So you’ve known him a while?”

“Since... not long after I moved to the city.”

“Then why are you acting weird today? What happened?”

Chewing my cookie faster, I wash it down with the sweet sparkling juice. “He kissed me.”

“What?” Trish asks in disbelief.

Emi pushes her aside to get closer still. “When?”

“This morning,” I admit quietly. “There was mistletoe, and everything was green, and hot, and I know it didn’t matter, so I’m not going to ask him about it. It was like, a one-time thing. It’s just awkward, because I have to see him again on my way home to pick up the stuff I ordered, and I don’t know how to act. I mean, for some reason, I turn into a klutzy moron every time I go in the store, and when I’m not wrecking the place, I can’t seem to shut up. I lose my filter completely and make a total dick of myself.”

“It didn’t matter?” Rosemary asks, leaning in and holding me in place with her hands on my knees. “Is that what you just said?”

Shrugging again, I take a bite of a new cookie and avoid her eyes.

“Kat, if you like the guy, and he kissed you, how could it not matter?”

“Because it doesn’t. For the same reason it wouldn’t matter if the boy next door walked in here now and asked me to marry him. That might have been my goal in life once, but it’s not anymore. A kiss doesn’t have to mean anything. A kiss can mean nothing if I need it to. I have responsibilities. I’m not about to stop dancing to make some guy happy when it’s the dancing that lets Tim and the girls have the life that I couldn’t have. So. Yeah. That’s all.”

All three of them stare at me.

“But what about your happiness?” Emi asks in a soft voice.

“The kids are more important than whether I get a man or not, Emi. The money I couldn’t get anywhere else keeps Tim supported with babysitters so he can still have a life while he stays with the girls. Jem will get to go to college. She never would have got to do that even if Mom were still alive and Dad was still in the picture. There was no money for that, and she’s so smart. Way smarter than I ever was. She deserves a chance to leave small town life and see the world. Ros and Li-li are only eleven! There are still so many years left before we even know what they’ll want to be, but they’ll be loved until we do, and kept healthy, warm and fed, because my dancing pays for it.”

“But you said he already knew about your dancing. And he still kissed you,” Rosemary points out, damn her perceptive soul. “Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“It means he thinks I’m easy and took advantage of the presence of mistletoe.”

“Uh-uh. Don’t change him from a sweetie to a meanie in one breath. He’s one or the other. Sweet, I’m guessing, by the way you’re all twisted about it. He didn’t take advantage of mistletoe. If he didn’t want to kiss you, he wouldn’t have. I’m assuming he didn’t accidentally trip and fall on you with his lips Kat, so if he knows about the dancing, and kisses you on purpose - what does it mean?” Rosemary fixes me with a hard stare and Emi and Trish keep hushed as they sit frozen on their perches.

“It means he doesn’t know enough to keep his lips to himself. What time is it? I’ve gotta go, I’m on dinner, and I need to run through some steps before work tonight. I need some generous tips to cover anything that comes up over the break. I’d really like to take the kids away somewhere. Niagara Falls maybe,” I say in a rush. Rolling my chair backwards as far as possible, I squeeze out of the gap created between the wall at my back and the triad of wonderful, caring, but entirely too nosy women to the front.

“Kat, don’t rush off,” Rosemary calls after me as I dash out the back to retrieve my coat. “We didn’t mean to push. We love you!” All three gather in the cramped space where we keep our coats, throwing their arms around me. “You don’t have to tell us anything,” Rosie says, leaning back to look me in the eye.

“But if you do want to tell us anything, or ask for advice, we’re here, okay?” Emi adds with a gentle squeeze.

“And if you want us to do your hair before you go, we totally should, because if you’re going to tell him to back off, he best know what he’s missing.”

Sniffing a little, I start pushing them back. “Don’t be silly. And thank you, but I don’t want to look like I’m playing games when I’m not.” Wiping my eyes, I run a hand over my hair. “Wait. Does my hair look bad?”

The girls assure me it doesn’t, yet still somehow convince me to sit in front of the mirrors. Trish hands me another glass of juice as Emi retouches my eye make-up and Rosemary combs out my hair.

“Nothing fancy,” I warn her as her eyes take on that sparkle she gets when she’s about to get creative. “I have to wear a hat. It’s beyond freezing out there.”

“Braids?”

“Like Pippi Long-stockings? You realize my hair is red right? I mean, not flaming red, but come on.”

Giggling, Rosie takes another sip of her bubbles. “Not Pippi braids. Grownup braids.” I scowl at her in the mirror. “One braid?” she adds hopefully.

“Fine. One braid. That will be covered by a hat.”

“I get it,” she says merrily as she starts parting my hair.

***

AS I NEAR GREEN’S PRODUCE, I slow to a stop. Lennox is shoveling snow out front and it looks as though he may have been at it for some time, because while dirty snow is piled high on one side, the sidewalk has been mostly cleared right down to the corner. Still in his shirt, he’s lost the tie, and his top button is open. Sleeves still rolled to his elbows, he’s focused on his task as his breath steams the air around him. He’s wearing the gray hat.

My own breaths begin to come and go more quickly. I can’t seem to hold any air at all. The pulsing in my ears is back, so I know my heart is pounding again. I can do this. I’ll just tell him, and go about my business as usual. It’s best if we do this out here, where we can be alone.

Looking up as he tosses his last scoop onto the heap, he sees me. Standing tall, he rests both hands on his snow shovel and flashes me one of those dazzling smiles that warm me to the core. Unable to keep from smiling back, I sigh at myself and march ahead.

“Nice hat,” I say quietly as I get closer. It looks just as I imagined it would. Very fetching!

Touching his fingers to his head, he smiles in thanks. Maybe it’s good that he’s not a big talker. The conversation will be a short one.

“Um, Lennox?”

His face becomes serious as his eyes regard me carefully.

“About the kiss-”

As soon as I say the word, his eyes close and he takes a step back. Nodding as if he understands, he starts for the door and I follow.

“You don’t want to talk about it?”

Turning slowly, he sighs. Looking down at himself, he then looks to me and shrugs. “You wish it didn’t happen. What else is there to say?”

How can he know that just from looking at me? Raising one shoulder in a half shrug, I wonder how to explain that it has very little to do with him; that I actually like him very much.

“I liked it.” The admission is barely above a whisper.

Smiling sadly, he gives a slight nod. “Me too.” Without another word, he takes his snow shovel through the door. The bell above celebrates his return and the door closes behind him.

Alone on the sidewalk in the cold, I shiver. If I didn’t need vegetables to make dinner for a dozen hungry dancers in a few hours, I wouldn’t go in, but I’m a big girl and I’ve dealt with more uncomfortable situations than this. Taking a deep breath, I push through the shop door.

Lincoln turns to me as I enter. The heavy plastic curtain behind him is settling back into place and I sigh.

“Hey, Linc. Just here to pick up that first order, if it’s ready.”

“Just bagged the greens myself,” he says with a sympathetic smile.

Awkward.

“Anything else today, Kat?”

Looking around the store, my eyes fall on the stack of bunched rhubarb. Collecting a bunch, I take it to the counter and get out my wallet. Lincoln adds the rhubarb to the box and hands me back my change.

“Don’t much care for the stuff myself,” he says, nodding at the red stems. “You know who does like rhubarb?” he asks conversationally, leaning on the counter.

Exhaling roughly, I shrug and pull the box towards me.

“Kimber. Even likes eating it raw. Have you done that? Eat it raw?”

Smiling, I nod.

“Talk about sour. Pretty sure it’s meant to give you a stomach ache if you eat it raw, but it doesn’t seem to bother her none. Nix reckons she’s part goat. Probably the bit she got from his stubborn ass.” Catching himself with the unprofessional vocabulary, he clears his throat. “Behind,” he corrects himself with a cheeky grin. “Anyway, see you tomorrow Katarina,” he says, waving me off.

Returning his wave, I make my way back out to the street and head for home.