Standing on the sidewalk with my mittened hands shoved deep into my coat pockets, I steel myself for the discussion ahead. I’ve been standing just beyond the store windows for quite some time, trying to locate my spine. Bouncing on my toes a little, I give myself another pep talk and a countdown.

At zero, I still haven’t moved. Shrinking further below my scarf, I groan at myself as I study the wet cement in front of me. The jingle of the bell makes me look up from the shoveled path.

Ahead of me, Lennox pokes his head out of the door. His gentle smile both warms and chills me and I begin to panic.

“You’re welcome to wait in here while you decide,” he says calmly. “It’s warmer.”

“You could see me this whole time?” I ask, mortified beyond belief. Rolling my eyes at myself, I rush towards the door, head down as my face blazes into a mega-blush. Where are those chili peppers when I need to hide?

Pulling my hat from my head, I nab a carry-basket and whip the recipe from my pocket - my lame attempt at trying to act normal as I figure out my mess. I move along the aisles, sneaking glimpses of Lennox as I fill my basket. He waits patiently at the counter, pretending that he’s paying me no mind, but I can feel his eyes on me whenever I look away.

Narrowly catching a trio of mushrooms as I knock them from their tray, I put them in my basket before reaching for more as if I’d meant to get them. I’m a lunatic.

Checking my recipe and the basket, I take a breath, bracing myself for the inevitable.

I set the basket on the counter, keeping my eyes low as Lennox begins unpacking it.

“Where are you going for dinner tonight?” he asks softly, eying my selection. “China?”

Smiling a little, I nod. “Wonton soup with either rice, or sesame toast. I haven’t decided yet. Um. Lennox?”

“Mmhmm?”

“Thank you. For yesterday. I feel much better today.”

He looks me over and nods, but says nothing.

“I... need to talk to you about something. Something... hard to talk about.”

Considering that a moment, he stops packing my groceries into the thick paper bag with his name scrawled across it in logo form. “Would you like to meet me for a drink after work?” he asks carefully. “My work, or yours.”

“Oh. Um. I don’t drink. But yes. Maybe?” I nod. “That is probably a better idea than turning up here and forcing a conversation on you. Sorry to disturb you at work.”

Looking at me strangely, he continues bagging. “You’re not disturbing me. You’ve waited so long in the cold that it’s almost closing time. When Linc gets back in a few minutes, I could walk you home, or to O’Malley’s if you’d prefer somewhere less... populated. You don’t drink?” he asks, loading the last of my vegetables.

I shake my head, and he just watches me a moment.

The bell jingles and familiar laughter enters the store. Turning at the sound, I smile at Nate and Quentin as they accompany Lincoln through the door.

“Hey guys! Didn’t expect to see you until work later,” I say to the twins as they rush me for hugs.

“Hey pussyKat. You on dinner?” Q asks, probing the bag on the counter as Nate eyeballs the contents. “Is there enough if we come too?”

“As if you need to ask. We all love it when you come over, it’s like old times - but don’t call me pussyKat. It weirds me out. What’s Hayles up to?”

“Abandoned me to visit her mom for the week now that she’s got a break from work,” Nate says with a fake sob.

Q rolls his eyes and pulls a face at me. “He fakes it in public, but at home the tears are real. I’m considering a stint back in the apartment just to get away from it. Vi’s room still empty?”

Trying not to laugh, I nod. “Scar’s is too most night’s now that she and Bruno are basically shacked up,” I add, because I know that if one of the twins comes, both will.

“We’ll keep that in mind,” Nate says, pretending to give Q an evil glare.

“You guys just come from group?” I ask, checking the time. If their No More! (Drugs) support group just finished, I have about an hour before dinner needs to be ready. Crud. How long was I standing outside building up my nerve?

“Uh-huh,” Q answers, breaking off the end of one of my garlic chives and eating it. “Why?”

Turning back to Lennox, I give him an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Again. I took too long. Um, tomorrow? Maybe?” I ask, handing over cash for the produce. “It’s important.”

Nudging the bag towards me, he nods. “I’ll be here.”

Nodding myself, I grab the groceries, say hi and bye to Lincoln, and tell the twins I’ll see them soon before rushing out the door, my mind already running through the most efficient method for getting dinner served on time.

***

“HE’S WHAT?”

Squinting at Q, I wrap my robe around me more tightly and quickly tidy my station in the dressing room as panic mode kicks in.

“Don’t rush or anything,” Q says, gesturing with his hands for me to slow down as the others begin to fuss around me. “Lennox says he’s happy to wait. Nate’s just poured him another drink while the club empties out.”

“But why is he even here?” I ask, getting more anxious as I feel the nerves of the other girls feeding into my own.

Shrugging, Q tries to look innocent and fails miserably.

“What did you say after I left the store?”

“Nothing!” he swears. “I just said you were a great girl and he could do worse!”

“And what? Suddenly he can’t wait to see me! What happened?” I demand, standing up and backing him out of the dressing room.

“Nothing! I promise. I think you scared him - what you said about something important. I think that’s why he didn’t want to wait until tomorrow.” Looking to the others for help, Q lets out a sigh of relief when Reeni places a hand on my shoulder.

“Easy girl. He’s just the messenger.”

Releasing a heavy breath, I soften when I see Q’s expression.

“Quentin, I’m so sorry. I panicked.”

“It’s fine, Kat. Maybe take your time and chill out a bit before coming out. Whatever’s going on inside your head is scaring me some, so it must be worse for you. I could ask him to leave, if you want?”

Shaking my head, I take a deep breath. “No. It’s fine. Tell him I’ll be out in ten.”

Giving me an encouraging smile, Q nods and backs away down the corridor on his way back to the bar.

Flopping into my chair, I close my eyes and groan. “He’s here now?”

Scar slips into the seat beside me. “Looks that way, babe.”

“What am I going to wear?” I moan, looking down at myself. “I came downstairs in my robe.”

“So wear the robe,” she says with a toss of her hair. “He’ll love it. He probably just saw you in a whole lot less, you know.”

Folding forward, I put my head between my knees as it becomes dizzy. “We’ll go somewhere else to talk. I can’t wear my robe!”

“We can check the racks,” says Reeni, rubbing my back a moment, before moving in that direction. “There’s got to be something in here that works for an off-stage rendezvous. How sexy are we wanting? Fuck me now, or fuck me later?”

“Omigodomigodomigod. I can’t do this. I still haven’t worked out what to say.”

“Just wing it,” Teeny says, winking at me in the mirror. “You have to. There’s no way to predict his side of the conversation unless you plan on writing him a script.”

Nodding, I haul myself out of the chair. “You’re right. I’m being silly. I just need to do it, like ripping off a Band-Aid.” Moving towards the costume racks, I shake my head as Reeni holds up a silver sequined mini-dress. “Urgh! There are no pants on my rack!” I cry in frustration as I flick through. “What about Benji’s? His legs are about my size.”

“Way ahead of you,” Nina says, holding up Benji’s pinstripe three-piece suit. Hanging the jacket back up, she nudges me aside and pulls out a slinky maroon camisole from Scarlett’s rack.

“Prez, you’re a genius!”

Dropping my robe, I pull on the pants over my thong. Unsure of keeping my gals in check without a bra, I’m pleasantly surprised that the waistcoat keeps them secure enough.

“Don’t forget bling,” Teeny says, beckoning me lower so she can slip her necklace around my neck. “Perfect,” she says as I straighten.

Strapping on my favorite black stilettos, I look in the mirror and have to say that I don’t look half bad. My hair is still braided around my head from my set, accentuating my long neck, and the sparkle of Teeny’s necklace draws attention to my cleavage, but the lace of the camisole keeps things concealed enough to be tasteful. The outfit is really quite stylish.

“Okay. I can do this. Thanks guys.” I give them all a brave smile and move to the intercom. “Is it safe to come out Bruno?”

“Come on out, Kat. Door’s closed. It’s just us at the bar.”

Taking a deep breath, I look around my group of friends. “Wish me luck.”

Well wishes and confidence boosting calls follow me down the hallway as I try to keep my head up and my dinner down.