Cas
“I want to know why you thought you could rise against me, how you believed you could defeat us?” I ask, staring into the coldest eyes I’ve ever seen.
There is nothing but contempt and anger in Danny’s soul and I truly want to know what he was thinking.
“Because you’re weak, the Lost Souls are even weaker together. It was all too easy to get to Oak and Sparky, all because you blind yourselves to everything but your loyalty to each other.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, and you know it’s true otherwise you’d wouldn’t have buried Oak.”
Knowing it was him who took Oak’s life is bad enough, hearing him mention his name is another knife in my gut twisting and pushing my guilt deeper.
“Tell me what you saw when you imagined the Lost Souls dead and gone and you running the show.”
“Since you blew up our clubhouse, I was going to call this place home. No one would’ve got close to me,” he sneers.
“That’s your problem, you tried to take Linc’s place but you only looked out for yourself. To run a club, you have to realise it’s more than you. It’s watching every brother’s backs, it’s giving all of yourself to them and them giving everything back. You wanted to be king with peasants running your errands, I have a brotherhood and that will always triumph over boys like you.”
“You’re kidding yourself, Cas. It wasn’t the brotherhood that got me, it was my sister giving me.”
“How does that feel to know she believed in us more than you to return Kyle to her?” I mock him and he takes the bait.
He tries to leap forward but his restraints prevent him from doing so and I laugh.
“Melissa may have given you up but it was your lack of patience and planning that got you caught.”
Standing, I stretch my back out and walk over to the table holding an array of weapons. I choose a cigar cutter and walk back over to Danny. I drag my chair around and sit behind him.
“I didn’t have a mom, so I only heard about the piggy who went to market when my son was born and my wife would play with his toes. You stuck all your fingers in my business, now you’re going to lose them.”
He clenches his hands into tight fists but I’m stronger and yank the first finger free. I slide the cutter around the base of his finger and squeeze. The blades connect and his digit falls to the floor. It takes 12 minutes to cut eight fingers and two thumbs off and his roars of pain is music to my ears. It’s what I needed and he’s finally starting to give in.
I sit back and look down at the blood dripping by my boots and it’s a beautiful fucking sight. I scoop up the discarded body parts and dump them on his lap. The colour is draining out of his face and sweat speckles across his forehead.
“This is only the beginning, sweetheart,” I grin and turn my back to him, “Keep an eye on him and wrap his stumpy hands, we don’t want him bleeding out yet.”
I make a stop off in the bathrooms and wash his blood off me before heading into the bar. Kyle is the first face I see and I sigh heavily. Where the fuck is Dex?
Niall is sat with him and he tips his chin and leaves to me to deal with him. I put on my I-give-a-shit face and pull out a chair next to him.
“I thought you left a while ago,” I say, knowing full fucking well he left with Dex and his pain in the ass sister.
“I took Dex’s car and came back,” he says, looking shifty, “I’ve been thinking and I want to know how I would go about prospecting for you?”
It takes a minute to take in what he’s just asked. What the fucking fuck? Why would he want to prospect for us? I keep a straight face and don’t let him see the disturbing shock he’s given me. This was the last thing I expected, to be honest, I didn’t think I’d see the kid again.
“Why? I mean, I don’t get why you would want anything to do with us.”
He looks around us and I know his answer. He has taken in everything and he likes what he sees. I’ve felt it myself and every other brother that has showed up here before him looking for something.
“I can feel what you have is completely different to Dan and Cayden. I like what I feel here.”
Yeah, because we’re making you feel like a wanted guest. I sigh and catch Sparky coming towards us and he doesn’t look happy.
I stand and forget about Kyle.
“Alannah’s been trying to call ya, she called Bonnie so she called me…”
“And what Sparks?” I rush him, while digging out my phone.
Seven missed calls. Shit.
“She’s in trouble, I spoke to her myself. She wants you home now, she sounds like she’s been crying.”
“What’s happened?”
“She wouldn’t say, only that she needs you.”
“Where is she?”
“At home.”
I’m leaving before I can try and guess what’s going on now. For Alannah to sound like she has been crying means she has been crying. She doesn’t dramatize and she doesn’t call for me saying she needs me if it’s something that can wait or she can sort out herself.
I thrash my bike as fast as it can go and Sparky keeps up beside me. The doc’s car is parked up outside my house and my heart beats twice as hard and twice as fast. I come to a stop and park in my usual spot and run for the house.
Doc is coming down the stairs as I barrel through the door.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I spit.
“Cas, Alannah’s lost the baby.”
His words and pity figurately knock me over. I right myself and push past him and jog up the stairs and find Alannah curled up in our bed. Bonnie is sat with her and is whispering something I can’t hear. I clear my throat and she stands and leans over to kiss Lana on her hair.
I take her place and pull my wife against me. I had hoped she wouldn’t suffer any more pain after Oak, once again, I try to soak in her pain and ease it for her, but she sobs against me and clings to my chest.
I tighten my hold on her and rock her back and forth.
“Cas,” she cries.
“Shh,” I soothe, there isn’t anything she has to say to me.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s not your fault. I’m more concerned about you right now. Are you in any pain? Do you need to go to the hospital? What can I do to help you?”
I need to know, and now.
“Just hold me,” she sobs.
“That I can do.”
I lay her down and lay beside her, making sure I keep my arms around her. If all I can give her is myself, then that is what she will have. We lay in silence for a long while before she says anything.
“I wanted our baby so bad,” she murmurs.
“So did I,” I agree softly, “There will be others, as long as you’re okay.”
“We’ll never know if it was going to be a boy or a girl.”
“I believe it was a girl, I had the same feeling with Leo being a boy and I was right.”
“Luna,” she whispers and my heart pangs.
“Yeah, Luna.”
Regardless of being born or not, she deserves to be recognised with a name and she will be.
I press my lips to her forehead and pull my arm out from under her.
“I’m gonna check on Leo and send Sparky and Bonnie home.”
“Don’t be long.”
“I won’t,” I promise.
I stop first in Leo’s room and he’s sleeping soundly and head downstairs. Sparky and Bonnie are in the kitchen and Sparky stands when he sees me.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, brother,” he says, hugging me. I slap his back and he pulls away. I take a step to open up the room between us and force and a smile.
“I want Lana to have complete rest tonight, can you take Leo for the night? I’ll come for him in the morning.”
“I asked her if she wanted me to take him and she wanted him close by.”
“Well, I’m home now and I’ll be close to her. Take him.”
She nods her head and I backtrack upstairs and gently wake my son. Between Leo and JJ, I know they have clothes and shit at both our place and theirs. They spend so much time together, they are closer than friends. They are brothers too.
I keep his cover wrapped around him and I take him to Bonnie.
“You be good for your aunt Bon, okay?”
He nods his sleepy head and rests his head on her shoulder after I’ve passed him over. I walk them out and watch as Sparks follows them on his bike. I only told Leo he was going to be a big brother yesterday and now he isn’t.
I lock up and turn out the lights and my steps are heavy taking every step back up to my wife.
I stand at the side of the bed and look down at more sadness surrounding her. It angers me that I can’t do fuck all to take her pain away. I drop to my knees and kneel beside her. I stroke her hair away from her eyes and dry her tears. I hold her hand in mine and kiss her softly, keeping a hold of her, I press my lips to her stomach ever so gently, and let the first tear fall.
Making a family with Alannah is everything to me. I put this on Danny, the stress he has brought to her has caused this and he will pay for it.
“I’m here, babe. I’m always here.”
She runs her fingers through my hair and grabs a fistful at the base of my neck and pulls my face to hers. I’m thankful she’s not pushing me away.
“Why do I always lose everyone?”
“Not everyone, I’ll never leave you, and Leo isn’t going anywhere.”
“I know, but it seems like to have you both, I have to pay for it.”
It breaks my heart to hear her think this way. I sit on the bed and lean against the headboard. She half lays across me and I sigh.
“It feels like the world is against us at the moment and losing our baby is where it ends. We’ll never forget, but we will move on and our family will grow, babe. Never forget who is still here and who need you and love you. You’re the angel sent from heaven to soothe my soul. I thought it was the club that gave me a purpose, but it was you, you’re my purpose for everything. I’m sorry I missed your calls, it will never happen again. When you need me, I’ll be there.”
I don’t move and after a while, her breathing slows and her tears dry. I keep stroking her hair as I make my vow to her repeatedly until the sun rises. All the could haves and all the should haves will haunt me as long as they haunt her, but I’ll be damned if I let them come between us.