Chapter 18

Hannah

 

After my showdown with Logan, the rest of the day goes by and I don’t see him again. He let me know he has a few offsite meetings and to immediately inform him through email if anything comes up in my research.

I leave the office a little past four and head to the market to pick up fresh produce. I’m craving a nice, simple, vegetable stir-fry over a bed of quinoa and a glass of wine.

As I finish cutting the vegetables, the front door opens and Eden comes into the kitchen and looks at the cutting board then at me.

“What are you doing?”

“Cooking.”

It’s not like me to cook, but I’m not an idiot when it comes to being in the kitchen. I know the basics and I know what to do if I’m the reason why the apartment is on fire.

RUN.

“I see that.” She laughs and opens the refrigerator to get a soda. “We’re going out tonight, so put that away and get ready.”

“I really don’t feel like it.”

“Oh, come on,” she begs, and pushes me out of the kitchen. “And wear something cute! And no leggings, for the love of God!”

We get ready and leave within the hour. Instead of driving, Eden grabs us a cab. She hasn’t said anything about where we’re going. Instead, she talks about her job and the family she’s cooking for.

“How are things with you and Lincoln?”

“Amazing. So amazing.”

“I’m so happy for you,” I tell her, and it’s the truth. I really am happy.

The cab stops in front of Pane Vino and instantly I’m so thankful for having Italian tonight. Carbs are on my mind and I’m throwing my diet out the window.

Eden rattles off some information to the hostess and we’re being guided to our seats. My smile slowly fades when I see Lincoln, and I want to smash Eden in the head with an empty bottle of wine. There’s no way I’d ever hit her with a full bottle and watch the glass break. That’s alcohol abuse.

Lincoln stands and hugs Eden before doing the same to me. I keep my attitude toward Eden at bay and listen to them casually talk.

A few minutes into dinner, my hair stands on end and I shiver. I sense that someone’s watching me. I turn around in my seat and see Logan sauntering toward our booth.

“Holy shit.” I turn back and notice that Eden and Lincoln are taking in my reaction. They're both wearing that stupid I got you smirk.

I’m seriously going to kill them.

“Hello, everyone.”

His smooth voice filters through the room, and instead of saying anything, I move in my seat so he can sit down next to me.

Dinner goes smoothly, and I can’t help but notice the way his hand rests near mine. Neither of us are moving closer to one another, just our hands.

I look down at the lacey white dress Eden had me wear, and it all makes perfect sense. Lincoln and Eden set this up and got me ready for this… date? Yeah, I think this is a date.

Right?

Ugh.

“Hannah?”

Eden’s voice brings me out of my internal war of questions.

“Yes?”

“Lincoln and I are heading out, so Logan’s going to take you home,” she says with a sly, stupid smile.

I need a new best friend.

“Oh, okay.”

I turn to Logan, and he’s staring at Lincoln, who’s staring back at him with the same smile Eden has on her face.

Maybe he didn’t know about the ambush, either.

I finish my wine before pouring another glass. This is my fourth tonight, and I’m feeling the effects of the delicious, dry, red wine down to my tippy toes.

As soon as they leave, Logan turns to me and his stare paralyzes my thoughts and speech.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry about this. It was my idea. I wanted some alone time with you, and I knew you wouldn’t agree to dinner if I asked you.”

I nod and take another sip of wine. “You’re not wrong about that. So what is it? Here to yell at me some more?”

“Not at all.”

“Enlighten me then, because you have me thoroughly confused. Between what happened last night then my office and now here, you can’t blame me for wanting an explanation.”

“I don’t know how to control my temper or any of the shit in my life. When I get scared, I back off and it turns ugly. You scare me.”

“Me?” I question, and angle my body so we’re facing one another. “Me? I scare you?”

“Yes.”

His answer is simple and does so much to my insides.

“How do I know you’re not going to hurt me again?”

“You don’t. I can’t promise you that. I can promise you that I want you in my life, and I’d like for you to give me another chance to show you I’m a better man.”

He reaches over and twirls a loose strand of my hair between his fingers. My eyes capture his, and all I see is truth behind those beautiful, dark eyes. There’s so much life in him that’s hiding, waiting to come out and go on an adventure.

Maybe that adventure is me.

“And also, I’m looking into seeing a therapist to help me with the issues I have going on.”

“I think that’ll be good. There are so many people who think there’s this stigma in getting professional help. I used to back in college because of my anxiety and stress. It’s a healthy release, and I think you’ll find it cathartic.”

“How can I find that?”

I prop my elbow on the top of the booth’s cushion and rest my hand in his lap. We’re close together in an intimate setting and I won’t lie—I like this. A lot.

“Without taking that step, you’ll never know. I think it’s normal to feel scared and nervous.”

“I’m not scared.”

I roll my eyes and try to suppress a smile.

“You are. And that’s okay. Do it when you’re ready, and do it because you want to. Not because the doctors or me or anyone else is encouraging it.”

His fingers brush along my cheek, moving a piece of hair from my face again. We’re not saying anything, just staring at each other, waiting for someone to break.

“I should get you back home,” he mutters.

It’s been a little over an hour since Eden and Lincoln left. I don’t want the night to end.

Logan helps me out of the booth and rests his hand on the small of my back. He’s a gentleman—holding the door for me, placing his arm around my shoulder so I’m not as chilly, and he opens his car door when the valet brings it around the corner.

The car feels small with the two of us inside. In my peripheral vision, I see him focusing on driving. I reach over to the radio and change it to the country station I found a few days ago. The song croons in the background, and I lean into the seat, fold my hands in my lap, and stare ahead of me, feeling the words.

We’re almost to my apartment and I don’t want to say goodbye.

I want more.

When he pulls into a close parking spot, I don’t move, and I wonder if I should take this leap and just go with it.

“Do you want to come inside?” I blurt out.

I’m not myself tonight. I blame it on all the alcohol and the outfit that Eden made me wear. Someone has taken over my body and given me more confidence than I've had before. Yep, I'm so blaming the alcohol. I’m someone completely different—someone with conviction who is ready to fight for what she wants. I swear it’s the dress that’s making me brave and throwing my nerves out the window. Whatever I’m about to say and do, I know for a fact it’s what I want.

He’s not responding and looks between me and the outside. Is he trying to find a nice way to say no? God, I’m a fucking idiot!

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

Just shut up! Who cares if he’s saying it’s not a good idea. Logan is REJECTING you! Move on and go. Go, go, go!

He throws his car in park and turns in his seat to face me. I can’t read the hooded expression.

“What do you think’s going to happen if we go inside?”

“I don’t know,” I mutter, and wrap my arms around myself.

Stupid girl! You obviously know.

At this point, it’s dumb to sit here and feel even more rejected. It's a bad idea and I need to hurry up and go back inside my apartment so I can stuff my face with ice cream and watch the sappiest movie and cry because I’ll want what they have.

I'm not meant to date. Seriously. I need to reevaluate my life and think about becoming a nun or possibly enter the witness protection program and get a new identity. I’ll start over with a new name and new life because obviously being Hannah Harris isn’t doing anything for me. I’m causing more drama and stress than I’m capable of handling. I’ll have to research and see what it takes to get into the witness protection program. Hm. I don’t think that’ll work so plan B. I’ll run away to an exotic island and serve drinks in a pool while tanning under the sun. Yep. Boom plan made.

“Don’t worry about the invite. Um, I’m just going to go.”

Logan’s hand darts for mine and he holds it tightly.

Okay. I’m confused.

“Hannah.” He slides his finger beneath my chin and forces me to look at him. “Tell me what you think will happen if I go inside.”

“I'd rather not.” I jerk my hand and face away from him. “It’s not important, Logan. Just forget I asked. Good night.”

“Wait.” His soft and gentle voice draws me back to him. “Do you want to know something?”

I’m not sure what to say so I turn to face him and pull my hands away to stop myself from trembling. The softness of his voice is pulling me in and I don't know if I want him to stop.

“What?”

“If we go inside, I’m going to have my way with you.” He reaches over and touches my cheek, slowly trailing his finger down until he’s touching my bottom lip.

I suck in a breath and keep my eyes down.

“Look at me.”

I listen and refuse to say anything. There are no words to speak. Everything is frozen in my mind.

“I’ve never met someone as beautiful as you. That’s why I can’t go inside. If I do, I’m going to want to taste that sweet pussy of yours and kiss you until the morning comes. I’ll want to fuck you so I can hear you moan my name, then make love to you and cherish you completely. Then I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.”

Whoa.

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“I can’t.”

“Why?” I plead for answers and something to let me know it’s not me that’s making him want to run away.

I’m not a shallow person by any means. I’m cute with a great fashion sense, and I have a fit body and a sweet personality. Right now, the way Logan’s making me feel, pushing me away and not giving me answers, is making things weird.

I wasn’t enough for Aaron.

I’m not enough for Logan.

“Am I not enough for you?” I tip my head down, afraid to see his reaction.

He grabs my face and turns me so I’m looking at him. The softness of his hands makes my body shiver with need.

“Don’t ever think that. The things I want to do to you are blowing my mind.”

“Tell me.”

“Hannah,” he breathes out. “No.”

I hold up my hands, slowly placing them on his hard chest, scrunching his shirt into my fingers and pulling him closer to me.

“Tell me, Logan.”

His jaw twitches and his eyes close. “I already told you what I want to do to you if we go inside. But, fuck, Hannah, I want more with you. That’s never going to happen. What you see in front of you isn’t the man for you.”

“You can’t sit there and tell me that.”

“Trust me. You don’t want me.”

“For tonight I do.”

Sounds of frustration and need escape his throat before his strong hands pull my face to his and his tongue strokes my bottom lip. I open my mouth to let his tongue in, to feel the heat between us come alive. He tastes like mint and is setting my body on fire. Our kiss is getting deeper. Something stirs inside me, something I’ve never felt before, and I don’t want this to end.

“Take me inside,” I whisper against his lips and kiss him again.

“Are you sure? Once we’re in your apartment there’s no going back. I’m going to have my way with you and by the time morning comes I’ll be gone.”

“I understand.”

He pulls my hair, bringing my head back, licking my collarbone and up my neck while gripping my hair tighter.

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want you,” I whisper through my moans. “So badly.”

He lets me go and we’re both out of the car in seconds. My heart’s beating wildly, and I can’t get my damn key out to open the door. Logan’s arms are around my middle. His lips are on my neck and his light stubble is abrading my skin. My fingers fumble in my purse when I finally retrieve my keys, and instead of running up the stairs, he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder. A fit of giggles bursts from my lips and he swats my ass.

This would normally piss me off, but I’m so turned on and can’t wait to let him have his way with me.

He grabs the keys and opens the door to my apartment. I tell him where my bedroom is, and once we’re inside, he tosses me on the bed, hovers over my body, and stares directly into my eyes.

“I won’t be here in the morning when you wake up.”

“I know.”

“This doesn’t have to happen. I can leave right now.”

“Logan.” I wrap my arms around his neck and lift myself a little, arching into him. “Take me.”

In seconds, he lifts my dress up, exposing my bare thighs, and rips my thong off. My needy breaths would normally embarrass me, but with Logan, I don’t care. I’m testing the limits with him and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Tonight, I’m someone completely different.

Tonight, I’m whatever Logan wants me to be.

He grazes a finger along my inner thigh. My body trembles and I hear him laugh.

“So responsive.”

“Yes.”

When his long finger slips into me, my back arches off the bed and my fingers tightly grip my bedsheets. He adds another finger and I instantly come. The orgasm rides my body and I’m screaming his name.

“Fuck,” he groans and covers my mouth with his.

His fingers are still inside me, pumping in and out, making me hungry for more. My hips move on their own, and I cling to him.

“You’re so wet.” He slides his fingers out of me and licks them clean.

Oh, fuck.

The shocking sensations heat my cheeks. This is all so new to me. It’s shocking, but it feels so good. When his thumb rubs my clit, everything I’ve feared leaves, and it’s replaced with feral desire. His lips are on my neck, licking and sucking, and the way he’s found every sensitive spot on me makes it harder to not lose control.

I’m frantic and loud. The way he’s taking control over my pussy lets me know he wants this—he wants me to be loud. He wants me to reach my breaking point.

He leans forward and kisses down my body. “So sweet,” he murmurs. “I want to bury my face in your pussy. Do you want that?”

I sit straight up and slowly close my legs. No one’s ever done that to me before. Aaron never did, and I’ve only been with him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Um…” I’m losing my train of thought. Fuck. This isn’t what I want to happen. “See, I-I’m really inexperienced compared to you.”

His eyes widen and I know he thinks I’m a virgin.

“No! I don’t mean I’m a virgin, so don’t worry about that. But I’ve only been with one guy, and I’m new to this. We literally did one position, and he never went down on me. I don’t know what I’m doing, so I mean… if you want to leave, you can. Sorry if I’m not what you want.”

“Hannah?”

“Y-yeah,” I weakly respond.

“I’m going to take my time with you. Knowing I’m the first man to taste your pussy and suck your clit is the best fucking news. I’ll show you what that asshole never could.”

“Then show me.”

I’m putting it all out there tonight. I want Logan to take me to new levels of sexual experiences.