I stood on the sidelines, content to just be in the midst of the controlled chaos. A steady stream of people bustled around, each with a specific job to do. Occasionally a greeting or two was thrown my way, but typically I wasn’t paid more attention than any other person on Jake’s team. They’d long ago accepted me as one of them, and that’s what I loved about this blended family.

It had been a couple of months since I’d quit my job and joined Jake on the road, and truly it had been the right decision for me. Although the plan had been to work part-time doing freelance work for small companies, the jobs just kept coming in, and I found myself working nearly as many hours as I had been before. But at least now I wasn’t stealing and castrating small animals to satisfy my loneliness.

Being on the road with Jake and his crew felt like home, and it was just where I wanted to be.

Conrad, one of the equipment guys, passed by me, formed a pistol with his hand, and crudely pointed it at me.

“Two more days and you’re toast,” he said, smirking.

Oh, hell no. If he wanted to trash talk, I was prepared to fling it right back in his face. “That’s it, cupcake. You’re going down.”

“Ooh, big talker. I’ve seen you play video games, Casey. I’m not worried.”

“Right, but you forget I have your boss to hide behind.”

Conrad shook his head, good-naturedly dismissing me as he went on with the task at hand.

I might not have had an official job on the team, but I still served a purpose. On Jake’s Outlast World Tour, I was the self-ordained Fun Time Leader. And as such, I made it a point to find fun and exciting things along the way to engage the band and crew. Next up – Laser tag!

Turning my attention back toward the stage, I was surprised to see Jake strolling in my direction. Dang, he was a hunk. He was covered in a slick sheen, and I watched him swipe a towel off one of the speakers and mop his face with it. I nodded my approval, mesmerized, as always, by his glow. Catching me ogling him, Jake smiled his most seductive smile before beckoning me forward. Yeah, he was sexy, I’d give him that, but it wasn’t enough to persuade me to step foot out on that stage with him in front of thousands of his fans. I shook my head. Jake nodded his. Oh, lord, he was coming my way.

Um, hello, dude! You have a concert going on, with paying customers, I wanted to say, but Jake didn’t seem the least bit concerned that while he was seducing me, an unattended and unruly mob might break free from the barriers at any moment and storm the stage. No, his translucent eyes were fixed on one thing only: me. He sauntered over to me, playing up the sexy singer fantasy. It was an act that had starred in every woman’s dirty dreams since Elvis first stormed the stage all those years ago.

And when he arrived at me in all his glory and planted a wet, slippery kiss on my lips, I knew I would follow him anywhere… and Jake was taking me for a ride. His hands cradling my face and lips still locked on mine, he walked the two of us backward onto the stage and in clear view of the roaring crowd. I should have been mortified by this very public display of affection, but that would have required full control over my highly aroused body and soul, and such control was not possible while Jake was tempting me with his wildly sexy self.

In fact, I’d nearly forgotten we had an audience until every red-blooded woman in the crowd screamed her approval as I wrapped my legs around Jake’s waist in response to him lifting me off the ground. I dipped my head forward onto his shoulder as his lips caressed the prickled skin of my neck. We needed to stop this before being slapped with a misdemeanor charge for lewd conduct in public. As it was, our impromptu make-out session was probably already trending on Twitter.

Jake seemed to come to his senses at the exact time I did, and he carried me back to the side of the stage, keeping his mouth on me the entire way. How he kept from tripping on all the ground wiring was a testament to his exceptional skills of seduction. Arriving back into the shadows, Jake set me down on my shaking legs. We stared feverishly at one another, soaking in the raw chemistry we produced by just being in the vicinity of each other. Neither of us had any excuse for our sizzling sideshow other than that we were newlyweds and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I had no doubt if Jake weren’t in the middle of working he would have carried me off like a caveman and ravished me in some rocky grotto… or in this case, his high-end luxury bus. Same principle.

“You’re crazy.” I laughed, immensely enjoying the absurdity of him interrupting his entire set just to make out with me. It was moments like this that I applauded my decision to join my very sexy husband on tour. “Go!”

Thankfully, Jake was a seasoned professional and managed to jump right back into his set with ease. I was still a bit of an amateur myself, so it took a little hand fanning to cool my jets. Of course, I was counting on getting some action later tonight, so I didn’t want the flames to go out entirely.

A few songs later, Malik, one of Jake’s crew, nudged me. His lips moved, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Holding up my finger, I removed the special earplugs that canceled out some of the harshest sounds on stage.

“You need to call your brother,” he said.

“My brother?” I repeated, not understanding how he would know this.

“He’s been trying to get in touch with you.”

I instantly pulled out my phone and saw numerous missed calls and messages from Luke. Fear cycled through me. It was not normal for him to call me in the first place, but this many messages? Something wasn’t right. Hurrying away from the side stage to Jake’s dressing room, I dialed Luke’s number with shaking hands.

“Casey?” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.

My bones chilled, and instantly I feared the worst. “Yes. It’s me. Is Mom okay? Dad?”

Luke broke down, and that in turn upped my terror.

“Luke,” I screamed into the receiver. “What happened?”

“It’s Miles and Darcy. There was an accident.” Luke broke off his sentence and unintelligible sobs came from the other line.

“Luke! What happened?” I repeated.

“They didn’t make it.”

“What do you mean, they didn’t make it?” My voice was shrill with anger. How dare he play such a horrible trick on me?

“Their car was hit head on. Darcy died on impact and… and Miles… he… he made it to the hospital, but… Casey… he just passed away.”

A chill barreled through my body, blanketing my insides with ice. My teeth began to chatter as I tried to make sense of the words Luke was speaking. There had to be some mistake. Why was it so cold?

“Casey, are you still there? I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t want to be the one to tell you, but neither Mom nor Dad could do it.”

Luke broke down again, and while I listened to his heavy sorrow, the reality began to seep in. My fingers had frozen over, and the grip they had on my phone was crushing. Gone. No. It couldn’t be. And then the most horrible realization hit me.

“Sydney and Riley?” I screamed out, now shaking so violently that nausea was taking hold.

“They’re safe. It was Miles and Darcy’s anniversary. They went out to dinner. The kids were safe with Mom and Dad when it happened.”

Too many emotions… too cold… the ice had numbed my brain, and very soon the hypothermia would set in, and I’d be a frozen corpse. Only then would I be exempt from facing the pain that reality had just forced upon me. Not Miles. Not the big brother I’d adored my whole life. Not Darcy, as much a sister to me as I’d ever known. And their kids. What was going to happen to their kids?

“Do they know?” I asked, beginning to understand the implications of what was now happening to my family.

“Sydney does. She was still awake when Mom and Dad found out.”

“Is she? I don’t know. Is she okay?”

“She hasn’t said a word. She’s just… numb, like the rest of us. They’re going to let Riley sleep and tell him tomorrow. None of this feels real. Miles can’t be gone. He just can’t.”

“Where are Mom and Dad? Can I talk to Mom?”

“I don’t think she can talk, Casey. You just need to come home. Right now. We need you.”

After hanging up with Luke, I scanned the barren room, unsure how to feel or even what to do. Jake was in the middle of a performance. I didn’t have the time to wait for him to finish. If he knew, he’d cancel the rest of the show, but that would still take too long. I needed to get to the airport. I needed to book a flight. I needed help.

Sean, Jake’s manager. He would handle it. He could handle anything. I shot off a text, and minutes later he was in the room, scooping me off the floor. I hadn’t even realized I was down there.

“I’m so sorry, Casey. I don’t know what to say. I texted my assistant, and she’s securing you and Jake a private jet.”

“I can’t wait for him.”

“You won’t need to. I’m going to call off the rest of the show.”

“He’s only halfway through it. I don’t want to disappoint his fans. You can’t tell him until it’s over.”

“That’s not going to work. Jake will want to be by your side. He needs to know.”

“No,” I blurted out forcefully. I had no time to argue my point. I only wanted to be obeyed. “I’m telling you to let him finish. Please get me a driver so I can stop at the hotel to grab my bag. Then I want to go straight to the airport. My family needs me now.”

Sean grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to meet his eye. “Listen to me, Casey. Your family will want Jake there supporting you. Either let me call off the show or wait the forty-five minutes for it to be over, but please don’t leave without him. He’s your family too.”

His words hit where they were intended, and I gulped back the giant sob sitting in the crook of my throat. Sean kept his eyes trained on me, and it was clear he had no motivation other than concern for Jake and me.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, looking strangely helpless for a guy who could do anything.

The first tears began to fall. This was real. My brother was dead. I couldn’t do this alone.

“Cancel the show. I need my husband.”

* * *

I was packing my bag at the hotel with the help of Sean’s assistant when Jake burst through the door. Even from across the room I could see the worry lines crossing his forehead. His eyes swamped with sadness, Jake hurried to my side and swallowed me up into his safe, loving arms. He represented safety, and I welcomed his strong presence. Neither one of us spoke. There was no need. We both understood the crippling loss and the unimaginable challenge ahead.

The sob I’d been suppressing bobbed up and down in my throat like a buoy waiting for a wave of emotion to knock it over. But right now was not the time to let it go. I needed to be strong. There was a little girl and a little boy who were worse off than I was right now. There was a father and a mother who were feeling the grief of losing their oldest child, and they needed my level head.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jake whispered.

“Why did this happen? Two kids are left without their parents.” The first prickling of rage began to rise up inside. “I’m just sick. Why? It’s not fair. None of this is fair.”

“No. It’s not.”

Jake didn’t try to reason with me, as he knew better than most how unfair life could be, and nothing he could say or do would make any of this right.

“My mom, Jake. What am I going to say to her?”

“I…I don’t know, Casey. Maybe there’s just nothing to say.”

No, there really were no words. Life had just changed forever, and I had no experience dealing with such grief. Even when Jake had fallen into a coma, I hadn’t succumbed to sorrow because I’d still had hope. This was different. All hope was lost. Miles and Darcy were gone, and no bedside vigil would bring them back. I was stepping into a whole new world. Burying my head into Jake’s chest, I cried.

We arrived in Arizona just past midnight and sat in somber silence on the drive to my parents’ home. It seemed no words could accurately express the mood, so none were spoken. Jake’s hand was firmly in mine, a reminder that I wasn’t alone even though the emptiness I felt inside could fill a stadium. It seemed I’d cried all the tears I had to cry, and my bloodshot eyes stung from the strain. Jake had been texting Luke during the trip and was tasked with passing on the grim information to me. There was apparently no point left in going to the hospital, as my parents had already identified both Miles’ and Darcy’s bodies.

Their bodies? That’s all that was left. I gulped back the shock of those words and of my parents having to say goodbye in such a manner. I wished they had waited for Luke or me, so we could have shouldered some of the pain for them, but at the same time, I was relieved not to have had to do that myself. If all I had left of my brother and his wife were memories, I wanted them to be good ones. But what of my parents? They’d brought Miles into this world and had been the last to see him go. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that was like. I didn’t want to.

I hadn’t even known the tears had started up again until Jake pulled me tighter to him. Laying my weary head against his shoulder, I grabbed the arm he’d laid over my shoulder and drew it toward my chest, hanging onto him for dear life. His lips brushed past my forehead as his body settled against mine. It would be the last moment of peace for a very long time.

People were milling about as we walked through the front doors of my childhood home. It was a solemn affair that greeted us. Heads were hung in despair as we moved between grievers, adding our own sorrow into the mix. Miles and Darcy’s kids had both fallen asleep in exhaustion, propped up on either side of my father. I’d been told that Riley had awoken to the sounds of sobbing and had to be told of his parents’ death. Any later attempts to move the exhausted children into beds had failed miserably, so they were allowed to remain where they felt most comfortable.

Leaving Jake with my father and brother, I found my mother in the living room. She was sitting in the center of our sectional couch, staring at the wall adorned with family pictures, her own mother nestled by her side. As I came around the room and took the other spot beside her, my mother didn’t acknowledge my presence. In fact, I wondered if she knew I was there at all. She seemed to be in a sort of trance as her eyes moved back and forth over the pictures.

Meeting my grandma’s eyes, she lightly shook her head as if to warn me to keep silent. She then looked down at her hand, which was tenderly stroking my mother’s. Understanding the meaning, I nodded before folding my fingers into my mother’s and wrapping my arm around her back. Together the three of us sat like that for a long while. No words were spoken between us. Even when the kids woke and the sounds of their crying filled the space around us, my mother remained dazed.

I considered leaving her side to tend to my niece and nephew, but decided against it. My mother’s devotion to her children had been absolute, and now, in her time of need, I was determined to give it back. Suddenly, the sweet sound of music wafted through the air. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I imagined my husband sitting quietly at the piano, gently pressing down on the keys in a desperate attempt to soothe not only his own sorrow but that of those around him. My mother turned her head toward the sound, blinking a few times in rapid succession before focusing her gaze back on me. I could see the fog clearing. Jake’s music seemed to awaken her.

“Casey? You’re here,” she said, squeezing my hand.

“I am, Mama. I’m here.”

The lines in her face deepened as she cupped my cheeks in her shaking hands. It was then that we both succumbed to the sadness.